What Makes Life Happy?

Today I saw this meme on FB. From Writers Write. It describes me of late.

editing

Sometimes it’s a paragraph. Sometimes it’s a poem. Sometimes it’s a whole blog. But I find myself writing, editing, over and over, and then once I have fixed it as much as possible, deciding it’s a bunch of drivel, and deleting it.  Or saving it to “Unpublished stuff.”

So is that writer’s block? I don’t know. Really.

I used to just sit down here, and write about whatever was on my mind, as a way to find out what was on my mind, and look at it, and observe it. Doing that is a good thing, but not always something that should be published. I found that I got caught up in the drama, either self-created or created by someone else, but caught up in it.

That realization brought me to want to make changes in my writing, at least, in my published writing. But it leaves me trying each day to find a worthwhile subject. A positive thought, an idea which, while perhaps not new to the world, might be an epiphany to me.

The epiphany I’m having this morning is this. That not getting caught up in the drama, that allowing life to unfold at it’s own pace, doesn’t always bring the day to day profound thoughts that I dreamed about writing, once I gave up the day to day drivel. I’m not going to have an epiphany every day. Thank God, I realize. My head would probably explode.

My days are filled with laughter, friends, fun, and a time of reflection. And housework, and errands. It’s a wonderful life, here where the weather forecast for the next 10 days is sunny, and 82. It doesn’t make exciting reading, and it’s repetitive, but I’m so lucky to have it.

I had 3 friends over for an Easter dinner yesterday, 3 friends who would otherwise have been home alone. Which, actually, would not have been a problem for any of us. But instead we got together, they are all in my loosely formed “writers group”. We discussed writing, spirituality, lessons learned, and somehow interspersed those discussions with laughter, the kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt, and tears roll down your face.

Tomorrow I’m going to my sister and brother-in-law’s over on the island til Thursday morning. Before tourist season, which hits my sister hard with revolving company, I was going over about once every 2 weeks. I’ve only spent one night there, the one I was with my son, in the last 2 months. Things are settling back down now, company is not so fast and furious for her, and I think we need some sister time.

This week I will be going to a play that a friend is in, and Sunday doing a fundraiser for the Veterans Art Center. And of course, open mic night.

These are the small things that I do, that make a nice life. There is nothing profound in any of it, but perhaps the joy I get from a well-lived life. It was not always that way. You know the saying “The best revenge is a well-lived life.” I don’t think it’s revenge. I think it’s just evolution maybe, that collectively takes most of our lives to arrive at.  At least, it has for me.  To be able let go of old hurts, and to let go of worry over outcomes, to find our passion, to spend time with people we love and enjoy, and put it all together in a place where we just want to be.  Doing the “living in the present moment” thing.

I know I’m blessed. I am so grateful that I’ve arrived where I am in time to spend some years of my life just being happy. I want to share it, and maybe help others find their way to it, if that’s possible. At least, to show that it is possible to just be happy most of the time.

My friends yesterday said to me, “Remember in high school where there was one person’s house that you always hung out at? Whose mother was the cool mother? This is that place for us, your house.” Is that not a cool thing to have someone say to you? Especially, these people who are collectively some serious creative genius. One is in a play at the community theater this week, and sings regularly at open mic night.  One is a sculptor and she’s making me a sculpture of Quanyin, the Goddess of Compassion for the alter I’m creating, and she’s also an writer who just wrote a one-act play which was entered in a competition, not to mention she is an actor and a teacher of acting.  One is a professional singer, who has encouraged 2 people I know well to get up and sing at open mic night, and she writes very deep poetry.  I am happy, and so grateful, to have a place that nurtures these friendships, and creativity.

I guess this blog is all about reflection, and understanding what makes life happy for me.

Love and light, everyone.

Observation and Evolution

evolution (1)

In present moments
It all passes by
Without attachment
Like a story
A fable
With some lesson
Obscure
or
Blatant.

Sitting alone
Observing
What went before
What is right now
Wondering, idly
What will come.

Everything that happened
In our lives
Brings us to where we are.
Which will bring us
To where we will be.

Is the lesson learned?
Has the soul evolved?
Does the lesson need repeating
In order to be learned,
In order to be released
to the next level?

Lay down the defenses
Open the heart
Open the eyes
Open the ears
Let go of attachment to outcome
Breathe.
Allow life.
Allow love.

Always, love.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Image from Learning School via Google Images

Stardust Connection

We-Are-Stardust

It’s another weird late December morning.  It will reach 60° again today, though it looks like the last warm day.  The world is shrouded in fog, and my head too is a little foggy from the late night last night and the wine.  It’s a peaceful kind of foggy though.

No pressure today, no ghosts of the past filling me with longing this morning.  Nor the demons of shame, or guilt, for my part in what happened.  I loved, that’s all.  I loved deeply, intensely, without limit, beyond reason.  I don’t now, I will again. And today, I will let it go at that.

It’s easy to see our flaws when we look backward.  It’s easy to chastise ourselves.  But why?  We are all the same thing, the universe manifesting itself through us.  We are here to evolve, to grow, to learn.  Bitterness will take away the beauty of the lessons we learn.  I choose to hold them dear to my heart, so that as the future unfolds, greater joy will come into it because I didn’t waste the lessons.  I didn’t waste the time.

Like my current favorite teacher Brene Brown says, (and I am paraphrasing), we are hard-wired for struggle, we come into this life that way.  But we are also, from the moment of our conception and for no reason other than we exist, worthy of love and belonging.

I have read  a few blogs this morning about shame, our personal shame, and how excruciating it is.  Let me say, that verbalizing the shame, and not burying it, is the only way through it.  Allow others to feel empathy for us, because empathy is the death of shame.  Iyanla Van Zant says those things that we bury do not die.  They rot and they fester and they will make us sick.

I believe in putting our shameful experiences out there.  I believe in sending the energy to the universe, and that the universe, as a loving parent of us all, will atone, and make right what we did.  I believe that in owning our stories, we gain strength, and perspective, and understanding and compassion.  More importantly, we also make connection possible.

Shame isolates us.  Owning our stories, and letting go of the shame connects us.  To feel isolated, is to feel separate from others.  How can we be separate, when we are all created from the same stardust?   Shame, and isolation is us not believing we are worthy.

We are.  Each and everyone of us.