Maybe Not Expert, But Pretty Darn Good

manifesting expert

I think we are going to cruise to Rome, from Florida! It’s NOT expensive! And my sister and brother-in-law might go with us! For an inside cabin it’s not much more than airfare to Rome. And, it’s 14 days. A week at sea to get across, and then, stops in Portugal, the Azores, and 2 stops in Spain before you get to the port that is an hour and a half from Rome. Then we’d spend about 2 weeks in Italy, and fly home from there.

I’m breathless! 2 weeks at sea??? I’d be in heaven.

It’s kind of amazing how we are actually able to manifest dreams, isn’t it. I’ve always believed that I’d get to Italy. Once I realized that was where I wanted to go, I just knew I’d go. I didn’t know how, or with who, if anyone. But I knew I’d go. My sister had given me the name of tour companies when I moved down here, that have educational tours for older folks like me. She told me there were lots of single women on those trips. I’d hoped I might have a significant other to go with, because hey, if you’re going to go to a place where pleasure is a way of life, a place as sensuous and beautiful as Italy, then I would guess that naturally, most people would want to go with someone they loved.

But, really, I left all the questions up to the Universe. I just said, I’m going to Italy when I retire.

To have a cruise there added in, a 14 days cruise, is seriously over the top.

Thank you, Universe.

Now we will begin to fine tune the trip. What places do we really want to see? And how much will hotel and food be costing us once we are off the ship. And tours. I think we need to at least find local tours for each city, if not a larger one that will take us around the country to the places we want to see.

But it’s beginning to be more than a seed I’ve planted. It’s germinating. It’s sending out roots and beginning to break ground. Wow. Kind of blows me away.

In other news, Dan is thinking of running a gas line from the meter to the back of my house, so we can have a grill by my deck that is plumbed right into natural gas, and wouldn’t need a tank. This morning he mowed my lawn and I did some weeding of the beds in the front of my house. He pruned back my hibiscus. In an old life he had a landscaping business. Lucky for me. We went to open mic night last night, and boy I was fading fast by the end, after being up in the hot tub at 2 am, lol. We have plans to go to a show in town here, put on by one of the guys who performs at open mic night.

Loving my life. Love and light to all.


A Few Words on Manifesting Your (and My) Life

Yesterday I spent the afternoon walking around the center of my little town, Gulfport, with my sister and her step-daughter, or as she calls herself, my step-niece. She’s a lovely woman, around 50. She’s had two battles with breast cancer, and a double mastectomy and has fibromyalgia, but her attitude is so positive and upbeat. She is a smart, happy woman.

When I walk around town with someone who has never been here before, I get to see the town through their eyes. Not that I take any of it for granted yet, but I do get used to seeing the building at the end of Beach Blvd, on the water, with a big sign over it, “Gulfport Casino” which is not a casino now, but a dance hall. This town is so “old” Florida. No high-rises, old Florida bungalows, old brick streets in many places. I took them to the marina district, and drove past Clam Bayou, a nature preserve which is on the edge of backwaters of the bay. It’s a great place for kayaking, and fishermen love it. There are some fishing piers built out into the water. I’ve been there, and watched fish leaping out of the water.

My sis and “step-niece” love my little town. It’s such a well-kept secret, and such a creative, liberal enclave here. My sis and I found, in a little store called the Beach Bazaar (which also houses a post office, lol) a bucket of driftwood, perfect for painting signs on. My sis has a wooden sign over her own back door to her deck which says “Scatter Kindness” and I’ve always loved it. So I bought a piece of driftwood, with the intention to paint my own sign on it for my back door, and carried it around town with me.

We were laughing because so many people stopped me on the street and asked me where I got it. My niece said, “Now you know how to meet people, lol. Just carry a piece of driftwood around.” I found out one lady who stopped me was from Fairfield CT, and was staying in Indian Rocks which is another beach community about a half hour away. She really wants to move here though. When she stopped me she said it reminded her of a sign one of her relatives had over their shop in Block Island, which is how we got into the conversation. Block Island was one of my favorite boating destinations. I have had a lot of fun over there.

