Tag Archives: Introspection

Horoscopes and Real World Living

Posted on by learning to live like water

Every morning I read my horoscope on http://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com. I used to occasionally read different sites, but this one seems to actually align with what’s going on in my life somewhat. Most of the ones I read, including the one that sends me an email each morning, from the Daily Om, say stuff that really don’t resonate all that much.

I was never really into astrology. I found it interesting, but anecdotal. When I began working with energy in a real way several years ago, I realized that there just might be something to this, to the alignment of the planets and the sun and the moon, and our birth date and time. Also, given my late in life understanding that everything, every single thing, in this world is energy, which can’t be created or destroyed, as well as an understanding that the Universe does not work in a random way, has caused me to at least sit and read and consider what my horoscope is telling me. Plus, I had a relationship with someone who was kind of into astrology, so I paid more attention to it then.

An aside here….every time I type horoscope, I start typing horrorscope. Seems discordant, lol. Maybe I’ll find out why….

Today’s horoscope told me to take care of my finances, because the real world is waiting for debts to be repaid. My debts at this point in my life are small, and I always take care of them. But I think there might be something to the “world waiting for debts to be repaid” thing, on other than a financial level. I think I’ll give it some thought, and see to whom I have a debt of gratitude that has gone unpaid, perhaps even unacknowledged. I try not to let those things slide, but I think it’s worth a 2nd look.

The same site gives me a weekly horoscope. This week it says I may not have the energy levels to deal with all that is happening in my life. Since my basic, everyday life in space and time is relatively stress free, I am thinking it must be talking about a much larger perspective, about what is going on in this world, and no, I don’t have the energy to deal with it, and rationalize it in my own head.

I am on social media less and less, because I feel like it is constantly more of the same. We have a crazy president, who has suddenly found himself in charge of mega-toys and is playing with them dangerously. While he disregards the people of this country, so that he can focus on himself and his own ego building. I can’t stand to keep reading more and more about him. Even though there are things he is trying to do that could adversely affect me in a huge way. I stay in touch, but I can’t focus on it. I read articles from reliable sources, but don’t react with a whole lot of emotion. I don’t have the energy for him.

And lately when I am on FB, I’ve been trying to put stuff up on my Living Like Water page, more than my own.  I’ve neglected that page, which is really just an outgrowth of my own spiritual, emotional journey.  Trying to take care of that now.

Besides, I’m in the “golden years”, right? I shouldn’t have to worry about whether or not I’ve prepared well enough to live through a psychopathic presidency. I’m certainly not going to go out and re-prepare. I’m going to trust that the universe will take me down a path that will bring me where I need to be each day. The psychopath will come and go, and eventually I think, things will return to normal.

As for me, I may try to make sunrise this morning. I’m up very early. I haven’t made sunrise in a long time, but it seems it might be a good thing this morning, to go to the fishing pier, and sit on one of the benches at the end, and just watch the sun come up. It’s another beautiful day here, another chance, another gift. The weekly horoscope that said I didn’t have high energy levels this week suggest that I make “I rest” my mantra. Going to sunrise is maybe a way to rest without laying down. We’ll see if I make it or not. Gotta finish my coffee first, and not stress over it.

I’m seriously rambling this morning. Kind of feeling like all the thoughts in my head have been juggled for a couple of weeks now, and they are falling gently into their place one at a time. I find more and more, that as I let go of trying to direct my life where I want it to go, that the things come to me that bring me happiness. It’s a pretty cool thing.

Love and light to all.

Some Fundamental Truths Introspection

Posted on by learning to live like water

This morning my FB feed was, thankfully, not all about the antics of our tweeter-in-chief. I am so sick of reading about him, even though I think it’s important that we know what he’s been doing because it will affect all our lives. It’s just nice to have a reprieve from it, and especially on a quiet Sunday morning, to be able to sit and watch a couple of cool, human interest and/or funny videos and read some good articles.

One of my favorites today was from the Huffington Post, titled “10 Fundamental Truths That Will Change Your Life.” Just a list, with a short discussion of each, of things like “You’re living the life you created. (#4), Fear is the #1 source of regret. (#5), Live your life in the moment. (#7), Your self-worth must come from within. (#8), and Change is inevitable – Embrace it. (#10). Not to say that #’s 1, 2, 3, 6, and 9 weren’t just as important. These just stood out to me at the moment. Another day, another list, lol.

I have always said I dislike regrets, I dislike wishing my past was different than it was. Instead of regrets I say they were mistakes, lessons to be learned. Lessons that were not coincidental, but were part of my life’s journey to evolve my soul. Some were difficult, some were easy. But with all of them, it was, is, important to learn the lesson and then to Let It Go. As they said in the Huffington Post article, “No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.” Learn the lesson that has presented itself. Then…put it in the past. And live in the moment. The present moment.

