Observation and Evolution

evolution (1)

In present moments
It all passes by
Without attachment
Like a story
A fable
With some lesson
Obscure
or
Blatant.

Sitting alone
Observing
What went before
What is right now
Wondering, idly
What will come.

Everything that happened
In our lives
Brings us to where we are.
Which will bring us
To where we will be.

Is the lesson learned?
Has the soul evolved?
Does the lesson need repeating
In order to be learned,
In order to be released
to the next level?

Lay down the defenses
Open the heart
Open the eyes
Open the ears
Let go of attachment to outcome
Breathe.
Allow life.
Allow love.

Always, love.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Image from Learning School via Google Images

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Finding a Path

finding a path

Ahhh. End of the weekend. I made dinner for my son and I and am now finishing up my 2nd glass of wine with some dark dak chocolate. 88% cacao. Mmmmmmm It’s really good with red wine.

I’ve been a little introspective today. Thinking about love and forgiveness, hate and anger. I guess I’ve never been good at holding a grudge. Especially since my divorce. At some point I read somewhere that “holding on to hate and anger is like taking poison and thinking the other guy is gonna die.”

It just resonated with me so much. I was so angry at what my ex had done, was doing. Trying to make sure I was penniless, trying to drive a wedge between my son and I. The bullshit that came out of his mouth, at court, just enraged me. And because I couldn’t say or do anything about any of it, it was just eating away at me. It’s awful to wake up every day angry, upset, frustrated, and with a visceral hate for someone.

That was when the spiritual journey began…back in those days. I wanted to find a way through this process that would allow me to still have a life I loved. The universe put the people in my path that I needed. One at a time, it opened up. I learned to meditate, which I still say was the most valuable thing I’ve ever learned to do. I was brought by fate to the gong baths. I somehow was introduced to wonderful teachers, who wrote wonderful books. Eckhart Tolle, Thich Nhat Hanh, Byron Katie, Liz Gilbert, and, last but not least, Marianne Williamson and A Course in Miracles.

A Course in Miracles teaches a way to extend love. Period. Fear projects, Love extends. I wanted to find out how to feel, and live unconditional love. Because I didn’t want to feel the opposite.

One of the most important things I learned about unconditional love is, you can’t pick and choose who you love, if that’s what you profess to feel and practice. And in fact, often those people you feel least deserve your love are the ones who need it the most.

Another thing I learned, and this is a recent lesson, that came from the last 6 months of my life, was that the love has to first be turned inward on yourself. You have to take care of yourself, you have to give yourself a break for the things we do that are out of alignment with who we want to be. Because we are all human, we all do them. But I learned long ago, with my son and my divorce that forgiveness of ourselves is the hardest thing to do. I never learned to love myself, to consider what I wanted and what made me happy before I considered the happiness of others. I love Maya Angelou’s quote on this: “I don’t trust someone who says “I love you” but does not love themselves. Beware the naked man selling you a shirt.”

A psychic made me understand this concept in a personal way. She had my dad’s spirit there, and he told her that we never thought about what we wanted growing up, just what had to be done, what was expected of us. I agreed with her, and him, that was true. So, since that happened, I have considered myself, who I want to be, what values I have for myself. She told me to turn the energy of caring on myself. To do reiki on myself, especially my solar plexus, where we hold our emotions, and my sacral chakra, where we hold our creativity.

Writing is my creative outlet. Making jewelry also. Writing helps me to work things out. Making jewelry is good for those times when I’ve been thinking too much, too obsessively about something. It uses another part of my brain. I think the two compliment each other.

So anyway, in a broad sense, I am able to forgive, eventually, most things that have been done to me that were wrong, hard, hurtful. I took my ex cookies and Christmas soup (his mother’s recipe) this Christmas. I’ve called him to check on him. I’ve done similar with others who have hurt me. I guess I have to think that everyone does the best they can with where their consciousness is at the time. I know I have done things and behaved in ways I’m not proud of, because of where my consciousness was at the time.

I said in a blog not more than a few days ago, forgiveness comes with understanding. I believe that is true. I don’t think it means that what was done was ok, that those people can be in your life, but you can let go of the pain and anger and hurt and hate….and take back your power, and be someone you like.

Feeling the love tonight….

Connection

This is the quest, is it not?  To connect in a heart-felt, whole-hearted, deep way with other people, with other souls.  It is the reason behind almost everything we do.  Brene Brown has her finger on the pulse of this.  So I’m putting up some of the things she has to say about it.

connection

 

conncection energy

Everything is energy, different levels, different vibrations.  I believe the energy of connection is one of the highest levels that we as spiritual beings having a human experience, can achieve.

And finally…..

spiritulity

 

 

A Refresher Course

 

I had a bad week this past week.  Stress over surgery, stress over work, stress over missing more work, over the insurance paying for the surgery…

Man, I did an absolutely awesome job of attracting negative energy to myself. Geezus.

Since I got home yesterday, I have watched TED talks, and documentaries, all of a spiritual nature.  Although all different, they all end up with the same message….all we really need is love.  To love ourselves, especially.  And to be grateful.  To believe that the universe conspires to make our thoughts become things.

Which is where I have fallen down, of late.

When I was going through that long, contentious divorce, and I was broke, and  I had an 18  yr old son with a broken ankle from a bad car accident (2 cars, totaled), lots of hospital bills, no longer got child support, no assistance from his father with the broken ankle bills, and every asset my ex and I had accumulated in our 32  year marriage was in his name, every single one, and he wasn’t sharing….Every day I would write a list of what I was grateful for.  And I would state unequivocally that I knew that my abundance would come to me, that the universe was working on getting it to me in the most efficient way possible, and that I knew  beyond a shadow of a doubt that it just had not manifested yet.

And every time I was really dead broke, some money came from somewhere, from unexpected places, at times utterly blowing my mind.

Tonight, I watched “The Secret”.  I have the book, I get the newsletter but never watched the movie.  It was such a good refresher course.  Thoughts do become things, and I know it, for God’s sake I am living proof.  I own my home, and my son is with me and has turned out to be a great young man, because simply I dreamed about it, and believed it would happen.  I would add, that I never wished ill upon my ex either, because the universe only hears the ill will that you are thinking about, and that would attract it to me.  He, on the other hand, obsessed about ruining me, ruining my relationship with my son.  It was all he thought about for 4 years.  And now…he has ruined himself, he has no relationship with our son.  What he thought about was what he got.

But this last week….I was worry worry worry.  I was sure everything bad that could happen would happen. And it did.  Going to the surgery center yesterday, I was terrified.  My blood pressure, normally about 115/65 was 144/85 or something.  They left me alone for about 10 or 15 minutes as they prepped the OR.  I closed my eyes and forced myself into a deep meditation.  As I calmed, I reassured myself it would all go fine.  I did a little self-reiki.

When they came in to get me, the ball of emotion in my solar plexus was gone, and since then, I have been doing the work, reminding myself over and over again, about love and gratitude, and energy work, and how thoughts become things.

Starting to feel myself again, thankfully.   Remembering to read and think and type the things about which I have passion, which bring me joy.  If you feel good, you will attract good to you. I don’t think the universe can do anything but that.  The law of attraction is a physical law of the universe, applying to everything in it.  Thoughts too.

In the words of Mike Dooley, (www.tut.com, daily Notes from the Universe) “Thoughts become things.  So think the good ones.”