Reminiscing

Sitting outside
A book in my hands
(Tibetan Peach Pie to tell the truth).

Loving the sadness of finishing
A really good book
While the tropical breeze
Of almost March caress my hair
And my flesh.

I am reminded of many days
spent in the cockpit of a boat
Reading, and rocking
As the waves lap the sides of the boat
And go on to roll up on the shore
Not too distant from where my craft was moored

I sit now on my deck,
Of my sweet little bungalow
Feeling like I’m in wonderland
Where the boat is rocking from
The motion of the ocean
The peace of smooth water
And deep blue and green hues.

I will not pass that way again
But I’m full to the brim
With joy that I knew that life
For awhile
In my life.

Written by Deborah E. Dayen

A Wonderful Milestone

Yesterday was a milestone for me. I haven’t felt that alive for, well, a year.

Dan came over and we decided to go for lunch to one of our favorite places down near the beach, The Tiki. It’s a small building with a long low thatched roof (although I’m sure something solid is under the thatch.) Like may restaurants here, there are no windows where windows would be, just open air sides, with salt water breezes blowing in and swaying the palm trees that line the beach. It was almost summer-like, in the mid 80’s but the humidity was not like summer. It was quite comfortable.

As we headed down to the beach, we saw that all the parking lots were full, people even parking along the street, then we saw the main road with a “road closed” sign, and remembered that it was “Rescue Me” day. The short road that was blocked off is the main street in our small commercial district. On Rescue Me day they line the street with booths from all the shelters in the area, complete with pets, (including a skunk you could pet, but no thank you). People who want to adopt a pet come from all over and get a dog or cat (maybe other things too!) to join their family. It’s a pretty cool thing, and it’s usually a big success for the shelters, and the pets, and the businesses that line the street. Dan remembered that the last time we were down there was “Rescue Me” day in 2020. Almost exactly a year to the day since we were out and about.

When we saw that the road was closed, we turned and went down a side street to get to the municipal parking lot. We knew it would be pretty full, but thought we might get lucky. I guess it’s a good thing I’ve been practicing manifesting, lol, because we did find a place at the far end of the lot. Dan looked at me and asked “Do you think you can walk that far?” It was a couple of blocks walk, maybe even 3 blocks. Now that doesn’t sound like much, but I have not walked a city block in a year. You may recall I had trouble walking the 25’ to my mailbox for a long, long time. (Thank God for my good neighbors who walked over and got my mail and brought it to me. ) I was having a good day, meaning very little, if any, pain, just a weak left side. So I said I thought I could and if I got tired I could sit at one of the benches or picnic tables that are along the parking lot and beach.

BUT I DID IT!! The farthest I’ve walked in a year! I didn’t have to stop at all, and I had no pain when I got to the Tiki! I was quite literally euphoric. We found a table, and I sat down to save the table, while Dan walked over to the band that was playing and said hi to 3 of our good, good friends who were playing there. They had formed a band over the last year, and are all 3 awesome musicians. But it was great to see them, and hear them. I ordered us each a glass of Cab. When Dan walked back to the table, I was able to walk over and say hi to them all too! These are people we used to see a lot, like once a week at least, due to the very many outdoor live music venues in this little town. We used to host them at our house for dinners, and a fire, and drinks or whatever. But not for a year…..

We ordered, blackened grouper tacos for me, chicken tacos for Dan. As we sat and talked, listening to our friends play what sounded like a steel drum band like you hear down in the islands, I started getting getting very emotional. I told Dan.

The emotion came from so much. The end of the COVID fear for us, because he’s fully vaccinated and I will be in 10 days. But for me, more than that was the fact that I could walk without pain, that I was sitting there listening to “my tribe” play music, on this beautiful afternoon with the man who I love, and who loves me, and so many of my friends I hadn’t seen in so long. Besides my friends playing music there were at least a half dozen others who were there to listen, and they all came over and talked for awhile with us. It felt like the pre-COVID days, when we were all happy and relaxed and had no fear of anything happening like the last year.

