Un-oppressive Silence, and a Few Bugs

I kind of have an unwritten rule, for myself. I don’t turn on the TV all day, until dinnertime. This rule only applies when I’m home alone. It works out, usually, because I’d rather sit on the deck and read or write there, enjoying the breeze and the shade.

It does not work well when it rains. Because, of course then I’m stuck in the house. Which was today.  A violent storm blew in off the Gulf this morning, complete with lots of lightning, thunder, a tornado warning and a water spout.  Forecast was for rain and showers on and off all day.   So I was inside most of the day after I went to physical therapy this morning and my back/hip/leg were killing me this afternoon. I sat in the living room, in silence…no birds, no cars passing by, no voices in the yards next door. Dead silence, especially with my hurricane windows, which shut out sound as well as wind, really well.

I promptly fell asleep. Considering I slept 7 hours last night, I was wondering why I was so exhausted. I slept for at least an hour and a half, in my recliner. I guess pain is exhausting. At least today. So, I woke up and actually did read for about an hour. In the silence.

For some reason, the silence did not oppress me. At first, it was. Oppressing me. It seemed thick, it was like the lack of sound created its own sound. I didn’t even hear my own ears ringing, though, they still are, and now that I’m awake, I hear them loud and clear, But the silence was like a cocoon I was living in, in this little house. I was hoping I would morph into a writer again. The words used to spill out of me, now I struggle to find them. I was living in sensory deprivation. It was a little weird.

So now, it’s almost 9:30. PM. I am watching a delightful series, from Masterpiece Theater, called The Durrells in Corfu. And killing flies. I swear, I got invaded. I’ve killed 5, with my own bare hands. In my pajamas. They are attracted to my TV screen, even though there are lights on. The screen makes it easy to kill them, though. They don’t see you coming. I broke a slat in the new blind Daniel bought me for my big kitchen window while I was chasing one. He bought it because the old one had a broken slat, and now the new one has one. I tried to tape it, but if you take a good look you can see it. Now I want to get another and put it up, so he won’t see how careless I was. Which is ridiculous, I can’t even walk through Home Depot, let alone put the blind up.

I’ll worry about it another day. It’s a $22 blind, for Pete’s sake. More important is the spider, small and black, that I keep sweeping off my leg while I sit on the couch. WTH? Flies, spiders. Did I just not notice these critters before because I’m outside so much? Well, I’ve watched 5 episodes of the Durrells, maybe one more and bed? Idk, I slept so much today.

Love and light.

My Friend The Ice Pack

I’m sitting with an icepack on my lower back, and wired up to a TENS unit, as I have every morning for about 2 weeks. I have something called piriformis syndrome. The piriformis muscle is located under the butt muscle, and the sciatic nerve runs alongside it or through it. The syndrome is caused, in my case, by a fall I took off the bottom step of my deck and landed pretty squarely on my tailbone last November. The fall causes the piriformis muscle to spasm, and that squeezes the sciatica nerve, so the pain is making a trip from my lower left back, around my left hip, and down my left thigh. Often I can only walk all bent over. I went to the chiropractor then for about 6 weeks in November and December, and it seemed like it was ok.

I went on the cruise in December and came home really sick. I keep thinking I had COVID-19 back then, because I had a temp for a few days of 102°, a terrible cough, shortness of breath, no runny nose or head cold, just cough and fever…all the symptoms. But it was only the end of December. I went to the dr who told me I just had some kind of viral infection and I had to let it run its course. Yeah, ok. No one had really heard of coronavirus then. But I think I got it on the ship. I would take an antibody test, but they’re $170, no insurance. I felt pretty good a month later, and then in February, my back started acting up again, and has just continued to get worse. I’ve just finished a run of prednisone, which at first helped but toward the end seemed to make no difference, as the pain got worse. It’s difficult to walk from one room to the next, and is made bearable by an almost constant ice pack and the TENS unit. I’m scheduled to start PT on Monday. It’s a weird kind of thing. Does not hurt when I sit, or lay down. But walking or standing are very painful.

