I’m Here!!!

This will be a short blog tonight! I have been up since 2:45 AM, and am just sitting down now. I flew to Newark, the armpit of America, and then to Sarasota. It was 80 when I got here, which was wonderful but it was also 80 today at home! My son told me that Connecticut broke the record for the warmest day ever in March! Of course, when I’m going to Florida.

The first thing I did when I got to baggage claim at the airport was to take off my socks, lol. I wished I had flip flops to change into but they were all in my bag.

My sis and I stopped for lunch at Olive Garden. Then we drove around a few neighborhoods in Bradenton before we headed for her house near the beach, solely because the traffic to the beach doesn’t thin out til about 3. She lives on Longboat Key off the west coast, and the only way to get there is two causeways from Bradenton.

I saw a couple of really cute neighborhoods that I liked, one was the Village Arts Center, and another was just a cute neighborhood of older single family Florida homes. No high-rises, not full of tourist rentals, or time-shares.

We got to her house, and I was greeted by the peacocks which run wild here, and are in mating season, so the males are always showing off their beautiful plumage. And was also greeted by the myriad of small little lizards that run around in her gardens and on her deck. They’re so cute. And skittish. I’ll start getting pics tomorrow, but today my phone was almost deal when I got here so no pics. We took a breather in her pool for about a half hour, she and my brother-in-law and me. Then we got dressed, I in my new dress I just bought last week (the one that’s above the knee!) We went to an art show at her community art center, where she had a picture showing. It was a great show! But no pics, again, because my phone was too dead to take with me.

Then my brother-in-law surprised us and made reservations for dinner at a very swank restaurant in Sarasota, on St. Armand’s Circle, which is a lot like Rodeo Drive in LA. It was fabulous. I told him I felt like a princess. My sis and I have just been catching up all day. Having so much fun. She writes too, and I may show her how to start a blog tomorrow.

I put up that blog about my 2nd blog because I have gotten quite a few new followers who don’t know anything about it. I got a request from someone I didn’t know though, so I guess I should reiterate that the blog is for people who I know and know me. You have to be a follower here, to be one there. This person had a blog with no posts, and was not a follower, has never commented on my blog. So for more on that subject, I may write on the private blog. LOL. But not here.

This place is paradise. Like, really. Palm trees, a lagoon pool with a hot tub, hibiscus and amaryllis and bougainvilla in bloom. Tropical breezes and salt air all around. Laid back, no one is in a hurry. At home, we have a law in the stores, “no shoes, no shirt, no service.” No such law here. People in line at CVS with sand on the back of their calves, barefoot, in bikinis with a towel wrapped around their waist.

We’re going to the beach tomorrow……:). The best thing is, all the chaos of the last few days is behind me, up in CT in the minds of the idiots where it belongs. Doesn’t exist here, and it’s not coming back into my house. Not to be full of myself, but I was actually getting some attention in my dress tonight!

Life is so much better down here. Love and light all.

Tidying Up

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I’m pretty happy tonight.  I was alone, really alone,  all day, but it was a good thing.  I got a bunch of paperwork done for my mom’s estate.  I did my taxes and filed them!  Yay! I paid all my bills, and that felt really good!!!  I wanted all that stuff done before I went to FL.  Now I can get ready for the trip and relax.

So, then I went through my summer clothes.  I washed what I felt needed to be.  I packed.  I was trying to to the small, carry-on.  But I’m going for a week.  Don’t think I can do it. I never understood shoe fetishes, where people were like Imelda Marcos.  But honestly, I am her for flip-flops.  I am taking maybe 6 pairs.  I am NOT taking maybe 10.  Geezus.  I do love flip-flops.  They just speak summer to me.  I even have a pair of flip flop earrings and a necklace with a flip-flop mother of pearl pendant.  I can’t wait to live somewhere where I get to wear them every friggin’ day.

While I was packing I started throwing stuff out again.  Literally, another 10 pair of flip-flops that are beyond wearable, lol.  I threw out 6 bras that are way too big for me, from when I weighed 30 or 40 lbs more.  I am not done.  I am going to keep throwing stuff!

I was told about a book last night by Montana, called something like , “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” And then, my friend Emma talked about it in her blog today.  So there you go, it’s a sign, I need to buy the book .  I hope it’s available on kindle.  But it will be so much easier to pack for moving if I just purge and purge first.  So I was doing that today.  Purging.

