Going on a Retreat, of Sorts

Today I’m going to stay off of FB. At least try. Last night I had nightmares of being stalked, and controlled, and abused, and not being allowed to speak my mind. Trump triggers too much old stuff in me. It doesn’t help that I felt stalked myself in the last couple of days. I woke up exhausted.

Usually I have to look up my dreams on dreammoods.com to make sense of them. These dreams need no interpretation. tRump is an abusive sociopath, like the one I lived with for 40 years, on steroids. What was done to me tRump is trying to do on a massive scale to all of us. While I was able to recover, and move on, and create a new and beautiful life, I’m not sure that collectively our country will make it through this.

I have lived in the light now for almost 10 years. I have focused on healing, for me and for my son, from that nightmare of a marriage, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job. My son is also triggered by this man, though I’m not so sure that he understands why. But it is enough that he raises his voice against the hate and anger and negativity that tRump unleashes on us.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve written so much political stuff recently that while my views are up, the “likes” and comments on my stuff are way down. I need to get back to the things that people enjoy reading.

Today I’m going to try to spend the day in spiritual retreat, kind of. I have an interview with Marianne Williamson to listen to. She also has a live stream tonight, as she does every Tuesday, which is free. I need to get back to that focus, even in standing up to everything that’s happening. She is a fighter but comes at it from a standpoint of love, and I need to be coming from that place. I’m not good enough at it yet.

The tension of the last few days has caused my neck and back to tighten up again. I have an appointment for therapy today, thankfully. I am also going to walk another 2 miles today. That does me so much good, physically and emotionally. I will try to work on my jewelry too. That’s pretty therapeutic also.

Mostly, I have to try to surrender what’s going on in this country to the universe. I have no control, though I will continue to make my voice heard against the evil and negativity that’s being forced on us by a man with no conscience. But the outcome, I release to the universe, and will do my best to detach from it, and from the fear I have of what might be. The present moment is all I have, and I am very blessed in this moment, personally.

I got another text from L last night, as he was going to bed, which was nice. I still feel some trepidation about this relationship, but I also like him so much. As I said before, I’ll just reserve my thoughts for after we are able to spend more time together. He asked me if I’d noticed he took his pictures down off the dating site. I told him I hadn’t, because I’d disabled my profile. I think he was surprised, but perhaps in a good way. We’ll see. Just taking it one day at a time.

So here I sit, this morning, in my Florida bungalow watching the sun come up on another beautiful day here. I have friends, and family, and am safe. I have food in the fridge, and gas in my car. I am blessed indeed.

Love and light.

Blessed by Friendships

This is just a short post because it’s late, for me, and I’m tired.

I had a quiet night here by myself. Nice dinner, TV. I found 2 episodes of Mozart in the Jungle that I hadn’t seen. I love that show! Anyway, I say I was by myself, but I had a long text conversation with one good friend who lives down here. Then I had a long phone conversation with another one. Then something told me to call the friend up north who drove down here with me, and she was buried in family drama, really bad family drama, and she really needed an ear. I think just telling me helped her, because we are in the same place spiritually. She was in the spiritual book club. She is like my sister. I’m so happy I listened to that little voice that said call her.

I am so blessed by friendships. The one I had a text conversation with is a new friend. The one from here that I had a long conversation is someone I’ve known for over 50 years. And my friend up north and I have been friends about 15 years. I love these people. They love me. Because of them, I never feel alone. And the lovely thing is, I have more. More friends up north, more friends I have known for 50 years, more new friendships down here, and friends I’ve made on WP that I talk to on a regular basis. Not to mention my son, and my two sisters who are my rocks.

I am just so grateful that all these people are still part of my life. All the bumps and bruises you get in life, to have good friends who always stand by you is amazing. Just giving a shout out to those people, who make my life rich and full. Blessed, just blessed.

Love and light.

Now More Than Ever, We Can’t Be Silent

It seems that the US’s main export now is fear, hate, racism, separatism. Trump-ism. I want to apologize to Canada. For the mass shooting at a mosque, which killed 5 people. I am ashamed. This stuff has never been Canada’s problem, it’s been ours though. And now it spreads to our awesome neighbors to the north.

The haters burned a mosque here in the US too, in Texas. Good job, Cheetoman. Good fucking job, at spreading your special brand of hate.

I joined the Women’s March-Florida today. The national movement has a list of 10 actions to do in the next 100 days. The first one is to send postcards to our congressmen. I have to go get some postcards. That’s an easy one. Need to call them too, and let them know what this citizen thinks of what’s going on.

I also want to find out what Marianne Williamson’s group, SisterGiant is planning and doing that I can get involved in online. Not sure there’s anything. But I’ll look into it, for sure.

I had a pretty long conversation with L this morning. He had a break in his wickedly busy schedule up there. I am a little concerned though, because he is politically one of those middle of the roaders who is just uninformed, has not seen the bigger picture. He’s got such a good heart, but he thinks we should all just get along, that we have to unite as a country. I only said, tRump gives me nothing that I can support. I will not be silent, and what happens is what needs to happen.

We switched the subject after a few minutes, but I’m sure it will go back there at some point. It worries me, because that’s a big thing for me. I’ll wait and see til we get to spend more time together. I like him so much, I was so disappointed to hear his view on what happened over the weekend.

On the good side, he asks and takes a real interest in how I am, what I’m doing. He apologizes for having to be in Ohio for some time, to set up this company with his kids, and to prepare the condo they are buying for renting out. It’s fine with me, and I told him so. I told him it gives us a chance to get to know each other by phone, and that’s ok.

And he still made me laugh…. We are moving very slowly, that’s the way I want it.

