A Few Words on Manifesting Your (and My) Life

Yesterday I spent the afternoon walking around the center of my little town, Gulfport, with my sister and her step-daughter, or as she calls herself, my step-niece. She’s a lovely woman, around 50. She’s had two battles with breast cancer, and a double mastectomy and has fibromyalgia, but her attitude is so positive and upbeat. She is a smart, happy woman.

When I walk around town with someone who has never been here before, I get to see the town through their eyes. Not that I take any of it for granted yet, but I do get used to seeing the building at the end of Beach Blvd, on the water, with a big sign over it, “Gulfport Casino” which is not a casino now, but a dance hall. This town is so “old” Florida. No high-rises, old Florida bungalows, old brick streets in many places. I took them to the marina district, and drove past Clam Bayou, a nature preserve which is on the edge of backwaters of the bay. It’s a great place for kayaking, and fishermen love it. There are some fishing piers built out into the water. I’ve been there, and watched fish leaping out of the water.

My sis and “step-niece” love my little town. It’s such a well-kept secret, and such a creative, liberal enclave here. My sis and I found, in a little store called the Beach Bazaar (which also houses a post office, lol) a bucket of driftwood, perfect for painting signs on. My sis has a wooden sign over her own back door to her deck which says “Scatter Kindness” and I’ve always loved it. So I bought a piece of driftwood, with the intention to paint my own sign on it for my back door, and carried it around town with me.

We were laughing because so many people stopped me on the street and asked me where I got it. My niece said, “Now you know how to meet people, lol. Just carry a piece of driftwood around.” I found out one lady who stopped me was from Fairfield CT, and was staying in Indian Rocks which is another beach community about a half hour away. She really wants to move here though. When she stopped me she said it reminded her of a sign one of her relatives had over their shop in Block Island, which is how we got into the conversation. Block Island was one of my favorite boating destinations. I have had a lot of fun over there.

My niece said it was amazing how quickly I’ve blended in with this community, and become part of it. I’ve been here just 5 months, so I guess she’s right. This morning I was thinking about that, and wondered why it was so easy for me. I think it’s like many things in my life, I just dreamed about it, consistently, imagining it happening. Imagining living in a place like this, in a small but cute house close to the water, in a creative town, meeting and hanging out with fun and very creative people. I did that all the time, as soon as the fact became apparent to me that I could move to a warmer place, near family, and never deal with winter again.

Manifestation. That’s what I did. I dreamed about it, and it manifested. Just like I dreamed about and manifested my son living with me and being free of his father. Just like I dreamed about and manifested my beautiful home in CT. And maybe, I’ve yet to know this for sure, I’ve manifested the kind of man I have wanted to have in my life. Maybe I’ve dreamed about that sufficiently and in enough detail that he’s shown up in my life. I do know if L is not that man, that I will meet him. I’ve got a good feeling about L though. 🙂

So this is the moral of this story, lol. What you think about is what you will manifest in your life. Thoughts are things, and like attracts like. It’s just the law of attraction, a real physical law. It’s what Rhonda Byrne wrote The Secret about. If you wish good things on everyone, and yourself, you will manifest good things for yourself. I truly believe that. You will get what you think about.

It works in reverse, too, which is why there is no neutral position with this law. My ex dreamed about ruining me financially, ruining my relationship with my son, and tried very hard at both of those things. The Universe (or whatever name you have for the greater consciousness) only hears the desire. It doesn’t then make the second step to how you want it for someone else. So….what he did is manifest his own ruin financially. And the ruin of his relationship with our son. It is sad to me, for many reasons, but I’ve discussed that at length in other blogs, and it’s way too much to add to this one. Suffice to say, it would have been nice to get to this point in my life with a life-partner, with someone I’d known since I was 18. But it didn’t happen. So, I am working on manifesting the rest of my life in such a way as it is happy, and rich, and full and loving.

So far so good.

Just remember, in the words of Mike Dooley (www.tut.com) who is a contributor to the book The Secret, “Thoughts become things. So think the good ones!”

Love and light, everyone.

The Keeper of the Secrets

I had a text conversation with S yesterday.  It was not with the intention of getting back together, it was with the intention of not leaving things so ugly.

S is S.  I fell in love with the man I saw last winter, a year ago.  The man who would have me over, we’d talk, eat, listen to music, dance in his living room, watch tv, make love, sleep, spend Sundays as he showed me all the secret beautiful places he knew, while he told me stories. There was always laughter, there was never an argument.

In the spring, he began to withdraw, to want time to himself.  I don’t know if he was afraid he was falling in love, he told me in late winter he was open to whatever developed between us and those two glorious weeks that he gave me will always be some of my best memories.

Then his best friend became really ill, (he was older than S by quite a bit) and died.  With his death it seemed, went S’s joy.  Maybe it was coincidental, that he began to pull away at that exact time.  I just know that’s when it began.  I remember going to his house, and finding him sitting on the couch, bereft.  I just sat with him.  I didn’t know his friend (or anyone else in his life) but I knew there were not too many people he felt close to, and this man had been his friend for 40 years or so.

I would say that’s when the walls went back up.  When he decided that loving someone hurt too  much, and chose to withdraw.

In the conversation with him yesterday, I realized that’s the attraction to her.  She demands nothing of him.  He demands nothing of her.  They don’t talk, there is no deep, loving conversation between them.   I think he can fully justify his real lack of care for her because of what she did. I think their relationship has always been like this, and he says it has, then they have been doing to each other, and paying each other back, for the entire time.  He doesn’t tell her his secrets,and I’m sure she doesn’t either.  I’m not sure what’s between them, at all.  It seemed to me that to be with her, he has to deny who he is.  And I guess he does this in exchange for a silent, literally, partner.