My niece said it was amazing how quickly I’ve blended in with this community, and become part of it. I’ve been here just 5 months, so I guess she’s right. This morning I was thinking about that, and wondered why it was so easy for me. I think it’s like many things in my life, I just dreamed about it, consistently, imagining it happening. Imagining living in a place like this, in a small but cute house close to the water, in a creative town, meeting and hanging out with fun and very creative people. I did that all the time, as soon as the fact became apparent to me that I could move to a warmer place, near family, and never deal with winter again.

Manifestation. That’s what I did. I dreamed about it, and it manifested. Just like I dreamed about and manifested my son living with me and being free of his father. Just like I dreamed about and manifested my beautiful home in CT. And maybe, I’ve yet to know this for sure, I’ve manifested the kind of man I have wanted to have in my life. Maybe I’ve dreamed about that sufficiently and in enough detail that he’s shown up in my life. I do know if L is not that man, that I will meet him. I’ve got a good feeling about L though. 🙂

So this is the moral of this story, lol. What you think about is what you will manifest in your life. Thoughts are things, and like attracts like. It’s just the law of attraction, a real physical law. It’s what Rhonda Byrne wrote The Secret about. If you wish good things on everyone, and yourself, you will manifest good things for yourself. I truly believe that. You will get what you think about.

It works in reverse, too, which is why there is no neutral position with this law. My ex dreamed about ruining me financially, ruining my relationship with my son, and tried very hard at both of those things. The Universe (or whatever name you have for the greater consciousness) only hears the desire. It doesn’t then make the second step to how you want it for someone else. So….what he did is manifest his own ruin financially. And the ruin of his relationship with our son. It is sad to me, for many reasons, but I’ve discussed that at length in other blogs, and it’s way too much to add to this one. Suffice to say, it would have been nice to get to this point in my life with a life-partner, with someone I’d known since I was 18. But it didn’t happen. So, I am working on manifesting the rest of my life in such a way as it is happy, and rich, and full and loving.

So far so good.

Just remember, in the words of Mike Dooley ( who is a contributor to the book The Secret, “Thoughts become things. So think the good ones!”

Love and light, everyone.

Some Things Need to End, So Others Can Begin

It’s been a quiet day for me on this blog. I had a bunch of stuff that was unresolved, didn’t want to really blog about it. Stuff that’s been rolling around for a few days, maybe even 2 weeks. Anyway, I’ve been bombarded by some energetic stuff lately, and it was making me a little crazy. So I talked to my good friend who is a medium, and a psychic, and Karuna II Reiki master, Tarot card reader. It’s how she makes a living. I have known her about 8 or 9 years, we are close. This morning, instead of writing, I asked her for a reading on some of the issues I was having. We talked for over an hour, and she refused to charge me.

The rest of the day, I spent sorting out the information I got. It’s very personal, I can’t go into it here, but I’ll just say that I felt relieved and melancholy when we were done. What she said made perfect sense to me. And the overall message was, stay the course. Stay it with my personal life, with my creativity, with the way I am creating my life down here. And also acceptance of what is, and nurturing myself.

She also talked about how it’s the new moon Thursday. I knew it was soon, had lost track of the fact that it is Thursday. Time to set new intentions. Especially this month. January is of course a 1, the first month. The year, 2017, also reduces to a 1. 1’s are new beginnings, time to start new projects, new relationships. So a good part of my day has been spend creating a list of intentions. I told her I was going to write them down.

Speaking of relationships, last night I sent a text to the man I had lunch with yesterday, thanking him for the lunch and the laughs, telling him I had a lot of fun and look forward to doing it again. This morning I got a text from him with his correct phone number. He’d told me he would do that, since the phone he’d been using was not his, his had been being repaired. Then when I got to my sisters, he called me, after asking in a text if he could. So sweet, well mannnered. But funny!!! OMG, we laughed the whole time. We seem to get each other’s sense of humor. Anyway, it was a nice surprise, to have him call.