We are all smarter now. Even with vaccinations, we are still wearing masks and distancing but honest to God, there is so much less fear after being vaccinated. And for me, to know I could walk, and that it would only get better, was just the most wonderful feeling ever.

So we ate our tacos, visited with friends, back and forth between tables. I’d forgotten, and maybe Dan too, how much we loved that life. It would have been just an ordinary day a year ago. Now it felt so special, I’m having to search for the words. I even feel a bit of my writing juju coming back. Sigh. I’ve missed it. I realize now that it’s hard to find inspiration to write when you are in constant pain. But no more, so maybe I’ll be able to keep up this streak some.

I don’t know what’s on tap for today. Dan may be bringing his gongs down here, because we have a sound healing in a week, and we need to just go over it a couple of times. But that will depend on whether he feels up to it. It’s a lot of rather heavy stuff. I know I’m going to water my plants and maybe take the hose to the boat and get it washed. He also has a little work to complete on the outdrive of the boat, and then will help me get it clean for waxing. When we are done with that, we want it taken up to some used boat dealer (there are tons here, because we’re so close to everything) and get it sold.

All I can say this morning is that life looks so good at the moment. All this to look forward to. I did send out an email to my friends who come over once a week to tell them I had to cut it to once a month, and I am so delighted I did. I’ve heard back from most of them, and am happy that they agreed with me, that every week was a bit much, but also that the married couple offered to hold it at their house (they are the ones who live down the block from me) maybe once a month too. Sending the email gave me such relief, although I was worried about it’s impact on everyone. But it’s all good.

I hope you are also all good, happy, and for those of you in colder climates, I hope you’re beginning to feel that spring is not so far away. Renewal is coming.

Love and light to all.

The Changing Seasons of My Life

I’ve come to realize that spring here in FL is often like early October in New England. Cool nights, warm days, leaves turning gold and brown and falling from the trees. My deck is constantly covered by leaves. But of course the big difference is in New England, the weather is prepping you for winter, getting colder with each passing day. And when the leaves fall up there, you know you won’t see them again for 6 months. Here, it gets consistently warmer. And the leaves will be out again by end of March.

Every day I have spent at least an hour out on the deck reading. Having dried leaves fall on me, and the shade my banyan tree affords me is so much less, as it makes room for it’s new leaves. It’s been in the high 70’s and low 80”s here, and very dry, for Florida. Just felt heavenly to sit out there in the afternoon. I’m almost done with the book I’m reading, Tibetan Peach Pie by Tom Robbins. I was introduced to him when an old boyfriend loaned me his book Jitterbug Perfume, which is a real fantastical, but somehow believable (almost) story, and Robbins has such a great way of writing. I could so relate to him. Not what he says, but the way he says it in Jitterbug. The Peach Pie is his autobiography, and although he’s 20 years older than me (which means he’ll be 90 soon) his life was so out of the norm, from his childhood til now, as best I can tell, it’s a wonderful story and he has a wonderful way of telling it. He’s written a lot of books, so if you don’t know him, get acquainted, it’s well worth it!

Anyway, sitting on the deck, reading Tom Robbins, the leaves falling off my tree and my Christmas Cactus in bloom, a soft breeze and sunlight casting such definitive shadows across my back yard has been heaven. I have decided to cut my Wednesday girls get-togethers back to one a month. There are just too many other things I want to spend time on, and I can’t give up one day a week any more. I host it, always. I want to get my reiki practice ready to go by the end of March. I have another class in how to make crystal reiki grids to use when I do reiki. Dan and I need to practice for a sound healing we’re doing in just over a week. And I want to write more, and try to do some walking. Not to mention the boat that sits in my yard, needing to be prepped to have someone take it away and sell it for us. And cooking, and baking, and cleaning, and laundry, and so much stuff, I need that 7th day of the week to be mine.

As for walking, I am walking better, and with less pain all the time. I am going to try to walk a half a block, lol, maybe today. Dan will be here, maybe he’ll go with me.

