Today I was reminded of an old Buddhist saying, “Meditate every day for 10 minutes, unless you think you don’t need to, then do it for an hour.”
I meditate every morning for 15 minutes. This morning I found myself anxious for it to be over, towards the end. Then i remembered that saying and realized that I was in my ego mind, thinking I had other important thins to do. I went back to the meditation, and finished it peacefully.
This morning I chose “Honoring Your True Self” from the choices on my Deepak Chopra meditation app on my phone. I chose that because I have been beating myself up a lot lately, and needed the reminder that I need to forgive myself for the situation I placed myself in, that I did it from a level of consciousness that I was at at the time, I did it out of love. You know that old “When we know better we do better.”
I’m doing better. Not so angry with him or myself this morning, nor hurt, I see other things in my life gaining importance and that dysfunction moving into the past. It’s not quite there yet. I loved that man so much, I have been trying to come to a place where the love mutates into the unconditional love I have for everyone. Not the painful, I miss you I need you thing. I don’t feel that most of the time, because when I do, I am able now to look at it and see what was real, and know that it was never going to give me what I crave. I hoped it would, but I know now it would not, and that there is someone out there who wants the same thing I want. I will find him. I don’t want to grow old without a loving companion, and because I know the universe hears my request, I will find him.
I suppose a lot of my serenity this morning comes from my meditation. I hope it lasts through the day. I feel like I’ve been running on empty for days, and I’m finally slowing down enough to renew my spirit and my soul. Probably has something to do with taking 2 Ambien last night too, lol. I overused my arm with carpal tunnel yesterday and it was killing me all night, so I took 2 Ambien because 1 Ambien was not letting me sleep through the pain. I am groggy, but I slept at least. I’ll be more careful with it today.
Beautiful day today. Going to try to stay in the moment, Gonna try hard to honor myself. Peace out.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
It’s most important to put yourself first because only you know what’s best, no one else does. As the saying goes, time will heal all wounds. (Hopefully;))
And I think it’s important not to beat ourselves up too much. Enough to learn the lesson, but once it’s learned, forgive yourself. And forgive those who did you wrong, they were working from their own level of consciousness. It’s the only way I know to move on. But you know, it all comes in waves. That I can do it today doesn’t mean tomorrow a fresh wane of anger or emotion might not wash over me. Work in progress.
That’s definitely true. We have to learn to accept our emotions the way they are. Sometimes we are angry, sad, frustrated, happy, scared, etc. What I’ve learned is that we need to take the feelings and turn them into questions. Why do I feel such a certain way. Yes we do need to forgive ourselves because we all make mistakes. Forgiving ourselves I think is most important.