And The New Year Rolls In

Happy New Year!

What a great New Year’s Eve. The friends across the street from my sis had this amazing party. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to spend New Year’s Eve outside. They had live music, there was lots of food (everyone brought something), lots of drink. Lots of dancing and talking and fun! And all we had to do was walk across the street, as did almost everyone else there. About 70 people all from the neighborhood. The music was somebody the hosts heard in Key West. They have a regular gig there, but the hosts paid them to come all the way up here, to play for us last night.

I have not spent New Year’s Eve with my sister, or anyone in my family for that matter, in about 50 years. It was so awesome!!!! It was about 65, cool enough for a sweater, warm enough that it was easy to stay outside all night. I met some more wonderful people, we laughed, they included me. I may have been the only single person there, but it didn’t matter, really. We all laughed, talked and danced til about 1 AM, and then came home and collapsed into bed. I only drank 3 small glasses of wine, really they probably amounted to 2 real glasses. Drank lots of water. At midnight the champagne came out.

I love that 2016 is over. It was such a hard year for me, so many big changes. I just tried, last night, to put it all in the past. The struggle to get the house sold, to move my son to Colorado, to retire, to move down here, to deal with the issues on the house down here, and to finish, once and for all, the relationship with S.

And since I have really and fully closed the door on that old, toxic and painful relationship, it seems maybe someone new is making their way in. I’m not sure yet, but the signs are good. I am WAY more cautious now, about believing what someone tells me. I’m not jumping into anything, but it seems there is something there, coming from both sides. Time will tell. I’m hopeful.

Trying to make New Year’s resolutions, well kind of. I am not a big resolution girl, but I think in light of all the changes in my life I should try to make some sort of plan on how I want to better live my life. Life is so good here, for me. With friends and family, and maybe a new man. But really, if I’m not going to work, I want to find things to get involved with, to give back, to make this little corner of the world a better place.

I’m going to finish the things around the house that need doing. I have to hang the curtains I bought in my bedroom. I need to put together my leave blower and clean up the leaves in the back yard. My handyman is coming in the next few days to do some tree-trimming. I need to scrub the deck down, it has some mildew on it, or else maybe it’s just dirty, but at any rate, it needs cleaning. Then I’ll get a shed ordered, my handyman will put it up, and I can start doing things like landscaping.

In my spare time, I want to get back to making jewelry. There are so many shops in town that will sell on consignment, and I am heartened by the fact that I sold two of the necklaces that were at the gallery in St. Pete. Apparently there is some market for the kind of jewelry I make. And so much more pleasant to make jewelry for extra money than to work. God, I so love not working.

I guess you can tell, I am excited for the future. No big changes ahead, just cruising easily through the things I love to do. In perfect weather most of the time. Last night was so perfect, really.

I fell asleep immediately, but only slept 3 or 4 hours last night. I see a nap in my future today, and it’s supposed to be warm again, warm enough to take a nap outside in the sun lounger. I don’t feel exhausted, I think that the inability to sleep longer is from just feeling so full of good energy from last night, and so much gratitude that my life has turned out this way. It’s crazy. If someone looked back at my blogs this time last year, I was such a mess. What a difference a year makes.

Enough gushing. It’s hard to stop. It’s just so awesome, so incredible, to be happy almost all the time. Not really to be ever stressed about anything. I think it’s one reason I have been able to let go so much more easily of things that no longer serve me since I’ve been here. There’s just no need to hang on to anything that doesn’t add happiness to my life.

Love and light, everyone. May we all have a blessed 2017.

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Everyone Needs a Little Nietzche in Their Life

dancing

Well, here I sit, ever so slightly hung over and tired. I went out with a girlfriend last night, for a couple glasses of wine and a bite to eat. We generally have gone to one of two fairly local places, but last night tried a new place. We prefer a kind of smallish place with good food, a bar, and live music. This place had all 3, and we had a ball.

We were sitting next to a table of 3 people, and by the end of the night we were sitting with them. We were all dancing, joined by another woman who was at the bar with a man I assume was her husband. Anyway, she was clearly older than me, maybe in her 70’s but was dancing with us. The music was great! My generation music, and a complete band, with lead guitar, bass, drums, GREAT keyboard player, a woman saxophonist, and a guy just on harmonica. The woman was playing the sax on the dance floor with us. One of the guys was buying shots for us while we danced, (I only had 2).

I have not danced in YEARS, except at my high school reunion. I was always at dances in high school, because my boyfriend played lead guitar in a good band, they had gigs most every Friday and Saturday, so I was always dancing with my girlfriends up by the band. But my ex-h could not dance, had no rhythm, lol. So we never danced, and I have found myself now self conscious about it. Lately though, going out with this friend who loves to dance, I have been freeing myself up from that feeling that I was making a spectacle of myself, and just decided to “dance as if no one was watching.” It was so much fun!!

