A Few Thoughts

This morning I got a notice that there will be a new 21 Day Meditation with Oprah and Deepak Chopra starting on July 17. It’s called “Desire and Destiny”. I have done all of their 21 day meditations, I think. They are free and you can register for them at this link: https://chopracentermeditation.com/experience.

You will receive a link to a new meditation every day for 21 days. They take you on a journey, a progression. I have never not gotten something out of it. The meditation is about 20 minutes of your day. They offer a journal feature on the site too, if you want to journal some private thoughts. They open with Oprah talking for a few minutes, and then Deepak guides you into a meditation. I find his voice very soothing for meditation.

Just thought I’d spread the word.

My sis and brother-in-law with my nephew and his wife will be here around noon to go to lunch, on the way to take my nephew and wife to the airport to go home. I am looking forward to hearing how the rest of their visit was over on the island. We’re going to one of our favorite places, Stella’s, in Gulfort down by the beach.

On a totally unrelated topic, I was thinking about how some people work so hard at getting others to feel sorry for them. Then they use that sympathy, to build their own egos, to play upon it as an excuse for bad behavior. For thoughtless words and deeds. They say “I’m sorry” but never clarify that. Sorry for what? Sorry you offended me? Or sorry for the actual deed? What good is sorry, when it doesnt specify? And what good is Sorry, when you just repeat it every time you are thoughtless and self-centered?

I remember when my ex accused my son of something horrendous, and kept us up all night, and caused me to finally file for divorce. I told him he owed us an apology. He said, “OK, I’m sorry I was tired last night.” (Read drunk and crazy.) I said, “Tired is not what you did wrong.”

I’m sorry should signify change. If you are truly sorry, then you acknowledge the wrong you’ve done to people, and change it. I know people who use their horrendous childhood as an excuse to keep behaving badly. “I’m sorry and you should forgive me I was abused as a child.” Well, as an adult, a grown-up, it’s a person’s responsibility to deal with whatever hand they were given, and learn to at least be decent to others.

I saw this happen recently, where what happened to someone 60 years ago was used as an excuse to cover up a thoughtless, inappropriate comment. It is one of my pet peeves, I suppose because I have heard it so many times from both men I was involved with before I found the wonderful man I’m with now. One of the many differences between this awesome man, Dan, and these guys? Dan does not want and would never make me pay for the things he’s lived through.

So just some random thoughts today. I hope some of my readers try the 21 day meditation.

Love and light.

 

Addiction Affliction

I have a new follower, Prohibition 2020, who has written a very insightful blog about addiction. It’s not the typical thoughts you see about helping the addicted, nor on the causes. It is very interesting, and thoughtful, so I’m reblogging it. Love and light.

Prohibition2020's Blog

Some folks say addiction is a disease. I partially agree. It is a disease for the self-absorbed to be self-satisfied. Isn’t it wonderful that the politically correct have given the weak minded, narcissistic, entitled, pathetic bitches of society an excuse for their bad choices and worse behavior?                                                                                                                           Why do we have the need to help these sad people continue to do what they do by giving them an excuse? Is it because we are frightened by this behavior and we need to make sense of it?  Is it that we are so wonderful that…

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A Little Gratitude This Morning

gratitude

This morning, I’m grateful. Just grateful for the wonder of life at my door. Thinking I need to make a gratitude list.

The sun shines.

The rain comes.

The flowers bloom.

My family will be here soon.

My love will touch me.

My friends are nearby, and some far away.

My friends are a blessing.

I have food in my refrigerator and my pantry.

I have coffee in my cup.

I have an adorable bright yellow bungalow that I love.

I have a good car.

I am safe.

I am happy.

I am healthy.

I know there’s more. These are just running through my head this morning. Be grateful for all your blessings. There’s always something, even if it’s just your breath. I am grateful for that too.

Love and light.

 

No Pain, No Gain? Maybe Not Always…..