Another change for me recently is my dislike of all social media. I still have accounts with FB, Twitter, Instagram. Tho the only one I look at at all is FB. I was also given an invite to Clubhouse, by a friend who wants me to listen to her “room” and engage in the conversation there. But I’m sooooo not interested in more social media. Geezus. Clubhouse is like a live podcast anyone who is a member can join in on. I tried, for my friend’s sake, but it doesn’t interest me to listen to a bunch of people telling their stories of trauma that led to a spiritual path, I’ve done it for too long, listened to to many stories, or more accurately, read their stories. I told my friend not to send me an invite unless she checks with me first to see if I even have time with it, but she sent it anyway. Then kept texting me in the morning asking me to go on right then and listen. When I told her I couldn’t right then for whatever reason she kept telling me I just have to listen. When I finally told her I don’t want to listen, especially when I first get up, she got a little put out with me, and I haven‘t heard from her since. But it’s ok, it is whatever it is right now. I think I’ve let my own interests go for far too long, and wasted far too much time, on FB. I will keep my account open, but I don’t expect to be spending more than 10 or 15 minutes once or twice a day. And the only reason for that is sometimes friends, in real life friends, post something I’d want to know, so I scan it looking for friend’s posts like that. After all these years though, I’m ready to retreat into my own world, and simply get involved in those things that I love.

So life is changing for me. I think I’ve grown, and kind of realized how I want to spend the days, and years, I have left on this earth. And it’s not on FB or any of the others. It’s not obsessing over the political state we are in, especially now that we don’t have a friggin’ lunatic running the country. Like I told Dan last night, I don’t feel like I have infinite days left on this earth, so I want to live my life as fully as possible, doing what I feel passionate about. I’m grateful, really grateful for the time I’ve spent alone so I could actually see where I am at now that I’ll be fully vaccinated, and my physical state is so improved.

I hope everyone is well, safe, getting vaccinated. I’m so looking forward to life returning to normal, as much as it ever will.

Love and light to everyone.

My Crystal Reiki Master Attunement

I had my Crystal Reiki Master attunement Monday afternoon. I’m just trying to sort it out.

First of all, it was a distance attunement. Which means it was not in-person. The person giving me the attunement was was on the west coast. I am in Florida. I did not realize this when I made the appointment (on-line). So I chose 2 PM, not realizing that it really meant 5 PM my time. I’m sure she said that it was Pacific time, but I didn’t see it. I’m famous for not reading instructions closely. When I got her reminder yesterday via email and text, I realized it.

So there’s that.

I was actually not unhappy about it though. I wanted to listen to the last 2 lectures and finish the final quiz this morning before I got the attunement, but I also wanted to make blueberry muffins today, and fold some laundry, etc. So with the late time, I was able to do it all.

I really studied for 2 ½ hours before the attunement. The answers to the exam I didn’t know I looked up, and learned. The different shapes of crystals, what different structure of different crystals makes them useful for. How to choose them, how you set the grids up for the intention that the client and you have set. I mean, I’d read most of it, but I really really wanted to KNOW the information I don’t mind having to look up some details, but I do mind not having any idea of where to even look.

Then I did a comprehensive self-reiki treatment. I took my time, because I had plenty of it. When I was done, I chose a few of my favorite crystals and set them on the table next to me. I chose a large amethyst geode, in which the crystals formed kind of a blossom, a spirit crystal, which is earthen and citrine on the bottom, then clear quartz and on top of the single point was amethyst blending in. Another was my dolphin clear quartz crystal, which is my favorite. It has so many layers of meaning. Also I chose my smokey quartz tabby, which is full of information. You access the information by running yout finger down the rough side, (one side is rough, the other very smooth) which opens it up, like a tablet in ancient times. When you are done with it, absorbing everything you can, you close it by running your finger back up the rough side of it, and put it away. I also brought over a double pyramid turquoise fluorite, about an inch on each of the 8 sides, and has stripes of purple, turquoise and green. And lastly I laid my labradorite slab beside me, about 3” in diameter, rough on one side and on the face of it, highly polished.