I called the dr back yesterday to ask for something for pain relief until I start the PT. He wants to see me again this afternoon. Which means I have to shower, etc, and drive over there.

I have no idea what caused it to act up again. Recently, in the last few days, I’ve read so many articles about all the secondary problems of COVID-19, and wonder if this is not somehow related to the illness I had after the cruise. That maybe it settled in my piriformis muscle after the cough went away. It was about 2 weeks after the cough was gone that this started up again.

I guess a little information can be dangerous, lol. And all this isolation just lets my mind come up with all kinds of theories…I guess I need to stop and just let the dr. do his job. I just hope he can give me something for the pain to get by til I start PT. Dan had some tramadol pills from when he had shoulder surgery and I took one of those, but it did basically nothing. I don’t do well with opiates, like Percoset or Vicadin, they make me nauseous. I actually have a few Percoset from when I had gum surgery, but I haven’t taken them because they make me feel so shitty. I only took one when I had the gum surgery and it made me feel so sick I decided I’d rather have the pain, and just took tylenol.

This getting old thing is not for sissies. I’m so sick of being in pain. My TENS unit uses a 9V battery, and I am on my 3rd one this week. Well, hopefully, the dr will be able to do something for me today.

Dan has been so good to me through this. Making me food, and helping me get around, rubbing my back, just being there for me. It’s so nice to have someone who can actually feel empathetic.

I just saw some stretching exercises online that are supposed to help this particular thing. I’ll try them in a little while.

Dan and I celebrated, as best we could, our 3rd anniversary of being together. We went to our favorite Italian restaurant and got take out, and had a bottle of wine. It was nice. But immediately upon finishing dinner, we realized that my AC was not working. The unit was new when I bought the house 4 years ago. We drove back to Dan’s house to sleep, but I was up early the next morning so I could be home when the service guy came at 9 AM to service it the next morning. It was a clogged drain, which cost me $260 to have fixed, and a new float switch installed. I also took out a service contract with them, to have the unit cleaned and checked out once a year. Good thing for the stimulous check, right?

Things are starting to open up here, though I personally feel it’s too soon. A few restaurants with lots of outside seating will be open today, and a couple who are good friends and musicians got a Friday night gig to play there, outdoors. I’ve been wanting to go, but unless the dr can give me some relief, I’ll be staying home. I also need to see if people are wearing masks and social distancing, because I won’t go if they are not.

I guess that’s enough whining and complaining for one day. Time to try to get in the shower, and go do some meditation. I hope everyone is safe and well. Love and light to all.

Returning To Life, A Little At A Time.

It’s a beautiful morning here in the Tampa Bay area. As I sit here this morning looking outside, I think about all the places that are re-opening in the next few days, most notably the beaches. How I long for the beach. I’ve felt so blessed to live here, a few short miles from some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. Long deep stretches of white sandy beach leading to turquoise water, children playing in the waves, and building sandcastles, the sea birds clustered around the edge of the water, maybe a boat or two on the horizon, maybe sitting in a chaise lounge with a cold drink watching the sunset. My imagination always has an idyllic picture of what it should be.

But I won’t go, even though they are open. It’s just too scary for me. I can wait for a time when at least the virus seems somewhat contained here. But I just saw that in our county, there were 11 new cases yesterday. I can’t help but believe that number will jump with the beaches open.

Not to mention the restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to go out to eat. I mean, actually go out, sit in a restaurant and be waited on. They can only open to 50% capacity, but even that seems too much for me. In Gulfport there are no chain restaurants, save a MickeyD’s and a Dunkin on the main road through town. The rest are all locally owned and operated and give Gulfport it’s well-deserved reputation of being like Key West, without the crowds. But again, I won’t go out to eat for a while. I will see how well the restaurants are handling the social distancing thing. When I do venture out for a meal at a restaurant, I will probably choose one with outdoor seating, which luckily is most of them in this small town.

I understand the restaurants wanting to re-open. Although, many of them here are small, not a lot of seating area, and I’m not sure they can pay their bills with 50% capacity. Especially having been locked down during the height of tourist season when they make the money they need to get through the long hot summers here. This town though has an older population, as does most of Florida, and I haven’t heard one of my friends say that they think it’s safe.