I got to my sisters about 3:45. We went in the pool which was at 90. It was not real warm today, probably in the low 70’s. But the pool was nice. And we spent a long time in her hot tub with a glass of red wine! LOL. It’s a rough life, lol. I made a pot roast in the crock pot yesterday and brought it with me, so we didn’t have to cook dinner, we just heated it up. It was delicious!!!

So, life is still good. I’m enjoying my sister and brother-in-law, it’s been about 3 weeks maybe since I’ve seen them. Feeling my mother’s presence so much today. Interesting day, and a good one. Many things I need to put to rest, so I can move forward with the new moon. I think I can do it now.

Love and light, all.



Reach for me
You, whose face
I cannot yet see,
Find this place.

I wait, in colorful song
To know the beating of your heart.
Wondering, when I will belong
To the one who will be part

Of a life, long dreamed of
Not made manifest
Love rises above
Stories professed

Now, tell me a new one
When your path crosses mine
The story’s begun
It’s transcended time.

Sleep and Trust

sleep and trust

For years I was such a bad sleeper. I guess that’s normal, living with a sociopath whose purpose in life was to create chaos in yours, and your sons. Never knowing what you might wake up to. Wondering if the earth would tilt on its axis by morning. I took over the counter sleep aids for years on end. Never went to bed without some sort of help, and often, they didn’t help. I’ve taken 4 Tylenol PM and not gone to sleep.

I often wonder if I did any damage to my body all those years. I figure not sleeping probably would have done more.

Since I moved out of that house, it’s been rare that I take anything. It took some time to wean myself off of the fear of not sleeping. I wasn’t physically addicted to the sleep aids, but I had a lot of fear of not sleeping at all, and having to go to work and be functional the next day. Now, I know if I don’t sleep one night, I will sleep the next. So I don’t generally take them.

Last summer though, when the carpal tunnel was really bad, I got prescription Ambien which helped me to sleep through some of the pain. That particular ailment gives you the most pain when you are sleeping. I’d have to get up multiple times during the night to run my hand under warm water, to relieve the throbbing. The Ambien got it down to just once usually.

As soon as I was through the surgery and the carpal tunnel was no longer an issue, I found out about Betty Boop. Which sent me into another tailspin, in which heartbreak combines with trust issues, mostly, not trusting myself. After all, there were myriad flags flying, and I chose to believe the obvious lies I was being told, and not to see the truth that had been slapping me in the face all summer trying to wake me up.

If you follow my blog, you know that relationship did not end there. You know that he tried to keep me in the periphery of his life, that he could not let me go, even though he’d chosen her. He continued to break my heart on a regular basis until really, about 6 weeks ago, when he asked to come see me after leaving me about a dozen voice mails and I finally talked to him and said, no. No, we aren’t going there again.

I reclaimed myself.

I have not talked to him since. I had some short communications with Betty Boop, but then blocked her so I won’t even see another email from her. She made up a lie, for her own benefit, telling him I’d done something I had not done. It wasn’t a big thing, but it just doesn’t sit well with me. She and he are welcome to play all the games they want, and feed each other the lies they need to hear, but leave me out of it. I’m not angry, I just can’t get drawn into that childish adolescent stuff again.

I realized last night that when I called him and left a voice mail just telling him that it was a lie, I’d unblocked him, and had not reblocked him. I reblocked him again last night. Again, not because I’m angry. Not because I have any bad feelings at all for him. But because I am moving on, I don’t want to be part of that little drama any longer. He loves the triangulation. He’ll have to find another 3rd leg to make her jealous with.

