A New Day Dawns, and Lights Up The Darkness

I awakened this morning, and literally the first thought I had was that Trump would be gone today. Never again to have to listen to his lies and assorted ridiculous crap spewed out of a mind that is clearly sick.

It’s funny how Dan used to tell me to stop comparing him to my ex, because he just thought it was disrespectful of the office. But that was when we just started dating, and maybe I did do it too much. But the similarities in the personality type of the two men was so similar, that I just couldn’t help it. But for the last year, he has stopped telling me that. He has been convinced that Trump is mentally ill, especially post election of our new President. Every time Trump did or said something ridiculous, mean, ill-tempered, or whatever I could site a similar action from my ex. Of course my ex is powerless and his delusions can’t hurt anyone, now that he’s a ward of the state. But it was the same mindset. Dan now realizes that I knew what I was talking about.

So today is a gorgeous morning in Florida, fitting for Joe Biden’s inauguration. Not a cloud in the sky and weather forecasters are predicting themps in the low 70’s. I’m happy and grateful for that. Usually in Florida we will get the odd day that is cold, but for the last maybe 6 weeks, the odd days have hit 70, it’s been so cold here. So I’m happy to be able to open the windows and let in the fresh air, figuratively and tangibly. I hope the stench of the last 4 years ugliness will fade quickly.

I loved that Joe Biden started off his inauguration ceremonies with a memorial to the 400,000 lost to Covid. I didn’t know it was going to happen, and missed it live, but have seen bits of it, enough to be so grateful that a loving empathetic man now holds the reins of our government. Or will in a few hours.

I pray that everyone is safe today.

I hope you are all safe, and healthy. Love and light to all.

Do You Feel as Disrupted and Shaky as I Do?

I wonder how many people still feel like I do, 6 days after the insurrection at the Capitol. That is, a little shaky. As if I’ve been under threat of an assault personally and got away with out being punched in the face, despite the fact I felt sure I was going to be. Insecure, anxious, wondering where the next assault will come from. Like I was thrust into an alternate universe and can’t get my bearings because everything is upside down.

I spent the last few days with Daniel. I’m glad I did, because Wednesday’s actions are all anyone is talking about, and at least I had someone to talk to. He calms me. He is capable of a broader perspective than I have. The whole thing, as I said on my last post, terrified me, horrified me. I don’t know how long it will take to calm down from what I watched moment by moment on TV. There are times when I want him to be as upset as I am, but thankfully he isn’t, and I can lean on him.

I came home today because I had stuff to do. I went on the deck for awhile, because it was sunny and 72° when I got out there, and felt wonderful. It’s been so cold here, cold for Florida anyway. Yesterday we didn’t get out of the mid 50’s. Brrrr.

I was reading, then went on FB for supposedly a few moments. Turned out to be much longer because the local Tampa NBC affiliate was broadcasting the arraignment of the asshole who stole Nancy Pelosi’s lecturn. This took place at the Federal Courthouse in my county, Pinellas. It overjoyed me to see him in handcuffs.

Maybe Ill be able to let it go when all the ring-leaders are locked up in federal prison and silenced on social media. So so happy that trumps accounts are all shut down. I don’t understand why they made the next court date for this insurrectionist in DC, the day before the inauguration. If he decides to detour to a demonstration and gets caught, he will face an additional 10 years in prison, on top of whatever he will get for the charges filed, which are, I think, unlawful entry, stealing from the Capitol (that’s not the legal terminology but that’s what it covers) and disorderly conduct. They did not say what the punishment for those charges could be. They sound simple, like he might be able to plea-bargain them normally, but I think they are way more serious in federal court. But honestly I don’t know.

I just read that in state crimes you have to serve 50% of your sentence, but in Federal it is 85%. If I felt like reading a hugely long document that discusses sentencing on federal crimes I’d know how much time this creepy person was expected to get. I guess that’s a post for another day.

That’s it for today. Still trying to stop this crap from rolling around my brain. I guess I should think about the new couch and loveseat I ordered yesterday morning. I’m quite excited! Put that stimulus $ to good use (along with a substantial amount of my own $$. Which is mostly money I’ve saved by not being able to go anywhere for months. I really needed it. The old one has seen it’s best days long ago.