We’ve all noticed, I’m sure, how many people there are who require immediate gratification of their desires. Enough that they go stand on government building steps shoulder to shoulder with no masks as if they are rebelling against the virus. And repeatedly a couple of weeks later, we hear about one or more of the people who were there getting COVID-19, and dying from it. That these people would rant and rave over waiting for a couple more weeks is mind-bending to me. To confuse the quarantine with a government wanting power and control over our every move is ridiculous, and sad, that so many people can’t just get with the program until the threat is gone.

I hate being cloistered from my friends too. In fact, about once a week a few girls come over and I set us up in the back yard, with chairs and tables, which I thoroughly sanitize with bleach first. They bring their own drinks, and food and the chairs are at least 6’ apart. And for a couple hours, once a week, we have our normal lives back.

Tonight one of my musician friends is going to have an hourlong “concert” in his corner yard. He and a few others are going to play their music, properly distanced. He said bring a chair, and sit and listen, of course again, 6’ from each other. Dan and I will go. We’ll wear our masks. We’ll stay away from other people. If it gets too crowded to do that we’ll leave.  But we’re looking forward to it, for sure.

I guess the thing we’re trying to do, meaning me and my friends, is figure out a way to live somewhat normally and still follow the rules, and stay safe. We managed to pull it off last weekend with a parade by our friend’s house for his birthday, and we got out of our cars, masks on, and talked to our friends from at least 6’ away. It was so lovely, to have just that half-hour of normalcy.

So, while I am not relaxing my adherence to the social distancing restrictions, I am, we are, finding ways to have our lives and adhere to these restrictions. Someday we’ll hug each other again, and eat at a restaurant playing live music, and ditch the masks. But not today, nor Monday when most restaurants open around here. I will be happy to spend my stimulus money at these places, but not quite yet. But we will get take out and bring it home. Our favorite restaurant in town was giving away free meals to seniors when the lockdown first began. So we’re planning to get take out from them next week, as the first place we’ll go. This restaurant not only won a “Best Of” award this year, and the food and service there are impeccable, but they try hard to support everyone during this time.

We’re so lucky here in Florida. The social distancing thing is so hard in places where it’s still too chilly to be outside much. I am blessed to be here, where it’s easy. I hope as the weather improves for my northern friends, they too can find a way to return to normal somewhat, restrictions still in place, but still somehow connecting in ways that are familiar to us all.

Wishing love and light to all, stay safe, stay healthy.

A Little Parade to Brighten the Day

Today was one of the best days since quarantine began.

One of my friends put today as his birthday on FB. It’s not really til August but he didn’t want people to know when it really was. Another of my friends called me and suggested we ask everyone we knew to meet at the library at 3 PM and we’d form a caravan and drive past his house honking and making noise. So Dan and I decided to put a gong in the bed of the pick-up truck and bring one of the drums. We all met in the library parking lot as instructed, and formed a line of about 15 cars and a few bicycles and drove the two blocks to where he lives with his wife, who is my BFF down here.

It was sooooo much fun. We got to see a whole lot of our tribe, whom we hadn’t seen in a couple of months, obviously. We did our best to maintain proper social distancing, don’t worry! But we had a ball, talking, and walking (after we parked the car), dancing to the music coming from one of the people’s cars. I think it was John Prine, which was nice, and appropriate. The guy whose unbirthday it was loves John Prine, as does everyone in this town I think, since he used to live here.

Some people were suggesting that we drive around town banging the gong. We talked about having driveby sound healings. It might be fun! Anyway, the whole thing lasted about an hour, and I think the unbirthday boy and my BFF are coming over Friday night for a log in the firepit and some drinks and snacks. Maybe dessert.

Was really nice to get out, and feel normal, and talk to many of our friends that we were used to seeing once or twice a week. And to top it off, I have all the windows open and it’s just a perfect Florida night. Time to go to bed

Love and light everyone. Stay safe and stay well.

