A Little Stream of Consciousness

I realized today that I need to keep a pen and paper near me. I keep formulating sentences that could start a story, or a poem. I think I’ll remember them, but I don’t. So maybe if I keep a running list of them, I can write something meaningful.

I’m getting my new couch and loveseat tomorrow. My old one is sitting out in front of my house, waiting for the city to pick it up. I don’t tell anyone how it makes me feel to see it out there. In 4 pieces, cast off on the side of the road. I remember how it felt to pick it out, to buy it, to have it delivered to my dream house, and placed in the family room. I loved that couch, so did Bruce. Our old life, pre-divorce, included no nice furniture. Our house was furnished with my ex-in-laws 30 year old furniture from their condo in Boca Raton, before they built their home there. This couch, and my bedroom set, were chosen by me, and Bruce, and we loved that couch. The bedroom set, of course, was mine…he had no say in it, nor did he want any. But I released most of the attachment to that couch before Dan managed to get it out my front door and, flipping it end over end, set it on the street. I need the new couch and loveseat. It will allow us to both (Dan and I) sit in a recliner facing TV to watch it. I am very excited and happy about it. I know my things have way too much importance to me, but I guess that comes from a lifetime of never feeling anything was mine when I lived with his father. Tomorrow begins a new era.

It will enable me to do private sound healing in my home. And who knows what else? I’m thinking of a reiki healing circle, it would help to get my name out in that circle in Gulfport.

I’m sitting on the deck, sipping a glass of wine. I have not done that for ages, at least, not by myself. Today was a magical Florida day. It’s dry (for here, 42% humidity) and 80°which is my favorite temp. My air conditioning has been off since last night. As I sit here, I watch the mockingbirds flit around the trees, and I keep seeing butterflies, which seems to be perfect. I feel I’m at a transformational point in my life, with new furniture, which makes me laugh, but the way it will open up my life is perhaps transformational. We will see.

The geckos are tearing around the deck. There are some big ones now, maybe 4-5” from head to tip of the tail. At any given moment there are 3-6 of them running around my deck. If I venture down the two steps to my grill, a dozen or more may scatter in front of me. Everyone here loves them, they eat bugs, and are so harmless. They are cute. Ellena, my granddaughter, gave them all names last year. They were named by size, small, medium and large.

The wine I’m drinking, a Josh cabernet, is warming my insides.

I’ve found that the house next door is an AirBmB. That could come in handy if I have more than a couple friends come to visit. It’s literally 25’ from my house, so would just be an extension of my house.

The breeze is so light today, it’s lovely. There are Ibis in the empty lot next door, with their long beaks in the long grass, and oblivious to me stopping to observe them. I wonder why the mocking bird is Florida’s state bird, when we have such beautiful sea birds here. Ibis, Egret, Heron. Plentiful, everywhere you look. Even little sandpipers, when you are near the water, and seagulls, and some strange looking ducks.

I’ve been trying to get closer to one of my best friends from up north. She seems to be competing with me for something, I don’t know what or why. I inch closer and she says, “Oh I think we’ll be seeing more of each other…” And then the next day she is cold. Idk. I leave her alone when she gets like that but I feel bad, I miss her. We have always been close, we’ve been friends for almost 25 years, since our boys were in kindergarten together. When I first planned to move here, she said she would be here first, as soon as they could come. 5 years later, she has not been here.

I’m thinking of a girls weekend, well, maybe longer than a weekend, utilizing the house next door and having all the girls from up north that I have always been close to (including the aforementioned friend). I could host up to a half dozen of these friends between the two houses and it would be so much fun to hang out down here with these gals. They could meet my friends down here, I bet they’d all get along really well.

So this is really stream of consciousness today. It’s almost 6 PM and the sun is hanging low in the sky, yet I am loathe to go inside It is peaceful here this evening, even though I can hear cars on the main thoroughfare a couple of blocs down. The neighbor’s windchime is clanking away, and the butterflies are still flitting around. I hope Dan and I can go to the beach next week. Even at times where not everything is lined up the way I want, I still feel like I live in paradise.

Love and light to all.

One response to “A Little Stream of Consciousness

  1. Thank you for describing your lovely day. A girlfriend’s weekend sounds like a great idea. Four of us had been doing that every two years until Rona came. I hope we get to come down your way next year to my friend’s boss’s place.

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