Personal Observations

The wind blew hard last night. Over 40 mph. Tornadoes were hanging around. It poured rain, flooded many areas. The moon is almost full, and the storm tide has brought water up into the streets, back up storm sewers, and pushed 10’ seas up on shore. It was a wild night.

But daybreak brings an end to the rain, and a breezy, not blustery, wind. As daylight illuminates, I see a fence down, palm fronds all over but of course not the dead ones I was hoping the wind would prune from one of my palms.

We don’t often get wild weather here in Florida, at least not this time of year. It is basically the same most days, sunny, a few clouds, with temps running from the 60’s to the 70’s, and sometimes a breeze like this morning. Some people would call it boring but I call it wonderful. I know the northeast got a bunch of snow in some places yesterday, and rain now, and it’s cold. So I’ll take my boring Florida sunshine. Meanwhile it was kind of fun having a night of wild weather last night. I’m guessing there are power outages around, and I’d probably not be so glib had I lost power, or had a tree fall on my house.

I was watching the news a little bit, the nightly news. I can’t stomach politics in the morning when I have a whole day in front of me. But now that the drama is over, and what we knew was going to happen sadly for our nation, actually happened, I don’t know if I can watch it at all. I mean seriously, I can’t take watching the child in the WH have another temper tantrum. That he has no humility is one thing. To attack those who could see through him, to the truth, is so inappropriate, to say the least. I expected no less from this sick man. So, I just choose to not watch, not hear. He’s proven who he is, and pretty much anything he has to say now only reinforces the soul-less human that he is. Enough of him. I will just ignore him and allow my life to go on without that injection of hate, anger and utter conscienceless rhetoric of his.

As I write this, the sun has begun to peek out from the clouds. It’s chilly this morning, but no one would call it cold. It looks like FL again. The weather for the sound healing on Sunday looks good. The weather for my son and his family’s trip here next week also looks good. Perhaps Florida spring is starting now. That would be nice.

I’m so pleased that Dan and I are really talking, about what matters to our relationship. It’s been wonderfully cathartic for me, and I believe for him too. We’re going to make our “debut” as a couple back into our own circle of friends tonight when we go to watch our good friends at a local restaurant. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable a few of our friends were when I wouldn’t talk to him. I couldn’t talk to him, especially with other people’s eyes on me. Even though I’d asked them all to please not change their relationships with him, a few did, and I hope our being together will help to heal that. It will never be as it was, neither of us wants to go there. We have been able to clearly talk about what we both want and need, and it isn’t to move back and forth from one house to another again. That happened by default, that we did that. As a consequence, after a time, neither of us was happy. I am writing more, because I am alone most mornings, and I need that time to myself. We have only had a few days of this new communication, so who knows where it will end up, but it is always better to communicate closely than not. We know, and have discussed, that we both care for each other very much. We also recognize that we need time to ourselves, need our own space, and it makes us better together. I have no expectations, want to push nothing. But I still love his big bear hugs.

I think we are building a much more tenable foundation for ourselves, one that can actually support us without sagging floors, and tilted walls. It’s all good.  I also think that as we age, change comes slowly, when you have a lifetime of experience to weigh the change against.

I can prepare for the sound healing with more enthusiasm now. I was and am a little nervous about performing by myself. I have told him he is welcome to join us, since I no longer feel the disconnect I did a month ago. I also said that I wanted the choice to be his, that I didn’t want him doing it because he thought I wanted it. I want him to be happy and comfortable. So far, he has declined until the March full moon. He also knows he can change his mind at any time. My friend who plays with me told me last night she thought she was coming down with something, and I’m afraid she’ll be sick for Sunday’s beach sound healing. (There is a terrible respiratory thing going around. I had it, and many people I know have had it.) I asked Dan if he would help me out if she couldn’t play Sunday,. I can’t do it completely by myself, I don’t think. He said he would. He thought my friend didn’t want him to play with us, and I hope he believed me when I told him that she was not on board with excluding him, but believed it was my call, not hers to make. For me, it was about the energy.  I felt our connection was broken, and that I couldn’t go up in front of all those people and pretend otherwise. I want no insincerity, no negativity, to be in that space. I mean, it’s vibrational healing, there needs to be an honest positive vibe. But now, we wouldn’t have to act, and even though things are not the same, and the outcome is yet unfolding, the energy around us is positive. We’ll see. I am good with whatever happens.

It’s interesting to watch my life’s path unfold. I feel like an observer at times. Following my intuition, and allowing what is, to just be what is.

Love and light to all.

3 responses to “Personal Observations

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