The point is….after I did it, I slept a solid 7 hours. I’ve done that a lot lately. Even with all the agita over the hot water heater, and trying to find a mover, and trying to train 2 people at work, I’ve been able to sleep. Because none of it is emotional. None of it makes me question who I am. I’m beginning to trust myself again.

Today I woke refreshed from a good night’s sleep. There is a very gentle rain falling outside, so I can’t sit out there, but I opened the slider to my deck to let the fresh air in, and listen to the peace of it. The stillness.

I am beginning to absorb, assimilate, that my dream of moving to Florida and retiring is manifesting. I guess there is always a ying yang with it, and the yang to that ying is that my son won’t be with me any longer. I know it’s time for him to fly on his own, I know he will love Colorado. I know it’s an adventure for him. I know I’ll still talk to him every day, and that our bond can never be broken.

But God, I will miss his chaotic energy in my life, his youthful exuberance, the plethora of friends and young people constantly running through my house.

I’ll get through it. I’m trying to just look forward to driving cross country with him. That will be a wonderful way to say goodbye to our old life.

I’ll keep the Ambien by my bed, for those few nights when it’s hard.

The rest of the time, I’ll just sleep. I’ll have my life back, completely. There will be no triggers down there to remind me of what I thought I had, and didn’t, nothing to remind me of all the pain I endured. I will just enjoy the fruits of my work to heal, and continue that process in my “Avalon”. My place of healing and new beginnings.

Love and light, all.

Making Plans To Be Happy!

I just had a long talk with my friend from high school who lives where I want to move in Florida.  She is one of the most interesting people I know.  She’s an artist, was a merchant marine for many years, and was married to the 2nd mate of the ship. Her whole family at one time worked on the ships.  Now she is an artist, first, she paints.  Her work is so vibrant and full of color.

Pat's art

pat's art2

Anyway, I am going to see her while I’m in Florida at my sis’s.  She said I could stay there for a night, and see a realtor one day and spend a day with her.  If I can get a car to get there, but my sis may loan me her car.  Or maybe I could rent one. IDK.

Anyway, she has been singing with a friend of hers, blues, at some local watering holes.  She has a blast, gets free drinks, and has fun doing it.  She says she knows a bunch of hot old men musicians my age!  LOL!!!

Then we began talking about having an art studio when I move down there, so she’d have a place to paint, and I could make jewelry, write, whatever.  She has a couple other friends who are some type of artist who might want to go in on it too.  This town is full of galleries and artists, etc.  She also said there are many venues to practice reiki for money.  I’m pretty excited about it!  I may be able to make money and not have to get a regular job!

It’s looking good….Firming up every day.  Big changes in the works, fun, necessary, happy changes.  I’m getting really excited about it.  The universe is listening, it seems.

Love and light everyone.

Requests to the Universe

Daylight broke, and I didn’t wake until it was creeping tentatively through the edges of my windows around the shades.  It was lovely to sleep a little late, and have slept well.  When I got home from the gongs, and finished writing, I was just bone tired.  I think I let go of a lot last night, I let a lot of stuff that I don’t even realize or recognize, come up and begin to make it’s way out.  I felt kind of the way you feel after a really good cry, but I didn’t cry.  I only knew what I had to do to move on with my life, and did what I could to facilitate it.

Today I have no anger, at least at the moment, nor any great love.  Not really any over whelming emotion if I think about the events of the 6 weeks.  I have not heard from S since his voice mail wondering why I was so angry.  That’s a good thing.  I’m grateful for his reticence.

I’m looking forward to a calm productive weekend.  My friend, who knows someone who might want my house, texted me yesterday and said her friend is definitely interested!!  She asked me to send her any pics of the house I have.  I had none on my phone, but will take some if I can this weekend.  I may have some on this computer, but really…don’t often take pics of the house!  LOL.

I have been asking the universe to let me sell my house quickly and easily now for months.  Well, it can’t get much easier than this, if it works out!  I’m not banking on it, but the fact is there is a possibility!  When I bought the house, I had a picture in my head of the house I wanted, and this house fit the picture perfectly.  I also have a pic of the house I want in Florida, so I’m hoping and believing I will find it.