I went to the kitchen and filled my water glass and sat down to wait. I only had a few minutes. The instructions given were just to sit some place quiet, and relax and let it happen. I want to say, I’ve had a couple other distance attunements but thisIn the next half hour while I received the attunement I held each one of the crystals in my hands for a few minutes. I was taken aback at the heat in my hands as I held each one. Warm enough to warm the crystals. At times, I felt my fingers tingle, not unlike the way my feet do after playing the gongs for a while. Sometimes I could feel my heart beating in my hands, which actually happens when I meditate deeply. Which, come to think of it, I was doing. I noticed that the blue and white and gold that I usually see in a formless way when my eyes are closed were changing colors. I think they were corresponding to the chakras that was part of the attunement. Maybe, I’m not really sure.

When I was finished and the half hour was up, I came back into the room. I absently picked up my phone and looked at a notification from the Simply Mindful page I belong to. There was a message from one of the admins there asking me to please let her know what it was like. As I typed a brief answer I realized I was quite light headed. I relaxed a few minutes, and called Dan to tell him I was done, and answer any questions he had. And see how he was doing. We made some tentative plans for tomorrow, and I realized I was hungry as hell. We hung up and I went to the kitchen, checked my glucose levels because I’m diabetic and thought maybe the headache was due to low blood sugar. It was not. I made me a dinner, nothing fancy, just a sausage, and sweet potato fries and a spinach/raspberry/avocado/ feta cheese salad.

By the time it was ready to eat I had a very very serious headache. I am not prone to headaches. But I was so hungry I tried to ignore it and eat. When I finished and went to take my plate to the sink, my stomach was seriously upset. I suppose eating while having a massive headache was not a good idea. I guess, though, that I am inexperienced with these symptoms. I never get headaches or upset stomachs. I would guess that the attunement had a lot to do with it. All kinds of energy shaking things up from the root chakra to the crown.

In the next half hour while I received the attunement I held each one of the crystals in my hands for a few minutes. I was taken aback at the heat in my hands as I held each one. Warm enough to warm the crystals. At times, I felt my fingers tingle, not unlike the way my feet do after playing the gongs for a while. Sometimes I could feel my heart beating in my hands, which actually happens when I meditate deeply. Which, come to think of it, I was doing. I noticed that the blue and white and gold that I usually see in a formless way when my eyes are closed were changing colors. I think they were corresponding to the chakras that was part of the attunement. Maybe, I’m not really sure.

When I was finished and the half hour was up, I came back into the room. I absently picked up my phone and looked at a notification from the Simply Mindful page I belong to. There was a message from one of the admins there asking me to please let her know what it was like. As I typed a brief answer I realized I was quite light headed. I relaxed a few minutes, and called Dan to tell him I was done, and answer any questions he had. And see how he was doing. We made some tentative plans for tomorrow, and I realized I was hungry as hell. We hung up and I went to the kitchen, checked my glucose levels because I’m diabetic and thought maybe the headache was due to low blood sugar. It was not. I made me a dinner, nothing fancy, just a sausage, and sweet potato fries and a spinach/raspberry/avocado/ feta cheese salad.

By the time it was ready to eat I had a very very serious headache. I am not prone to headaches. But I was so hungry I tried to ignore it and eat. When I finished and went to take my plate to the sink, my stomach was seriously upset. I suppose eating while having a massive headache was not a good idea. I guess, though, that I am inexperienced with these symptoms. I never get headaches or upset stomachs. I would guess that the attunement had a lot to do with it. All kinds of energy shaking things up from the root chakra to the crown.

I went back into the kitchen, looking for something sweet. I was pretty sure there wasn’t anything in there, and I knew a little sugar would probably relieve the stomach. I made a cup of lemon ginger tea and saw the blueberry muffins sitting on the counter looking good as can be. I grabbed one, put 6 in the freezer for Dan, and put the other 5 in the fridge. I took the one, the cup of tea, and went to the living room, ate the muffin, drank the tea and I seem to be fine. Tired but fine.