Another Day

I was awakened by a quite loud thunderstorm this morning quite early, about 5:45. Then another, then another. There is a horizontal front over us, and it looks like we will get these storms throughout the day. The front wasn’t really predicted to get this far south. But actually, it’s a good thing. It’s been terribly dry here, we really need the rain. And I like thunderstorms anyway.

As usual, I’m sipping my coffee on this very dark, rainy morning,trying to figure out how to stay busy and not lose more of my mind. I do have a project though. The senior center in town has been calling all 4000 of its members to check on them since quarantine began. They were asking for volunteers to get a list of about 25 of them to call bi-weekly. So I volunteered. I have a list I will start calling today. Not looking for accolades. Just saying that doing something helpful makes me feel better than not. So that’s a good thing. I couldn’t make masks. I don’t have a sewing machine. My fingers are too arthritic to do them manually. I’m thinking of baking some banana bread and taking it somewhere to thank “essential” workers. We don’t have a hospital here in town, I don’t think we even have urgent care. IDK. I like to bake but don’t want to eat it all. Though Daniel might have different ideas about giving it away.

Last night you know, if you read my last blog, I couldn’t find anything to watch on TV. It’s my normal way of spending the last few hours of the day. But anyway, I did go play the gong for about 15 min. And my singing bowls. It really did help to calm me.

I got kinda freaked out by our president (a common occurrence with him) who was advocating something that we all know would kill people. No normal sane person would even suggest such a thing. I can see a thought like that enter someone’s mind and get thrown out immediately. Kind of one of those irrational thoughts that we would never even say, but you might think, “Wow, I wish I could disinfect my insides as easily as my outsides.” or something. But to actually give voice to that thought? I mean WHO DOES THAT?? A lunatic. A man with a very tenuous hold on reality. It’s too bad they didn’t take him out when they had the chance with the impeachment trial. Thanks, Mitch. And the rest of the gutless Republicans. How they can back a man who thinks like this is way beyond most people’s comprehension.

Thank God for the gongs, the bowls, the drums, and my sweet little insulated life in my little bungalow. I went to sleep for 8 hours. It was wonderful.

Since I can’t go for a walk, I am going to go find chair yoga on YouTube. I have had bad back problems for the last couple of months, and it really helps. I hate to go to the dr. They just started seeing patients again and I feel like their office is pretty safe. But I think they would want to send me for an MRI, and I really don’t want to go to the radiology place unless the pain gets unbearable. I stopped the chiropractor because I’m not sure of his competence at fixing this. It does seem to help the pain, but I don’t want to have to go twice a week forever, which is what it feels like I’d have to do. My method of icepacks, TENS unit, walking and chair yoga seems to do as much good as seeing him. I just have to do it consistently.

It’s time to get my day underway. Chair yoga here I come. Love and light to all. Stay safe and well.

Yikes! Every Day A Little More Insanity

OMG, this is getting so boring. It’s nighttime. Too early to go to bed, but too late to do anything but watch tv. Or write, apparently.

I don’t get regular cable tv. I do have Hulu, Netflix, Amazon, and YouTube to find something to watch. NONE of it piqued my interest. None. So what I’ll probably do is go to bed and read, because this is just so boring. Maybe I’ll play the gong for awhile. Or the keyboard. But I’m kinda tired, just not tired enough.

Today, Dan and I went to Trader Joe’s. I just wanted some of their coffee. They have really good, really reasonable coffee. We only had one mask, so he went in and I waited in the car for him. Took him less than 10 minutes. Then we went to Sams Club to pick up an order. The instructions were to call them when you get there and someone will bring it out to you. OK…we did that. And they said, “Ok, come inside to the pick up desk.” WTF. It said right on the phone screen someone would bring it out. I mean under normal circumstances we wouldn’t have even done the pick up thing. But if you’ve been to Sam’s lately, you have seen the line of people to get in, about 30 or so long, not really social distancing properly….

Aye yi yi. So Dan again went in to get it. With our only mask. We actually have a few masks, but he left his at home, and I have one I keep in my car, and another at my house, and one at his house.