I was sitting in the kitchen with Dan this morning, sipping coffee. He looked at me and said, “Have we been together all week?” I couldn’t remember. We had to back track each day to actually get to the realization that we HAD been together 24/7 for a week, between his house, my house, and my sisters house.

I looked at him and said, “This is not what I expected! I expected to meet someone I’d want to spend 2 or 3 days a week with, and go on with my life as it was. And I didn’t even get sick of you!” He laughed, and said, “I know, it’s better than I ever imagined it could be. We never got on each other’s nerves at all.”

He went home this morning. He had stuff to do, his mother to check in on. I had the girls coming over, so I had some things to do. But we’ve been talking all day. I miss him when he’s not here. He’ll be here in the morning and we’ll go to lunch with my sister, brother-in-law and nephew and his wife when they stop on the way to the airport.

I’ve been asking the universe, since I left my ex-husband, to let me know the love of a good man before I die. On that path, I fell in love with the wrong man, one who would teach me another hard but valuable lesson. But now….I think I get to learn some easy lessons. I guess I’ve asked for that a lot too. For lessons that are not so hard. Dan said to me that he’s never learned anything from a good day, and I agreed with him. Until now. We are both rethinking that, because we learn from each other and there’s no pain at all involved. It’s amazing. And wonderful.

Love and light to all.

So Glad I’m Here!

Thank God I moved to Florida! What a perfect move it turned out to be! I think about all the good things…my life here, my friends here, being close to family, my writers group, open mic night and of course, Dan.

But imagine if I was close enough to my crazy ex for him to reach me. I wonder what horrible delusions he would play out then. And even worse if my son was still living near him. Geezus. I haven’t and won’t tell my son about this latest episode, unless he’s hospitalized or something. I sure won’t tell him that his fathers sitting on the rock at the end of the driveway, looking for him. That’s so creepy. My ex is in complete denial of the brutality he visited upon my son. He will not hold himself accountable.

And then there was the other one, that I had such a hard time letting go of. So glad that he made that drunken phone call to me the night before my ex was hospitalized, and 5 days before he was due here. So glad I was given the real picture of who he was. I’m so glad he felt he could tell me anything, and did! So happy that when I hung up with him, I lay in bed saying, “What the F**K were you thinking???” I was shaking. It would have been so bad. I’d shut that door before, but this time sealed it and threw the key away.

I guess the universe had been working in my behalf, and now I think it believed I was done. Two weeks later, Dan walked into my life. Amazing how that worked. Close the wrong door and the right one opens.

Anyway, the intervention worker has not called me, so I am assuming that they don’t feel it’s urgent to talk to me about my ex. Good. I hope they start leaving me out of that loop.

My writers group of women is coming over in about an hour. I think we’ll actually talk about writing this time, but not the whole time. It will make for a fun evening. Girls night (or evening) out, lol. Some wine, some smoke, some girl talk, and writing.

Love and light.

Craziness Resurfaces

The day started out well. I had the reception for Kristin Beck, the transgendered Navy seal at the Vets Art Center. She’s a lovely woman, and my trans friend that I’d told about Kristin Beck came with her daughter. They met and were talking at a table when I left. My friend was a paratrooper, so I think she and Kristin had a lot in common.

When we got home, I made us some food, and just as I sat down to eat, got a phone call from my old neighbor. My ex has deteriorated quite a bit. He’s holed up in his cottage, won’t talk to anyone, or answer the door. He’s quite paranoid. Apparently the police got involved again, and an intervention worker. They got him to hold up food in the window so that they’d know he has food.

She told me it’s so sad, he sits on a big boulder at the end of the driveway and stares down the street, looking for my son. He asked her husband if someone dropped off the key to his new car, and they just told him no. Because they know he doesn’t have a new car.

She really wanted to know if it’s ok to give the intervention worker my number if they need further information, and of course I told her it was.

When I hung up, I was freaked out, again. As I’ve been the last two times this has happened. I’m not really equipped to deal with mental illness. I talked to Dan about it for about an hour, then we just kind of rested. I knew I had to process and absorb it.