Love and light, my friends.

A Day of Joy, A Day of Fear

Hard to describe these emotions tonight, but I’m here because I’m gonna try.

Woke up to the news that Warnock won in GA. GOOD NEWS! Good way to start the day. That’s what I thought.

At about 12:30 I turned on the TV, which I generally never do in the daytime. But I had a voyeuristic attitude and wanted to see what would transpire with all the stupid objections in the Congress today. I. texted a couple people saying “Never ever thought I’d be agreeing with Mitch.” He said what I wanted to hear, though I would have liked to hear it at the end of November. Better late than never. My dislike of him softened just a hair. Because I know he was a major player in what happened today.

So I was watching the Senator from OK, who seemed to be doing his best to walk the Trump fault-lines, when he was stopped mid sentence, and we began to see the chambers evacuated and wondered what was going on. I was watching CBS news, because I don’t have regular TV and it was the first live news feed I found. CBS went immediately to that live feed showing what was happening.

I watched the events unfold, with a growing sick ball in the pit of my stomach. It just horrified me. Sickened me. Then it broke my heart, when I realized I wasn’t watching some third world country, but was watching thugs, Trump thugs, lay seige to our capitol, one of the bastions of liberty, known throughout the world as that. Or was.

“This is my country!” I said to my son when he called. “I’m almost 70 years old, and I never ever in my lifetime thought this could happen, except in the movies.” I know my voice was shaky.

All my life part of my solid foundation was the country I lived in. I know I have a lot of readers from other countries, I mean no disrespect of any of those countries. I’m sure you love your country as I do mine. I was one of those people who thought I lived in a great country. My country has done many things wrong, it does a lot of things I can’t agree with. But I always felt safe, it seemed to be a strong country basically full of loving kind people.

So I sat in astonishment watching people scale the walls, heard the gunshots, saw the houses of Congress evacuated, listened as the thugs tried to break down the doors, and I kept asking myself what country was this. When the cognitive dissonance cleared from my mind, I just wanted to cry. I did, actually.

In the midst of that chaos we hear that Ossoff also won in GA. And now the balance of power has really, honestly, tilted, and the Democrats will run the show. I hope stuff just flies through Congress these next four years. So much needs to be undone from the last four years, and so much to be done on Joe Biden’s agenda.

At the end of the day, democracy won. The capitol was cleared, all the the lawns and streets cleared, curfew set. And Congress went back to work, and is currently finishing what it started today. Democracy prevailed. The insurrection, which it is correctly being called by many including Biden, McConnell, and others, served only to delay it a few hours. I feel once again, that I live in a strong country, that my foundation has been restored by the fact that the horrifying acts we saw were so quickly subdued.

I kept hearing comparisons to BLM protests. BLM did NOT attack out capitol. They held free, and legal protests in legal places. And were met by rubber bullets and tear gas. Yes, some riff-raff and scum came in and used the opportunity to burn and loot. But these were not protesters today. They were thugs, and rioters, doing the bidding of a mad man who is a bully, but wants others to do his dirty work. It makes me sick. They drank the koolaid. Jim Jones aka Donald Trump fed it to them.

But the republic endured, we quickly made it through this assault on our country.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up to find that the 25th amendment has been invoked. It would be another good start to a day.

Love, light and a peaceful night wished for us all.

Days 5, 6 and 7

Days 5, 6, 7

The days are definitely running into each other. Was it just yesterday that I was greeting everyone with Happy New Year? I guess it was. Let me think…

I wanted to stay up til midnight and do this Irish custom, despite the fact that I have very little Irish blood, that involves opening the front and back doors of the house and letting (in this case shoving hard) the old year out the back door and letting the new year in the front. So I struggled to stay awake til midnight, because if there was EVER a year I wanted to push out the door, down the stairs, and off the nearest cliff, it was 2020. I wanted to usher its muddy, pea soup colored energy out the back door, yelling “Good riddance, mutha f**ker”. You get the idea.