Maybe more than clothes, lol.  Next is my kitchen.  That’s gonna be a trip.

I’ve made a nice dinner for my son and I.  I’m going to watch the final Downton Abby.  Dang, I will miss that show so much!!!   I’m having a 2nd glass of wine, because, dang, I got a lot done today.  I’m going to find a realtor in the town in FL I have my heart set on tonight and make an appt tomorrow for Friday.  FRIDAY!!

I talked to my sis today.  She paints, she is really good. She sells her paintings for some decent money. Anyway, they are having a show at the art center in her neighborhood, the night I get in.  So…I’ll have a place to wear my new dress!!  She is showing a painting there.  We’re going to drive around and check out the other neighborhood I might like.  It’s a village arts center.  It’s closer to her, but she doesn’t think it’s as nice as my first choice.  This trip is going to be so much fun, because it’s really going to give me a feel for living there, not just vacationing.

My sis is taking Tai Chi.  I hope she’ll show me some of what she has learned.  I have a CD, that I used to follow some mornings.  Maybe we’ll go to the beach and do it together!  That would be cool.  Tho I think she’s too shy, lol.  I am looking forward to walking on the beach every morning, swimming in her pool in the hot afternoons.  Clearing my head of the old, making room for the new.

Two days of work this week.  I can do this.

And here is the coolest thing about today!  I got my 200th follower!!! I am so excited.  I know in the scope of blogging 200 is a pretty small number, but I’m very excited about it!  So thank you America On Coffee, for being my 200th follower!

Life is so good.  Love and light to all.

Florida Calling

Anna Maria

Just as I was heading for bed I got a call last night from another of my high school friends who lives in Florida.  She lives in Daytona.  She’s a riot.  Anyway, she is going to drive across the state, about 3 hours, when I come down to spend time with me and my other friend.  The three of us were all best friends in high school, still are really close.  We’ll be missing a couple of our crowd, but when I get moved down there, we can have an honest reunion with everyone.  The three of us are going to have a blast.  I can’t wait!

I’ll meet with a realtor for part of one day, then hang out with them for the rest of that day and the next.  We’ll go somewhere and listen to the friend who lives there sing, and have a few drinks.  Maybe meet some hot musicians, lol!  I think this trip will do a lot to take me away from the bs that’s been occupying way too much of my headspace, not to mention heartspace, up here.

Like I say, good things are falling into place.

I haven’t heard about how the people liked the pics of my house that were interested.  So I’ll text her today and see what they had to say.

How lucky am I to have close friends I have known for 50 years?  And to have them here that I’ve known for 20, whose kids grew up with mine?  ??!!  It’s awesome.

Feeling very blessed this morning.  Love and light, all.

 

Making Plans To Be Happy!

I just had a long talk with my friend from high school who lives where I want to move in Florida.  She is one of the most interesting people I know.  She’s an artist, was a merchant marine for many years, and was married to the 2nd mate of the ship. Her whole family at one time worked on the ships.  Now she is an artist, first, she paints.  Her work is so vibrant and full of color.

Pat's art

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Anyway, I am going to see her while I’m in Florida at my sis’s.  She said I could stay there for a night, and see a realtor one day and spend a day with her.  If I can get a car to get there, but my sis may loan me her car.  Or maybe I could rent one. IDK.

Anyway, she has been singing with a friend of hers, blues, at some local watering holes.  She has a blast, gets free drinks, and has fun doing it.  She says she knows a bunch of hot old men musicians my age!  LOL!!!

Then we began talking about having an art studio when I move down there, so she’d have a place to paint, and I could make jewelry, write, whatever.  She has a couple other friends who are some type of artist who might want to go in on it too.  This town is full of galleries and artists, etc.  She also said there are many venues to practice reiki for money.  I’m pretty excited about it!  I may be able to make money and not have to get a regular job!

It’s looking good….Firming up every day.  Big changes in the works, fun, necessary, happy changes.  I’m getting really excited about it.  The universe is listening, it seems.

Love and light everyone.

Florida Dreams

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Sunrise from the town dock

I got my dates to go visit my sis in Florida.  I’m going the week of March 7 and for about a week, which is the longest I’ve ever gone!  I’m very excited about it.  I have a couple of neighborhoods I want to scope out while I’m there.  But balmy breezes, sunrises on the town dock, (the picture above is one I took of one of the more stunning sunrises there), walking the beach of the Gulf of Mexico every morning.  Even the call of the peacocks is beautiful to me.

