Bits and Pieces This Morning

Bits and pieces today.

Yesterday at the grocery store the cashier called me Dan’s wife. We both let it go. I guess when a couple of old farts are together people assume you’re married. He had been joking with her, about me giving him credit for being right about something. It would have seemed in bad taste to say anything.

I drank too much wine last night, about a whole bottle myself. There was about a quarter bottle of one kind open in the fridge at Dan’s, and I finished it. Then he opened another bottle and I drank more than half of it. He wasn’t drinking wine. I’m amazed I am not hung over. Though I will say I drank about half of it, and then stopped drinking for about an hour or so. Then I resumed with dinner. So it was over a long period of time. I think I’ll lay off at open mic tonight though.

We went hot-tubbing at about 11 PM last night. In my enebriated state. It was actually nice, though the way the bubbles inflate the bathing suit was doubly funny with a little buzz on. We went in the pool after, to cool off again. It’s a lovely thing to do before bed, or when you can’t sleep. It’s quite relaxing.

We were telling stories to each other, about our lives. Funny stories. And talking about them. The kind of conversation that drinking too much wine brings about. We often muse about why my two stalkers, S and B, still read my blog. S, I kind of get. He and I have often gone months without talking and then begun again. But never during those times did I have a relationship with anyone else. Until now, and I clearly have one now that will stand the test of time. B, I don’t know why she reads it. But she only reads it about once a day. Him, it’s about 10 times a day. Whatever.

I was telling Dan last night how the last conversation I had with S was after I told him not to come down here, and subsequently mistakenly thought we could remain friends. He asked me to send him a picture of the “twins”. I got angry and realized he’d never respect the boundaries I’d set. I have not talked to him since. But when I told Dan, he said, “Well, he may be an asshole, but sometimes he’s right. They’re nice to look at.” LOL. Dan does not get jealous, and is very sure of our relationship.

Going over to my sisters on Sunday to give it another check before we go to CT, and will come back Monday. Then Tuesday the girls want to come over for a “Writer’s Group” meeting before I go. The hearing for my ex to get the court orders and assign the conservator will be Thursday morning, so it should all be in place by the time we get into CT Thursday afternoon.

I’m guessing I won’t be writing as much for the next few weeks as I deal with the remnants of my old life. I am still so grateful to have a man in my life who doesn’t want me to have to do this alone. It’s just so wonderful. I think today I’ll just go to my default setting of gratitude, and be content.

Love and light everyone.

Moving Along

Having such a nice day today. We woke up early, and went for a walk down by the beach, followed by breakfast at our favorite place down there. We’d forgotten that it was Tuesday, the day we have a Fresh Market every week. So we perused the vendors. I bought 3 dresses and a shirt from a vendor who was having a half price sale. Dan got some hand-rolled cigars, a guilty pleasure he indulges in once in awhile. The guy who rolls them is Cuban, and has a lot of different kinds. Then we bought a couple of freshly made scones, and some tomatoes, and a pineapple.

It was not too hot, in the mid 80’s, but is ridiculously humid, about 70% or so. So there are always thunderstorms around, and one started just after we got home.

Yesterday I opened up my pantry cabinet and a friggin fruit rat jumped off the shelf. Scared the living shit out of me. I screamed. It took me about an hour to calm down. I took all the food out of the cabinet, again. This morning Dan put foam insulation around all the plumbing in the wall in the kitchen and bathroom. We will set traps and leave them for a couple days to see if we’ve stopped them. God I hope so. They aren’t much bigger than a mouse, but I would have screamed for a mouse too, lol. I hope that’s the end of them.

I talked to the conservator-appointee this morning, and she said that me going through his stuff to inventory it is between me and the landlord. And that I can move the cars to protect them. So, I’m good to go, and get done what I need to do.

Now that I’ve got the OK from her, we’ll be heading up to CT next week for a couple weeks. We’re staying at a friends house, not my sister-in-laws, because the friend lives in my old town, and has a car and/or a truck we can use. It will just be a lot more convenient. Hopefully I’ll get the crap done at my ex’s cottage in a couple days and then go visiting and sight-seeing for Dan. Made the plane reservations today. I filled out the application for TSA Pre-check this morning too. I get it automatically from Delta, but I want to get it on all airlines.

Happy to be moving along on this. Will be wonderful to see all my old friends. Very excited about it all! Love and light.

Nothing is Easy

Nothing’s ever easy is it?

I called the social worker to see if she had a date for the hearing in probate court to place him somewhere and appoint a conservator. No, the court has not gotten back to them yet. But, oh, they didn’t appoint his sister as conservator. They thought she had too much on her plate. I said, “Yes, she does have a lot. That’s why I am coming up there to help her.” Well, too late, they are asking for an atty to be appointed.