I mean seriously. I started out 2020 sick as a dog after a December cruise, that was in itself the cruise from hell. But that was the end of 2019 and is not included here, in my list of shit 2020 brought my way. So technically, I got sick in 2019. But it lasted til the end of January 2020, so it counts. At least in my book. Then February was the only good month, and that was because my son and his family came to visit. By the time of the shutdown, my back/hip/leg had materialized and the rest is history with that, on top of the shutdown. On top of worrying constantly about simple tasks like getting groceries, and not seeing your friends ever. Which is ongoing and sucks as much today as it did 9 months ago.

Then there was spinal surgery which I’m still going to PT for. But then, therein lies one of the bright spots. I mean, being able to walk at all is certainly an improvement, I guess. Then we won’t even talk about he who shall not be named and all the incredibly insensitive stupid shit he tried to get away with….UGH.

So suffice to say, I wanted to make sure 2020 was over, done…not that I could stop time or advance it at hyper speed. It’s over….Thank God. The question is will this year be any better?

The answer is YES. It will be. For me, I can walk again. I mean, I went to the grocery store yesterday, parked about half way down the parking lot. Walked up to the store, realized I didn’t have my mask, and walked back to the car, and back to the store again. AND IT DIDN’T HURT ME AT ALL. I went into the store, with mask, and bought myself a couple of lobster tails, small ones, for my solitary New Year’s Eve dinner. So already, the new year is better. And we will be rid of the toddler in the WH, so that’s a huge improvement. And the vaccine will get to us all eventually, though I expect to stay in a semi-quarantine state until I do.

So yes, there’s hope. It might, will, take some time to manifest/ And more crap may flow in and flow out. We will just have to deal with it. Not fight it, but watch it come and watch it go. At least, try to.

So back to the beginning of this post, I did not make it to midnight. I did not open both doors at midnight. I left a front and back window open in my house, called Dan to say goodnight, and told him 2020 was going to have to squish it’s own fat butt out the window. Fireworks were assisting 2020 to get blown to the other side of the universe til about 2 AM.

I think it’s gone. And right now, all is well into 2021. It’s only 1 day, but it is 1 day.

Love and light to all.

Day 3 and 4

Days 3 and 4.

Well….let’s see. What to write about, when I am stuck in my house and yard for days, with no visitors. Not so different than any other week, lol.

I have been on the phone an inordinate amount lately. Mostly texting, but some calls. A group chat with my Iowa girls. An ongoing text chat with my Wednesdames group. Conversations with both my sisters. Yesterday and today, it took at least 3 hours out of my day.

I put together a grocery order for delivery and got it yesterday. I ordered a bunch of stuff I needed to make this soup I like, and haven’t made in a long time, Spicy Thai Coconut Chicken Soup. So good. I made it last night. Had it again tonight!

Yesterday I made an appointment for a COVID test this morning. I was able to do it myself, at the drive-up pharmacy at Walgreens. I think I’ll get the results tomorrow. It was simple and quick. I sat outside on the deck and read, at least until I got on the phone. After lunch I trimmed the dead leaves off of my ginormous Peace Lily. It doesn’t like the cold we have had for the last 10 days, in the 40’s at night and many days in the 50’s all day. Maybe I was able to save it, but we’ll see. Today was a perfect day, in the 70’s this afternoon. After I was done with the plant I read for awhile, and fell asleep outside, til Dan called. It was just so nice.

Tonight I watched this great documentary on Netflix titled “Echoes in the Canyon.” It is all about music, of the 60’s and 70[‘s, kind of starting with the Beatles but more about all the great bands after them, who were influenced by them. But also who they influenced, like the Byrds, Buffalo Springfield, The Beach Boys, and interviews with Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Neil Young…I could go on and on. They were the giants of my day, the sound track for an entire generation. If you remember those days, check it out. It was amazing.

So that was the end, now I’m watching TV and kind of wondering what I’ll do tomorrow, here alone. Gotta think of something good I can make for New Year’s dinner, you know to usher out 2020 and greet 2021 with as much enthusiasm as I can, despite me not trusting it to be a huge improvement over 2020. Although I can walk now, so it should start out better, just for that fact. And I started out last 2020 so sick, with what I think might have been COVID even last December and January. I was really sick for like 3 weeks, and still coughing for 3 more. Classic symptoms, but it wasn’t officially in the country then, though now they are saying it was here long before they realized it then.

Whatever. I hope for a better year in 2021. For all of us.

Love and light to all, on this Eve of New Year’s Eve.