I read that the Donald wants doctors to see if they can’t inject people with household disinfectants. And asked Dr. Birx to see if there isn’t some light therapy that might work. What a genius we have for a president. My God. It’s like a really bad futuristic movie. Meanwhile, people are going broke, going hungry, losing their ever-lovin’ minds. I fail to have even the slightest comprehension of what some people are thinking. A rally in Staten Island to protest the quarantine restrictions. A sign said, “End the lockdown rally. No mask needed. Bring your children. If you’re sick, still come. It’s your right.”

Yep, it said BRING YOUR CHILDREN. I have no words.

So now I’m home, can’t find anything that seems worth watching on tv. Going to bed, going to read for awhile. Going to try to forget about how much crazier this country has gotten, and led by the craziest of the crazy. It’s beyond the pale of imagination. Who would have ever thought? Yikes.

Good night folks. Love and light. Try to stay sane

Rolling Days

The days roll into one. There is a rhythm to them. Rise, have coffee and check the news. Do a meditation then go for a walk. Do some chair yoga. After lunch go out onto the deck, and read, or write. Fall asleep in the chair.

Maybe Dan will come and vary the day some. Maybe I’ll go to Dan’s and vary the day some. I keep a running list for the grocery store. So sometimes we take a run over when we’re at Dan’s, and put on our masks and latex gloves. We are lucky we have N95 masks, because he ordered them 4-6 weeks ago, before we were aware of the shortages. But we don’t have many. We have given them to his mom, and brother, and a good friend. We keep a couple at my house, the 5 or 6 that are left we keep at his house. He wants to send a couple, 2 or 3, to my friend who works in the state psychiatric hospital in CT. She gets one surgical mask a week. The get one N95 mask, which she keeps in her locker and only wears when she needs to. Now, she deals with psychiatric patients, not sick patients. But she’s had patients on her floor come down with it. They move the 10 or 14 (I can’t remember what she told me) COVID-19 patients to an isolated room on another floor. But still….It’s scary.

So what to write about? The weather? Yesterday and Sunday we had some crazy t-storms, and we needed the rain. We need more, lots more. 15 minutes, even a half hour, of a downpour, doesn’t make up for 2 months of no rain at all. Today was magnificent. Warm, dry, a breeze. It couldn’t have been better.

So, there’s not much to say. Today was the same as yesterday, mostly. And tomorrow. I’m working on some writing projects, but they are long term. I may post some of them here, haven’t decided yet. But the important thing is that we are well, and safe, and staying out of trouble. Life is crazy for us all.

Love and light to everyone. Stay safe and healthy.

Sit With Me and Listen to the Wind

Heavy Wind

A heavy wind is blowing in
From across the Gulf
Blowing past the barrier beaches
Flying across the bay

And up the street
Into my back yard.
The live oaks sway back and forth
The palm fronds bend as the breeze builds
The peace lilies dance in their clay pots
Their white flowers on the cusp of blooming

It’s a weighted wind
Carrying the moisture from the turquoise gulf
Laden with the fears and sorrows and prayers of so many
Across the land.
Blowing past the deserted beaches,
Streets and avenues, once full of life
Now standing empty

Silence surrounds us
Don’t want to watch the news
Don’t want to read it either
Nothing but bad news in the news.

How many more today?
I can’t listen to the answer.
When it’s over,
I’ll weep for everyone
Those who are gone
And those left behind

But today,
I’ll take the silence
I’ll listen to the wind talking as it flies by
Speaking of change coming
For all of us

I’ll sit in stillness
Asking no questions
Staying in the moment
where safety and peace
Sit with me.

 

By Deborah E. Dayen

 

Searching for Happiness

What things make me happy today? Hmmm.

I’m not sure anything is making me happy on this our 4th, or is it only the 3rd, week of quarantine. I’ve lost track. I started before it was ordered because my immune system is somewhat compromised. So I’m thinking it’s my 4th week, maybe just starting. Who cares?