It was quite a day, quite an experience. Exactly what I hoped for.

The Trials and Tribulations of Getting My First Vaccine

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time for me to have a gratitude journal. My intention was to write in it every day. A promise I kept for slightly less than 2 weeks. It became maybe once or twice a week.

This morning I went to get my first COVID vaccination. I had to drive to a town a half hour from me, to which I’d never been before. And…I had to go to the bathroom the whole way there.

Of course, since I had an appointment at 9:30 I expected no line, and that it would not take long, and that it wouldn’t hurt, because Dan told me it didn’t hurt at all.

HAHA. First of all, it hurt! But honestly, I didn’t care. I was getting the vaccine. However, I had to go to the bathroom the whole ride there, about a half hour ride, in traffic, in unfamiliar territory. Oh, I said that already (sorry!). When I drove in I asked one of the guys who was directing traffic if there was a bathroom. He said, “Right there.” and pointed to a Porta-potty. Um no, I was not going in there.

So I turned down one lane, and then turned and went down one going the opposite directions. About 5 spaces down was an SUV, PARKED across the lanes and no one in the car. I honked, and someone walking told me there was no one in the car! WTF? How frigging rude is that!! The car blocked for the most part, 3 more empty spaces. While I was trying to figure out what to do (complain to the attendants, try to back up in a long line of traffic?) I saw someone leave a parking space right up front by the building. So, I managed to get around the SUV in my tiny Nissan Versa, and drove up and got about the best parking space in the lot. Things happen for a reason, right?!

I got out of the car and saw the sky turning black. I unlocked my door and grabbed the umbrella out of my glove compartment. I got up to the line, and realized it was at least 3 lines. One for the 9:15 appointments, one for the 9:30 appointments (which was mine) and one for the 9:45. Turns out it was 4 lines because there was one for the 10:00 appointments, and it wasn’t even 9:30. Those people did not read the message when you booked it, that there was no need to come early, because you won’t get in. I was looking for my confirmation email, and my driver’s license, for the attendant who was scanning the email, during which time I butt-dialed Daniel who was sleeping because he had a rough night. Poor guy. I waited in line about 10 minutes and went in, where they checked me in. They gave me a red bracelet because I wanted it on my left side, and then they had to attach the bar code. Then I waited a few more minutes in a line, to get into the vaccination room.

I got in and asked them for a chair, because by now I’d been on my feet probably 20-25 minutes and my back was pissed, it wasn’t going to last. They were happy to oblige, and stuck the needle in and SHIT, it hurt! Shots don’t usually bother me, even the shingles and pneumonia, as well as the flu shot. But this one hurt going in and then when they pushed the injection into the muscle it hurt more. I made an involuntary sound… I told them it was because my boyfriend told me it didn’t hurt. They said different people feel it differently.

Then they told me that I needed to wait a half hour to leave, instead of 15 minutes like most people, because I’m allergic to penicillin, and when I looked at them questioning, they told me anyone who has any medicinal allergies has to wait an extra 15 minutes.

But the good news was I got to use a real bathroom while I waited. Sorry if that’s TMI.

So at 10:15 I got to leave, got into my car, texted Dan to tell him I was leaving. I called him when I was in a place where I knew where I was. Told him all the trials and tribulations of my morning. When I got home, I made myself the 2nd cup of coffee and a bagel, which will be my lunch. Eventually I will head up to his house. I’m hoping the rain is gone by then, and maybe we can go sit in the hot tub this evening.

A good way to end the day, right?

Sigh. I got my vaccine, Pfizer, which will be 92% effective in about 10 days. Then I have the 2nd one on March 12. I’m glad it was Pfizer because the wait time between the 2 is less, 3 weeks, and it seems there are less side effects with the Pfizer 2nd shot than the Moderna. Though I would have taken Moderna if that’s what they were giving. I got there safe and sound, and home again.

