Choosing Light Over Darkness

A woman who doesn’t know me at all, or Dan, left an ugly comment on an event post I shared to a local group about our sound healing. She called it “bull crap”. Why? I have no idea. Why would someone who doesn’t know either one of us, and has never attended one of our sessions, be bad-mouthing us? For that matter why would anyone cast aspersions on something they know nothing about, have never experienced, while others who HAVE been there, have heard us, have stayed through the cold and wind to hear us and be part of it, have had nothing but good things to say? “A massage for the soul” was my favorite comment.

I am stumped as to what drives people like this. Perhaps they are deflecting their own anger at themselves toward us. And who knows what that is about? I don’t, and don’t really care. I’ve decided to just ignore people who are trying to start up senseless drama over something that helps people, a lot of people, to reconnect with their true selves, to heal emotional trauma. One attendant last time came up to me after, and said, “I don’t know what just happened to me. I’ve been to a lot of things, experienced a lot of healing modalities, but nothing like this. Do you do private sessions?”  (Yes, we do.)

I’ve taken a lot of courses in sound healing and become certified. I’ve read a lot of books about it. I’ve tried to learn as much about how it works, why it works, how to bring out different tones, how to help people shift from a dark place into a lighter one. How to help them, through vibrational sounds, to get in touch with their true selves.  I’ve even begun to delve into the world of quantum physics, for a greater understanding of how vibration in all things, affects us all.

I understand that some people don’t want to go there. Some people like, actually like, to tear down others to make themselves equal, in their own minds, while others will look for avenues to raise their consciousness, not avenues to lower it. Some people prefer to stay in the darkness, hiding from everyone. Others do everything they can to work their way into the light.

So, to those who want to spread their darkness in the world, project their anger and dissatisfaction with their own lives, don’t come to a sound healing. It might make you crazy, as the light that exists in all of us, is amplified by the vibrations, and chances are that a soul that’s been hiding in darkness can’t win that battle.

Not for a second does it affect those of us who practice extending love and compassion. I feel sorry for those who call sound healing “bull crap” or calling those of us who have invested time and effort to be able to facilitate the healing “frauds.” The fraud is the one who pretends to know while he or she know nothing of which he speaks. But, the sad part is that they put up a wall between them and others.

Someone asked the woman if something had happened to make her respond with such negativity. She did not reply. I replied, and told her that it was just a matter of someone speaking about that which they know nothing of. I invited the questioner to the next sound healing, explained that lots of people went and loved it, and that we’d love her to attend the next session. She responded positively, and the woman who called us “bull crap” seems to have disappeared.

So why? I guess those who feel an incessant need to make themselves feel better by attempting to make others feel worse about themselves will always be there, in their dark little corner of the universe, alone, and waiting for someone to take their bait.

Not me, won’t be me. Ever. I wish them all love and light, I hope for the best for all of them. I also hope that they stay away from me and those I love.

Quiet Friday

Quiet day today. I drove out to another side of town, in search of a CVS. That was really just an excuse, I just wanted to go in the other direction, lol. I found the store, in the small town next to mine. Pretty little town, but more commercial, in a nice way. I also went to the post office to pick up the mail they’ve been holding. I had a letter from someone who wanted to buy my house. I guess that’s a good sign, but I just pitched it. Not selling for a LONG long while.

I came back, put some more stuff away. A new friend texted me, because she left something in my car last night. She came over to get it and the two of us went to the library in town, then off to get ice cream down on Beach Blvd, lol. How Florida does that sound?

She gave me a tour of the town, some things I hadn’t had a chance to see. We went to the Clam Bayou, which is a nature conservancy with all kinds of paths for walking an biking through it. It’s right on the water. She also took me over to the Boca Ciega Yacht Club, which is really just a club of boaters, that love boating and water. We were able to walk in, ask about their sailing lessons, just walk around it. Not fancy at all. Just people like me who love the water.

This town is about the same size, population size, as the small town I lived in in CT, 12,000. Yet it has all these wonderful things for the people who live there. Community theater, a big beautiful library, a wonderful senior center, a yacht club, artwalks, galleries. Tomorrow there’s something going on at a place called The Blueberry Patch, and there will be music, etc. There is always something to do. Always. I even found a center today that does sound healing and I’m going to call them and see what kind of sound healing. It could be gongs! That would be so awesome.

