Daydreamin’ kind of Saturday
Golden laid back mellow
Melting into the sky and sun and breeze
Pleasant dreams are germinating
From a tiny pion inside my brain
To a sprout,
To a bud,
Then a bloom.
So, with eyes closed
Sit here in the sun
Let the dreams grow
Til they light up the landscape with their beauty.
By Deborah E. Dayen
Picture Shutterstock, via Google Images
Two nights ago I was having nightmares, triggered by what’s happening to this country. Last night I had a much calmer dream, which also, once interpreted with the help of dreammoods.com, pretty much spelled out clearly where I am, and what I need to do.
Dream: I was giving someone directions to get to where I was. The route number they had to take was 217. Then, I was with them, looking for route 217, in a car, going up a very steep craggy mountain covered in mud. I was not driving, but was in the front passenger seat. Many many people were on this muddy dirt road going up the mountain and just before the top of the mountain we could see that everything was stopped. It seems there was an accident, a car turned sideways. It could have just been stuck in the mud. I remember remarking as we went up this extremely muddy, rutted and very steep road that it was amazing that no one was stuck on this steep slope in the mud.
Mud: To see mud in your dream suggests that you are involved in a messy and sticky situation. It also suggests that some spiritual cleansing is needed.
Driving: To dream that you are driving a vehicle signifies your life’s journey and your path in life. The dream is telling of how you are moving and navigating through life. To dream that someone else is driving you represents your dependence on the driver. You are not in control of your life and following the goals of others instead of your own.
Number 217: Reduces to a 1. New beginnings, new starts (the year is 2017, same thing). We were looking for it, unable to find it.
Mountain: To see a mountain in your dream signifies some major obstacle and/or challenge that you have to overcome. If you are on top of the mountain, then it indicates that you have achieved and realized your goals. You have recognized your full potential. Alternatively, mountains denote a higher realm of consciousness, knowledge, and spiritual truth.
To dream that you are climbing a mountain signifies your determination and ambition.
Car accident: To dream of a car accident symbolizes your emotional state. You may be harboring deep anxieties and fears. Are you “driving” yourself too hard? Perhaps you need to slow down before you hit disaster. You need to rethink or re-plan your course of actions and set yourself on a better path.
Car: To dream that you are driving a car denotes your ambition, your drive and your ability to navigate from one stage of your life to another. Consider how smooth or rough the car ride is. If you are driving the car, then you are taking an active role in the way your life is going. However, if you are the passenger, then you are taking a passive role.
Crowd (The many people on the journey with me): To dream that you are in or part of a crowd suggests that you need some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation and recharge your energy.
Interpretation:
I am allowing myself to be driven by external elements. I have gotten myself into a murky, muddy situation which needs some spiritual cleansing. (Amazing how I knew that yesterday, and took the day off.) I am looking for the elusive #1, a new start, new beginnings. Not so much for myself but for all of us. Personally, I am already in the throes of a new beginning. There were many people on this journey looking for this, but I apparently need more time to myself, which is what I realized yesterday and took the day off from all the chaos, specifically to recharge and reflect. The car accident at the top of the mountain symbolized my fears of what might happen to this country and our lives, my life.
As a whole, the dream has me looking for a positive and new (to me) way to help (#217 = #1), it shows me my fears (accident at the top of the mountain preventing me from achieving my goal), it shows me where I am, (in a murky and muddy state, without clarity), and tells me what to do to find the best way for me to help (spiritual renewal).
Which only confirms the way I felt yesterday, but also tells me I am not ready to jump in yet. I have not found a path that will best serve me and others. I will continue to look for it. Today I’ll spend in solitude, until this evening when I have a meeting of the Vets Art Center.
I got on FB this morning for a bit, but got off when I began to feel triggered again, and remembered this dream. I hope that I am able to continue to access my center, to follow my gut and do what I need to do to remain calm, and to raise my voice against what’s happening to our country. And to continue making my own small corner of the world a happy, loving space.
Love and light.
I’m sitting here in my sisters living room, sipping on a cup of coffee, with not much on my mind this morning. I slept well last night, even though I woke up a couple times, I got back to sleep. I couldn’t go sit outside this morning, because although it’s a beautiful morning, everything is soaked. I guess there must have been some dense fog earlier. It’s still humid and summerlike out, but not too hot. Love it….
I had some dreams and decided to look them up. One was about a letter I was trying to send to someone. I just remember seeing the envelope, but I’m not even sure who it was to. Dreammoods does not address under letters sending a completed letter, only writing one. I assume there is someone there I still have things to say to. But don’t know who it is, so I’ll let it go.
Another dream was about windows, 4 windows in a room, with the wood frame painted a different color on each, bright primary colors. They were big windows. That turns out to be kind of cool…Here’s what they said about windows and primary colors.
