I struggled yesterday wanting to contact him. I almost sent him some music, Silver Spring by Fleetwood Mac, and later, Laughing by Crosby Stills and Nash. Both times I typed them and deleted them but came close to sending them. Then late last night I almost sent him a short message, “Are you bored with her yet?” But realized that would open the door to him, and lead him to thinking I wanted him back, and I don’t. I’m not used to him being gone yet, but there’s no way back to where we were. So there’s no point in engaging. Instead I sent a good night message to A, and got back, “Good night sweetie.” What a difference in men. One hell bent to destroy me, one heaven sent to make me happy.
Today I have a chance to begin again. Today I have another chance to put him in the past. I loved and lost, but I gained a better sense of who I am, and what I want, and deserve. A better sense that I am worthy of love and belonging, not some dysfunctional relationship.
I have a meet and greet date today with the man I’ve been talking to all week. We both seem to be excited about it. Maybe today is the day. Going to Sam’s Club with my son to stock up the house. Going to Home Depot at some point this week to get the stuff I need to get my deck painted/stained. Have to upload my pics of the wedding and get them off to family. Oh, and clean the house, lol.
I have to get a lot more of my book for my spiritual book club read, since we meet on Tuesday! I have been engrossed with Brene Brown’s Rising Strong, which has helped me to stand back up after S. The book for book club seems good too, It’s Awaken the Spirit Within by Rebecca Rosen. So far I like it. She’s a spiritual psychic, and has a great perspective.
So my weekend will be busy and productive. I will keep my crown on, and remember that I am worthy. My rejection by a man who is so dysfunctional is no reflection on me, but on him. I have taken his crown back, and will hold it in safe-keeping for a man who deserves to be my partner.