When my friend left, I noticed my ceiling fan was making a little noise. I shut it off, and got up on the ladder, to see if there was something loose. As it turned out, I could see the tail of one of those little lizards sticking out of it!!!!! I pulled the tail out and it broke off. I was completely grossed out. There was another little piece about a half inch long hanging out of the crack in the fan (I think it was a dried up leg) but I couldn’t find my needle nose pliers to pull it out. Poor little lizard got all the way to the fan and died…..Geez. I turned it back on and it’s not making noise now, so I suppose it was the tail whipping the blades as they spun.

I am starting to get less freaked out by the wildlife here. Giant bugs, lizards, fire ants….. I guess they are a fair trade for the balmy breezes, beautiful beaches, and lack of winter. I mean, I can’t be squeamish when I live alone.

My friend Pat, the painter, is going to start designing the sign to go outside my front door on my house that will say “Avalon”.  It really is the place of new beginnings, and healing. So happy the universe conspired in my behalf to land me here.

Life is good. Gonna look for a movie on TV tonight, after I eat dinner. All is well.

Love and light.

One Last Gong Bath Tonight

gong bath

Last night I sent a friend in Scotland Reiki. I only sent it for about 15 minutes, because I was so tired from getting up at 4:30 am yesterday that I started to fall asleep. (Sorry, Ogden, lol) But it did me good, which is the cool thing about giving reiki, you get it too, as it passes through you. I got the first 8 hours of sleep that I have gotten in about a week. I hope it helped him too.

I did my meditation this morning, as usual. Trying to prepare myself emotionally for this long trip I begin tomorrow. I realized at some point during the meditation that I can probably finish everything I need to finish to leave tomorrow, and still have time to go to the gong bath tonight. That would be the best thing for me.

I have been holding so much emotion in my sacral and solar plexus chakras. Every morning I wake up and have that nervous feeling in my stomach. I work with it throughout the day, but still, it’s there. And from time to time it overwhelms me, to drive such a long distance and then leave my son there. It’s just a mom thing I guess. I spent so many years trying to protect him from his fathers wrath and biting tongue, and then so much time freeing him, and then the last 8 years trying to help him heal. Making him believe that he is worthy of love and belonging just because he exists in this world, and just because he is my son, and I think that I’ve been successful on that count.

It’s just hard. We are so close. I am so happy and proud of him, that he’s set this new life up all on his own. I’ve tried to help, of course, financially a little, contributing to new tires and car alignment, and I’ll help him set up his place in CO, but he’s done all the work himself to find a place to live, and to get a decent job.

But anyway, I think the gong bath will help me to release a lot of the angst I have over the whole thing.

Not to mention all the people I’ve been saying goodbye to. There will be a ton more when I get back from CO too. I love this place I live, except in winter, lol, it is beautiful. But it’s the people who are in my life on a regular basis that will be in my heart.

So gonging I will go. I sent my friend Linda an email telling her I was now intending to come. Just once more to lay on the floor and let the tsunami pf the vibrations of all Peter and Linda’s gongs carry me where I need to go.

Working through it this morning.

Love and light…..

Note:  the picture at the top is not the gong bath I go to, but is very similar.  (Pic is from Google Images.)  We also have 8 gongs and all kinds of other vibrational instruments.  And most of us lay on the floor, it’s my preferred position.

The Healing Gongs

gong bath

I went to a gong bath last night. For my newer readers, I’ll explain. A gong bath does not involve water. It is an hour long, (sometimes longer) meditation that is facilitated by playing of gongs, in this case 8 of them, and crystal and Tibetan singing bowls, and drums, and bells. People tend to just lay on the floor with a blanket and pillow, or in a zero-gravity chair. I prefer the floor, because I like to change positions and in a chair you are pretty much stuck laying on your back. I’ve been going at least twice a month for 6 years. Lights go out, and you go into a very very deep meditation. At times the gongs are played so hard, it fills the room with sound, and there’s no way that you can hold onto a thought that is not grounded in reality. We call it a tsunami. The vibrations of the gongs are at the same rate as the human body, and your body absorbs them, the sound doesn’t go around you. They seem to go where you need them. I always come out slightly different than I went in. It is where I have done my best healing work.

