Like Flypaper, You’re Stuck to Me

This poem was written as a writing prompt for SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday).  The prompt this week w as  your/you’re/yore.   Here is the link to Linda G. Hill’s site, who hosts SoCS, if you should want to join, or read other posts.  https://lindaghill.com/2016/08/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-2716/

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I know it’s Sunday, lol, but I just didn’t have time until this morning.  So here it is….

Like Flypaper, You’re Stuck to Me

You stick in my mind
Like flypaper
Covered with bits of
Memories we shared

Have you forgotten?
Your silence is fierce
More than your presence was.
It doesn’t quite let go,

No, I know you haven’t
Forgotten me.
Avoidance is your thing.
You’re fearful
Of losing what
You don’t really have.
You’re pretending
That our sweet time together
didn’t matter,
To make someone else
feel more important.

It doesn’t matter now,
But what was, was.
It mattered then,
It was sweet
It was good.
Your silence doesn’t change that.

Taking from me
Doesn’t give to her.
Your reasoning is flawed.
The days of yore
ARE,
They just are.

Love always, all ways.

 

By Deborah E Dayen

So Hum

I meditate most mornings, for 15 or 20 minutes. To start my day, to center and ground me. I prefer guided meditations in the morning. Usually I choose a meditation that guides you in, with an intent, but then, lets you go off in silence, with only the music. I find the music helps block the internal chatter that might otherwise distract me. I find a mantra to repeat is also good to help keep my mind silent.

I have a favorite meditation from Youtube.  This meditation uses the mantra “So Hum”, which is traditional for meditation. It means, “I am”. Since “I am” is traditionally God’s name, they say (the wise spiritual teachers of the millennia) never to follow the words “I am” with anything that God could not be. Like, never say, I am stupid. I am ugly. I’m an asshole. Because, God is not, could not be, those things, lol.

And God lives within us, as us. (Lesson from Eat Pray Love, thank you Liz Gilbert.)

So this morning, I listened to this meditation, and as she guided us to say “So Hum” I began to cry. It surprised me, seriously. I have not felt sad this morning. I slept well last night. But…crying I was.

I realized, when I got to the place where I could just observe myself, that I just have a lot of emotion I am afraid to let surface, over this move. Not that I don’t want to do it, I do. I have dreamed of it. It’s just, all the goodbyes I have to say. To my friends, who are my family here. Mostly, though, to my son.

It brings so much pain to know he will be so far away. It has just been the two of us for so very long. We have gone through so much together. We’ve grown, we’ve had our joys, and our growing pains. I remembered when his father would pass out on the floor watching TV, and we’d both go to bed. He in his room, me next to him in the guest room that became my room for the last 5 years of my marriage. We’d talk, he’d make me laugh so hard. He and I had our own separate world then, about which his controlling father knew nothing. I swear those nights, my son sitting on my bed talking and laughing, made it all bearable, as I planned and plotted a way to get us free.

We created a bond which will never be broken, it is a connection that miles cannot stretch. He will always be my best friend, and I his.

This last thought made the tears stop, and I caught my breath. I am. He is. We are.

The meditation starts out with a centering thought. I am perfection, I am healthy, I am strong.

I am, we are, you are.

Love and light……