My lovely weekend had a little blip last night. But it didn’t last, it didn’t hurt. It just triggered some anger, some negative emotion.
It was soothed by a long intimate conversation with A, until way past my bedtime. At times I wish A was here with me that way. I love him too. Our relationship is close, deep, intimate, a human connection. Telling secrets, being honest, and non-judgmental. It is so good for me, right now, to have a man in my life I can trust completely, implicitly.
He asked me to send a pic of S, he wanted to visualize the devil. I obliged, I only have one picture on my phone still. The rest are on the computer that crashed.
A tells me a woman invited him to her hot tub. He tells me he doesn’t trust her. But he’s going to go anyway, lol. I said, go….but does she know about the one in MI you are going to see? No….but he said he wasn’t going to get intimate with the hot tub woman.
We watch out for each other, we love each other more than friends, not like lovers, but deeply. We are a blessing to each other. He tells me I saved his life. I tell him, he saved mine when S tried to crush my soul. A has always been there for me, to pick me up, to make me look in the mirror, and see that I am still a beautiful person, worthy of love and belonging. Even with the faults that the mirror shines back at me. He offers his shoulder, he offers his heart. He gives me a soft place to land. I hope I do that for him too.
Lucky, so lucky to have him in my life. It’s no coincidence that we met the day after Scott told me about doing the prison whore, when I was so down, so miserable, so broken. He was and is a gift from the universe.
I told him, I can be such a shit…and he said, yes, and I love that about you too.
It’s a love like the sun has for the earth….he never says I owe him. I never say he owes me.