Day 2 A Good Day

COVID-19 Quarantine, Day 2

I went to sleep last night at 10:30, and woke up at 7 AM. Didn’t even get up to go to the bathroom. I was wiped out, from the holidays, from cooking, and lastly and mostly because of Dan’s brother’s diagnosis. Haven’t slept like that in a long long time. Like maybe a couple of decades!

I picked up my phone when I got up and there was a text from one of my BFF’s up north, asking to chat sometime today. I went to the bathroom, came back and there was another text from another of my BFF’s from CT, saying she was sending prayers for all of us here. What a nice way to wake up!

During the course of my day, I spoke to both of them, as well as my BFF here, as well as my Wednesday’s Girls, and my Iowa girls, my son, and his girlfriend both called me. I was on the phone all day!

Dan’s brother was unaware until today that he had COVID. He didn’t believe Dan when he told him, so Dan told him to ask a nurse. He did, called Dan back and said “OH SHIT! I DO HAVE IT!” He seemed to be in decent spirits, and while he’s on supplemental oxygen, he’s not intubated. So far, so good I guess.

Besides talking on the phone all day, I made homemade ginger biscotti. They came out really good! So, I managed to keep busy today, aided by the concern of people I love. I’m watching a show on Prime entitled The Healing Field, Exploring energy and Consciousness Expanded. Very interesting listening to scientists provide scientific basis to alternative therapies, and how positive thoughts, consciousness affect our total health. It’s so interesting! It’s a great way to end my first full day of these 14 days of solitude.

Love and light everyone.

Back Into Quarantine, This One Will Be More Difficult

This afternoon Dan’s brother went to the hospital by ambulance with COVID. Writing this will be therapy for me, a way to keep myself sane. I will be isolating, alone, for the next couple weeks.

Covid-19 isolation, Day One.

I don’t have it. At least, I don’t think I do. But his brother has it. He’s in the hospital. I saw him twice over the holidays, once on Christmas Eve day, another one on Christmas. I didn’t get close to him. I’m pretty sure I was never closer than 6’ at least, but didn’t have on a mask. Dan has been close to him every single day for weeks, at his house, which was completely ripped apart inside because of mold, helping him. So Dan is the main worry, and I don’t know what his Mom will do with him isolating. He can’t go near her and I know he’s stressed about it.

So…I’m going to try to find a test tomorrow. I’ve been taking my temp and it is not elevated. I have a headache. I think it’s stress. I came home from Dan’s after a wonderful holiday. It seemed weird here. I made sure all my laundry was done, and the kitchen cleaned up so I wouldn’t walk into a mess a few days later. But what happened was I walked around and around the house, and outside, and didn’t know what to do.

I walked outside, but it was too cold on the deck to sit out there and read. I gathered my drawing pencils, and pad, and watercolor pencils and sat at the table. I called my little sister. Dan called, I talked to him and called her back. He called me again, nothing important. He was looking for a password for his wifi. But then when I was talking to my older sister, he called back again, to tell me about his brother Tom. I think that’s when my head started pounding.

I made dinner, and sat down, then got up. I decided to take my temp.97.4. No fever. Headache is going away since I ate. I am very tired tonight. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m about to lay down on the couch. Tomorrow I will call my doctor, and get her help in figuring out what to do, like where to get a test. If I don’t have it, then I can go up and help Dan with his mother. I have to cancel my PT appointments for this week and next. I’ll keep taking my temp. I’ll pay attention to how I feel, and try to notice any changes.

Am I scared? Shit yes. As scared as I’ve been about this, since it started. But then, I had my hip/leg/back problem, and so much pain I didn’t give it a whole lot of my mind. I’m so glad I can get around without Dan now, glad I can take care of my life myself, and not give him one more thing to worry about. I’m actually glad his brother is in the hospital because Dan won’t have to take care of him. And because his brother’s health is not good anyway, and he will be getting the best care possible. They couldn’t take him at the first 2 hospitals he wanted to go to, they were full of COVID patients.

It’s a shame what has happened in this country with this virus. A complete lack of leadership at a time when we needed it more than we ever have. I feel so bad for all the people laid off whose benefits are expiring while 45 plays golf and bitches about his wife not getting any magazine covers while she was first lady. Well, I can’t get wrapped up in that now. I have to stay in the present moment, and try to stay healthy. Which precludes allowing any anger to at people in power who don’t give a shit about anyone but themselves.