When all was said and done, I’m really feeling a little angry about it. I’m pissed off that I have to deal with this, 8 years after I divorced the man. I have compassion for him, but his situation is entirely his own fault, by his own choice. I’m not even family. I’ve decided if and when the intervention worker calls, I will give her any information that I can, but refer her to my sister-in-law.

I guess one reason it bothered me more than it should have was that it’s been about a month since his last episode. I had hoped that the appearance of the police at his door might have sent him back to reality. No news is good news, right? Apparently not always. But honestly, he’s not my responsibility any longer. Nor is he my son’s. His sister will have to manage his affairs, or the state.

Whatever. I have made a concerted effort to leave that old life in the past. I resent having it surface and try to interrupt the life I have made here. So, this time, I may push back a little.

Maybe that’s the lesson. For me to learn that what happens to someone else is not necessarily my responsibility. My responsibility lies in my own future, and not in correcting the problems that he’s made for himself.

Love and light, even to him.

Hats, and Other Saturday Musings

Lots of things on my mind today. I’m still kind of trying to comprehend the person across that street that shot herself. The police were there all day yesterday. One investigators car was there for 24 hours. I am guessing that there were some serious drugs involved. We went into town in the afternoon, and when we got back around 4, they were taking someone away by ambulance, on a chair not a stretcher. Dan remarked that sometimes when someone is busted for drugs they will try to get taken to the hospital instead of jail. Could be. This morning it seems quiet. I guess I’ll have to let the incident go. It’s just too hard to try to fathom that kind of pain.

I’ve decided I need to get a hat. A big floppy sun hat. The sun is so direct here, that going to the beach for an hour usually results in a scalp that’s slightly burned under my hair. Dan, who has a thick head of hair, found the same problem. When we were at my sisters, we were at the beach only about an hour, maybe an hour and 15 minutes. He put some sunscreen on because he didn’t really have a base tan, and forgot to do his feet, and the tops of his feet are beet red from that short time in the sun. I didn’t put any on, because I knew we weren’t going to be at the beach that long and I have a pretty gooe sd base tan. I still got a slight burn, just the kind that tingles enough to know it was too much sun. And, my scalp got a bit too much. Granted, we were in the sun again, when we were in my sister’s pool, but that’s partly in the shade.

So anyway, a sun hat is probably what I need to protect my face and my scalp. Thing is, I don’t wear hats. Everyone down here has been telling me I need a hat. My response has always been “I didn’t wear a hat in CT when it was 10° out, unless I was blowing the snow in the driveway. I’m not wearing one here.” It seems ridiculous when the weather is nice. I have also found that hats make me hot.

I once dated a guy who was balding on top and had a little beret. He asked me how I liked his hat, wasn’t it cool? This was a first date…. I said, “Yes, it’s cool if you like hats.” He said, so surprised, “You don’t like hats?” I gave him the same answer, that I’d never worn a hat.

Now that I think of it, in college I had a floppy wide-brimmed suede hat I used to wear in the winter, with my suede jacket with fringe down the arms. Thinking I was so cool, lol. But it was friggin freezing out in Iowa. The wind gets really rolling across the plains out there, and it’s cold. I didn’t have a car either, so was walking everywhere. I needed a hat. Trouble was, it didn’t cover my ears so I froze anyway.

I hate to become one of those old ladies on the beach in a hat. But I guess I’m going to have to. Sunscreen on the head looks worse than a hat. I guess I’ll have to break down.

The Veterans Art Center is having a reception today for Kristin Beck, who is a transgendered navy seal. She was Christian Beck. There was a movie made about her life, called Lady Valor, which had a showing yesterday, but I didn’t go to that. Apparently she has political aspirations, so has gone very public. At any rate, I need to get going to get showered and dressed for it. Dan’s going with me, which will be nice. He’ll be able to see the art center.

Love and light.