It’s been too long, but it’s necessary. I keep wanting to run to the store for things, and then, think better of it. This is the worst time, they say. Do without. So I’m snacking on olives, just a few, one of the few things that I have that are not carb-loaded. Kalamata olives, green pimento-stuffed olives, large green olives stuffed with garlic and jalapeno. They’re good, and I’m grateful to have them. In my quest not to become an alcoholic during this time, I am drinking a diet ginger ale.

My, life is boring. Or, my life is boring. Either way I punctuate it, it is a true statement.

A friend texted me a couple of days ago and asked me if we could do a virtual sound healing. So, I’m looking into it. It’s possible. I bought a tripod for my phone. And think I may get a decent microphone too. We would hold it either on my tiny deck or in my back yard. Sans an audience. Although…..honestly, I may have a few people show up. It won’t be until May, so maybe we can, by then, have a few people over if we continue to social distance. I guess that the thought of doing a sound healing makes me a little bit happy. Not as happy as if the beach were to be re-opened. But that’s unlikely.

I am happy that my peace lilies have got new flowers coming up. I’ve thinned them back and fertilized them. I have also been tending to my herb garden and some big plants in my front yard. I’ve begun to learn how pleasurable it is to watch things grow and to take care of them, and see them thrive.

I am happy with the weather here. It’s 84° with a very balmy tropical breeze blowing as I sit here on the deck. There are large puffy clouds floating across the blue sky. I am very happy that I have an outdoor space here. A place to look at my healthy plants, watch the geckos race up and down and across the deck rails, as well as up and down the banyan tree roots. And squirrels, running along the tops of the fences. A place where I can sit, and contemplate the trees. Large live oaks, their branches reaching horizontally across the yard and rooftops. The palm trees gently waving above me. I can hear the birds singing. Once in awhile I hear neighbors talking, even though it’s not often, it does somehow bring me back to a semblance of what life was like before.

Before……boy, that word in this context sure conjures up some visuals, and many many thoughts of what was before, and how we took it for granted.

It seems like the first couple of weeks were not hard. Novel, like the virus, new to us. We all talked to each other on the phone, our tribe, musician friends of mine were posting mini-shows of singing for us all. Restaurants in town that were trying to stay open were giving away food, really good food, just trying to lift our spirits. Then John Prine died from the virus. He owned a home here, a block from the beach. Most of the musicians in town who have been here a long time knew him. I guess once in awhile he used to show up at the open mics when he was hanging out here. So since the news that he was in the hospital, any videos put up have been of my friends singing his songs. I am almost ashamed to admit I didn’t know anything about him until I moved here. Nominated for 11 Grammy’s, winning two. A wonderful musician and songwriter. Very sad he was taken by the virus.

But back to the first couple weeks being not so hard. Enjoyable, really. And, I have to admit, it’s not hard. I feel for people in the cities, who live on top of one another, and there’s nowhere to go except to stay in their apartments. I am beginning to really miss going out for a glass of wine, to see my friends play, or going over to each other’s houses. Going out for a pizza, or fish tacos, or going to the beach for a couple hours, just to hear the waves lap the shore. I’ve been trying to walk every day. I walk a few blocks to a place called the Tangerine Greenway. It’s just some green space in town, about a half-mile in length, with a walking path running through it, and some wetlands that have egret, ibis and sometimes heron in it, when it’s wet. Which it’s not because we haven’t had rain since the beginning of February. The weather wizards say we are in for thunderstorms next week, every day. I suppose it will be welcome, and it won’t rain all day anyway. It rarely does that here. The sun will be out between the dark clouds.

My back has been giving me a lot of trouble lately, and I like to walk on the greenway because there are benches along the walking path, so I can sit down and stretch it back out. Yesterday and today it was really hurting me, so today before I went I put it on ice, and then hooked up my TENS unit and walked with that on. It is remarkably better now, so I’m glad I did it. I intend to keep using the TENS until I have no more pain. So there’s another thing I’m happy about, that my back is feeling much better.

I’m happy for the people who are in my life. I had 2 of my neighbors, a married couple, and my BFF here on Tuesday. I put all 4 of my deck chairs and the table on the ground out back (after completely sanitizing everything) so we could maintain our social distancing. They all brought their own drinks and food, and we just sat and talked from 6 to 8 feet apart for the afternoon. We are going to try to do it once a week, it kind of helps remind us of our real lives which we will someday return to.