I was able to take a walk today, 2 miles, down by the water. Happy about that. It was lovely down there. I sat on a bench for awhile, just closed my eyes, and allowed myself to feel the sun on my face. Said a prayer too, that this madness will stop.

Came home and finished up a necklace I made. Now need to get the necklace and pendant up on my Etsy store.  These are pics of the most recent pieces.  The lariat necklace is primarily amethyst and fluorite.  The pendant is blue lace agate wire-wrapped with bronze wire.

 

Love and light, now more than ever.

Not Quite the Retirement I’d Planned, But Good

I had a nice plan for my retirement. I planned to spend my days writing, and making jewelry, and walking the beach, and not dealing with winter. I planned to find some way to volunteer and give back to the community. I have done this by volunteering to be the treasurer for the Veterans Art Center – Tampa Bay, and getting involved in their very creative initiative to help vets.

But then, along came tRump. His actions over the weekend with his immigration order has just tweaked my passion. It is such a hateful, fear-mongering order. It is designed solely to divide us, it has nothing to do with our safety, or the countries that actually had something to do with terror in this country would be included. But of course aren’t, because, well, follow the money. As usual with tRump.

Every day it gets worse. I realized I cannot just post stuff on social media, and stand up for reason there. I need to get a broader perspective and audience, and want to be involved in this battle more intently than from my couch in my living room.

This morning I joined the group on FB “Women’s March-Florida”. I just feel compelled to make my voice heard a little louder about what’s going on in this country. Today I read that Bannon now has access to the NSC, while the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff are no longer automatic principals. This is terrifying. Whatever I can do to help stop this madness, I will do.

It’s only a first step. Only one thing to do, which was easy. Now I need to go buy some postcards, to take part in their 10 actions for 100 days.

And I need to keep up my own little life too. I need to continue to do the things I had planned for my retirement. Reading, writing, creating, volunteering. I need to keep up my meditation practice, it absolutely helps me to quiet the rage that tRump brings out. I literally cannot stand to type his name, which is why he is tRump.

I will also pay attention to the budding relationship I have started, and try to nurture it. If it works out, it’s good. If it doesn’t, well, that’s good too. I will be where I am supposed to be with it. I won’t really know where, if anywhere, we are until he gets back from Ohio and after my younger sister goes back home and we have some time to get together again, and see how it goes.

I have things to deal with at home, like getting my deck cleaned, which I can’t do until I fix my hose problems, lol. I’ll get that done today, hopefully. After I take a walk, after I run some errands. Happily, the sun is back out here, with temps in the low 60’s. Good walking weather. Sunlight is pouring in my windows. Gotta love it.

Life is still rich, and full, and happy. I may be retired, I may be in the last quarter of my life, but I have the passion of a 20 year old and have some wisdom to balance that passion with. Life is good.

Love and light, all.

Calming Back Into Normal Life

I’m much calmer tonight than I was this morning. I see people standing up for human rights, I see that those that can help have set up offices on the floors in the airports, filed motions in federal court, I see people rising up to stop this chaos. I still see 500,000 people who can’t get home to their families. It’s a travesty. Sadly, I am sure it’s not the last one that this lunatic is going to visit on the world.

However, I spent the day listening to music and making jewelry. Doing mundane tasks like putting clean sheets on my bed. Calming my thinking, my outrage. Allowing myself to get back to the life I love.

I have 24 hours or so distance from Scott’s intrusion into my life, and am now settling back into the place I was before that. Loving my life, without darkness. I am praying he does not find a way to reach me.

On a nicer note, L did reach me, and that put a smile on my face.

Today was cold and rainy. Tomorrow it will warm up a little and the sun will come back out. That too, will put a smile on my face. I’ll be able to go for a walk by the water. My handyman might be over to finish the work he has to do here.

There are a lot of normal every day tasks that need doing, while raising our voices, and calling our reps, and dreaming of how we want things to be. Personally and collectively.

Love and light.

Purging, and Moving On

Purging this morning, lol. First about our president’s utter disregard for everything that is decent. Then, Scott, who seemed to think that it was a good time to contact me again. Just need to purge all that chaotic energy out of me. I probably will piss Scott off totally with that blog, but I needed to get it out there. I can’t get a message or call from him, so if he’s pissed off he’ll have to take a walk or something. Go live in a monastery, whatever. Just leave me the fuck alone.

(Note:  I have taken the blog titled Contact down, the one about Scott’s trying to reach me.)

I did not hear from L yesterday, but as I said, didn’t expect to. He has a lot going on, and I know I will hear from him while he’s there, when he gets a minute. I look forward to that, he always puts a smile on my face.

It is cold and raining here this morning. Such an anomaly, lol. 53 and rain. But it will be back up to 70 in a couple days, and sunny. We need a day like this every once in a while to remind us how good we have it 95% of the time.

I had plans to make banana bread with the rest of the bananas from the community garden this morning, with my friend. However, she rides a bike, doubtful she will be riding in the rain. I’ll probably go get her, she lives a few blocks away, and we can make the bread this afternoon. It will be a good distraction from all this stuff.

Yesterday I signed up for a 21 day free meditation with Oprah and Deepak. They sent along 3 free meditations from other 21 day programs they’ve had, all of which I have done. I am grateful for the 3 they sent, I need to get myself centered and grounded. This next program is called Hope in Uncertain Times. They send a guided meditation via email to you each morning for 21 days. If you are interested, go to thechopracentermeditation.com to sign up. I’ve done them all, I’m pretty sure. I always get something valuable from these 21 day meditations.

Time to get moving, to get productive with the day. Time to put the chaos behind me, and get back to the rich happy life I have here. Don’t let the bastards get you down. And resist. Continue to resist.

Love and light…..