Better Things Await

low points

First day back at work.  I had over 1000 emails to sift through. My boss promised a half dozen people I’d ship their orders today.  Like, yeah, sure.  While I’m reading my 1000 emails.  It was crazy, but….I laughed my way through it, thinking, I won’t have to do this much longer!  LOL  I was so happy, even though the normal absurdity of the workplace was creating chaos all around me.

I am not telling the people at work about the house.  There are too many people who can’t keep their mouths shut.

My sis called me today, and the real estate agent called her today and someone else has made an offer, contingent on financing.  So my sis and brother-in-law are going to meet with her at the house tomorrow and barring something unforseen, will make a cash offer to them.  Then I’ll pay them back when my house sells.

I can’t even believe they would do this for me.  I mean, I can, they are loving and grateful to have the ability to help their family out, but I can’t believe it anyway.  It’s just beyond what I ever would have dreamed of.  This means that I won’t have to rent a place when I head down there, I’ll have a place to just move into.  It’s crazy.  Just crazy.  I am so friggin blessed.  Just blessed.

My son is a little nervous, but I told him we will work it out.  He doesn’t think he’ll be ready to head for Colorado when I’m ready to move, but we will figure it out.  The universe will make it work, I’m sure.

I am so excited, and happy, and so looking forward to this move.  For awhile I felt like I was running from things. From S, mostly, from my ex, from so many bad memories, so much pain and sadness. But now…idk.  I don’t feel any attachment to any of the past, only a lot of excitement to get on with this chapter of my life.  Not having to go to work every day, being able to follow my passions, to ride a bike everywhere, to get to the beach on a daily basis!  To smell the salt air and feel the sea breeze all the time.

I think my ex and S were the two most difficult relationships of my life.  My ex for sure, and S, even though it wasn’t that long, I loved him soooo fucking much, and he hurt me sooooo badly.  But you know what?  I learned from both of them, both relationships, lessons I would not otherwise have learned.  They were without a doubt my best teachers.

Now I’ll take those lessons into a new life, and I feel like joy and happiness are just waiting for me to take their hand and walk with me.  I, honest to God, finally feel no pain with either of them, nor any longing, or desire.  They were part of my life, past tense.

Better things await.  I used to say, while waiting for my divorce to finish, my abundance has already been created, it just hasn’t manifested yet.  And that’s how I feel now.  I can feel joy and happiness in the works, it is manifesting…..slow but sure, every minute it comes clearer into view.

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Early Morning Thoughts

Back to work today.  It will be a long 3 days this week, catching up.  And trying to deal with the house in FL.  Not sure if my sis will buy it or loan me the money.  I would guess buy it, and just flip it to me.  She and my brother-in-law both think it’s a great buy, a perfect place for me.  And I have to agree.  I can’t imagine getting to the beach anytime I want, which will be every day, LOL.

My son and I sat and talked a lot last night, about the house, the move, his job, his plans, my plans.  It was really good.  He’s such a great kid, I’m so proud of him.  He had a party here Saturday night, and showed me video, it wasn’t a ton of people, but he is learning to mix music, and had some cool lights down in his space.  And the best thing was that most of them spent the night here and then did a wonderful job of cleaning the house up.  It was cleaner than I left it!  I didn’t look at the basement, but he said I wouldn’t recognize it, that one of the girls spent hours down there Sunday cleaning it!.

Maybe I’ll hire them, lol.  I have to get all the many windows washed, and fix my dang fireplace, and get the deck painted.  And I need a new ceiling fixture for the light in the kitchen.  But that’s not really all that much, it’s all doable.

Back to the daily grind for now though.  Moving on down the road.  Life is good.

Love and light, all.

Home Again, Finnegan

 

I’m back home, and it didn’t take but about a half hour and a phone call from my son to remind me why I want to move to Florida.  They are predicting a nor’easter for Monday, maybe.  Which is one of those horrible low pressure systems that sits off the coast of New England, and sucks cold air down from Canada and moist air off the ocean and can produce snow and wind like a blizzard.  Let’s just pray the forecast changes.  I am into the warm weather after a week in Florida, not the return of winter!!

