Nothing To Say? Not Quite….

I don’t have anything to say today. At least nothing profound, nothing that I am exploring in myself. But we’ll see how this writing turns out. Sometimes I have more to say than I think.

I had a busy day yesterday. I walked for a mile in the morning, then went to chair yoga. In between, I put coconut oil in my hair for 20 min while I meditated, because it seems to be breaking off. I think the cause is my RA medication, which is really a type of chemotherapy. It seemed to be a lot softer after I washed it, so I’ll try it a few more times. It can’t hurt, can it?

After chair yoga, I stopped by the senior center in town, to borrow a stapler. I was sending in my passport renewal, and the picture has to be stapled to the middle of a page. My stapler at the house is about 2” long, maybe 3”, but certainly not long enough to get to the middle of the page. Then I went to the post office, which is inside a souvenir shop in town. And while I was there I got them to put up a poster for our next sound healing. I went a couple doors down to my friend’s shop and she put one up also. As did the senior center.

Then I came home, had lunch, and then decided to go to the store to see if they had a decent melon. I love a cup of fruit in the morning but it’s not the season for good fruit yet. However, I got a small watermelon, and brought it home, and cut it up. It was just ok. Then I made some tuna salad and pulled some meatballs out of the freezer. Packed some of the watermelon, the tuna, and the meatballs in a bag and took the 10 miles to Dan’s house, where he is still trying to lose this cold or flu bug. I wanted to make sure he got at least one decent meal in him for the day. I ate with him, but came home early, before the sunset, because I really hate driving on the highway at night with my cataracts.

I watched The Voice, and found myself so tired, I was glad when it was over so I could go to bed. I fell asleep in a matter of minutes. However, I was awakened at about 1 AM by the sound of something scraping on the floor, under my night table. I knew immediately that it was a mouse, I have bait stations there. I made a loud thump on the nightstand, thereby knocking my phone, which was plugged into the charger, on the floor. The scraping stopped, I assume the mouse took off for safer ground. I don’t know why they like the far corner of my bedroom, there’s nothing to eat there, and never has been. Except for the poison in the trap.

I guess I’ve neglected to report that I caught a mouse in a trap the other day, it was caught by the leg. I felt awful, yet, I was unable to do anything (because I was terrified of the mouse) but sweep it out of the house, trap and all. It was fat, like it was pregnant. So after about an hour I started feeling really guilty that it was stuck there in a trap and still alive, so I went outside, intending to open the trap and release it, so it had half a chance to run (though I’m sure one leg was broken). But in that hour it disappeared, trap and all. So, I don’t know if it dragged the trap somewhere, or if some other animal got him.

So, my guilt remains, though it’s not obsessing me. But now I realize that it was not a lone mouse, that there are others. So this morning, I am headed to the hardware store to get a few more traps, not just the bait stations. Those (the bait stations) seem to work well on the fruit rats because they don’t stay in the house. But I think the mice set up housekeeping in the walls, so I need to get some traps. I know I should use humane traps, but I am very afraid that they’ll just run right back in the hole in my 100 year old house that they originally came in. And I can only dedicate so much funding to the traps anyway.

AARRGGHH. The joys of owning this old house.

Today my BFF is coming over in the afternoon. We do this every few weeks. She has been in a play for the last 2 months, 6 shows a week. It ended Sunday. She says it’s her last one. She’s a fabulous actor, and we all hate to see her stop, but the thing is, there are 2 months of rehearsals every night, and 2 months of shows, and she’s 72, and just sick of making that kind of commitment to it. She says all she wants to do is drink coffee and read, and go to our writer’s group meetings, lol. I think she will include a glass of wine or two in that. Dan wanted to know what we do, and I told him we just talk, non-judgmentally, just catch up with each other. We just enjoy each other’s company. Which we do, we laugh a lot, we know we can confide safely in each other. I’ll enjoy that today. It’s nice enough to sit out on the deck for the afternoon.

I told Dan we are “non-judgmental” because he is very much judgmental, and it makes me a little crazy. I often wish I could get him to listen and/or read some of the spiritual stuff I have, but he’s too fearful (which causes him to become opinionated about it) to do it. Just when I think he is getting closer to being willing to see things differently, I find myself in a deep conversation with him, and discover he still just can’t go there. I keep hoping that he will learn by my example, but I think he just thinks I’m naive. It’s too bad. It will always be a problem for us. But it is what it is. I often enjoy his company, but I enjoy it more when I’m not exposed to it 24/7. Still don’t know where this is going to end up. I love him, at least, many things about him. Just feel like the level of our relationship is not sustainable over the long haul. I would like it if it was. Maybe he’ll prove me wrong. And maybe all I really want is companionship. That’s quite possible too. Anyway, I am accepting it as it is, and not trying to make something else out of it.

Well, for someone with nothing to say, I managed to write quite a bit! I hope everyone has a wonderful day. Love and light to all of you.

2 responses to “Nothing To Say? Not Quite….

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