The man I loved would never ever be untrue to who he was.  But I found out yesterday all the secrets he hides from her, including wanting to have sex with me during the week when they are not communicating, including very heavy sexting with me (which I no longer respond to).  She doesn’t play with him during the week as we did. I asked him what the attraction is, because she seems kind of uptight for him.  He said, she doesn’t talk much.

I was not hurt in this conversation.  I realize that the longer it went on, the easier it was to let go.  I don’t even know this man.  I don’t get exchanging a closed mouth for a relationship that leaves you needing to go outside of it to be satisfied.  But I suppose in the same way, he can’t understand wanting a rich close intimate in every way relationship, though we had that for awhile.  I thought he was happy with it.  Until he lost his best friend, and I think decided love hurts too much.

I wouldn’t have hurt him. Ever.  I still love the man I loved.  This new man, I don’t know, and don’t particularly like, though I still see the one I love, buried in there and will never just walk away.  I’ll always be around to talk to him.

I feel like the keeper of his secrets.  I don’t know if I even know them all, but he told me many, quantified that he’d never told anyone else.  I had no judgement of him because of them, they just helped me know him.  I always thought they were the incidents that made him into the man I loved.  He was the sum total of his experiences, and I loved who he was, then.  I remember sitting in his living room, him telling me how bad he was, how could I say I loved him.  I said, “It was all a long time ago.  It made you who you are.  And I see you, I see you completely and I love that person.”

This new guy, who is detached, and self serving, and would get involved with this woman who has no scruples, but doesn’t talk to him, leaving him free to be with whoever he wants during the week…I don’t know him.  He’s not someone I would fall for.  But the one who sat on my deck and we talked about our lives and lessons and philosophy and flirted and bantered back and forth, for hours, I love him, I will always love him.

So when I miss him, I miss the guy I loved.  There’s nothing there for me to miss now, so I can let go.  I have let go.  I will be friends with him, I think he, more than anyone I’ve ever known, needs to have someone consistently love him, but love is a many faceted jewel.  I won’t love him the way I did, but I’ll always love him without judgement, without limit.

I’m going to my niece’s wedding today, and I feel free of that huge burden of rejection, hurt, pain.  I’m not jealous of Betty Boop.  I would NEVER want a relationship like they have. I don’t want the man she has.  My heart is free, two weeks later, to find love again.  I’m happy that I feel this way, especially going to see my family.  I will be able to fully enjoy them, there will be no dark cloud over my head.  I am open, and that’s a huge part of attracting what you want, being open to letting it in.

I’ll be his keeper of secrets.  I’m good with that. I’m still honored to be trusted in that way, and won’t break that trust. (My ability to trust him is another story altogether.)  I’ll always feel tender toward him, because I see him. I’ve always seen him.  That’s probably why he could tell me what he has.  Because, I see him, and love that being in his center, just because he exists.  Even though he’s locked up right now.

A Refresher Course


I had a bad week this past week.  Stress over surgery, stress over work, stress over missing more work, over the insurance paying for the surgery…

Man, I did an absolutely awesome job of attracting negative energy to myself. Geezus.

Since I got home yesterday, I have watched TED talks, and documentaries, all of a spiritual nature.  Although all different, they all end up with the same message….all we really need is love.  To love ourselves, especially.  And to be grateful.  To believe that the universe conspires to make our thoughts become things.

Which is where I have fallen down, of late.

When I was going through that long, contentious divorce, and I was broke, and  I had an 18  yr old son with a broken ankle from a bad car accident (2 cars, totaled), lots of hospital bills, no longer got child support, no assistance from his father with the broken ankle bills, and every asset my ex and I had accumulated in our 32  year marriage was in his name, every single one, and he wasn’t sharing….Every day I would write a list of what I was grateful for.  And I would state unequivocally that I knew that my abundance would come to me, that the universe was working on getting it to me in the most efficient way possible, and that I knew  beyond a shadow of a doubt that it just had not manifested yet.

And every time I was really dead broke, some money came from somewhere, from unexpected places, at times utterly blowing my mind.

Tonight, I watched “The Secret”.  I have the book, I get the newsletter but never watched the movie.  It was such a good refresher course.  Thoughts do become things, and I know it, for God’s sake I am living proof.  I own my home, and my son is with me and has turned out to be a great young man, because simply I dreamed about it, and believed it would happen.  I would add, that I never wished ill upon my ex either, because the universe only hears the ill will that you are thinking about, and that would attract it to me.  He, on the other hand, obsessed about ruining me, ruining my relationship with my son.  It was all he thought about for 4 years.  And now…he has ruined himself, he has no relationship with our son.  What he thought about was what he got.

But this last week….I was worry worry worry.  I was sure everything bad that could happen would happen. And it did.  Going to the surgery center yesterday, I was terrified.  My blood pressure, normally about 115/65 was 144/85 or something.  They left me alone for about 10 or 15 minutes as they prepped the OR.  I closed my eyes and forced myself into a deep meditation.  As I calmed, I reassured myself it would all go fine.  I did a little self-reiki.

When they came in to get me, the ball of emotion in my solar plexus was gone, and since then, I have been doing the work, reminding myself over and over again, about love and gratitude, and energy work, and how thoughts become things.

Starting to feel myself again, thankfully.   Remembering to read and think and type the things about which I have passion, which bring me joy.  If you feel good, you will attract good to you. I don’t think the universe can do anything but that.  The law of attraction is a physical law of the universe, applying to everything in it.  Thoughts too.

In the words of Mike Dooley, (www.tut.com, daily Notes from the Universe) “Thoughts become things.  So think the good ones.”