Last night my friends who are the gong players, played a long, and very intense tsunami. You could literally scream at the top of your voice and not be heard during this, what we call a white noise tsunami. It’s not like other noise though, people fall asleep during this. It’s an opportunity to leave your body behind and find the place in you where your soul lies and have a conversation with it, lol.

So last night’s gong meditation was a very intense one for me. I had no intention in particular going in, but I knew I had so much to work on. The stress of selling my house, moving, my son moving to CO, training my replacement all week, the stomach bug I’ve had which I think is mostly stress, and add to that still not completely over what was done to me by S. I had a friggin catalog of stuff that needed dealing with on levels I can’t get to by myself. Yet.

At the end of the meditation, they play drums. It is lovely, it usually signifies the end to me, and I generally allow a thought to come into my head that is something like “oh shit, it’s over.” LOL. But last night I didn’t even recognize it as the end, it was just part of. I lay still and in the place I’d traveled to, for so long after the playing stopped, I didn’t really come back until I heard people around me having conversations. Although, this is not unusual for me. I have more than once had them call me back at the end….

I was emotionally exhausted from the work I’d done. I usually write about it here when I get home, but could not, last night. I had to let it roll around inside of me, and settle out. I went to bed, late, and didn’t sleep well. I finally got about 5 hours of good sleep, and this morning, I feel slightly more evolved, shall I say. Slightly more able to deal with all the stressors I have.

I thought I felt S’s energy Thursday night, on the way home, and it kind of upset me. I’ve not felt it for almost 3 weeks, and thought that I was finally free of it. But this morning again, while I don’t feel free of it, I also don’t feel weighed down by it. I can say once again, NO. I can say, I love you, I’ll always love you, but NO. You have to leave me alone, and put a wall of light between myself and the energetic cord which is trying to wrap around me.

I have a lot to do this holiday weekend. I’m going to paint my deck, go to my bff’s tomorrow for a get together, mostly just “the girls”, and hang out by her pool. Monday I think I need to go shopping for a few things to take to Virginia to my family reunion/mother’s memorial and burial. So my weekend won’t consist of me sitting around looking for something to do and someone to do it with. Which is a good thing.

I went to the dr for a follow up on my stomach issue. She said that since all my tests came back negative, that all my parts are functioning as they should be, that I probably had a bug, and it’s gone, and I have some residual inflammation left over. She renewed the prescription she had given me, to take as needed, and said that it can take 8 to 10 weeks for your stomach to settle back down. I am feeling much better. She also said, in answer to my concern over having a drink, that red wine is probably good for it, lol. With all the anti-oxidants, and the fact that it’s fermented….so cool. I can have a drink at my bff’s tomorrow!

This morning I sit on my deck, listening to the birds, watching the sunrise, in the fresh early morning air. Life is a blessing today. Feeling much more grounded, much more centered. More like myself today.

Love and light, everyone. Have a lovely weekend.

Note:  Pic is from google images.  Not the gong bath I went to but very similar.

Trying to Just Keep Rising

keep rising

I just came home from the gong bath.  Gong meditation.  I took a friend tonight, someone not into much alternative stuff.  She asked, “There’s not water involved?”  LOL.  No…..Better to call it a meditation, that is, really what it is.  But deep, very deep if you want it to be.

When I am there, bathed in the vibration of the gongs, and crystal bowls and the drums, I seem to be able to look at the issues in my life non-judgmentally.  I seem to get a clearer picture of what has happened, is happening.  From a different level.  It has happened so many times.  S once told me I should go every night, because I work so much stuff out when I’m there.   I’m a much nicer person, apparently.  Or at least, so he thought. I suppose it’s true, because who isn’t nicer when they aren’t stressed.  Although he was usually the one stressing me, lol. But I digress.

Tonight was no different. What I think I needed to do tonight was get back to the present moment. To stop fretting over things about which I have no control. There is so much going on in my life right now with retirement, buying a house, selling a house. Leaving here, relocating where I know three people well. Letting go of old attachments to people, places and things.