Love and light. Stay home, stay safe.

Hope Returns

There’s so much pain around this year. So many people sick. So many people dying. So many people exhausted to the bone from trying to care for the sick and dying. Families who can’t be together for the holidays. So much fear. Fear about the virus. Fear about whether our country can withstand the assault on it’s democracy from the people who have one month left in power, but even when the month is up will continue to be disruptive.

Dan’s mother who just turned 94 has panic attacks on a regular basis now, sure she is dying. She’s not. She’s in good health, though the attacks cause her blood pressure to temporarily skyrocket. Fear. So much fear. She has been saying since I met her that she is ready to go. She’s not. She can say the words, she can’t internalize them and realize what they mean. I feel for her, I really do. Dan seems to be able to calm her. I have not tried, because I have had my own set of issues which occupy me full time. Sadly I have not had the energy to give her. But when I see her in the next few days, I will try.

So much fear about what 45 will do in the next month, until he is out of the White House. Maybe escorted out. Who knows? I have an inherent distrust of his ability to draw a line that he will not cross. I used to say about my ex that there was no line he wouldn’t cross, and it terrified me. As it turned out, all his bravado and bullying drove him crazy, as I see it doing to the president. The president, however, has actual power and I fear he won’t use it wisely. I just pray he doesn’t take the country down with him.

I pray we all make it safely through of COVID. I pray we are all safe from the effects of an dying economy, unless you are part of the small percentage of people who can afford to manipulate the stock market. How is it at over 30,000 points while people are being laid off in huge numbers, losing their ability to pay rents and mortgages, to feed their families, to clothe them, to put something special under the Christmas tree for their children? I have been angry at our Congress because they couldn’t pass a bill to help people suffering in this extraordinary time. They couldn’t pass it until it might interfere with their holiday. Selfish bastards. But they passed it, finally. I wonder how many people it was, is, too late for.

So this morning, I started reading the news on my phone. Apple News. As I do most mornings. But this morning, all I read was the details on the now passed stimulus package. Yes, McConnell and Pelosi, you can go home to your insulated lives after so many people’s lives are changed forever. I am so grateful to be retired, and have a steady, for sure (right now at least) income. I worry endlessly about my son, who has a good job, but doesn’t imagine that could change overnight. And I won’t tell him, I won’t be debbiedowner to him, I won’t bring him down off the high he has from being able to take care of his family. Of the success he has created for himself. And that was all I read, that one article. EVERYTHING else seemed to be prophesying fearful renditions of what could happen.

I will stay in the present for now, for my son, for all my family and friends. A couple of nights ago I was watching a Christmas movie, just to see something hopeful, not fraught with cursing, violence, sex. Just a good old fashioned Christmas movie. I began missing everyone so much. I didn’t put up a tree this year, because my house is so full of gongs and singing bowls and drums, and because it’s in a box up on a shelf I can’t reach without a ladder and I am not ready to be climbing even a step ladder. Even though Dan will get it down for me, I still have no place to put it. The downside of downsizing. So there is nothing Christmasy about my house. I decided then and there that I would make cookies, and I did. One kind on Saturday, one on Sunday and two yesterday. It felt like Christmas to have platters of cookies in my kitchen. It lifted my spirits so much. I have made plates of them for my friends, and Dan’s mom. And I will probably freeze the rest of them. They keep well in the freezer.

Yesterday, I invited a friend came over to sit on my deck in the chilly weather we are having, because we don’t want to be inside. We talked about all of this, expressed our fears, our hopes that the crazy state of our world will be righted in the next year. She’s an optimist, like me. Or at least wants to be, but isn’t sure she can see her way clear to be optimistic about anything. My words to her yesterday were those of Marianne Williamson in an interview with Oprah, “The universe is self-organizing and self-correcting. If you see something that you know is wrong, you can be sure the universe is on it, already at work correcting it.” And so I believe. It’s not a bolt of lightning with which the universe works. It’s directing people’s energy in ways that allow us to see and work to correct it with our individual power and energy. Hearts can change. Life can change. But first we have to believe that what we say and what we do ripples out far from us, and we have no way of knowing what some of the ultimate effects are. Which is one reason to always be kind, right?

