SoCS: Social, or Not?

The SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Satiurday)

My first thought with this prompt was social media. I use it quite a bit. I have my personal page, a jewelry page for Sundogs Designs, and another page for Living Like Water. My personal page is social, and kind of fun. Sundogs Designs is the least \active, though from time to time I post a few things on there. Usually unique gems, and listings of things I have just made. Living Like Water is really a spiritual page, meant to complement this blog. But since I don’t link them, meaning I don’t post my blogs on my FB page.

There are other social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat. Twitter I have an account on, which I’ve posted on maybe twice. Same for Instagram. I am sundoggirl5592, but have only posted twice, and those were both for my jewelry. I made a new page recently, in addition to sundoggirl5592, called Good Vibrations Sound Healing. It was murder trying to figure out how to have a new page under my personal account. I think I accomplished it after about 2 hours, but I’m not sure and haven’t had the stamina to check to see if I actually did it.

It’s tiring at this age. I am not fluent in social media, but I do realize it is necessary. Good Vibrations Sound Healing is the page for our sound healing group made up of me, Dan, and my friend Lynn. We actually got a regular “gig” twice a month at a new yoga studio in town, about a block from my house. We are performing there on July 9. I will link all the gigs we get to my personal FB page. I’ll do it to the others if I figure out how, lol. This is a paid gig, we are going to split the take with the studio owner. I’ve been busy making flyers and pass-out pieces for it. If the first one goes well, we will make it a regularly scheduled event, 2nd and 4th Tuesday night of every month.

I am pretty social, though not overly so. I came here to Florida with the knowledge and goal of making a new circle of friends to take the space of the circle I left in CT. I am still close with most of the people who were close friends up there. I miss them. Dan and I are going back in September for a wedding. I’m looking forward to it because I know I’ll catch up with a lot of people that I might otherwise not see, friends who will be at the wedding. Dan is such a great guy to go with me. He’s a great guy for a lot of reasons, but the fact that twice he has agreed to go up north with me to hang out for a week or two with people he doesn’t know is amazing.

Social….I have known others who are anti-social. People who protected themselves from others by isolating themselves. Only a few friends, if any. Lying to people who cared about them, thinking they needed protection from even those people, not trusting anyone. It’s so odd, to me. Lying to people who love you, because of some egoic idea that no one really loves you. So of course, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, that if you don’t let anyone in, by lying and playing games, and isolating yourself, you find yourself alone, which these people then use as an excuse why they are alone. Because when people lie to you, you tend to back off from them, and stay away, knowing after a while that they bring only ugliness and toxicity to your life.

Yuck.

I guess if you want to be social, that generally you have to be truthful with others, right? At least? I mean, you can try making up stories, telling great yarns, devising elaborate ruses, but eventually the truth will out. It always does. I say truth, at least. Because truth alone will not make you friends. It may make you social, but friendship is gained through trust, through caring, through kindness, through being there. It’s a lot more than just being social. Being able to carry a conversation with someone at a cocktail party over the hor d’oeuvres and a drink is being social, but if you can’t let someone into your truth then social is all you’ll ever be.

Well, I didn’t expect this stream of consciousness to go here, but here we are. I guess the take away is that social media is just social, but if you can begin a real conversation because of social media, who knows, you may make a friend.

Or not. Not everyone will want to be your friend, you won’t want to be everyone’s friend. But at least you won’t be a fake. Or a liar, or a cheat. Or maybe just alone.

Love and light to all.

 

SoCS is hosted by www.lindaghill.com Please visit her site for all the rules.

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A Little Updating

I did a little updating on this site. On my about page, I have had the same thing up for 6 years. It was about the past, and the reasons I started this blog. I’d been planning to publish a book about the experience of leaving and then divorcing an abusive, narcissistic, sociopathic and somewhat alcoholic man after 32 years of marriage.

The thing is, life has gone on. I am in a far place from there now. I wrote the book, saved it to a thumb drive and there it will stay. I’m not so keen on publishing it now. New information changes things. It did me a world of good to write it, but I don’t need to add anything to the misery he has and is putting himself through.

The updating I did was to let go of all the pain and misery associated with my marriage of 32 years, and just look forward. I’m still Learning to Live Like Water, every day, in every way I can. So what I posted on my “about” page is Chapter 78 from the Tao Te Ching. And that’s all. I think it describes very well the focus of my blog and my life. I’ll post it here so no one has to go looking for my page.

Tao Te Ching – Chapter 78

The Taoist Classic by Lao Tzu

Nothing in the world is softer and weaker than water.

Yet, to attack the hard and strong,

Nothing surpasses it.

Nothing can take its place.
The weak overcomes the strong.

The soft overcomes the hard.

Everybody in the world knows this,

Still nobody makes use of it.
Therefore the sage says:

To bear the country’s disgrace

Is to rule the shrines of soil and grain.

To bear the country’s misfortunes

Is to be the king of the world.

True words seem false.