I reminded myself tonight, that my obligation to myself is to keep rising. There are those who will rise with me. There are those who won’t rise at all. There are those who will rise, catch up to me, and rise past me. We all may bump into each other in this life. But each of us has to keep rising, in our own way, on our own path. I believe that we are here, in this lifetime, to learn lessons, and to evolve our souls. So, the only thing I have to do, is try to keep doing that.

Back when my friend who is a medium suggested that S was my twin flame, she explained about that kind of relationship, how it is push pull, how one is running and is chasing.  How you are usually not in the same place based on the many life experiences.  The important thing she said to me though, was, “and you have just just keep rising.” The rest will never be known to me, if he is or is not my twin.That there is some kind of soul connection is undeniable.  I know when I’m going to hear from him, I still feel him.  I basically ignore it, but the fact is, it doesn’t matter now.  All that matters is I keep rising.

It does not involve hate and anger, blame, guilt, shame. It does not involve jealousy or selfishness. It does not involve any of the negative emotions we as humans find so easy in our interactions with others. We all have to keep rising. We can’t hold the hands of others and pull them with us, everyone has to raise themselves. If we meet somewhere, at some point, then it’s just a blessing.

When the meditation tonight was over, I was thinking about what a loving and supportive environment it is there. Everyone is there for healing. Everyone is there to lovingly support each other. I have friends who I see only at the gongs, who I have seen once or twice a month for years now. And I feel so close to them, as if we know each others souls.

It’s all about love, everything, every emotion that I have there reduces to love. It’s like numerology, reduce to a single digit. It’s like the Rumi saying I put up this morning, we are left with two desires at the end of the day: to love, and to be happy. Evolving our souls, to me, is finding a way to love more, and be happier for it.

So I go to the gongs, twice a month, to seek out unconditional love, and to find a way to be happy. For the most part, it works. I am always always, better for having gone.

Sending love and light to all tonight.


Gongs and Gardens


gongs in the garden

I have had a glass of wine every night this week. VERY unlike me. I don’t know why. I think I’ve just been stressed, had so much to do, it just has felt nice to sip on a glass with all the stuff I’ve had going on.

I have gongs tomorrow. I always say, perfect timing. And it always is. I’m ready to close my eyes, for the lights to go out and get transported to the ethers. Lots of stuff in there to work out, and may be I will and maybe I won’t. Always accomplish something though. I’m taking a girl I work with, and my friend who I go out with a lot. My friend has never been, and she’s not like me, not so alternative. But she seems psyched.

I’m not so unsettled now, as I was this morning. The day has a way of bringing me back to the present moment. I haven’t had any second thoughts about the choices I’ve made about my life’s direction, about S and how I feel about him. The edge is off of it some, but the feeling remains the same. I’m still walking away, at a nice steady pace, eyes forward. No looking over my shoulder.

Realtor sent me a link to my listing online. The house looks good, if I do say so myself. I’m still trying to find all the stuff they got out of sight. And I thought I’d already done a pretty good job of clearing it out!

Looking forward to my new life and all it brings. My sis says my deck in Florida is perfect for orchids, because it’s shady. She’s going to help me with the plants, it will be so much fun. A lot of people in the neighborhood have these “Feed the world” gardens up by the sidewalk. They grow veggies, that are meant to be taken by anyone who needs them. Kale, cabbage, I don’t even know what else. But I love the idea, that someone who might be hungry would find the food and not be hungry. It looks nice too. So I may try to do that.

The town has a community garden about 4 doors down from me, where people can get a little plot and grow a veggie garden. When I was there, there were people in there working on their gardens, talking….nice. What a nice thing to have on my block.

So tomorrow, I’ll go to the gongs, and work out whatever comes up to be worked out. Feeling peaceful tonight, happy. Content.

And falling asleep. Love and light.

Requests to the Universe

Daylight broke, and I didn’t wake until it was creeping tentatively through the edges of my windows around the shades.  It was lovely to sleep a little late, and have slept well.  When I got home from the gongs, and finished writing, I was just bone tired.  I think I let go of a lot last night, I let a lot of stuff that I don’t even realize or recognize, come up and begin to make it’s way out.  I felt kind of the way you feel after a really good cry, but I didn’t cry.  I only knew what I had to do to move on with my life, and did what I could to facilitate it.

