Tumbling

  1. Crashing waves.gif

I rode the wave
Into the shore,
Thinking it might be fun
To let it have it’s way with me.
I tumbled as it broke
With a violent effort
It tried to break me.

Over and over
I tumbled
Tangled in the chaotic froth,
Lifted to the surface,
Driven down again
To scrape the bottom.

Just as I thought it would own me,
The wave receded
It left me on the shore,
Breathless and dizzy
Naked and scared
Sand-scuffed and bruised.

Laying face down
Hair matted with grit
I breathed and
I rose.
I stepped back from the edge
And watched.

The wave kept coming back
Washing up on shore
Trying to convince me
It had changed it’s ways
That the ride would now be gentle
And pleasant,
As it tried to grab my ankles
To pull me under its spell again
And toy with my life.

But the power was mine now.
I could dance on the edge
Or run from the madness
Of the breaking wave.

There will be other victims
Who think it might be fun
To roll with the wave.
Until they get sick of being left
Face down in the dirt.

The wave will retreat.
It may regroup
Come charging back into the shore
In a mad show of power.
I’ll be gone.
I’ll be gone.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Baptism

baptism

Who knocks on my door?

The demons of the past,

Or the new ones

That I don’t know yet?

Is it love?

Am I so afraid of it now?

Fearful of being blinded by the light

And in my blindness

Cursed,

Laid waste to?

I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

How I long for that easy life again,

The one where everything made sense.

The one that flowed like water from my veins,

And heightened all my senses.

Now they are heightened in a different way.

Hyper-vigilance

Defensive.

Protective.

Fearful.

Come back to me,

Peaceful ocean.

Come back and render me speechless again.

Lift my face to the sun,

Let it’s warmth dry my salty tears.

Let me dance in the rhythmic waves,

Let the wind rearrange my hair.

Take my naked body and baptize me

Once again,

In the joyful sea of life.

Waves

102

Picture from East Beach, Rhode Island

The anger wave is being replaced
By the wave of complete devastation.
The one that rolls over your body,
And you begin to understand
What drowning is like.
Flooding the body with tears,
The ones that have been stuck in your throat for hours
The ones you tried so hard not to cry,
Because you were afraid
Once you started you may never stop.
The tears that come from somewhere deep in your soul
Accompanied by violent body-wracking sobs
Gurgling up as the wave rolls over you
Filling you with liquid pain
Stealing your oxygen.
You heart screams,
“Let me out,
Bring me to the surface
I’m going to die…
I’m going to stop beating.”

How it keeps on,
I don’t know.
The pain which radiates from it
Disables me.
Completely.

How I want it to be over.
To drown,
How lovely it would be
To be numb enough that the waves don’t hurt me.
Just numb.
No joy, no pain, no nothing.
No him, no her, no me.

To be in a land where nothing reminded me.
No life, only gray, only rocks, only dirt.
Nothing to stimulate a memory,
Or a desire.

It is worse than death.
There is no peace.
In death, I would be reborn.
In this,
only suffering.

How Quickly Things Change

The day was dripping with sunshine.

Like a hot butterscotch sauce,

it made everything glow,

and shimmer,

Ripples of heat were visible on the surface of the ocean,

Creating a layer of ghostly white mist between the sea and the sky,

Islands in the distance rose from that mist.

Even the waves had melted down into a smooth undulating dance,

reflecting the golden blue sky above.

She sat, reading a book about winter,

Reveling in the summer heat.

It was glorious…..

She fell asleep to the caress of the last of the summer breeze

and the song of the waves as they lapped the shore.

Suddenly, she woke up.

Where was she?

The brilliant day was gone,

the butterscotch sky had given way to charcoal clouds.

The breeze had stiffened, enough to create real waves

crashing on the shore.

Umbrellas were blowing around on the beach,

Anxious mothers packing up bags,

calling children from the water.

Sunburned bathers running for their cars.

She got up, folded her beach chair

She picked up her book, her bag,

Headed for her car,

She turned once more to glance

back at the sea.

A zig-zag bolt of lightning announced the time.

Time to run.

An enormous clap of thunder echoed down the sound.

A hard stiff wind picked up everything not held down.

People yelling over the noise for their children

For their loved ones.

“Run run……”

She got to her car, facing the water.

She sat there, watching,

as the world turned on the once happy beach lovers.

In a moment, the joy of a perfect summer day

Gone.

As if it were a dream.

Sheets of rain, a cacophony of thunder, and wind, and angry waves

Causing chaos now.

How quickly things can change, she thought.

Nothing lasts forever.

A Small Glimpse

The heat from the sun transported me today,

From my deck outside to somewhere past

the tiniest of stars that might be visible in the evening,

as I listened to the quiet soothing music

of waves curling and exploding and receding along the shore

in some eternal, inexplicable rhythm,

in some remote, exotic place.

The sky became purple,

with glittering golden clouds,

flashing brilliant colors

not known to my small human psyche.

As I fell asleep, content,

knowing that somewhere in the universe,

This exists.

Now, the summer wind cools my flesh,

And my heart

To a peaceful reality of this time and place.

I smile at the universe who has carefully

given me everything I need,

and the smallest of glimpses into eternity.