It will be so cool to live close to my sister.  I have never in my adult life lived close to any of my family.  None of us have, my sisters and I have always been spread out across the country.

The idea of moving is overwhelming though.  To get the house ready to sell, to put it on the market, to figure out how to get all my stuff down there, and my cat, and then I’ll have to store it until I find the house I want.  The logistics of giving notice at work, to coincide with closing on my house when it sells, and moving into a temporary place while I look for somewhere permanent.  I will be unsettled for awhile.

But with the beach close, I should be able to stay grounded, lol.

I will also miss my friends so much.  That’s the hardest thing to leave, is the wonderful people I have here.  I’ve lived in the same small town since 1978. My son has spent all 23 of his years here.  I think all of my friends are parents of kids he hung out with, played baseball or hockey with.  The blessing is though, I know they will all come to see me, and I know I can come up here and stay with them.  I’ll like that.

I was driving home one night thinking, “It will be a long time down there, before you can drive around knowing exactly where you are without even thinking about it.”  But that’s ok, I know I’ll have the path to the beach memorized soon enough when I get settled!

What I’m looking forward to the most is not working.  Getting up and writing until I’m done, making jewelry, maybe learning something new. I hope I can find a house with a space for me to be creative, because even though I am very right-brained as it is, I intend for that part of my brain to run free when I don’t have to work!!  You never know what might come out of it.

I hope I can find a spiritual community.  I know the gong baths will be probably non-existent, but if I can find a meditation group, maybe even one that has sound healing, that will ease the moving stress.

Time for me to go check flights!  Have a good day, everyone.  Love and light.IMG_0787

All in a Day’s Work

Back to work…which went just about as I thought it would.  1001 emails, literally. And really, only 1001 because a co-worker waded through some of the junk for me.  Piles of papers all over my desk, each person left their own pile, lol.  Crazy, but I tread water all day, and stayed above the surface.

However, with the perfect timing only the universe can achieve, I walked into the office and had not even made it to my desk when my son called to tell me something happened to the AC, and water was spraying around the basement.  He shut it off, but it still sprayed so he shut off the furnace.

Let me add that the temperature was 95° F today.

It seemed to be a return line on a pump for the central air that a fitting broke on.  I called the furnace people, since the pump said it was for use on furnaces.  Made no sense to me.  But I scheduled them to come out tomorrow morning.  For a $100 diagnostic fee and then the cost of repair.  I’m thinking $300. And no AC tonight, meaning I probably would get very little sleep.

Then I texted my best friends husband and asked him what he thought it would cost me.  He said $140 plus labor.  But that he thought he had the fitting, and would come over tonight and see if it was the right one.  So….when I got home at 7:45 he came over and it took him less than 10 minutes to save me $300.

That’s a good friend.  This man is like a brother to me.  He’s fixed my snowblower twice, he came over with a chainsaw after a storm and cut out my broken shrubs. This is why I say I am blessed.  I have loving family, and loving friends that treat me like family.

At the end of the day, my house is cooling down.  All in a day’s work.

A Little Closer to Not Working

I just talked to my mother. She’s 94, living in a memory care facility in Florida. She is not happy there, even though hospice workers tell us that it’s one of the best in the area. She wants to be with her family, which is what we would all hope if we make it to 94. But she had a major stroke last fall, and cannot speak, read, or write and is partially paralyzed on her right side. Sad, she was an English teacher, and an avid reader. We used to talk for ages about the books we were reading. Mom needs care 24/7. I wish it weren’t so, because no matter how good the facility, at least down there, the aide to patient ratio is about 20 to 1, and the aides just can’t spend time with her, and time is all she craves. I get so sad thinking about it, imagine never being able to ask a question, voice an opinion, take part in any activities. I asked her if there were things for her to do tonight, and she said, “Oh yes….” which was a good sign. She can usually answer yes and no questions, which is what I try to ask her, and then she babbles unintelligibly until you ask another question.

Her voice was weak tonight, very soft, and quiet. It’s never been like that before. It makes me so sad. I so wish I already lived in Florida. She would be happy at this place if we could come visit her every day. My little sis is going to see her next week. I’m happy about that.