I believe that the universe is speaking to us as this year closes. Last Monday on the new moon we had the new moon which is really a total lunar eclipse, and a total solar eclipse, and a powerful meteor shower. This Monday we had the winter solstice, and the great conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn, which many called the Christmas Star. It is the dawning of another Age of Aquarius.

Last night I ate my dinner, dressed warm, and got in my car. I was driving toward the beach, and thought I would stop at the first place from which I could see this “Star”. I ended up at the beach, about a mile and a half away. I parked the car, and crossed the street to walk along the beach and ended up behind what is called the Casino. It is not a casino really, it’s a dance hall. It’s called Casino because the real Spanish meaning is “small house”. It’s not really small, but the name fits, and has stuck since forever. We hold our beach sound healings just off the walkway around it, in the sand. I walked up to the rail, and I could see the Star. Both planets pretty visible to the naked eye. A couple people there had telescopes. I walked over to them and just asked, “You guys must know. Is that it?” “Yes” was the answer. “The larger star is Jupiter, the smaller one to the lower right is Saturn.” So I stood there for about 20 minutes, and sat at the permanent cement picnic tables there when my back demanded I sit. It was pretty amazing. It was the ONLY star in the sky. How could that not be a sign for us all to let go of our fear and trust that the universe is “on it”???

I took a couple pictures, intending to edit them so the star was brightly visible when I got home. It was a beautiful evening. The sun was still setting over the St.. Pete beaches, barrier islands. The sky was still pink and orange in the distance. The night sky above was dark indigo, lit by the moon and this star. When I got home I edited them, happy that I was able to get more clarity out of them, and sent them to one of my best friends whose birthday it was. She, in CT, couldn’t see the conjunction because of cloud cover. She was grateful for the pics, I was grateful I got to see it.

All these events in the last week are brimming with hope. Real hope for a better world. The vaccine is here, and by the summer most everyone who wants one will get it, and this COVID fear will be over. Oh, to be able to hug my son, my family, my friends, to be able to go out to eat, to go to the Fresh Market on Tuesdays here in my little town. 45 will be gone, and whatever trouble he tries to cause will be diminished. There is so much fear around those two things, but last night I knew in my heart that the Universe is “On It”, and that it’s incredible ability to self-organize and self-correct, and to bring us hope for a new year was clearly visible.

A couple of events, personal to me, have also occurred. My gong has started humming when no one is around it. This has happened a few times. Just walking to my kitchen or standing in my bathroom, suddenly it starts humming, quiet and low. I have no explanation so I chose to believe it wanted to be played. I gave Dan a new wind gong for Christmas. We fooled around with it Sunday for some time, and he took it home that night. It is 28”, smaller than either of ours. We both expected it might be a little crashy, we were unsure of it. But as we played it, it quickly taught us differently. The sounds, the resonance of this gong are incredible and beautiful. But I digress. He took it home, hung it on his gong stand and began playing his big 40” gong and the much smaller wind gong. Pretty soon he couldn’t differentiate the sounds. And then….he was playing the big gong, but could only hear the small one. He put his hand on the big one, that he’d been playing which has a very powerful resonance, and there was no vibration. But the wind gong was vibrating like crazy, despite the fact that he’d only been playing the big one. He did it in reverse. Played the wind gong only, and the sound and vibrations were only felt in the large gong, the small one was mute as he put his head toward the center of it, and then touched it to see if it was vibrating. But no, only the big gong was vibrating.

We spent about an hour on the phone trying to figure that out. My best bet is the Native American belief that everything has a spirit. Rocks, metals, anything that exists on this earth. And everything is vibration, everything. So perhaps the gongs spirits, both his and mine, were talking to us, communicating. Maybe as the vibrations went out into infinity, they completed the circle and that’s how they came back. Playing each other’s music. I know it’s woo-woo. But perhaps it’s true. Dan is the last person to buy into the woo-woo portion of the gongs vibrations. He dislikes the term “sound healing” because of his disbelief that the vibrations heal anything. But he could not deny this, it happened to him, not me. His comment was, “It’s amazing how whatever happened, made everything better.”