I keep reading memes that say, normal is not where we want to go back to. Normal wasn’t working. Collectively, I guess that’s true. But I am inclined to feel like my own life was working ok. It could use a little tweaking, but I have a happy, retired life here, and I’d really like to get back to it. Chair yoga, sound baths on the beach, hanging out with friends while other friends entertain us. We who don’t perform are the “clappers” and we endeavor to do it well!

I hope all of you are doing your best to thrive during this strange and difficult time. Love and light to all of you.

Working It Out, From the Doldrums to Gratitude

It’s a beautiful day here in the Tampa Bay area. One of the many things I have to be grateful for: the blue blue sky, the palm trees swaying gently, the early morning light casting long shadows, the warmth of the sun. I feel very blessed to have landed here, and never more than right now when we are all sequestered in our homes.

I woke up this morning, not in a good mood. I knew I should be grateful for many things, but that deep feeling of gratitude wasn’t bubbling into my consciousness this morning. My back which has bothered me for months now, was particularly achy when I got up. I stopped going to the chiropractor because I am just uncomfortable being in their office, even if I wear a mask and gloves. Like many people during this lockdown, instead of losing weight, I gained a pound. That alone is enough to piss me off. But truth be told, I am definitely not getting enough exercise. As I walked into the kitchen to make coffee, I thought “another boring day. What can I do today that might pull me out of these doldrums I am in.”

Let me say, that doldrums is not a place I’m familiar with. I was alone this morning, Dan will be over later, I’m pretty sure. And I really have never minded being alone too much. I think it’s probably a good thing for us that he is not here, because my initial mood this morning was selfish, and self-centered, feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But I went ahead, made my coffee, took my insulin, made myself a small bowl of fruit as I do every morning, and pulled an ice pack out of the freezer. I sat at my kitchen table next to my open windows, and within minutes my back felt better. I perused the news on Apple News on my phone, and the lead story was from the Washington Post (I was happy I could read it) about how New York’s statistics are providing some hope, even if our nation had it’s worst day ever. We were told this week and next would be the worst of it, but they are saying that the numbers may not be as bad as we were initially told, and as Gov. Cuomo said, “It’s not an act of God we are looking at, it’s an act of what society actually does.”

This is not to say that perhaps it’s an act of God that we are mostly doing what we need to, to curb this vicious virus. But that’s another discussion, and for the purposes of this blog, I’ll go along with Cuomo’s assessment. We are, collectively, doing what we need to do to stop the spread of this thing, but also, to survive it. Is there a choice here? Not for most of us.

I’m gonna guess that I’m not the only person who is sick of this isolation. And truth be told, I’m not that isolated. Two of my best friends live a few houses down from me, and when I go for a walk in the morning I often see them sitting outside, and stop and talk. I have Dan with me often, and what a blessing it is to have even one person with whom I can be close, with whom the social distancing thing is not necessary. I heard from my friend Linda in CT last night, my gong mentor. She and her husband taught me, by osmosis, everything I know about sound healing. I say, by osmosis, because they never tried to teach me, but performed sound healing/gong baths twice a month for years and I rarely missed any of them. I also heard from a fairly new friend who loves our sound healing at the beach and asked me if we could do a virtual one. Another friend called me last night just to check on me, and another texted me to remind me to go out and look at the full moon.

So, my isolation is not so bad, is it?

Writing this has brought me back to gratitude, and the feeling now rises in me from the depths at which I buried it.  Being able to feel gratitude leads to so much more inner peace with all of this. I hope and pray that when this is over, there is a new normal across the globe. One that understands the connection we all have to each other, one that takes us away from so much materialism to an appreciation of all we have. I hope that the good effects on the earth of industrialized nations having to shut down temporarily will translate into our caring for the earth better, and more lovingly. That our steps upon the earth are gentle and loving, no longer displaying careless and calculated disregard for our planet.

I hope that all my readers are safe, and well. Sending love and light to all.