Love and light to everyone, even if you don’t think you deserve it. 🙂

A Day in My Life

The other night, at an open mic, we were trying to remember the words to the Beatle’s song “A Day in the Life.”  So, the thought stayed with me since, and today I had one of those days of having lots on my “to do” list.   Dan started listing all the stuff I’d done by the end of the day, and it sounded like a poem to me, so add writing a poem (free verse, no rhymes) about it to the end of the list.

Busy.

“Got up.

Got outta bed.

Dragged a comb across my head”

Made coffee.

Ate some fruit.

(Took my meds…..)

Cleaned the kitchen

Cleaned the living room

Vacuumed.

Cleaned the toilet.

(Yuck…..)

Got dressed and washed my face.

Brushed my teeth and combed my hair.

(Again.)

Ran to the drugstore

To get a gift card for Amazon

To send to my sister

For her birthday next week.

(Today is my mother’s birthday.

She would have been 98.)

Drove 10 miles to Trader Joes.

I needed ciabatta bread

For my friend who was coming over

For our regularly scheduled gab session.

As I walked into the house

I kissed my man goodbye,

As he left to go play Texas Hold ‘Em.

While I gabbed.

I sat down in front of the gong

And played for a bit.

I’m learning how to get different sounds out of it.

It’s really cool.

My BFF down here came over

She brought Josh Cabernet Sauvignon

It’s my favorite cab.

Heated up the ciabatta bread

Made dipping oil.

We gabbed for 2 hours.

It was lovely.

We solved the worlds problems

And our own.

She left after a couple hours.

I made blueberry muffins

From scratch,

Jordan Marsh recipe.

They came out so good.

We made dinner

Pork cutlet pounded very thin

covered with sauce

and mozzarella cheese

and 3 cheese tortellinis.

Mmmmmm…….

Cleaned the kitchen

After we both tried a blueberry muffin

(They came out good!!)

and sat down.

Oh, and did a couple loads of laundry sometime too,

That was a busy day for me. Phew!!!

We all have days like this, where we are somehow energized by each thing we accomplish. It was fun, all day. Maybe I’ll be tired tomorrow, but maybe not. Life is good!

SoCS: Silent Voices

This post is part of the Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) prompt which is “silent/silence”.  The SoCS is hosted by https://lindaghill.com/2019/05/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1-19/  .

stream-of-consciousness-saturday-2018-19

Is silence silent? I’m not sure that it always is. Sometimes, in the silence, there are silent voices that are louder than any audible voice ever. Speaking fron inside your heart, or from the intuitive part of your brain.

Of course, actually listening to the silence is another thing altogether. It often told me what I needed to do at different points in my life, but I was an obstinate contractictor of all the reason and advice the silence gave me. Silently, I would refuse to listen. And found myself in a marriage that lasted way too long, and in a relationship that was way too toxic.

Those things are way behind me now. I began to listen at some point. I listened to the silence tell me to plan to come here to Florida. I listened when I heard the voice in the silence ask me if I really wanted to bring someone into my new life from my old life who had never done anything but hurt me. I listened when I heard that I would never have a normal life, nor would my son, until I fought my way through what was sure to be an epic nasty divorce, and get away from a man who turned out to be truly psychotic.

But really never mind all that. Pay attention to the silence, the silence that I hear when I’m out in the boat with a man I love and who loves me. To the silence in the night as I feel his breath on my neck as we sleep soundly. I listen to the silence that tells me who are the people I want in my life, and tells me to not be unkind, or dispassionate, but to remain true to myself. I listen to the silence, and I’ve learned to go with the flow so much more easily. Really, living like water. The water is silent, most of the time. It silently soothes my soul, and brings me home, and helps me to remember what is important.

So, for me, self-imposed silence is a wonderful thing, but really, I hear an awful lot in the silence. It has served me well to learn to listen to the voice of the silence, speaking to me silently. It also helps me to actually listen to others when they talk, something I have not always been good at, and maybe I’m still not good at it, but I’m better that I was before I was able to sit in the silence and listen.

I think it was Eckart Tolle who said something like the more you sit in stillness (which is close to the same as silence) the more you will hear. Well, my ears ring almost all the time, but I still can sit in stillness, and silence, and hear what I need to hear.

And so can you, learn to sti in the stillness, in the silent, and hear the voices silently speaking to you.

Love and light to everyone.

 

Here are the rules if you’d like to participate in SoCS:

1. Your post must be stream of consciousness writing, meaning no editing (typos can be fixed), and minimal planning on what you’re going to write.

2. Your post can be as long or as short as you want it to be. One sentence – one thousand words. Fact, fiction, poetry – it doesn’t matter. Just let the words carry you along until you’re ready to stop.

3. I will post the prompt here on my blog every Friday, along with a reminder for you to join in. The prompt will be one random thing, but it will not be a subject. For instance, I will not say “Write about dogs”; the prompt will be more like, “Make your first sentence a question,” “Begin with the word ‘The,’” or will simply be a single word to get you started.