So, I’m grateful for:

1. Getting the vaccine.

2. Getting there and back easily (Thank you Google Maps GPS!)

3. Remembering my umbrella.

4. Having a boyfriend who gives a damn about me. It’s still amazing to me, to have someone love me the way he does.

I hope you all are safe and well. I’ve been praying for my family in Austin, what a horrible week they’ve had, and will continue to have because they have no water still, but do have power after being out Mon-Thurs. So send some good vibes their way if you get a minute. At least they can boil water, if and when they turn on the faucet and water comes out of it.

Love and light to everyone.

The Pace of Life is Picking Up

It’s been awhile. I’m not sure why, I suspect there are many reasons. I’ve been preoccupied with trying to get a vaccination, for one thing. We can, at this point in my county, get an appointment from the state site, patientportalfl.com, or from Publix. For Publix we had to go online on the designated day, on their site, at 7 am, and then wait and see if you got through. Twice I got through, but when I went to book the appointment they were all booked. The state site came out with another site on which we could register, and “get in line”. Which I did, immediately, within minutes of them announcing it on the evening news in an ad. I told all my friends and my sister, and was done. I heard nothing more about it until today.

Today, I logged into Publix, as instructed. But they had no doses available, due to inclement weather. So I decided, since I was up nice and early, well, early. Not so nice. But I digress. Since I was up early, with lots of time on my hand, I thought it was a good time to unsubscribe from some of the multitudinous volumes of junk mail I get. So I was going through them one at a time, trying to decide if I wanted to keep getting their emails. And so, I came across an email, from the “get in line” site. And there was an entry code, to get into the appointment site, and a link, and I clicked on it, entered the code and voila, I was making an appointment. I got one for Friday morning at 9:30, and I got the second appointment 3 weeks from now.

YAYAY!

By the end of March I should be good to go. I mean, I will continue to wear my mask, and socially distance, but the fear will be gone. I can go out to dinner, and to watch my friends play music, and etc. etc. Even maybe get out to see my son, who I haven’t seen in a year. I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

So that’s one thing, that was keeping me preoccupied but it’s now resolved.

I’ve been working on setting my living room up to do reiki, with or without sound healing. I bought a massage table. I’ve been taking a class that will certify me as a Crystal Reiki Master, so that I can incorporate the use of crystals into my reiki practice. And now that I will be vaccinated, I can do this at home, and not worry about it.

Then, I’ve been trying my hand at watercolors. I use watercolor pencils. You dip them in water and you have watercolors! I have done only a couple. I draw them out in pencil and then paint them. I am not good at drawing, but I am sticking to simple things, a palm tree and a sunflower, and they aren’t too bad! I do it for fun, just for something different to do. I’m pleased that they aren’t horrible. But mostly I love the way it’s kind of a meditation, to just lose yourself in the painting. Even if it’s simple!

Then, I ordered a new couch and loveseat, it should be here in about 6 weeks. I’m so excited! My couch, which I loved, has definitely seen it’s better days. So at about the time I’m ready to actually start trying to get clients, my living room will be much nicer. And I can do small groups for sound healing that way, since I’ll have seating for at least 5 people. I am hoping I can make some $ doing all this. Dan will help me by doing the sound healing while I do the reiki.

Speaking of sound healing, we are doing another one in my friend’s back yard on March 8. I’ve gotten a good response on FB so far. We limit it to 15 people and in the first 24 hours of announcing I got 6 or 7 confirmations. So that’s awesome, and who knows, by April we may be able to go back to the beach for free sound healing. Last time we did that was last March, and we had over 100 people there.

I called my sis in Austin last night and she had no power, because they are on rolling blackouts. And just before I called, they had gotten a boil water notice. She can boil her water because she’s got a gas stove. But her kids who live near her, have no power, and are all electric, so how are they supposed to boil water? And the grocery store in town opened for 5 hours, and had lines 3 blocks long. In frigid temps, And you know by the time the end of the line gets to the front everything will be sold out. Meanwhile, she had on 2 pairs of wool sox, and leggings under her sweat pants, and sweaters and jackets. It’s crazy. Rick Perry says Texans should be willing to sacrifice this, to keep federal regulations out of the Texas energy companies. This from an ex energy secretary, who doesn’t give a shit about the people who elected him.