To see a window in your dream signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. The size of the window is reflective of your outlook; a small window suggests that you tend to not get your hopes up too high when good things happen, while a large window symbolizes your openness to new experiences.
Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions, and vibes. First consider what that single color in your dream means to you and your own personal associations and relationship with that color. In general, pale pastel colors indicate weakness or subtlety. Dark colors represent passion and intensity. Bright colors mean awareness.
I like that…I am open to new experiences, true! And that I have some insight and awareness, well, that’s like my quest anyway.
Then I dreamed I had a big blister on my leg, maybe 2” in diameter, that was bleeding around the edges, but I managed to get it to stop.
To dream that you have a blister indicates that some minor annoyance or problem is draining your energy and time.
To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends.
To see your legs in your dream indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. To dream that your leg is broken, wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life.
The only minor annoyance I can think of is the conversation I had with that quasi-friend the other night. It did leave me feeling emotionally drained, but I think the fact that the blister and bleeding were on my leg, shows that this interaction did upset me but that I am in control of my life and emotions. Since I stopped the bleeding,I will interpret it all to be over and done with, and that I am not losing any sleep over it. Feeling in control of my own life. I feel confident and happy. And really….it was a minor annoyance anyway. Not major.
I’m happy to be remembering my dreams. With dreammoods.com, I feel like I get some insight into my subconscious. I am happy to know that what the emotions and actions I am manifesting through my ego, are in tune with my subconscious. It feels balanced.
My sis and I are gonna go do a little Christmas shopping this morning. That should be fun, there are lots of cool little shops around here. Going to be an awesome day.
Love and light.
Well, not only sleeping last night, but dreaming as well. I dreamed that I was at a long table, with many people at it, eating a hot dog with all kinds of fixings on it, and found my ex-husband sitting next to me eating one as well. I remember looking at him and saying “Oh! I forgot you were here.” As usual when I dream of him (which is rarely) he said nothing. But watched me eat with the critical eye he always did. Which was actually funny, since he’s the one who got himself up to about 300 lbs. But that was always about control, making me feel self-conscious, and unsure with hm. It was never about how I looked.
Then I dreamed I was in a flower garden, with one of my best friends from up north, the friend who drove down here with me. Gosh I miss her. She is a wonderful gardener, and has planted flower gardens all over her 3 acres. Her deck and her house are full of plants and flowers. I gave her my house plants when I left.
So, it was off to dreammoods.com
The hot dog dream was the weirdest, because my ex was in it. Here’s what they had to say.
Hot dog: To see or eat a hot dog in your dream is phallic symbol representing masculinity, sexual energy, and vigor.
Ex: In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream indicates that you are currently finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in. It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable.
Eating: To dream that you are eating with others signifies harmony, intimacy, merriness, prosperous undertakings, personal gain, and/or joyous spirits.
So…sitting with my ex, eating a big hot dog. Well, we did have a good sex life, until we didn’t, and I am ready for another, that’s for sure. As for seeing him indicating that I find myself in a similar situation, well….Yeah, I did. I don’t now. I’m guessing that because I have had such a hard time completely letting go of S, and how much unhappiness, and uncomfortability that relationship has brought me, that’s the relationship that was in my subconscious. However, that is, for me, undone by the fact that I’m eating with others, signifying that I am now in harmony, and in a good place. I think that door is finally closed, and I am really open to something new in my life.
The garden with my friend…well, it’s a nice dream. It was a good dream, and it followed up the hot dog dream. Here’s what dreammoods has to say.
Garden: To see a flower garden in your dream represents tranquility, comfort, love and domestic bliss. You need to be more nurturing.
Friend: To see friends in your dream signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. In particular, to dream about your best friend means that you need to foster or acknowledge some special quality that your best friend has. Ask yourself what makes your best friend your best friend and how you need to work on these attributes within yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend indicates positive news.
I think that dream is all about me nurturing. My friend is very nurturing. Witness the fact that she drove most of the way here, knowing I was pretty well spent after moving my son to CO, and packing my house, and leaving everything I’d known for 45 years in a matter of 3 weeks. I couldn’t be more grateful and loving toward her. She’s a true friend indeed.
Yesterday, I tried to pay that forward. I called my childhood friend who lives down here, and she was kind of depressed (she is prone to that). I asked her if she wanted to go shopping, and she said no….and then told me she just wanted to crawl in a hole and pull the cover over it. I said, OK, I’m coming to get you in an hour, and we’re gonna go get a bite to eat and a drink. So she’s the one I went to St. Pete beach with. I’m going to try to be more that way toward my friends.
Dreams are wonderful things, if we can just understand what they are trying to tell us. It’s all good.
Love and light.
Leaf blowing in the autumn wind
Chased, for it’s beauty
Glowing the bright colors of the earth.
She chased it, with all her breath
Racing with the wind
To catch up with the apparition.