4. Ping back! It’s important, so that I and other people can come and read your post! For example, in your post you can write “This post is part of SoCS:” and then copy and paste the URL found in your address bar at the top of this post into yours.  Your link will show up in my comments for everyone to see. The most recent pingbacks will be found at the top. NOTE: Pingbacks only work from WordPress sites. If you’re self-hosted or are participating from another host, such as Blogger, please leave a link to your post in the comments below.

5. Read at least one other person’s blog who has linked back their post. Even better, read all of them! If you’re the first person to link back, you can check back later or go to the previous week by following my category, “Stream of Consciousness Saturday,” which you’ll find below the “Like” button on my post.

6. Copy and paste the rules (if you’d like to) in your post. The more people who join in, the more new bloggers you’ll meet and the bigger your community will get!

7. As a suggestion, tag your post “SoCS” and/or “#SoCS” for more exposure and more views.

8. Have fun!

Performing My First Gong Bath

We held our first sound healing yesterday. I’m still absorbing the event. It’s very different from being an attendee, very different from laying on the floor in the dark, going into a deep meditation. Very different sharing that experience with the man I love.

We went early, to set up and test the sound in the room. I found I could not play the tsunami anywhere near as loud as I am used to. This particular room was all wood paneled. It is an old building, built in the 40’s as a civic meeting hall. There is a stage at one end. The energy is wonderful, very special.

We put singing bowls at either end. Dan played the crystal singing bowls off to the side, but up by me. The friend with the Tibetan bowl was in the back of the room, with the ocean drum. Some people were coming for meditation, unaware that we were going to perform a sound healing. But everyone was open to the sound healing. We had about 15 people attend, which is a good crowd for the first time.

I managed to do the welcome, and the guided meditation into the gong bath. I was accompanied with the Tibetan bowl. I was nervous, though I didn’t know how nervous until I sat down to play the gong, and my stomach was on fire. Totally unexpected reaction. Playing was the part I was least nervous about. But, it was release….I guess I had a lot of varying emotions tied to being able to do this.

It was comforting and reassuring to have Dan there with me. I dropped a small mallet, and he came over and picked it up for me. He would signal me as to the sound depth, if it was too quiet or too loud. We found that when the room had 15 people in it, I could play louder that when we tested it with an empty room. I also could motion for him to go back into playing the bowls, etc.

More than the reasurrance and comfort, it was very wonderful to just be sharing this experience with him, working with him. He is as determined as I that this go well. He has a total appreciation of the vibrational quality of the different instruments, and is much more technical about the sound, which is good. At one point he walked up to the stage and whispered to me to not to worry so much about the volume, as it was not as loud as we thought. Which gave me the go-ahead to make the 2nd tsunami louder than the first, although still a good deal quieter than it could have been. And I see him slowly beginning to understand the metaphysics of the vibrational healing too.

He is a blessing in my life.

At the end, he got the conversation going among the attendees, as to what part they liked the best, and we got a lot of good feedback. I learned that even though I spoke slowly and louder than I normally do (I have a too quiet voice) not everyone could hear me, because of the echo in the room. A few people liked the quieter parts the best, but I was particularly happy that quite a few people said that during the tsunami they at first felt some fear, and worked through it (I didn’t play loud for more than a few seconds at a time) and were amazed at how peaceful they felt after.

Which to me, is the whole point. Release the fear, relase what no longer serves, open yourself up to the love of the universe. So I felt that even though it was our first and we have a lot of work to do to get it where we want it to be, I did my job well. One good friend from my Spirit Girls group told me privately about the amazing experience she had. Another friend, one of my best friends, told me she can’t wait to tell me all the things that went through her mind, and the inspiration she got to write something.

This venue was free, because that’s a requirement of using that particular space. We will probably hold this once a month for a little while at this venue, to get the word out about it. But we are looking at other venues where we could make some money doing it.

Dan and I have discussed doing some of the sound healings with just the two of us. Just because. There is a special dynamic, a connection between us which lends itself to more cohesiveness. It’s good to play with the others too. Although I played the entire half hour on the gong, it would be nice to switch it off with Dan, because it would vary the sound, and give us both a chance to play the gong and the bowls. I would really like that. I guess because I still have so much reticence in front of a group, it took a lot of energy for me to continue playing the gong for the whole time.

After we got all the instruments, etc, home, we decided to get something to eat, since we hadn’t eaten yet all day and it was noon. When we got home, I realized I had a crazy headache and my stomach was slightly discombobulated, and I was exhausted. We played a game of cards and then I took a nap for over an hour. All I could think later in the day was how, at the end of the gong bath, I told everyone to be gentle with themselves, that they’d just released a whole bunch of toxins into their systems so to drink a lot of water and flush them out. Apparently, I needed to do this also! Sitting a foot away from the vibrations released a ton of emotions I had about doing this.

Well, the ice is now broken! I have more confidence in going forward, we have some venues to investigate where we can charge money, or ask a love offering. We are thinking $20 suggested donation, but will turn no one away for lack of ability to pay.

It’s an amazing thing for me to be able to do. Onward!

Love and light to everyone.