Am I safe? Do I have food to eat? Do I know if any of the terrible things I might think are really true? And if I don’t, was/is there any reason to obsess over them? Not meaning to preach here, just kind of relate a journey which took me from an abusive marriage to a new life in a place that I love, and a close relationship with my family, and friends. 10 years ago, I left that marriage. It was the beginning of creating a new life for myself. I accept that I also had an equal hand in creating the old, fearful and sad one that I lived in for so many years. But do I regret that life? No. I learned some of my most important lessons ever there. And, of course, without it would not have my son. Sometimes I reget that it took me so long to learn the lesson, but….it is what it is. I took as long as I needed, and now at the age of almost 66, I see the benefits of the lessons.

I’m so grateful that others have gone before me on this journey and have shared their wisdom. So greatful for the great teachers of these essential wisdoms who have been put in my path, holding a candle or a floodlight, or sometimes just taking me by the hand and guiding me….whichever was needed for me to see, and comprehend.

I guess that if I were to add a #11, it would be, “Every day find something to be grateful for. Even if it’s just your breath.” Gratitude is probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. Even to the point of being grateful for all our hardships, for the lessons we learned from them. Sometimes when I can’t get to sleep, I just start listing in my head all the things I’m grateful for. My son, my family, my friends. The bed that I sleep in, the food in my fridge, the moonlight outside my window, the air that I breathe. I’ve often fallen asleep making that list. It just brings a sense of calm and order, and peace.

Guess I’m doing some introspection this morning, caused by that article. If you want to read the article, here’s the link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/10-fundamental-truths-that-will-change-your-life_us_58dc0459e4b07f61a2bb8ae0?

Love and light, everyone.

Observation and Evolution

Posted on by learning to live like water

evolution (1)

In present moments
It all passes by
Without attachment
Like a story
A fable
With some lesson
Obscure
or
Blatant.

Sitting alone
Observing
What went before
What is right now
Wondering, idly
What will come.

Everything that happened
In our lives
Brings us to where we are.
Which will bring us
To where we will be.

Is the lesson learned?
Has the soul evolved?
Does the lesson need repeating
In order to be learned,
In order to be released
to the next level?

Lay down the defenses
Open the heart
Open the eyes
Open the ears
Let go of attachment to outcome
Breathe.
Allow life.
Allow love.

Always, love.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Image from Learning School via Google Images

Finding a Path

Posted on by learning to live like water

finding a path

Ahhh. End of the weekend. I made dinner for my son and I and am now finishing up my 2nd glass of wine with some dark dak chocolate. 88% cacao. Mmmmmmm It’s really good with red wine.

I’ve been a little introspective today. Thinking about love and forgiveness, hate and anger. I guess I’ve never been good at holding a grudge. Especially since my divorce. At some point I read somewhere that “holding on to hate and anger is like taking poison and thinking the other guy is gonna die.”

It just resonated with me so much. I was so angry at what my ex had done, was doing. Trying to make sure I was penniless, trying to drive a wedge between my son and I. The bullshit that came out of his mouth, at court, just enraged me. And because I couldn’t say or do anything about any of it, it was just eating away at me. It’s awful to wake up every day angry, upset, frustrated, and with a visceral hate for someone.

That was when the spiritual journey began…back in those days. I wanted to find a way through this process that would allow me to still have a life I loved. The universe put the people in my path that I needed. One at a time, it opened up. I learned to meditate, which I still say was the most valuable thing I’ve ever learned to do. I was brought by fate to the gong baths. I somehow was introduced to wonderful teachers, who wrote wonderful books. Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh, Byron Katie, Liz Gilbert, and, last but not least, Marianne Williamson and A Course in Miracles.

A Course in Miracles teaches a way to extend love. Period. Fear projects, Love extends. I wanted to find out how to feel, and live unconditional love. Because I didn’t want to feel the opposite.

One of the most important things I learned about unconditional love is, you can’t pick and choose who you love, if that’s what you profess to feel and practice. And in fact, often those people you feel least deserve your love are the ones who need it the most.

Another thing I learned, and this is a recent lesson, that came from the last 6 months of my life, was that the love has to first be turned inward on yourself. You have to take care of yourself, you have to give yourself a break for the things we do that are out of alignment with who we want to be. Because we are all human, we all do them. But I learned long ago, with my son and my divorce that forgiveness of ourselves is the hardest thing to do. I never learned to love myself, to consider what I wanted and what made me happy before I considered the happiness of others. I love Maya Angelou’s quote on this: “I don’t trust someone who says “I love you” but does not love themselves. Beware the naked man selling you a shirt.”

A psychic made me understand this concept in a personal way. She had my dad’s spirit there, and he told her that we never thought about what we wanted growing up, just what had to be done, what was expected of us. I agreed with her, and him, that was true. So, since that happened, I have considered myself, who I want to be, what values I have for myself. She told me to turn the energy of caring on myself. To do reiki on myself, especially my solar plexus, where we hold our emotions, and my sacral chakra, where we hold our creativity.