Yeah, BETTER. Of course it did, because I don’t think the universe does anything but try to lift us, even when it’s not evident at the moment. But for Dan to verbalize that was such a leap for him, but it was undeniable. It made me so happy for him, to crack open that door. He plays the gongs much more than I, because he loves them as an instrument. My love is the instruments, but also the effect it has had on me over the years.

Not for a minute do I believe that I have the answers to how the universe works, and why our gongs are communicating to us. I think my gong, with it’s muted soft vibration when I was no where near it was, as I said previously, because it wanted to be played. And I did. I definitely did!

Energy is converging to lift us finally, out of this darkness of 2020. I can even walk again. Not far, but I walked the 1000 feet from my car last night, and stood staring at the night sky for a good long time. Farthest I have walked in 9 months and longest I have stood without pain. Can’t tell you my joy in that small thing.

I hope we all can find joy in the small things this Christmas. And accept the majesty the universe has been displaying to us in the past week. It’s so much more than it appears on the surface. I wish love and light to everyone this Christmas. Believe in the promise of the Christmas Star.

How I’ve Spent My Hiatus From Blogging

Wow, it’s been about a month since I wrote. I guess I’ve been busy. I’m feeling so much better that I’ve been able to do a lot more. Not going somewhere, but around my house catching up on stuff I’ve let go for way too long because of the ordeal with my back, hip, and leg that I’ve spent months getting through. But I’m happy to report that even though I am not back to normal, I can get around my house unassisted, and feel better every day. My pain levels are way down. I really only have pain first thing in the morning when everything has tightened up, and in the evening, when I’ve been on and off my feet all day. But from about 8 AM to 4 PM I am almost pain free. I still get very tired, probably from doing a little too much in the day. I mean, I’m sleeping 8-9 hours at night, and sometimes taking a nap in the afternoon. It’s crazy but hell, I’ll take tired over pain any day!

One thing I did last month was get inspired by the Nanowrimo challenge. That stands for National Novel Writing Month. My good friend from here, JoAnne, said she was doing it, and I thought, “I’d like to try that.” She is a wonderful writer. Check out her blog at https://joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com/ This challenge is to write 50,000 words during the month of November. That seemed like an overwhelminly huge amount of words. I didn’t find out about it until November was here, so I officially sign up for it. I just wanted to see if I could come up with an idea and see how much I could accomplish.

Trouble was, I couldn’t figure out what to write. I had no idea for what I could write about. I ginally came up with the idea of using my small group of women who come to my house every Wednesday, just to get together, to feel normal these days. I call them Wednesday’s Girls to differentiate them from my actual writers group, Hypatia, that meets once a month. I thought I could make an adventure that the group goes on. Still, I needed their help. So, when they came over in early November I told them about the project, and asked for ideas for the adventure.

Boy oh boy, did I get ideas! These women are so creative. Pretty soon the ideas were coming like a storm, just pouring out of them, which in turn was giving me inspiration. I’m not going to tell you what the ideas were. Instead, I will publish it here, in segments, when I am done. But I have written almost 16,000 words, so you can maybe understand why I’ve not been posting here. When I’ve been writing, it’s been for this project. Each of the women went home that day planning to write out their ideas, or outline them, and then read it to the group the next week. I did the same. But when we met again, their stories were so good, I decided I could take something from each one of them, and incorporate it into my Nanowrimo project. Obviously, I did not finish it in November, but we were having so much fun with it, I am just continuing until it’s finished!

That’s how I’ve been spending a lot of my free time. I still have physical therapy twice a week, and a plethora of doctor’s appointments, and regular house work. Dan and I spend a few days a week together too, and we get into cooking together now that I can actually function in the kitchen. The other night he brought over crab cakes, and then we made a new mac and cheese recipe together. It turned out to be the best mac and cheese ever! Plus, I bought some watercolor pencils, sketching pencils, and watercolor paper, because it just seems like something I might be able to do! After you sketch the picture out, you dip the pencils in water, a, nd voila! You are painting, but more easily, I think! We’ll see anyway.

I’ve also been reading, and have 3 books I’m reading, one for any mood I’m in! Lately it’s been a Tom Robbins book, “Tibetan Peach Pie”. I was introduced to him through an old kind-of boyfriend, who loaned me Jitterbug Perfume. He is so quirky and funny. It makes for light-hearted reading. I just finished City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was a wonderful book, as all of hers are.

