Haiku No. 284: Echoes in the House

two empty chairs

The house is silent,

Save the echoes of your words.

Do they matter now?

By Deborah E. Dayen

Image from Google Images

 

Like Flypaper, You’re Stuck to Me

This poem was written as a writing prompt for SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday).  The prompt this week w as  your/you’re/yore.   Here is the link to Linda G. Hill’s site, who hosts SoCS, if you should want to join, or read other posts.  https://lindaghill.com/2016/08/26/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-august-2716/

socs-badge-2015

I know it’s Sunday, lol, but I just didn’t have time until this morning.  So here it is….

Like Flypaper, You’re Stuck to Me

You stick in my mind
Like flypaper
Covered with bits of
Memories we shared

Have you forgotten?
Your silence is fierce
More than your presence was.
It doesn’t quite let go,

No, I know you haven’t
Forgotten me.
Avoidance is your thing.
You’re fearful
Of losing what
You don’t really have.
You’re pretending
That our sweet time together
didn’t matter,
To make someone else
feel more important.

It doesn’t matter now,
But what was, was.
It mattered then,
It was sweet
It was good.
Your silence doesn’t change that.

Taking from me
Doesn’t give to her.
Your reasoning is flawed.
The days of yore
ARE,
They just are.

Love always, all ways.

 

By Deborah E Dayen

So Hum

I meditate most mornings, for 15 or 20 minutes. To start my day, to center and ground me. I prefer guided meditations in the morning. Usually I choose a meditation that guides you in, with an intent, but then, lets you go off in silence, with only the music. I find the music helps block the internal chatter that might otherwise distract me. I find a mantra to repeat is also good to help keep my mind silent.

I have a favorite meditation from Youtube.  This meditation uses the mantra “So Hum”, which is traditional for meditation. It means, “I am”. Since “I am” is traditionally God’s name, they say (the wise spiritual teachers of the millennia) never to follow the words “I am” with anything that God could not be. Like, never say, I am stupid. I am ugly. I’m an asshole. Because, God is not, could not be, those things, lol.

And God lives within us, as us. (Lesson from Eat Pray Love, thank you Liz Gilbert.)

So this morning, I listened to this meditation, and as she guided us to say “So Hum” I began to cry. It surprised me, seriously. I have not felt sad this morning. I slept well last night. But…crying I was.

I realized, when I got to the place where I could just observe myself, that I just have a lot of emotion I am afraid to let surface, over this move. Not that I don’t want to do it, I do. I have dreamed of it. It’s just, all the goodbyes I have to say. To my friends, who are my family here. Mostly, though, to my son.

It brings so much pain to know he will be so far away. It has just been the two of us for so very long. We have gone through so much together. We’ve grown, we’ve had our joys, and our growing pains. I remembered when his father would pass out on the floor watching TV, and we’d both go to bed. He in his room, me next to him in the guest room that became my room for the last 5 years of my marriage. We’d talk, he’d make me laugh so hard. He and I had our own separate world then, about which his controlling father knew nothing. I swear those nights, my son sitting on my bed talking and laughing, made it all bearable, as I planned and plotted a way to get us free.

We created a bond which will never be broken, it is a connection that miles cannot stretch. He will always be my best friend, and I his.

This last thought made the tears stop, and I caught my breath. I am. He is. We are.

The meditation starts out with a centering thought. I am perfection, I am healthy, I am strong.

I am, we are, you are.

Love and light……

 

Golden Silence

A nice day.

A nice evening.

I can be happy without him.

I wasn’t sure.

But fact is,

we were night and day,

never to occupy the same space.

Maybe I accepted it, finally.

Maybe he forced me by his 24 hours of silence.

Perhaps,

silence really is golden.

The words

that could be spoken,

are redundant,

not necessary.

So, better to have silence,

to remember the past fondly,

And let it go.

No Words Tonight

Just checking in.  I don’t really have any words tonight, stepping back til I gather myself.  But I wanted to say, that today I had my best day ever on WP!  I don’t know why.  I only posted this morning, and then kind of lost my capacity for expressing myself the rest of the day.  So, I would have to say, it was the Universe trying to brighten my day.  I am so utterly grateful for it, for all the people who visited my blog.  Going back to making jewelry for a bit, I need to do something that doesn’t make me think about things that render me wordless.

Love to all..

Even Though

My world this morning is unsettled

Yet again.

Dark gray clouds race through the early morning sky,

And a wind from the sea, 30 miles away,

Blowing, fiercely,

Bending trees.

Bending me.

A voice called to me

speaking silently

Asking me for just a small slice of my soul.

It would have been so easy

to acquiesce, to agree.

To pretend, again.

Oh I am so good at pretending

At making up stories

That what isn’t, is.

This time I said, no…..

You can’t have that slice.

Because it will leave a wound

When you are gone.

My heart lately, is tender.

It is covered with small wounds healing.

Wounds inflicted by me

Pretending, for you.

I can’t inflict another.

Even though I love you with all my heart.