Writing is my creative outlet. Making jewelry also. Writing helps me to work things out. Making jewelry is good for those times when I’ve been thinking too much, too obsessively about something. It uses another part of my brain. I think the two compliment each other.

So anyway, in a broad sense, I am able to forgive, eventually, most things that have been done to me that were wrong, hard, hurtful. I took my ex cookies and Christmas soup (his mother’s recipe) this Christmas. I’ve called him to check on him. I’ve done similar with others who have hurt me. I guess I have to think that everyone does the best they can with where their consciousness is at the time. I know I have done things and behaved in ways I’m not proud of, because of where my consciousness was at the time.

I said in a blog not more than a few days ago, forgiveness comes with understanding. I believe that is true. I don’t think it means that what was done was ok, that those people can be in your life, but you can let go of the pain and anger and hurt and hate….and take back your power, and be someone you like.

Feeling the love tonight….

A Little Gong Introspection

Posted on by learning to live like water

 

longing

Just got home from the gongs, it was lovely as usual.  I was fairly relaxed going in, and may have dosed off for a bit.  Hard to believe with all that sound going on, but it happens.   Not sure if I was sleeping or just somewhere else.

Texted with the new guy a lot today.  There have been no moments, yet, of wondering   “why did he say that?”  Won’t  know if there’s any connection til Saturday.  I’d like to talk to him on the phone, I may tell him that tomorrow.  Idk.  I hope I’m not too outside the box for him, lol.

I was driving home tonight and kept thinking about the weekends I spent with Scott before Betty showed up again in his life.  Sometimes I just don’t understand why he was so quick to give it up.  Even if he wouldn’t let me go, he gave up that time together.  We’d make love before we slept, and when we woke up, then go out on some excursion, and then usually take a nap before I drove home, usually late in the day, and make love once more.  It was sweet, and easy.  Seems like it might have been worth a second thought?  Well, apparently not.   I hope I can find that again with someone.

Gongs make me introspective, help me put things in perspective in my life.  I wasn’t longing for Scott, I was just missing that closeness, with someone. I know who he is.  Maybe I’m longing for the guy he was, then.  I don’t know.  But that guy disappeared, and hasn’t been around for a long long time.

Well, off to bed. love and light.

 

Fog

Posted on by learning to live like water

Shrouded by the fog

Tears stuck in my throat,

Unwilling to make themselves known to the world.

Embarrassed to be seen

Because the reasons lay behind them, not in front of them.

Sleep is such a welcome guest

But even sleep asks,

Who are you?

Should I be here?

Solitude,

making me look inward

and see what others see.

Necessary.

Chaotic.

Like the head of Methusala

With a thousand tendrils pointing in different directions

Each one squirming to be heard, to be seen,

Which is real, which is not?

The fog narrows the world

To my small circle of vision.

I lean back, and dream

The path appears,

there, in the corner of my eye.

But I have to walk it alone, I fear.

Fear.

Paying the price.

Loss comes to me with the fog.

Suddenly all the tendrils lay together,

And weep.

The Party’s Over, It’s Back to Work Tomorrow

Posted on by learning to live like water

This was me for 4 days.  NOT!!

I had the bandage removed from my hand this morning.  I still am amazed at how little pain I have had. Much less than the carpal tunnel gave me.  I still have a bandage, that has to stay clean and dry for a couple weeks, has to be wrapped up when I shower.  But I have much more use of my hand, limited only by the amount it hurts when I use it.  I have a little bit of physical therapy in store, to regain full use of my fingers.  But the difference was noticeable immediately.

Funny, I have noticed a flare-up of joint pain in other joints, I’m sure caused by my crazy emotional state last week. So, now I need to focus on my overall health, and on manifesting what I want in my life.  I know what I want, and I intend to focus on gratitude for all I have, for all my experiences, for all the lessons I have been blessed to learn.  And to believe….just to believe, that the universe conspires in my behalf.

These 4 days at home have been so good for me.  This is because I really couldn’t DO anything much.  You know, usually when you are home, you are working working. Cleaning, cooking, doing laundry….etc, etc, etc.    But with my dominant hand in a soft cast, even cooking was a chore, I can’t still use a knife well, I am pretty gimpy with my left hand.  Not being able to get the bandage wet pretty much ruled out heavy cleaning.  Thank God, I figured out how to type, I apparently had a lot to say.  I am so blessed by my family of friends, coming to see me, calling me, checking on me, texting me, putting up funny stuff on FB, taking me to the beach, bringing me freshly picked blueberries.  Re-enforcing my sense of worthiness, of love and belonging.

I go back to work tomorrow.  I will need some help with parts of my job, for a couple of weeks.  I’m feeling kind of a renewed sense of focus.  A clarity, if you will, of where I want to go, how I want to get there, who will be happy to accompany me, and who has chosen a different path.  It’s part of learning to live like water.  Sometimes, the only way back to source is to carve out a new path and let the water (or your spirit) flow.  I wish only love and light to everyone, and a happy life no matter what path anyone chooses.

On that note….love and light.