And my last bit of news is I am going to get my cataracts removed, finally. By summer. I got my eye exam done and they said, oh yeah they are ready. Which I knew because after the Super Bowl I was driving from Dan’s brother’s house back to his house, about a half mile. I made a turn onto the main road in the gated community he lives in, and went totally off the road, because I couldn’t see the side of the road, due to the glare from a street light. It’s time, finally. And I’m so happy about it, I am so sick of not being able to see well, of double vision, and halos around every light. And, by the way, I’m not driving at night until I get rid of them.

So things are looking up for the first time in a long time. Last year was so hard, with COVID, and with my injury, for which I’m still going to PT a couple times a week to strengthen the leg that totally let go on me. The surgery was August 20. and 6 months later I am still not back to normal, though I am much better, much closer than I was. I’ve started to get my interest in cooking back, among other things. I’m pretty much off the painkillers, unless I have a bunch of pain which is rare.

I’ll be around as much as possible. It is so good to feel engaged in life again, after sitting in the recliner for most of 12 months, my life disappeared from my view. Well, it’s back, and I’m delighted. Hope life is getting back to normal for you guys. I hope you and your families are safe and well.

Love and light.

The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Get Vaccinated

Yesterday I spent an anxious almost hour trying to get a vaccine appointment. We had to wait until 3 PM to get into the site. My county had 10,000 doses to give away. Not much considering there are 232,000 citizens of this county over 65. This is the 2nd time we have been given a time to go online and try to get an appointment for one of these very hard to come by vaccines. The first time I couldn’t even get into the site. Yesterday I got in, finally, got to a page where they listed available appointments, and tried 10 or 20 times to get one of them. Each time I got a message saying that appointment was no longer available so pick another time. Which I did over and over until I got a message saying there were no more appointments available in my county.

Dan managed to draw the attention of the universe, I guess, and he got an appointment, and pretty quickly too. Which is good, because once vaccinated he won’t be so worried about giving it to his 94 year old mother.

Around dinner time, Dan called me (because I am quarantining yet again pending the result of a covid test I took Wed because I’d been feeling crappy for a week) and told me about a new website he’d just heard of on TV I think (myvaccine.fl.gov). Anyway you go to it, fill out a short registration form and you are then “In Line” for the next round of available vaccinations. So of course, I did it immediately, and since I’m not seeing a lot of publicity about this site, I don’t think too many people know about it, so maybe I have a chance.

My question, though, is why our esteemed (HAHAHA) governor, a tRumpophile of the first degree, did not start a list like this 2 months ago. Or a month ago. Or anytime before now. Seems absurd to have to constantly refresh your page because you can’t connect, over and over for 45 min or so. Let’s face it, the site we’ve all been using is difficult to navigate, and especially when maybe 200,000 people are trying to get one of 10,000 shots. It’s especially, I’m guessing, hard for seniors, because we often have lost (or never really had) computer skills. I like to think mine are pretty good, having worked on a computer for years, and being online a lot, writing and reading. But if I were 10 years older? It would probably be a chore. It blows my mind to look at the inefficient way our government works, and to have a governor who has no idea how to deal with this, and who I’m not sure could figure his way out of a paper bag. This all should have been set up long ago, knowing that vaccines would be coming soon.

Enough of my rant. Hoping I get the results of the COVID test today. I’m pretty sure I don’t have it because I’ve felt fine for that last couple of days.

Hope you all stay safe and healthy. Love and light to all.

Relief!

The day after the inauguration my small group of friends who meet every week on my deck or in my back yard came over, and we talked a lot about our feelings and emotions when Joe became the President, and the ceremony, etc. We were all rejoicing that we actually had a president again, finally. By the people, for the people, of the people. And well we should have been, rejoicing as we all raised a glass of champagne to President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris. It was seriously a joyous occasion.