Today I have no anger, at least at the moment, nor any great love.  Not really any over whelming emotion if I think about the events of the 6 weeks.  I have not heard from S since his voice mail wondering why I was so angry.  That’s a good thing.  I’m grateful for his reticence.

I’m looking forward to a calm productive weekend.  My friend, who knows someone who might want my house, texted me yesterday and said her friend is definitely interested!!  She asked me to send her any pics of the house I have.  I had none on my phone, but will take some if I can this weekend.  I may have some on this computer, but really…don’t often take pics of the house!  LOL.

I have been asking the universe to let me sell my house quickly and easily now for months.  Well, it can’t get much easier than this, if it works out!  I’m not banking on it, but the fact is there is a possibility!  When I bought the house, I had a picture in my head of the house I wanted, and this house fit the picture perfectly.  I also have a pic of the house I want in Florida, so I’m hoping and believing I will find it.

I guess that’s what I need to do with love, lol.  Ask the universe for the man I want, and need.  Picture in my mind someone actually capable of a great love, someone who knows how to build trust, and give of themselves.  Someone who can be as passionate as I can be.  I gotta believe he’s out there, and the universe will put him in my path.

I love Van Morrison.  I have a ton of his music on my phone.  I have to say, that my favorite of his songs is probably “Someone Like You”.  Which might make it my favorite song ever, lol.   I used to think, back before it all began to fall apart, that was S for me.  That thought, obviously, was so wrong.  I wasn’t ready for the man I will eventually find. I was unable to believe S when he told me who he was, literally, and he was most certainly the guy he said he was.  At least, that’s the one that manifested.  Regardless of the fact that I could see through it, and always saw the beautiful soul that he denied.  But the point is, now I hear the song and think, “Someone like you” is still out there, walking toward me as I walk toward him.

If you don’t know the song, here’s a link, with the lyrics.  This morning it makes me hopeful  Have a wonderful day.  Life is good.

Working Hard at Letting Go

I’m back from the gongs.  I kind of set an intention in keeping with my last few blogs, to let go of that which no longer serves.  I have done this on many levels, but if I want to fully cleanse myself, I need to do it at some very deep levels, where this attachment, this connection is hiding out.

I lay on my back for much of it.  Usually after about 5 or 10 minutes I am kind of curled into a fetal position, lol.  Tonight, I just wanted the vibrations to slide down and through my body, to enter everywhere there is a crack or a wound.  I kept thinking about, just let it go, just let it go, with love and light, just let it go.

This connection is hard-wired I am afraid.  I finally was asking for help from whatever spirits might be available, particularly Archangel Michael who has that awesome blue sword, to come in and cut the connections during the tsunami’s of sound .  In the vibration of the gongs, I could visualize the energy cords radiating out from me, and Archangel Michael gracefully slicing them all away from me.   I repeated the mantra, that I no longer want, no longer welcome, any energy connections from him.

I have done this before.  I did it with my ex husband and it worked quite well.  I have done it with S, and it works for a day, for an hour, for whatever, it’s never been permanent.  I asked that it be made permanent.  Regardless of it’s origin.  You may remember that my friend who is a medium suggested to me that he was my twin flame, and that’s why the connection couldn’t be broken.  I asked tonight that even if that’s the case, which I hope and pray it is not, that the connection must be able to be severed somehow.

I’m ok, for most of the time.  I don’t get sad, but I do get angry at the betrayal again, just of the last few weeks.  The dishonor he puts on me, saying the things he did, and on himself, and on her, not trusting her with the truth.  Seriously, an untruth honors no one.  But these are things I need to let go of on the deeper level.  I suppose I’m really angry at myself for believing him for those 3 weeks.  Believing that he’s gone low enough to change, that he’d hit his bottom and could now manifest the man I’ve always seen beneath his bullshit.

Well, now I know.  I don’t know what it is with him that when she shows up in his life he becomes a total asshole. Well, he does, that’s all.  It’s not m problem any more.

