Haiku No. 455: Presence

Smile Free and happy woman

Breathing fresh cool air
Wanting to feel your presence.
It’s always been here.

 

 

By Deborah E. Dayen

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A Little Stream of Consciousness, or Welcome to the Inside of My Mind

I’ve been pretty lazy lately. Like napping in the afternoons, and yesterday I skipped my exercise. WTF, I ask myself.

Of course, I did make brownies. Triple fudge Ghiradelli mix, and I frosted them. Not a good way to lose weight. And eating 2 of them drove my sugar up. Stupid. But damn they are good. Frosting = about a cup of chocolate chips melted in microwave, (about a minute, but stir at 30 seconds) stir til they are smooth. Then add maybe 1/3 to ½ cup of sour cream. Stir into melted chocolate until it’s all blended. Wicked rich. Why am I doing this to myself?

I made a new piece of jewelry last week. (See picture below.) I have another in mind. I did it but was not happy with it, so I undid it so I can do it again. It’s pretty, it’s a piece of kyanite, which is the bridge stone between the physical and spiritual world. I have so many stones/crystals I can wrap. I’ve been buying stones too, to make other things. But I’m not spending much time on them. Seems I am good at the idea, and not so good at actually bringing it to reality. Lately.

I keep signing up for courses on-line and then not finding the time to complete them. WTF. It always seems more important to go to the boat with my sweet man, or play cards or something. Then I find myself, like right now, not happy that I have not been productive. Although, I suppose a good relationship is nothing to sneeze at. I mean, historically, I have enmeshed myself in bad ones. So a good one is still a treat, after 2 years it is better than ever.

Our tomato plants are growing, and we now have about 2 dozen green tomatoes on them. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous lately. Daytime highs 75° to 85°, lows in the 60’s. Nice to sleep with the windows open. We’ve been in the pool and the hot tub more, especially in the morning. Except today. It’s chilly and rainy. But back to good weather tomorrow, and actually, the rain

This morning I am going to get something done, something productive. Besides write, which I haven’t done much of lately. I had a really good idea for a blog when I was walking from one room to the other and when I sat down I couldn’t remember what it was. This getting old thing sucks, and I think I am way too comfortable with sitting around.

I guess I should get back on the bike and ride. Or at least sit down with the piece of kyanite and see if I can’t make something lovely. I have my writers group on Friday evening, and for Valentines Day we are going to the same place we went last year for dinner. It’s on the veranda of an old historic inn in town. After we eat, we’ll probably go up to open mic to see our friends there too. So I have stuff going on, and I really need to just focus my attention on getting stuff done besides making triple fudge frosted brownies. (WTF was I thinking? Now the pan of them is sitting there, and me a chocoholic. Even Dan said they are so rich he can’t get up at 2 am and empty the pan.)

This post seems to be one of those cracks through which people can see my stream of consciousness. I hope it is one of those cracks that lets the light in. Not complaining, not down at all, just floundering, recognizing it, and trying to find my way back to the flow.

Love and light to all.

Rejoice (A Poem)

Woman sitting at tropical beach

Loose-limbed I sit
Cool spring air gently blows the hair on my neck
My face lifted toward the sun
I rejoice

Tomatoes growing on the vine
Basil scenting the air
Hibiscus exploding in color
I rejoice

Azure sky from horizon to horizon
Water, blue and turquoise, gently rolling toward the beach
Shafts of sunlight going to the deep
I rejoice

White ibis and egret at waters edge
A blue heron standing on the seawall
Green parrots in the palm trees
I rejoice

Life is for living
Staying with each precious moment
Connectedness with all living things
Rejoice, rejoice.

Even When, No Matter What

Note:  I did not write this.  I got it in my email from Dharma Comics.  ( http://www.dharmacomics.com ).  I just thought it was something that we often don’t do.  Or, often we love the egos false idea of ourselves, not the real self that lives deep within.  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Even When
No Matter What

Let yourself be loved.

Even when you can’t imagine why, let yourself be loved.
Even when you’re completely lost, let yourself be loved.

Even when you’ve been a jerk, let yourself be loved.
Even when everyone else seems to be doing more or better, let yourself be loved.

Let yourself be loved.
Even when you’re excited or proud, let yourself be loved.
Or when your inner critic hates you, let yourself be loved.
Even while you’re hoping, let yourself be loved.
Or giving up hope, let yourself be loved.
Even when people tell you all the reasons you’re wrong, let yourself be loved.
Even when your heart is breaking, let yourself be loved.

Let yourself be loved.
Even when you’re terrified, let yourself be loved.
Even when you feel left out or left behind, let yourself be loved.

Even when you’re not saving the planet, or even really trying, let yourself be loved.
Even when you’re the only one there to do the loving, let yourself be loved.

Let yourself be loved.
Even when you made a mistake, let yourself be loved.
Or when you do that thing you always do, let yourself be loved.
When you feel selfish, resentful, mean, or angry, let yourself be loved.
Even when shame tries to kill you, let yourself be loved.
Or when it hurts so much you can barely stand it, let yourself be loved.

Even when no matter what, let yourself be loved.
Even when NO MATTER WHAT, let yourself be loved.