The biggest, and most prevalent emotion that we felt was, I believe, relief. We all felt like we were coming off of a period in which we were always tense, slightly fearful, never knowing from where we would get blindsided again. Every morning I would wake, and just check my Apple News on my phone, just to make sure the headlines were not that 45 had gotten us into a war or some other horrible thing as we slept. There were often those jaw-droppers that came with his middle-of-the-night tweets, as he governed using them. Such a typical bully he was, pumping people up to hate and spread fear, and then hiding, coming out only on Twitter, unable to actually fact the people he was affecting.

But he’s gone, as are those damned tweets, and his annoying antics. For the last 4 days I have awakened and not felt the need to check my phone at all, not reading the news at all until I have a nice hot cup of coffee in my hand, and not even then do I read it. I skim the headlines, reading what interests me, but not having any of that fear at all. Yes, relief.

I actually feel a little PTSD from those 4 years, but it mixes with what I already have from a long abusive marriage, so I’m not really blaming anyone. Just saying I have not quite stopped wincing when the minions of his make enough noise that someone writes about them, but the fear of something absolutely asinine happening while we slept and weren’t paying attention is floating away, going down river, and dissipating into the vast sea and sky.

Yes, we are relieved, first I think. And because we recognized the relief President Biden has given us, we are joyous. I hope we can remain that way for the next 4 years.

Love and light to all.

Realizations (A Poem)

I am so tired.
Tired of waiting
Tired of hurting
Tired of being alone.

Longing for your love
Your never-ending, unconditional love.
Why do I feel like it’s absent from my life?
Why do I feel so alone all the time?
Why can’t you tell me you love me anymore?
Why do I have this ache in my heart,
An ache that feels like a hole that is waiting for your love.
Or someone’s.

Realizing that I don’t appreciate your beliefs,
(Nor you mine.)
Realizing that it’s not my responsibility
To convince you to love yourself.
I know that if you don’t
Love yourself,
You can never love me.

I can’t save you.
I can always love you.
I can wish the best for you.
I can do all of this
From a distance
That softens the blow

Of me believing you can love me
Of me realizing you cannot.
Allowing myself to open the door
To the love that is waiting somewhere for me.
Right now.
Walking toward me.
Because you are not,
Walking in my direction.
Nor me in yours.

A New Day Dawns, and Lights Up The Darkness

I awakened this morning, and literally the first thought I had was that Trump would be gone today. Never again to have to listen to his lies and assorted ridiculous crap spewed out of a mind that is clearly sick.

It’s funny how Dan used to tell me to stop comparing him to my ex, because he just thought it was disrespectful of the office. But that was when we just started dating, and maybe I did do it too much. But the similarities in the personality type of the two men was so similar, that I just couldn’t help it. But for the last year, he has stopped telling me that. He has been convinced that Trump is mentally ill, especially post election of our new President. Every time Trump did or said something ridiculous, mean, ill-tempered, or whatever I could site a similar action from my ex. Of course my ex is powerless and his delusions can’t hurt anyone, now that he’s a ward of the state. But it was the same mindset. Dan now realizes that I knew what I was talking about.

So today is a gorgeous morning in Florida, fitting for Joe Biden’s inauguration. Not a cloud in the sky and weather forecasters are predicting themps in the low 70’s. I’m happy and grateful for that. Usually in Florida we will get the odd day that is cold, but for the last maybe 6 weeks, the odd days have hit 70, it’s been so cold here. So I’m happy to be able to open the windows and let in the fresh air, figuratively and tangibly. I hope the stench of the last 4 years ugliness will fade quickly.

I loved that Joe Biden started off his inauguration ceremonies with a memorial to the 400,000 lost to Covid. I didn’t know it was going to happen, and missed it live, but have seen bits of it, enough to be so grateful that a loving empathetic man now holds the reins of our government. Or will in a few hours.

I pray that everyone is safe today.

I hope you are all safe, and healthy. Love and light to all.