It slowed, and she almost caught it.
Teasing, a sudden gust blew it
Just out of her reach.
Across golden fields she ran
Through dark forests,
Obscured by the fog.
Up hills strewn with rocks
Through meadows fragrant with flower
She chased the dream of holding the leaf.
Always, just out of her reach.
Finally, exhausted
She let go the desire
To hold the leaf, to feel every facet
To know it was real.
She watched, as it blew out of sight.
I’ve had a few dreams over the last couple years, always about the same person, that seemed so real that when I woke, I was sure it wasn’t a dream. I’ve been trying to find a name for that on Google, the best I can do is Astral Travel. Who knows? Maybe. Astral travel is about souls traveling, I’ve always been sure there was some old soul connection between us.
Last night at 3 AM, I was awakened out of a deep, sound sleep by his ringer on my phone. WTF. I haven’t talked to him in ages, and have no desire to. I was so dead asleep, I didn’t even wake up til the phone was in my hand, with of course, no call, no missed call, no nothing, which was good. But I could still hear the echo of the damn phone ringing.
The last time I had one of those dreams, I heard him come into my house through the slider on the deck, and come up the stairs. I remember waking up, thinking he was there because I could still smell him in the room. I can still hear that sound, just like I can still hear my phone ringing.
Phantom calls in the middle of the night. Sheesh. I went back to sleep, thankfully.
I think I need to ask the powers that be to please keep him out of my dreams. He’s not welcome. I have such a nice life here, so relaxed and laid back, who needs that kind of drama, even in their sleep?
Weather is once again beautiful. Every day the same. 85 and sunny. I can take it, lol. I’m tough.
Love and light.
You visited me last night
In my sleep.
It’s been a long while
Since you found your way
Into my slumber.
You woke me up,
and tormented me
With the memories,
and the future
And the lies
and the truths.
I was still in second place.
I miss my sleep.
But there you are.
I can’t stop you from coming here.
Lord knows, I’ve tried.
Your deep gravelly voice
talking low and quiet in my ear.
Your hands
Wandering hands,
heating up my skin.
Your eyes,
Piercing through the darkness.
I asked you to go away.
I wanted to sleep
A blissful sleep,
Devoid of you.
But it wasn’t what you wanted.
No.
You wanted that part of me
That no one else will give you.
Just to take, just to have.
Returning nothing to me.
Like a security blanket
You wanted to know nothing’s changed.
Nothing will change.
Ever.
Doesn’t mean I want you in my dreams.
They are false dreams
Of things that won’t happen.
It’s a mindfuck really.
It’s all it is.
Morning breaks,
I see it for what it is.
I don’t cry, I am not happy either.
I just move on,
Away.
Like the Pink Floyd song
“There is no pain, you are receding.”
You’ve been receding for quite some time now.
I can still see you though.
I can still feel you though.
It’s out of my control to stop it
It’s the way it is.
Second place doesn’t suit me well.
Not even in my dreams.
I had a dream last night, that just creeped me out. I was up in the middle of the night, looking it up on Dreammoods.com.
It turned out to be quite a telling dream. Showing me that something I was doing had not been sitting well with me, and that I’d done the right thing regarding it recently. Also that I was giving it WAY too much time and attention. It was crazy, and way too personal to put up here. But it was well out of my normal comfort zone, and now I am getting back into it.
The point is, if and when you have a creepy dream, as we all do at least occasionally, rarely even, look it up on dreammoods.com. It all made so much sense to me, and totally related to my life, and showed me that I’m back on the right path again.
Not the first time that trying to interpret a weird dream has helped me.
Time to get on with my day. Onward.
Love and light.
Quiet day today. I drove out to another side of town, in search of a CVS. That was really just an excuse, I just wanted to go in the other direction, lol. I found the store, in the small town next to mine. Pretty little town, but more commercial, in a nice way. I also went to the post office to pick up the mail they’ve been holding. I had a letter from someone who wanted to buy my house. I guess that’s a good sign, but I just pitched it. Not selling for a LONG long while.
I came back, put some more stuff away. A new friend texted me, because she left something in my car last night. She came over to get it and the two of us went to the library in town, then off to get ice cream down on Beach Blvd, lol. How Florida does that sound?
She gave me a tour of the town, some things I hadn’t had a chance to see. We went to the Clam Bayou, which is a nature conservancy with all kinds of paths for walking an biking through it. It’s right on the water. She also took me over to the Boca Ciega Yacht Club, which is really just a club of boaters, that love boating and water. We were able to walk in, ask about their sailing lessons, just walk around it. Not fancy at all. Just people like me who love the water.