My vacation is whittling down to the last couple of days. Tomorrow I have a party for which I had to make an appetizer and dessert. I made “Pecan Cloud” cookies, which are really just baked meringue with pecans in them. They are so good!!! For an appetizer, I got some proscuitto, fresh peaches, arugula and blue cheese. You layer the peaches with the arugula and blue cheese and wrap the proscuitto around it. They are really good.

Then another friend texted me about doing something on Sunday, it’s going to be 90. We made tentative plans to do something, we will decide at the party tomorrow. Because the rest of our crowd will be there. Probably be about 60 people, it will be fun. Sunday will probably be the beach, or maybe my friend’s boat.

I have had such a nice vacation. Trip to the Adirondacks, Newport, a party, the beach, great weather. Good friends, saw S one evening, and had a couple days at home, to do stuff around here and relax, Reading, writing. It’s all good.

Except Mom. I wish she was happy.

And except, I want to retire more than ever. To spend my days as I feel like, and to be closer to my mother.

Lovely Vacation

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It was lovely to get away for a few days.  Especially to a place so beautiful, so remote.  My friend is involved with so much in her extended community.  Her little village has 90 year round residents. One up the road has 1000, in the other direction there is a little town of about 2,000 or 3,000.  The schools are all consolidated, and include kids as far as Lake Placid, 70 miles away. My friend taught music to almost every kid in 50-70 mile radius that lived there year round.  Of course, these numbers go way up in the summer.  Cool there in the evening and the morning, up to maybe 80°F during the day.

Because of this, she knew someone everywhere we went. In Lake Placid, she was friends with the docent at the hockey rink..  We ran into other folks who recognized her on site.  She took me for a brunch cruise on one of the lakes that has 99 miles of shoreline. She and her husband took me to a play of local and some Broadway actors who live in the area in the summer.  It was all really wonderful.

Then, of course Lake Placid, was just a little story book village.  When the Olympics were held there they did not level part of the town to build the facilities.  They put them where they would fit, and didn’t destroy the magic of that wonderful little village.  For instance, the high school is directly across the street from the hockey rink.  And at the bottom of the front steps is the speed skating oval where Eric Heiden won 5 Olympic gold medals. I kept saying I can’t imagine how motivating it would be to go to high school with those facilities as part your daily life.  (The Lake Placid high school hockey team won their championship in 1980….)  You can stand on the hill and see the ski jumps, which kids were practicing their arrial jumps on, landing in a pool.  The toboggan run is a water slide in the summer ending in Mirror Lake.

Of course, the hockey rink was a huge deal for me. I was texting pictures to my son from there, he was texting back “I’m so jealous!”  The town still has Miracle on Ice memorabilia all over town, the names of each player on the team are on the walls of the rink.  My shock was what a small venue it was, maybe 5000 people could fit in there. But then, that was the year, and the game, that changed the face of the Olympics.  I was standing there, in the rink, and could almost hear the chant “USA USA USA USA”.  I remember watching the game back then at home, on TV, and it was just awesome to be there 35 years later, as a hockey mom whose kid played for so many years.

We also saw the 1932 Olympic rink.  It had so few seats, it was quite comparable to rinks my son played at.

We did some souvenir shopping, had lunch.  The surroundings are beautiful, that part of the Adirondacks, near Lake Placid are called the High Peaks, which include Whiteface Mountain.  That ski resort was the site of the Olympic skiing that year, and is visible from anywhere in town.

Then we drove back to their beautiful little village, and had dinner.  We reminisced a lot, got caught up.  Her husband is a great guy, I had only met him briefly once before.  But he has a great sense of humor, a little off beat, he can make me laugh, and anyone who can make me laugh is a special.  He ad my friend have a great marriage, calm, happy, live and let live, while caring deeply for each other.

It was a good place to get rested up, (I slept 7 or 8 hours every night) and try to figure my own stuff out.

I texted and talked to S while I was there.  I am still making no predictions for us.  He may come here tonight…but then again, I told him if he still has the feeling that he might want to date other women he will be disappointed if he comes.  So…I don’t know.  I’d love to see  him, but I’m not gonna set myself up for another heart break.  I hope he gets it….  I friggin love that man.

Every time I go away, I end up realizing how much I care for him.  Every single time.  So I need to somehow figure out how to protect my heart, and follow it.  Talk about a minefield. At least I cut A loose, because he was a distraction from what i need to deal with.  I have not heard from him since Friday.  We had no unkind words, but I’m not going to initiate communication with him, because it’s really better for me and for him, to end it if I have no intention.  He jumped way ahead, making assumptions that he didn’t know to be true, and then making plans based on them.  He and S are on the opposite ends of that spectrum, S hates making plans even a few days in advance.  I wish there was a happy medium.