Flights were good, I got in a half hour early.  I’m totally unpacked. My kitty Maggie is happy to see me.

I have been reading “All The Light We Cannot See” by Andrew Doerr. It was recommended to me by a friend at work long ago, and then also by S. He sent me a picture of the cover, and said he really liked it and thought I would like it too. That was in the time between dumping me, and when I found the depth of the deceptions, the time when he was still actively trying to get me to come see him when B was not around.

(I keep wanting to say something snarky, about our supposed ‘sexual’ only relationship, which involved discussing books, but am refraining. In fact, I still have a book of his here, Voyage by Sterling Hayden, that I haven’t read yet, which he gave/loaned me when I was at his house in January. Again, refraining.)

I finished “All the Light” on the plane. It took me awhile to get into it, just because it did. I wasn’t sure I’d like it, but as it went on, I really loved it. I read about 150 pages on the way to my sisters, and about 200 today, to finish it. It was one of those books you hate to have end. I didn’t quite have the reaction S did, but when I finished, I needed to close my eyes and think about all the light we cannot see. I kind of found myself wishing I could just talk to S about it, and about his reaction to the ending.

It was a fleeting thought, lol. Just habit I guess. He and I talked so much, I do miss having someone I can just run stuff by. But he’s the wrong one, lol.

We’re reading The Tapping Solution for book club this month. It’s a how-to book on meridian tapping. I’m not really into that, but I guess it’s another tool to use should I need one. I tend to just live through things, I don’t think there’s really any shortcut to dealing with emotionally traumatic situations except to sit with them, allow yourself to feel them, and then watch as they disappear.

I do see though, that sometimes, it’s possible to get so anxious that a person can’t function without a little help. Who knows, with the task I have in front of me with this move, I may get that anxious! I’m going to have to keep the house I found quiet at work until I’m ready to give notice.

I need to get another fiction book to read now. Maybe I’ll see if I like the one S gave me. I have a list of books I want to read, so I guess what I should do is go to Amazon and “look inside” all of them, and pick one if I don’t like Voyage””.

Anyway, it’s good to be home, on my couch, in my jammies, watching the Voice, writing a blog. Especially knowing I’ve made some good solid progress on my dreams.

Love, light and laughter, all.

Flying Home

Sunset

I woke unsettled on my last morning here.  My plane leaves at 10:45.  I am usually unsettled when I travel, so I’m not surprised.  I think there’s something just non-sensical about flying from Sarasota FL to Chicago IL to Hartford CT in 7 hours in a large heavy metal container with 300 other people.  I don’t understand the physics of it, but I accept that they are.  Yet, I think somewhere deep inside, there is a primal scream, lol, saying “It’s not possible!!”

That being said, I have learned to sleep on a plane quite easily, or read, and I don’t get nervous.  I know there is a logical reason.

I once had to fly from Connecticut to Texas, to the funeral of my beautiful niece, who was killed in a car accident while visiting Australia.  She was 24.  Brilliant, valedictorian of her class, spiritual, funny, OMG, so funny.  And beautiful.  She was the star of our family, the 2nd of my younger sister’s 5 children. She was, without a doubt, an old soul.  We all knew it, her wisdom was far beyond her years.

I flew by myself to Chicago, where I met up with my older sister, brother-in-law and my mother, and we flew together to Dallas.  On the first leg, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so sad in my life.  My marriage was breaking up, I was broke, (my older sis paid my plane fare),  and now I had to face saying goodbye to one of the really most beautiful people I’d ever had in my life.  We had a special bond, she and I.  Everyone remarked on it.