Generally when we go out, we are home by 11 or so. Last night I didn’t get home til midnight…and was exhausted, after working my butt off on the house. But my garage is now acceptable, except for the stuff I need to take to the dump Today I’m going to attack the storage area in my basement. Then really, all I need to do is to clear the kitchen counters, etc. My yard needs a spring clean up, but I’m calling someone to do that. I just can’t…I have shrubs that need cutting back, and beds that need to have the leaves cleaned out of, trees that need pruning. I just can’t do that. And my fireplace, lol. Not sure what to do with that.

My brother-in-law called me yesterday, and talked to me about some of the issues the inspection on my house turned up. He didn’t feel any of them were really anything to worry about. The report said I didn’t have sufficient amperage in my electric service to run the house. I have 100 amps. But he talked to people who know, and said I should never be drawing more than 60. And that if the 100 isn’t enough I will know soon enough and can get it fixed then. So we will just use that to negotiate, but perhaps I don’t need to spend the $2000 to get it upgraded after all. The report said the hot water heater needs a relief valve or something, that it could cause the heater to leak or drain, which could cause a flood. Well, this is true….but the hot water heater is outside, so who cares if it leaks? It’s not like it’s in the basement (which would be the case where I live now) and going to flood the basement. So that’s all good news. I’m feeling good about the whole thing. I think I’m getting a really good house for the money right now.

I am getting more excited by the minute to get moved down there. I’m seeing it come closer and closer. Feeling the life I dream about becoming reality. Feeling blessed.

Love and light to all.

Blessed, Just Blessed

It’s the day after, lol.  I am exhausted, but happy.  Sitting in my sisters gorgeous home on the side of mountain, it looks like a castle, and feels like one.  I feel like a princess at the moment.

The wedding was the happiest most wonderful experience I have had in so long.  Years, maybe.  My whole family, except my son and my mother, are here.  My sisters, nieces and nephews, and old family, my ex brother-in-law and his awesome new wife, his sister and her husband, my current brother-in-laws family, his daughter and son. Friends of my niece that I haven’t seen in 30 years or so.

We were cracking up, saying it’s just a lovefest when we are all together.  So much laughter, hugging, catching up, and in this gorgeous setting.  The wedding was at the log cabin I put up a pic of in my last blog, it’s another of my sister’s beautiful homes.

The vows took place at 5 pm under an arbor built on the dock in the lake.  There was a bar set up on an overturned john boat down near the lake, with wine, beer and hot apple cider.  Up near the house was a huge tent, heated, with a dance floor, dj and tables for 160 people.  There was another bar near the house, and appetizers everywhere that my sis had planned and we had all pitched in to put together.  The dinner was a buffet BBQ.  Perfect.

The weekend was so what I needed. To be surrounded by people whose values, and life experiences are shared, and are the basis for all our interactions.  We have all had our setbacks, we have all dealt with adversity, tragedy, but our love for each other overrides all else.  I had forgotten how my little sis can make me laugh.  She’s the one person that with me, can get hysterical and we can’t stop laughing.  It was joyous.

My older sis just did so much work for this day.  She had everything laid out perfectly.  She had a minute by minute itinerary, so that nothing would be forgotten.  (Although, my little sis and I are so much more laid back, we were laughing saying to each other “our sister had some control issues.”  because when she tasked us with getting the cheese trays for 160 people ready, she wanted to tell us exactly how to cut the cheese into cubes, lol )  But she is beautiful, smart, funny, and only she in our family could have pulled this off.  Not to mention between the two houses, there were bedrooms enough for all the immediate family.

At one point after dinner, in the tent, I was watching the dancing and “We are family” came on.  I got up and ran to my two sisters, and we danced together, to “We are family, I got all my sisters and me.”  We included in our dance circle, where we had our arms entwined, everyone who cared to join us and brought in everyone we could find.  We all felt like family. I am so blessed.  Just so blessed.

I got a few nice texts from A, hoping I was having a good time, and making me laugh.  I got a nice voice mail from a man I spoke to last week, also wishing me a wonderful weekend, and saying he hoped to meet me when I got back.  And a text from yet a man who has asked me to call him when I get back.  I have let go of the past, I am so looking forward to the future, and letting the old stuff just rest in the realm of life experiences.  I am good with it all.

I think I’m being redundant, here, lol.  I think I said that last blog, but it is so true.  At the end of the day, we only gain from each life experience.

And so, onward.  Life is indeed wonderful.

Dancing

Dancing,

Circling each other,

Faster and faster.

skirts flying,

Hips swaying,

Torso undulating.

Breasts heaving.

Castenets clacking.

Heels clicking.

He pulls her into the enter of the circle.

Close enough

to glance into each other’s eyes.

He holds her for a moment

Only a moment,

Until the music tells him to send her away.

She spins outward

She cannot even touch his fingers.

The dance begins anew,

Over and over

round and round,

embracing for a moment only

Then parted, waiting for the music

to draw them together

For another momentary embrace.

Never easing the hunger

of that erotic dance

Never close enough to tell a secret

Or catch a scent.

Or rest in the arms

Of the lover they can’t touch.

The erotic dance goes on

Spinning til there is no more breath

Circling until the heart races

Longing, Longing

Until insides churn.

The wistful yearning

gives way to the emptiness.

All desire to dance gives way

to desire to just live.