Back to my life now.  I’m off the rest of the week.  My son and I are going to do something Thursday.  My best friends daughter’s graduation party is Saturday.  I asked S if he wants to take Friday off from work and do something with me, which he never answered.  (I have asked  him twice before if he could take some time off when I’m off and he said he would, but then we’ve split up and reconnected probably 3 times since then, so I have no expectations.)

So.. life goes on. No resolutions, but the conversation has turned caring and kind and flirty, instead of angry, and hurtful.  Just trying to stay with it.

On Vacation, Finally!

I am officially on vacation for a week.  No work.  Sigh.  Tomorrow I drive up to the Adirondack Mtns of upstate NY.  It should be a beautiful 4 hour drive.  Through the Berkshires Mts of Massachussetts, and then the Adirondacks.   It will be the longest trip I’ve ever taken alone.  Me and my music and my thoughts.  It’s going to be a beautiful day.

Today, I pretty much cut A loose.  We will remain friends, but it always creeps toward intimacy and I just can’t go there with him.  #1, I don’t feel it for him.  Sometimes, I wish he was around, because he is good to me, it’s all about me, but then, it’s just too much for me with him.  I don’t know if that’s because I am such a one-man woman, I just don’t feel right being intimate, even just talking, with someone when I want to be with someone else.  And I don’t want to maintain an intimate relationship with anyone that I might see once or twice a year.  Long distance is not what I want.

And that someone else, well, there’s not much to say about him. I’m not saying I want to be with him, because that means something different to each of us.  Right now…we are on opposite sides of the moon, (he’ll say he’s on the dark side of the moon I have no doubt).  But whatever, even though I miss him so much, I am not willing to go over to what he wants, at least what I think he wants.  He tells me I am wrong about him, but not how I am wrong.  I only have his words and actions to go by.  Could be that he doesn’t know what he wants, or that it changes frequently, neither of which is bad, it just implies that he needs time to himself to figure it out.  Maybe it means that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.  We used to laugh over that phrase, who doesn’t want to eat their cake?  But I think it’s meant to convey that you can’t have it both ways, i.e. he can’t have me only when he wants me, so until he wants more of me, he can’t have me.  Or it could be that I’m just wrong, but I don’t feel like I am.  Idk, S….talk to me.  Tell me.  I’m listening.

On top of that, it infuriates him that I write about him here.  It’s a problem, because he is so much a part of my thoughts, I can’t write a cohesive complete thought without mentioning him.  I will try though, I will try out of respect for his wishes.   It’s just another way in which we are opposites.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, I will put myself out there.  I believe vulnerability is just necessary, as Brene Brown says.  Suffice to say, S does not wear his heart on  his sleeve.

I had my pre-op exam this morning.  They told me it would take a half hr.  It took almost 2 full hours.  EKG, blood work.  On top of it, they had a new software system that no one could use well.  I tried to get a cup of Starbucks after, but you could tell I was in a different world than the one where I live when there was a 10 car line there at 11 in the morning.  I didn’t get any coffee, suffice to say.  I had work waiting….UGH.

I am pretty sure I left work in good shape, no orders waiting to ship, nothing that anyone had to finish for me.  I was stressed out to the max til about 5 when I realized I would finish it all, and did, by 5:45. So I can vacation in peace, knowing I won’t walk into a huge mess when I get back.  My department, which is just me, did the best in the whole company last month.  And for the year I have already doubled the total sales for last year.  I should be on commission, lol.  But all I get is OT, and too much of it as it is.  Getting too old for this.

I keep thinking, I could collect soc sec now, and work 20 hrs a week at a supermarket or something to make up the difference.  It is doable.  Then I could spend all winter getting the house ready to sell, not stress over the frigging snow and cold, or, more importantly, my job.  I may give that some serious though in the coming months.

Well I need to go pack.  I will be in the warm, familial embrace of my friend and her family for a few days, a welcome respite.  Her heart is on her sleeve too.  I probably won’t be on here nearly as much for a few days, though I’m taking my computer, because sometimes I have to write like a compulsion.  The picture at the top is where I’ll be til late Tuesday.