Finding My New Path

Yesterday was a day from hell, at work. Friday is always the hardest day at my job, and I’m training two new people, and it just got crazy. At the end of the day my boss called me and one of my new people out for not responding to an email earlier in the week. Now, yeah, we should have. The thing is, we get about 400 emails a day that we have to sift through. This one I saw, and planned to responod to but in the craziness of training 2 new people, I let it go. It was not a big deal. I had it on my desk Friday to show the new person what we needed to do with it. But bosses big brother, who is a complete control freak, jumped in and made a mountain out of a mole hill. When I got called into my bosses office, exhausted, after working 45 hours last week, full tilt boogie, I came very close to saying, “you know I have one foot out the door already……” I did not, because of the new girl who I could see was totally blindsided and taken aback. But when I left work I was wondering how I would make it 4 more weeks there.

You know, I like the job, when I’m just doing my job. But to have me training 2 new people, one at a job that I only backed up at, and never did on a full time basis, and bitch at me about one email that was not even urgent…I mean, how thin can he spread me and still ask me for complete competence like he’s used to? GRRRR.

Anyway, on the way home, I called my friend who is also moving, and bitched to her about my inspection and she bitched back to me about hers, and how people want to just empty your pockets out into theirs. We ended up laughing with each other, and went out for a drink and some fried calamari. Three single guys were sitting at the bar next to us, being a little raucous, but funny. About our age, probably closer to hers than mine. But they ended up engaging us in conversation, it was fun, and just a wee bit flirty. They told us about a band playing across the street from where we were on later this month, a well known country artist. The venue is outdoors under a roof, on the banks of the Connecticut River, next door to a 200 year old opera house. We may try to go. They kept saying they hoped they’d see us there. They were joking about how it could be my send off to Florida.

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I came home all relaxed. I only had one glass of wine, and I slept like a baby for 7 hours.

This morning, I came out side at 6 AM, and felt so refreshed. It is a lovely morning. A friend wanted me to go to the beach but I am going to begin my sorting and packing today. Just can’t do it.

I told my realtor to offer the buyers $1000 and the couch and loveseat in my basement, and my snow blower. Then they can do all the inspections they want. She seemed to think that it was fair. I haven’t heard back yet. I just so need to be done with this.

Feeling good about it all this morning. I did my morning meditation and had the sensation of floating down a clear stream, in which the water was warm, and luxuriating in it. Soon I’ll be in my “Avalon” and all the stress of the last year will just be a memory. And most likely, not all that important. Every day I feel myself finding a new, lovely path in life.

Love and light, all.

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Accepting What Is, and Moving Forward

I talked to my friend whose daughter was so banged up in the car accident last week. She had a really hard run. She’s moving too, only about 15 miles away, but moving. And packing up. And her daughter was so injured. I can’t imagine what she was going through. But the daughter is recovering well, is getting around ok, dealing with the pain she has but not letting it hold her down. My friend and I made plans to go to a place down at the shore this weekend and take a breather. We will both be packing and sorting all weekend. And ready for a break by Sunday afternoon.

She offered to pick me up at the airport when I fly home from Denver, which means I won’t have to pay parking for the week I’m gone.

She also said I will have a room at her house next summer, and she’s coming to FL in March, I’m pretty sure. Good times. Close friends. Love it.

I am pretty sure tomorrow I will just order a replacement tank, maybe to be delivered on Monday on Tuesday. My realtor is asking if I can get a regular hot water heater but not thinking they are gonna say yes. So it is what it is. My friend had to spend so much to get out of her house. Home ownership is not all it’s cracked up to be, let me tell you. Even if you are staying there for a long time. She and I both are of like minds, “I just want to get out of here.” A lot like when you get to the airport to go home. Just beam me up, Scotty. I don’t need the trip, I just want to be there. Overdue, you know?

Work seems hard to me lately, because I so don’t want to be there. I so just want to be in my new house, in my new life. The job keeps me tied to the past, and I’m letting go of the past. I have been focused on how hard it will be to say goodbye to my son when I get on the plane in Denver. And I should be focusing on how much fun it will be to drive across the country with him. He’s not seen any of our country, except Florida, Virginia, and the few days he spend in Colorado last February. We will have so much fun doing that, just hanging out together for those 6 days. I am looking forward to that!

I have decided to focus on the good, not the pain I will feel. This will be good for him, for me. We will always have each other. How many people even have the opportunity to drive across country with their son? I’m going to start to map it out when I’m too tired to do anything else.

I am blessed, no matter what. Fuck the hot water heater. I still have enough.

Love and light.

Everyone Needs a Little Nietzche in Their Life

dancing

Well, here I sit, ever so slightly hung over and tired. I went out with a girlfriend last night, for a couple glasses of wine and a bite to eat. We generally have gone to one of two fairly local places, but last night tried a new place. We prefer a kind of smallish place with good food, a bar, and live music. This place had all 3, and we had a ball.

We were sitting next to a table of 3 people, and by the end of the night we were sitting with them. We were all dancing, joined by another woman who was at the bar with a man I assume was her husband. Anyway, she was clearly older than me, maybe in her 70’s but was dancing with us. The music was great! My generation music, and a complete band, with lead guitar, bass, drums, GREAT keyboard player, a woman saxophonist, and a guy just on harmonica. The woman was playing the sax on the dance floor with us. One of the guys was buying shots for us while we danced, (I only had 2).

I have not danced in YEARS, except at my high school reunion. I was always at dances in high school, because my boyfriend played lead guitar in a good band, they had gigs most every Friday and Saturday, so I was always dancing with my girlfriends up by the band. But my ex-h could not dance, had no rhythm, lol. So we never danced, and I have found myself now self conscious about it. Lately though, going out with this friend who loves to dance, I have been freeing myself up from that feeling that I was making a spectacle of myself, and just decided to “dance as if no one was watching.” It was so much fun!!

Generally when we go out, we are home by 11 or so. Last night I didn’t get home til midnight…and was exhausted, after working my butt off on the house. But my garage is now acceptable, except for the stuff I need to take to the dump Today I’m going to attack the storage area in my basement. Then really, all I need to do is to clear the kitchen counters, etc. My yard needs a spring clean up, but I’m calling someone to do that. I just can’t…I have shrubs that need cutting back, and beds that need to have the leaves cleaned out of, trees that need pruning. I just can’t do that. And my fireplace, lol. Not sure what to do with that.

My brother-in-law called me yesterday, and talked to me about some of the issues the inspection on my house turned up. He didn’t feel any of them were really anything to worry about. The report said I didn’t have sufficient amperage in my electric service to run the house. I have 100 amps. But he talked to people who know, and said I should never be drawing more than 60. And that if the 100 isn’t enough I will know soon enough and can get it fixed then. So we will just use that to negotiate, but perhaps I don’t need to spend the $2000 to get it upgraded after all. The report said the hot water heater needs a relief valve or something, that it could cause the heater to leak or drain, which could cause a flood. Well, this is true….but the hot water heater is outside, so who cares if it leaks? It’s not like it’s in the basement (which would be the case where I live now) and going to flood the basement. So that’s all good news. I’m feeling good about the whole thing. I think I’m getting a really good house for the money right now.

I am getting more excited by the minute to get moved down there. I’m seeing it come closer and closer. Feeling the life I dream about becoming reality. Feeling blessed.

Love and light to all.