A Song at Dawn

breeze-at-dawn

Do you not love the sunrise?
Golden dawn,
Or cloudy skies, no matter.
A new day,
A new chance
To get it right.

As the dawn breaks the dark,
a fissure opens in the soul
Letting in the new light.

Harsh words spoken yesterday
By me, or to me
Are now behind me.

Today,
in this rising light
We can try again
To be the person each of us wants to be.
We can try again,
To honor ourselves
And those we love,
To let the past go with loving kindness,
To welcome this moment
And all the moments to come,
Fully into our lives.

The first ray of light comes
And illuminates the darkness.
Listen to the birds songs
Welcoming the day.
Be like them,
And sing your song to the dawn.

To be sure, I love the sunrise.  Lately, I have not seen it, but it awakens me despite my deep slumber.  I saw this Rumi quote this morning, and it described how I felt upon waking to the sunlight filtering through my curtains.  This is my attempt to share that emotion with you.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture by Google Images

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Self Regained, A Poem

whatyouseek

I was at that place today
You know the one.
You’ve been there too.

Daydreams collide
Fiction and fantasy
What was and what wasn’t
What could be and what can’t.
What is, and what isn’t.

Confusion and conflict wove
My head and my heart
Into a chaotic tapestry
Of love and pain, regret and hope.

Things I’d forgotten,
Or, tried to,
Danced rings around my psyche
Spiraling around me
Squeezing the breath out of me.

Days yet to come
Jousted for position
Among the dancers
Painting the pictures with the wind
On the surface of my soul.

I stayed there til it settled.
The spinning stopped,
The dancers grew tired,
The jousting painters dipped their brushes
Tentatively, beginning their work.

And I, in the center,
Of all that commotion
Regained myself.

Being Propelled Forward

lip of insanity

I have not been able to keep up with people’s blogs lately, I hope once the house is on the market I have a little more time.  I get the notices on my phone app, in my email, and I save them all to read, and pretty soon I have like 20 to read.  So, I’m apologizing for ignoring them.  I guess its one reason I want to retire, so I have the time to keep up with everyone.

The realtor is coming tonight.  We’ll probably sign a contract, settle on an asking price for my house.  She sold me the house, so knows it well, and she lives across the street from me.  It should be an easy meeting.

We had book club last night.  The other girls had to go early, so it was over by 8:30.  We are reading The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.  It’s about EFT tapping, tapping your self along the energy meridians also used in accupunture etc.  It’s apparently very effective for changing habits, undoing phobias, healing actual physical ailments.  I have always had my own way of dealing with trauma, which has involved going within, sitting with it, letting it bubble up and go.  Reiki and gong baths, and meditation.  But it would be good to have other modalities as well, because I have had nights where I tried all of that but could not get to sleep, and would have tried tapping instead of taking an Ambien, (which sometimes even didn’t work.)

Hopefully, I have left all that trauma in the past.  It feels like it.  I’m feeling very mellow this morning.  It’s so hard to let go of things, but I believe I have.  The psychic who told me to grieve if I need to grieve, and to nurture myself, followed by all those dreams, seem to have propelled me through the door that I couldn’t get open.  Maybe it’s like Rumi says, “I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door.  It opens. I was knocking from the inside.”

Yes, pretty sure that was the problem.

Love and light.

Rising, Rising Strong

Woke up happy today! Even though it was my cat Maggie who woke me at 5:30, snuffing and purring around my head. I don’t know why she did, it’s not her normal MO. But whatever. I laid in bed for about 15 minutes, luxuriating in the fact that I did not have to get out of bed and get ready for work. I slept well, again.

Feeling more centered and grounded, and myself than I have in a long time. There are no unresolved issues in my head. I have a lot going on, like, a real life. No illusions, it is all real at the moment, and not something I have to roll around in my head constantly wondering what is really going on. I have vacation, plans with friends, a house to get ready for sale, things to do.

There is no drama. I can’t believe what a difference it makes, to have the drama out of my life. I sleep, for one thing. I am smiling a lot more. Thinking clearly. God, it’s so good to feel like maybe all that stuff really is in the past, and I only have good things to look forward to at the moment.

I guess some people, just love the drama. I like it in a movie, or a play. But in my life? Uh uh. No. Not at all. To live it? Nope. I leave those who love it, to live it on their own. I remove myself….

Real life, real truthful, honest life is so much more interesting. Knowing who you are, and what you want is so much more fulfilling than the wondering what is going on, or the creating a situation where no one knows what’s going on. I have extracted myself from that situation.

The sun is out today, bright, beautiful. It is cold but warming. I intend to take a long walk today, hopefully I’ll find a friend to go with me. Life is also bright and beautiful at the moment.

In the words of Rumi…

You have seen my descent

Where The Light Enters

The wound is the place where the light enters you ~ Rumi #quote #wisewords drawn into a Moleskine Notebook:

Yes, well, Rumi.   It certainly is.  When we are wounded so deeply, we have to search deep in order to rediscover our value.  Rejection, wounding, shake our foundations, don’t they?  We have to look deep, and somehow let that light in so we know, once again, we have value just because we exist.

We cannot find our value externally. tt exists within us, always.  Through this lifetime from the moment we are born, and into the next one, if you adhere to that school of thought.  The question is, how do we want to live this life, this one precious life? Searching for the validation that already exists within, that we are connected to the one great thing, looking for someone else to tell us we belong?  Or…do we want to take the beautiful soul that is each of ours and find another soul who can join us in a journey to go deeper, higher, more joyfully?

The light enters the wound, because we all make the wrong choice at some point. Or at least most of us.  I think this life is meant to evolve our souls, and there is no growth without pain.  We were meant to make the mistakes, we were meant to live through them, we were meant to learn from them.  Then, the light enters the wounds, illuminates the lessons, and makes us glow.

I think there are people that cross our paths that can see us glow.  I also think there are people who cross our paths that cannot see it.  Just because someone can’t see it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  It means that their state of consciousness doesn’t let them yet see it.  I think when the light enters our wounds, we are bound to spread that light to others whose darkness doesn’t let them yet shine.

I feel like the light has entered my wounds, it is fast at work making parts of me glow that I thought had died.  I find that I have some attachment to the wounds, that they remind me how I loved, and loved loving.  But the light says, you can love again, and it won’t leave these wounds.

I saw a crack in the one who wounded me the other day, I saw the armor not completely sealing him.  I hope he lets the light in, I hope he finds a life that can bring him joy for the rest of his years on this earth. I hope he doesn’t waste this one precious life, settling for what is easy.  I hope he finds a life worth working passionately for.  I hope the light can enter his old, and deep wounds and let his self worth begin to glow.  It would make me happy to see that transformation.  It would also bring meaning and purpose beyond the lessons I already have learned, if those things rippled out to him and others.

I got the nicest comment on a blog this morning, where someone thanked me for being a blog that constantly inspired them.  This is really one of the main purposes of blogging for me, to share the lessons and let the light shine that was given to me. It was wonderful to wake up to read that, and know that my words helped someone else.  I hope the light that wrote those words that helped that person shines on everyone, even him.  Maybe, especially him.

Hurt people hurt people.  I have done it, hurt others, even him, when I have been hurt.  But now, I want to shine the light, whatever light I have, be it just one candle or a floodlight, on others.  I don’t want to hurt anyone again, if I can help it. And I can.

Let the light in.  More wounds, maybe mean more light can get in.  Maybe our souls and hearts can be mended like the Japanese custom, with gold, so that they have even more value than before they were wounded.  Let your wounds glow, and let us all light the world.