This town is about the same size, population size, as the small town I lived in in CT, 12,000. Yet it has all these wonderful things for the people who live there. Community theater, a big beautiful library, a wonderful senior center, a yacht club, artwalks, galleries. Tomorrow there’s something going on at a place called The Blueberry Patch, and there will be music, etc. There is always something to do. Always. I even found a center today that does sound healing and I’m going to call them and see what kind of sound healing. It could be gongs! That would be so awesome.
When my friend left, I noticed my ceiling fan was making a little noise. I shut it off, and got up on the ladder, to see if there was something loose. As it turned out, I could see the tail of one of those little lizards sticking out of it!!!!! I pulled the tail out and it broke off. I was completely grossed out. There was another little piece about a half inch long hanging out of the crack in the fan (I think it was a dried up leg) but I couldn’t find my needle nose pliers to pull it out. Poor little lizard got all the way to the fan and died…..Geez. I turned it back on and it’s not making noise now, so I suppose it was the tail whipping the blades as they spun.
I am starting to get less freaked out by the wildlife here. Giant bugs, lizards, fire ants….. I guess they are a fair trade for the balmy breezes, beautiful beaches, and lack of winter. I mean, I can’t be squeamish when I live alone.
My friend Pat, the painter, is going to start designing the sign to go outside my front door on my house that will say “Avalon”. It really is the place of new beginnings, and healing. So happy the universe conspired in my behalf to land me here.
Life is good. Gonna look for a movie on TV tonight, after I eat dinner. All is well.
Love and light.
I slept hard last night. Nightmare, of hate and anger. Displaced, afraid. Real fear that they were coming to get me, and that I would die in their hands. (I don’t know who they were, maybe Nazi’s. With tanks. And soldiers marching.) Then, in the dream, I told myself I was dreaming. And that I could combat their hate and anger and fear with love.
I did. I turned the tide, I sent the fear packing, I taught them that they deserved love, and they lay down their arms.
Still, it was a hard and terrifying dream.
Not sure what brought it on. Probably some deep-seated stuff, from the past.
Whatever. This morning I awoke early, around 5:30. My room was cool, I could hear the faint hum of the ceiling fan. I tried to go back to sleep but decided about 20 minutes later that that was not happening. I got up, tried to write, and did, but not sure it’s worthy of publication. I need to re-read and edit.
I decided it was time for me to see the sunrise here in my new hometown. So I quickly got dressed in my bathing suit top, and a skort, and drove the short mile or so to the beach. I parked along the street, as the first rays of dawn broke the sky.
There is a long fishing pier on the beach. I headed down the pier, into the gray and pink early morning light. The pier was dotted with a few fishermen, people walking dogs, people exercising. But not more than a dozen people in all. They all greeted me, everyone, with a “Good morning.”
Felt like I was taken into a brother/sisterhood, of people who love the morning. I walked to the end of the pier. I guess it’s maybe 500′ long? I’m a bad judge of distance.
On the way, I passed a gull on the rail, so still I didn’t think it was real. He just watched me as I passed by. Then, a great blue heron flew in and landed on the rail, about 100′ in front of me. As I approached, taking my camera out of my pocket, it flew away.
I got to the end of the pier, and sat on a bench. I was alone. I set my cup of coffee next to me and closed my eyes and just breathed. Tried to take in that this was now my home. Listened to nothing but the sounds of the sea birds, and worked at finding peace again, the remnants of that nightmare still on the fringes of my psyche.
When I opened my eyes again, the sky to the east was breaking dawn. Turning the clouds pink, and gold. It is something I will never tire of, seeing a day come in over the water like that.
There were a lot of boats anchored in the bay, many with their dinghies laying in the water behind them, signaling that they were aboard. I thought how lovely a place to anchor out. One boat had two dinghies behind it. I made up a story in my head of people coming from one boat to the other, drinking wine and talking late into the night, too late and too dark to find their way back to their own boat, and staying with friends instead. Like Van Morrison’s song, “So Quiet in Here”. “this must be what paradise is like, so quiet in here….”
After awhile, two women came walking past my bench, and struck up a conversation. One of them had a dog, she did not stay long, her dog was anxious to go. But the other woman and I talked. She’s lived here for 20-something years. She used to live in Philly and Martha’s Vineyard. We talked about the Vineyard, and the breach that happened about 8 years ago in the south beach, and changed the whole nature of Katama Bay, and made Chappaquiddick a real island.
She walks often, she said, so maybe I’ll see her again there. Her name was Mary.
I got up and walked back down the pier Most of the fishermen had gone by then. I walked along the sidewalks, past what says is a casino, but is really a dance hall now, advertising lessons and dancing in fox trot, tango…ballroom dancing, for $8. No partner needed. Might be fun to learn the tango. Outside is a sculpture which says this town is Florida’s best kept secret. I’m beginning to agree. I walked past the permanent beach vollyball courts, and along the beach for a while.
As the town woke up, I headed back home, to record this, my first sunrise here. What a lovely way to start the day. I think it may become a habit.
Love and light.
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