So, I was looking out the window of the plane.  We  flew above clouds that whole trip, so it was blue sky above, and white clouds below.  Staring out the window, thinking, trying not to cry the whole time. Wondering why this had to happen, why we had to lose her when everything else was already falling apart.  Suddenly I saw the shadow of the plane, perfectly, on the clouds.  And then I realized the shadow had a rainbow aura all the way around it.  It followed us all the way to Chicago, for 1100 miles.

It was one of those signs.  I was suddenly not alone, and there was promise.  I think now, it was my niece’s way of comforting me, of helping me to get through that sad lonely flight.  It was a sign that she was ok, she was around.

I’ve had many times that I’ve felt her energy around me since.  Many unique experiences that have let me know she is close by.

I don’t know why I went here this morning, except I am flying to Chicago to get home, which makes no sense to me, but it’s no different than flying to Detroit, to get home on another trip.  So far out of the way, but it’s how they do things in that crazy business.

Today I’m flying back to my present life, while I’ve spent the last week beginning to prepare for the future in a big way.  I think I’ll be glad to be back to my routine.  I’ll be glad to see my son, my cat, sleep in my own bed.  I’m going to have to continue the work I’ve done down here in preparing for a move.

The realtor has not gotten back to me since Sunday, I’ve left voicemail, email, and texts with her.  She was getting back to me within minutes up until Sunday night when I had some questions about the way a contract needed to be written.  Not sure what’s up with that, but if I don’t hear from her today, I’ll call the listing agent on the house, and cut her out of the loop.  I’ll meet with my realtor at home next week, finish getting the house ready to put on the market, get the pictures taken, get it listed by the end of the month.

I do know if the house I like doesn’t become mine, it’s because the Universe has something better in mind for me. Just staying in the flow, taking one thing at a time as it presents itself.  Looking at the entire process at once can terrify me, it seems like such a huge undertaking for a single 65 year old woman.

My thoughts of S are far from where they were at the beach yesterday.  I’m not feeling badly about him at the moment, just not feeling much at all.  He still can get on my mind, but I think that the walk on the beach was very instrumental in the letting go process.  Not feeling an attachment at the moment, and that’s a good thing.  Making room for new things, letting go of those things which don’t bring me any happiness, or add to my life in any way except negatively.

My sis and I drove down at the last minute last night to see the sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.  There apparently wasn’t one, lol.  There were clouds all through the horizon, covering the sun on it’s way west.  But still I got the picture above, which was kind of mystically cool, as it was hazy, and tinted light pink anyway.  I think the ocean is just good subject matter, lol.  It is such a metaphor for our emotions. I hope you all enjoy it.

Life is good.  I’ll be back tonight, from the comfort of my family room at home.

Love and light, all.

All in a Day’s Work

Back to work…which went just about as I thought it would.  1001 emails, literally. And really, only 1001 because a co-worker waded through some of the junk for me.  Piles of papers all over my desk, each person left their own pile, lol.  Crazy, but I tread water all day, and stayed above the surface.

However, with the perfect timing only the universe can achieve, I walked into the office and had not even made it to my desk when my son called to tell me something happened to the AC, and water was spraying around the basement.  He shut it off, but it still sprayed so he shut off the furnace.

Let me add that the temperature was 95° F today.

It seemed to be a return line on a pump for the central air that a fitting broke on.  I called the furnace people, since the pump said it was for use on furnaces.  Made no sense to me.  But I scheduled them to come out tomorrow morning.  For a $100 diagnostic fee and then the cost of repair.  I’m thinking $300. And no AC tonight, meaning I probably would get very little sleep.

Then I texted my best friends husband and asked him what he thought it would cost me.  He said $140 plus labor.  But that he thought he had the fitting, and would come over tonight and see if it was the right one.  So….when I got home at 7:45 he came over and it took him less than 10 minutes to save me $300.

That’s a good friend.  This man is like a brother to me.  He’s fixed my snowblower twice, he came over with a chainsaw after a storm and cut out my broken shrubs. This is why I say I am blessed.  I have loving family, and loving friends that treat me like family.

At the end of the day, my house is cooling down.  All in a day’s work.