Often times, the effects of the gongs don’t show up right away.  Often the work shows up in the next few days, as your body absorbs and assimilates and adjusts.  So tonight I’m going to bed quite tired, quite exhausted, content, relaxed.  Knowing that I am doing the work that needs to be done to release myself.  I wished he weren’t so much on my mind tonight, but he was, so it is what it is.  I have to allow it and deal with it, and not bury it, or ignore it.  Let it in,  make it’s presence known and then, let it leave through the back door.

So here’s to letting go of stuff we don’t want, need, or serves us any purpose.  No matter what the origin.  There has to be a way, in this lifetime, to walk away from it 100%.  If anything can help, it will be the gongs.

Keepin’On Keepin’ On


I just came home from my gong meditation. It was very emotional tonight. The last time I was at one, I came home and found out an hour later that my mother had passed away. On the way there, I had an overwhelming sadness, of missing her. Just wanted to cry. During the meditation tonight, I felt her presence, all the time with me. It was warm and comforting and close, and emotional.

Combined with the other emotionally charged chaos of this week, I ended up with my head in my hands at one point. Releasing, releasing. Release often comes in the form of a chill for me, a chill that starts from the inside, usually in my heart or solar plexus chakras, and radiates out. It happens in the summer when it’s hot, in the winter when it’s cold. I always have a blanket over me because it’s so intense. Like the inside of my body is shivering.

I had a talk after it was over with my two friends who put it on. This one takes place in their house, which is just beautiful. They didn’t know about Mom, so we talked about it, how intense tonight’s meditation was, and rich, and warm. How I felt I wasn’t alone, and could feel her with me. Soothing me, she knows my heart. She knows my pain, she is my mother and she’s still here for me. I wanted them to know, that they facilitated something special.

Love never dies. Even when those you love and who love you are not with you, they are with you. If I love someone, I will always love them. I will always want the best for them. I will always want them to be happy. I learned this from my mother, who always loved me. It was good to feel her love tonight. Very healing.

I began to do the Ho’oponopono towards the end tonight. Maybe just to myself, I don’t know. Maybe I want to heal everyone, I don’t know. It is just such a beautiful mantra. It feels like surrender, like giving it up to the universe. My friend who plays the gongs said tonight, “It’s all stacked in our favor you know.”

Yes, I know. Even when it feels like it’s not. I know it is. It is this simple truth that lets me keep on keepin’ on.

Stepping Away From The Edge This Morning

stay away from the edge

The edge is off this morning.  I slept fairly well, without any help from Ambien, though I did have my weird drink which may have helped.  It’s a new day.  A COLD one, and it’s snowing again.  Which makes it every day this week, 4 days, it has snowed.  Thankfully not a lot.  But it gets old, just like when it rains all week.  They say this weekend it won’t snow, but the overnight lows will be -2°F.  That’s frigging cold.


I think I need to focus on gratitude today.  I have so much to be grateful for.  And I forget, at times, like last night.  Like when I’m bitching about the snow and cold.  I have a warm house, a lovely house, a decent car, a decent job.  A family who loves me, and friends.  And my health, which while I have my issues (diabetes) they are well controlled and my overall health is fine.

When we come from a place where we have enough, we always have enough.  When we come from a place of lack, we will always lack.  Like Byron Katie says, I seem to always have exactly what I need.  I have enough.

It’s a wish I have for everyone, that they always have enough.  Enough food, heat, love, money, friends, family, hope, joy.  Enough.

I have  gong bath tonight.  My sound healing meditation, where I will spend an hour or so in some other place, allowing things that need releasing to release, healing my confused soul.  I am so looking forward to it.  It is timely, this one, but then…so often they are, there is always something to work on.  There is always another layer to peel off to find my way to my inner peace, to become more authentically myself, and the person I strive to be.

I’ve often said, I’ve never been addicted to anything, except coffee, lol.  Don’t mess with my morning coffee….  But maybe I’m addicted to the sound of 8 gongs crescendo-ing into a tsunami of sound and vibration.  If so, it’s an addiction I’ll hold on to, at least until I move to Florida.  Maybe I’ll have to buy a gong and hold my own down there.

Life looks much more hopeful this morning.  Love and light to all.