It’s a good thing I’m home alone tonight, because I’m feeling a little disconnected. From myself. I spent the morning cleaning up my house, well specifically my bathroom and my kitchen. I had a contractor coming over to look at my bathroom because it needs a remodel really badly. So, this was my starting point. The weird thing was that when she got done measuring everything and finding out what I wanted to do with each thing, what the end result would be…we started talking about having kids, an outgrowth I gues, of me saying that I was going to be a a grandmother again.
Oh…yes, that’s true…my son’s girlfriend is about 9 weeks pregnant. I am, they are, very very excited. But more on that later.
Pretty soon this contractor woman and I were sitting on my couch relating all kinds of stories of childbirth, of ailments, etc. The conversation just flowed, and it was good. I feel a bit strange about it, even though everything I told her and she told me, was personal, it was only about us. Not our significant others or anyone else. Only about our kids in passing. She was much younger than me but could be my friend. If…if….I wasn’t looking to have her company do work for me. So…I’m going to leave it where it is, but may do reiki for her sometime.
Right now one of Tampa Bay’s famous electrical storms is raging outside my window. Thunderbooming loudly. And lightning flashing across the living room, through the drawn venetian blinds. It seems as though the universe is trying to jolt me out of my disconnection. Which I have yet to explain to you or even myself.
Last night we had book club meeting. We read The Invitation, which is one of the most amazing poems I’ve ever read. I used to keep it open on my phone when I lived up north because I was trying to bring to me, to manifest as it were, the man who could, first of all, understand what it was about, and secondly, answer the questions posed. Because if he could do that well, the way I needed him to, I could have the intimate relationship that I have dreamed of.
After the woman for the bathroom left I contacted one of the new people in our group who has some real shit to go through so I offered last night to give her reiki today if she wanted. She has no idea what it is, but trusted our group enough, I think, to try it. She didn’t come today, but I did send her distance reiki.
I felt distracted. This morning I did self-reiki, as I do most mornings. I was focused, I could feel the energy, flowing through me, intensifying. This afternoon, sending it to her, I was distracted. I finished, with difficulty, but I really worked at focusing, and felt ok about the reiki. But me, my insides were pitch-poling all over. I called Dan, and I know he was wondering WTF was wrong with me. But by the time we hung up, a half hour later, I felt grounded, on my way back to my center. I do love that man.
The thunder is fading, but it keeps doing that, fading and then crescendoing. Like when we play the gongs. I’ve been on a journey today. An interior one.
Oh, and about the baby! About a week ago my son told me I would get a package from he and his girlfriend, and to not open it until I had them on Facetime. So, I did as I was asked, but never thought about what it could be. And if I had, “a baby” was not entering my mind. Anyway, I opened it as asked, and they watched, and it was a onezie, for a newborn. And it said on the front “You’re going to be a Grandma again!”
So sweet, so perfect. I shed a few tears of joy. Her due date is 2/2/22. Yes, Groundhogs Day. But more importantly, a very master number. All those 2’s! Of course, we all know that babies don’t usually come on their due date. But still, it’s a very cool thing. I asked Ellena, my other grandkid, to whom Bruce has been a father for 4 years, if she wanted a little brother or a little sister. She is 9. Her answer was, she didn’t care which. She just wanted to be the big sister. She’s very excited too. Yesterday they went for their first doctors visit. They had an ultrasound and sent me a picture. Dez, my son’s girlfriend, said, “Our blueberry is now the size of a kidney bean.” And has been calling the baby their little bean. I love it. I was invited to come stay with them from before the baby is born until a couple of weeks later. !!!!
Feeling blessed. And still reconnecting. Life is amazing. Love and light to everyone.