I’m taking some time for myself this afternoon, trying to achieve some balance in my life. I have been, honestly, immersed in pleasure a lot lately. What’s wrong with that?
I have had a dearth of pleasure in my life for a long time. I’ve been happy with my life, content. I’ve loved the move I made, and have known it was what I needed to do to leave the past behind. (An aside here, thank GOD I did not live anywhere near my ex during his recent psychotic breaks.) I’ve been fortunate to be able to find happiness in all of it, with my new life, new friends, etc. Happiness is different than pleasure though, I think.
I’ve not had anyone in my life, up until now, that cared about my pleasure. Who wanted to put a smile on my face, whether it’s with flowers, a kind word, a random gift delivered from Amazon, a nice dinner, or amazing shared intimacy. You get the idea. Enough of it so that I at times just want it to linger, having been decades since I felt it.
But here I am, and like I’ve said a few times, I know now that I need to keep a balance in my life. The things that were important to me before I met this man need to stay important to me. When I start feeling like I’ve neglected my writing, or my jewelry, or my friends, I have learned to stop and say, Ok….you need to balance this out with other things that make you happy. I think it’s been a big lesson for me. I’ve written about it before, and here I am, writing because I know I need to make sure I am allowing the balance in that I need. This is how I have always worked things out, it’s the place I have always been able to observe whatever I’m feeling and decide if it’s valid or if I’m full of shit. I think I’m learning how to balance it all out, each day.
This afternoon I’m home catching up. Tomorrow night my writers group (and we call it that loosely, lol) is coming over. I think I’m going to make a pulled pork, even thought they are good with pizza delivery. I just got a pizza the other night with D, so don’t really want to eat it again. I also heard from L (the guy I dated in February and March a few times but he kept having to leave to go back to Ohio) yesterday by text. He was back in town, and probably looking to see if I was available. It was nice to hear from him. He sent a long text catching me up kind of with his life, and I caught him up on mine. Told him that I’d been seeing D for some time now. He sent me back a short text, that he was happy all was well and working out. Nice guy. I have some cleaning and some laundry to do. Some writing to catch up on. Bills to pay.
Balance. As my life meshes with D’s, I think it will be easier and easier to achieve balance in my life. Feels good, really, to stay in balance consciously.
Love and light.