Anyway, it’s fun for me to have so much to do, when for so long I couldn’t do anything but sit on the couch. Walking from the couch to the kitchen was an ordeal, but now! It’s easy and normal, and has brought me a semblance of normalcy. I used to walk less than 200 steps a day. (As recorded by my iPhone) This week I’ve been walking at least a half mile, sometimes a mile, in short bursts. (also per my iPhone, but I also just got a Fitbit watch which I think is more accurate) I look forward to some day returning to my walking a mile and a half through the park, but for now, I am happy being able to put the steps in around the house, to be able to change my sheets, to be able to clean my kitchen floor. I’m back to being a happy person!

I hope you all are happy too. And safe and well. This pandemic gets to me emotionally, when I see 225,000 new cases in a day and having a governor who is a Trumper who doesn’t see the need to lead this state at all. So that’s all I’ll say about it now, I don’t want to get into a rant, doesn’t do any good anyway!

Love, light and good health to you all.

The Day After the Election

Yesterday, I just celebrated the winning back . My girlfriends came over around 4, and we had a bottle of champagne, and it was so good! We only spent about an hour, but it was wonderful. We’re all kind of like, OMG, he did it. WE did it. All of us did! But we were still, I think, feeling unsure….because of 2016 I guess. Finally we relaxed into it, I think, and the weight started lifting off of us, and blowing away with the stiff breeze caused by Tropical Storm Eta still many miles from us. I was so grateful for my Wednesday girls, to have a few people to sit and talk with.

I was at the grocery store when I heard. I’d gotten my flu shot, and gotten my $10 gift card for getting the shot, and went to spend it right away. Every year the Publix does that, gives you $10 for getting a flue shot that costs you nothing. But, I’ve put it in my wallet and forgotten it before, so I just went and spent it and another $20. While I was there I was following another woman who was on the phone down an aisle, and I heard her say, “OK!!! We have a president.” And her demeanor was happy, joyful. I pulled my cart over and looked at my phone and sure enough Joe had won. Immediately after, I got a text from my son, and then a call. Happy, happy, happy.

I got home and my Bff called and I answered the phone singing “Ding dong the witch is gone” which sounds better than saying he’s dead, right? But he’s done, so done. The relief is overwhelming. Today, Sunday, I vowed not to do anything. I’m just reading, and relaxing. I have fallen asleep in my recliner about 5 times, I’m sure I slept at least an hour and a half. Of course, I woke up last night around 2, wide awake, I am guessing it was the election, and the absence of dread in my life. Now that I’m fairly awake, I ordered Chinese food for dinner. I’ll watch TV tonight and stop worrying about what the toddler in the White House is gonna do.

Because…we all know there are not many lines he won’t cross, if any. And I’m waiting. But I don’t think, and the media seems to agree, that there’s not much he can do. He can file his lawsuits but none of them will change anything. I don’t expect him to concede, and who the hell cares? Doesn’t change anything, except to make him look worse than he already does, right? If that’s possible.

I keep dreaming that NY will be filing charges to prosecute him as he leaves the WH. God wouldn’t that be amazing! We can only hope. But he deserves to go to prison, after what he did to this country. All the COVID deaths alone….it may not be criminal, but morally….they are all on his hands. And that doesn’t even take into account the laughing stock he made of this country….

The only shock to me was that so many people voted for the man.

We have a lot of work to do in this country, a real lot. I love how many new people are engaged in the process, deeply. I hope they can stay that way til 2022, and help us to take back the Senate and keep the House. I hope I can find a way to contribute to the effort, with my current physical limitations.

But whatever. I told my friends yesterday, that when I was in the divorce process, I had put it off because the big picture of unraveling a 40 year relationship was just overwhelming. Then I had to do it, because of my son, because his father was seriously beginning to lose it. So I learned, just focus on one thing at a time. Just focus on the next thing you have to do. And now, with this election, we have done the NEXT thing. We took the WH back. Then we need to pay attention to the next thing, and get it done.

Happy Election Day to everyone, happy election! Breathe, long and deep.

Love and light to all.