This social worker is now behaving like a clerical worker, simply trying to push the paperwork through. When I voiced my concerns, she told me there’s no conservator now, so I can do what I want with his stuff. WTF. As if there are no legal ramifications to that. As if I, the ex-wife, can just go in his home and go through his stuff, and sell his cars. REALLY? Then she asked if I couldn’t maybe talk to my ex to find out what he wanted done.


I reminded her that he now thinks I’m dead, he might not be receptive to hearing from me. And what does he want done with his stuff? NOTHING. He wants to keep it all, or he’d have sold it by now so he could live in a decent place. In fact it is his love of his things, and his desire to keep them all, that has landed him in the land of FIXED DELUSIONS.

For Pete’s sake. Yes, let’s ask the crazy man, who is being committed to a facility for people who have lost their mind, what he wants me to do with his stuff. I am still picking my jaw up off the floor at that suggestion.

I was pretty angry that they decided not to appoint my sister-in-law as conservator without discussing it. I knew I could work with my sister-in-law. An atty? Who knows? The issue is compounded by the landlord wanting his stuff out of there. And no court date yet. It is silly for me to go if I cannot do anything to aid the process, and I can’t until there is a conservator appointed. She said, because they hadn’t heard from his sister, they chose the atty. I said, “If you’d have told me she needed to contact you, I’d have told her to call you.” For that matter, shouldn’t they have left a more detailed message with her than, “Please give us a call.”? Like maybe, we’re placing him in a home because he clearly can’t take care of himself, and we need to talk to you as the only nearby family member about this situation and find out what you’d like to have done about it?”

Poor communication fucks up so many things.

I talked to my atty. She called the atty they have requested as conservator. Apparently, the conservator-appointee is thrilled that I would go up there and help. I have a call into her to figure out when I should come. So, I guess it may work out anyway, and particularly for my sister-in-law.

Anyway, I think my atty will proceed with liens on the cars now. I will go to CT with Dan next week, providing I get the ok from this atty.

Just a lot of unnecessary agita on top of the already existing load of it.

Meanwhile, his landlord asked me for his birthdate and social security number for some form which says he’s not active military, a form associated with the eviction proceeding. WTF? (again.) Yeah, like I’m gonna give out his social security number. Geezus. What an idiot, to even ask me.

Chaos. That’s what always follows my ex wherever he goes, whatever his mental state. It is a natural tool for those who desire power and control above all else. I’ve dealt with his chaos for decades.

I hope this is the last time I will have to disentangle his web of bullshit.

I’m blessed anyway, with a wonderful life in every way. This is a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things.  The song be low is one of my old favorites from Jethro Tull.  Enjoy.

Love and light.


Back To Connecticut

It appears that I will have to go to Connecticut. Soon, in the next couple weeks. It’s a convoluted path and I’m treading carefully.

My ex has completely slipped off the edge.  It’s a sad enough tale that I can’t even write about his recent actions at the moment.  He’s going to be placed in a facility where he will be safe, and they’ll make sure he eats, and takes his meds. It will be a relief to all of us who have had to deal with his illness.

He’s being evicted, having not paid his rent for a couple months. The landlord, who used to be my next door neighbor, wants to get his stuff packed up and out of the cottage so he can use it the rest of the summer.

My sister-in-law is being appointed conservator, because she is the only family in the area. She has a very sick daughter in Boston, and can’t deal with her brother on top of that. She has offered her home as a base, to stay as long as I want. It will be kind of weird though, since it’s the house my ex grew up in. It’s a place I know well.

His things, including 3 vehicles, need to be inventoried and valued for legal purposes. So I don’t want it packed up by the landlord. I have no idea what personal stuff he had in the cottage. I also want to see if there are any receipts or information on where all the furniture from my old house is/was stored. I have, or will have, a lien on anything he still owns, since he still owes me a bundle of money.

This will not be fun. I do not look forward to spending days in my old neighborhood, next door to my old house, full of nothing but bad memories. But, the discomfort will be eased by the fact that Dan is going with me, to help me, and support me. He will be a big help in dealing with the cars. He will help me to remember that was my life, it is not my life now. I am so grateful for him. I keep telling him that I can’t believe I don’t have to face this alone. I’ve been through so much with my ex, that I faced alone because I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t tell anyone about, or ask for help with. That Dan wants to be there for me is amazing to me.

The good thing is that I will stay long enough to see all my friends. I had planned to go in September just to visit. So I will stay long enough to visit, which will be fun. We may stay with some of my friends part of that time. I am kind of excited for Dan to meet these people. They will love him, because he loves me and I love him. They will be relieved that I have finally found a wonderful, loving, thoughtful, and considerate man.

The other good thing is that this will be the final chapter of the life with my ex. I thought it was done when I got through Supreme Court in Connecticut, and bought my house. But apparently there was a little more to do. I’ll do it, I’ll get through it. I have a feeling that when I get up there, my friends will show up to help me too.

Blessed, just totally blessed. Even though I have a difficult task ahead of me, I have people who will lift me, and keep me balanced.

Love and light.