I guess that’s what I need to do with love, lol.  Ask the universe for the man I want, and need.  Picture in my mind someone actually capable of a great love, someone who knows how to build trust, and give of themselves.  Someone who can be as passionate as I can be.  I gotta believe he’s out there, and the universe will put him in my path.

I love Van Morrison.  I have a ton of his music on my phone.  I have to say, that my favorite of his songs is probably “Someone Like You”.  Which might make it my favorite song ever, lol.   I used to think, back before it all began to fall apart, that was S for me.  That thought, obviously, was so wrong.  I wasn’t ready for the man I will eventually find. I was unable to believe S when he told me who he was, literally, and he was most certainly the guy he said he was.  At least, that’s the one that manifested.  Regardless of the fact that I could see through it, and always saw the beautiful soul that he denied.  But the point is, now I hear the song and think, “Someone like you” is still out there, walking toward me as I walk toward him.

If you don’t know the song, here’s a link, with the lyrics.  This morning it makes me hopeful  Have a wonderful day.  Life is good.

Working Hard at Letting Go

I’m back from the gongs.  I kind of set an intention in keeping with my last few blogs, to let go of that which no longer serves.  I have done this on many levels, but if I want to fully cleanse myself, I need to do it at some very deep levels, where this attachment, this connection is hiding out.

I lay on my back for much of it.  Usually after about 5 or 10 minutes I am kind of curled into a fetal position, lol.  Tonight, I just wanted the vibrations to slide down and through my body, to enter everywhere there is a crack or a wound.  I kept thinking about, just let it go, just let it go, with love and light, just let it go.

This connection is hard-wired I am afraid.  I finally was asking for help from whatever spirits might be available, particularly Archangel Michael who has that awesome blue sword, to come in and cut the connections during the tsunami’s of sound .  In the vibration of the gongs, I could visualize the energy cords radiating out from me, and Archangel Michael gracefully slicing them all away from me.   I repeated the mantra, that I no longer want, no longer welcome, any energy connections from him.

I have done this before.  I did it with my ex husband and it worked quite well.  I have done it with S, and it works for a day, for an hour, for whatever, it’s never been permanent.  I asked that it be made permanent.  Regardless of it’s origin.  You may remember that my friend who is a medium suggested to me that he was my twin flame, and that’s why the connection couldn’t be broken.  I asked tonight that even if that’s the case, which I hope and pray it is not, that the connection must be able to be severed somehow.

I’m ok, for most of the time.  I don’t get sad, but I do get angry at the betrayal again, just of the last few weeks.  The dishonor he puts on me, saying the things he did, and on himself, and on her, not trusting her with the truth.  Seriously, an untruth honors no one.  But these are things I need to let go of on the deeper level.  I suppose I’m really angry at myself for believing him for those 3 weeks.  Believing that he’s gone low enough to change, that he’d hit his bottom and could now manifest the man I’ve always seen beneath his bullshit.

Well, now I know.  I don’t know what it is with him that when she shows up in his life he becomes a total asshole. Well, he does, that’s all.  It’s not m problem any more.

Often times, the effects of the gongs don’t show up right away.  Often the work shows up in the next few days, as your body absorbs and assimilates and adjusts.  So tonight I’m going to bed quite tired, quite exhausted, content, relaxed.  Knowing that I am doing the work that needs to be done to release myself.  I wished he weren’t so much on my mind tonight, but he was, so it is what it is.  I have to allow it and deal with it, and not bury it, or ignore it.  Let it in,  make it’s presence known and then, let it leave through the back door.

So here’s to letting go of stuff we don’t want, need, or serves us any purpose.  No matter what the origin.  There has to be a way, in this lifetime, to walk away from it 100%.  If anything can help, it will be the gongs.