Accepting What Is, and Moving Forward

I talked to my friend whose daughter was so banged up in the car accident last week. She had a really hard run. She’s moving too, only about 15 miles away, but moving. And packing up. And her daughter was so injured. I can’t imagine what she was going through. But the daughter is recovering well, is getting around ok, dealing with the pain she has but not letting it hold her down. My friend and I made plans to go to a place down at the shore this weekend and take a breather. We will both be packing and sorting all weekend. And ready for a break by Sunday afternoon.

She offered to pick me up at the airport when I fly home from Denver, which means I won’t have to pay parking for the week I’m gone.

She also said I will have a room at her house next summer, and she’s coming to FL in March, I’m pretty sure. Good times. Close friends. Love it.

I am pretty sure tomorrow I will just order a replacement tank, maybe to be delivered on Monday on Tuesday. My realtor is asking if I can get a regular hot water heater but not thinking they are gonna say yes. So it is what it is. My friend had to spend so much to get out of her house. Home ownership is not all it’s cracked up to be, let me tell you. Even if you are staying there for a long time. She and I both are of like minds, “I just want to get out of here.” A lot like when you get to the airport to go home. Just beam me up, Scotty. I don’t need the trip, I just want to be there. Overdue, you know?

Work seems hard to me lately, because I so don’t want to be there. I so just want to be in my new house, in my new life. The job keeps me tied to the past, and I’m letting go of the past. I have been focused on how hard it will be to say goodbye to my son when I get on the plane in Denver. And I should be focusing on how much fun it will be to drive across the country with him. He’s not seen any of our country, except Florida, Virginia, and the few days he spend in Colorado last February. We will have so much fun doing that, just hanging out together for those 6 days. I am looking forward to that!

I have decided to focus on the good, not the pain I will feel. This will be good for him, for me. We will always have each other. How many people even have the opportunity to drive across country with their son? I’m going to start to map it out when I’m too tired to do anything else.

I am blessed, no matter what. Fuck the hot water heater. I still have enough.

Love and light.

Home Again, Finnegan

 

I’m back home, and it didn’t take but about a half hour and a phone call from my son to remind me why I want to move to Florida.  They are predicting a nor’easter for Monday, maybe.  Which is one of those horrible low pressure systems that sits off the coast of New England, and sucks cold air down from Canada and moist air off the ocean and can produce snow and wind like a blizzard.  Let’s just pray the forecast changes.  I am into the warm weather after a week in Florida, not the return of winter!!

Flights were good, I got in a half hour early.  I’m totally unpacked. My kitty Maggie is happy to see me.

I have been reading “All The Light We Cannot See” by Andrew Doerr. It was recommended to me by a friend at work long ago, and then also by S. He sent me a picture of the cover, and said he really liked it and thought I would like it too. That was in the time between dumping me, and when I found the depth of the deceptions, the time when he was still actively trying to get me to come see him when B was not around.

(I keep wanting to say something snarky, about our supposed ‘sexual’ only relationship, which involved discussing books, but am refraining. In fact, I still have a book of his here, Voyage by Sterling Hayden, that I haven’t read yet, which he gave/loaned me when I was at his house in January. Again, refraining.)

I finished “All the Light” on the plane. It took me awhile to get into it, just because it did. I wasn’t sure I’d like it, but as it went on, I really loved it. I read about 150 pages on the way to my sisters, and about 200 today, to finish it. It was one of those books you hate to have end. I didn’t quite have the reaction S did, but when I finished, I needed to close my eyes and think about all the light we cannot see. I kind of found myself wishing I could just talk to S about it, and about his reaction to the ending.

It was a fleeting thought, lol. Just habit I guess. He and I talked so much, I do miss having someone I can just run stuff by. But he’s the wrong one, lol.

We’re reading The Tapping Solution for book club this month. It’s a how-to book on meridian tapping. I’m not really into that, but I guess it’s another tool to use should I need one. I tend to just live through things, I don’t think there’s really any shortcut to dealing with emotionally traumatic situations except to sit with them, allow yourself to feel them, and then watch as they disappear.

I do see though, that sometimes, it’s possible to get so anxious that a person can’t function without a little help. Who knows, with the task I have in front of me with this move, I may get that anxious! I’m going to have to keep the house I found quiet at work until I’m ready to give notice.

I need to get another fiction book to read now. Maybe I’ll see if I like the one S gave me. I have a list of books I want to read, so I guess what I should do is go to Amazon and “look inside” all of them, and pick one if I don’t like Voyage””.

Anyway, it’s good to be home, on my couch, in my jammies, watching the Voice, writing a blog. Especially knowing I’ve made some good solid progress on my dreams.

Love, light and laughter, all.