SoCS: Saved, and Safe

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Back when I was going through my divorce, and my son was living with his father, and I was terrified for him, and was facing an epic battle to save my son, the song The Prayer came across my view and I adopted it as my anthem for that dark period of my life. It was the following lines that I related to so well:

 

Lead us to a place,

Guide us with you grace,

To a place where we’ll be safe.

 

Fast forward to the present time. After a few detours and mis-turns, I have gotten to a place that is safe. It came on gradually, but the cumulative result is that I wake up happy every day. I no longer feel dread faced with a new day. I love my life. My son also is safe, and a new and happy life for himself. My ex….well, he’s in a place that’s safe and where my son and I are safe from him, though I could not save his life.

The other day I ran across this Mary Oliver poem, The Journey. It speaks so eloquently of the difficult task ahead of us when we leave an abusive, or even just bad relationship, or situation. I thought I’d share it for those who haven’t run across it. I hope you all enjoy it, and that you’re all safe.

Love and light, all.

The journey

 

This post is written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday writing prompt.  If you would like to join in the fun, please go to her page https://lindaghill.com/2017/10/06/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-717/  for all the rules.

SoCS Writing Prompt: I Guess

Guessing is not something that I’m good at. I can’t guess the lottery numbers, and I can’t guess what someone who is silent is thinking. I can’t guess how many marbles fill the jar, and I can’t guess how many spilled out.

I can’t guess what was on the mind of the white supremecists in Charlottesville today, and I can’t guess why some fool wanted to mow down the protesters with his car. But then again, can’t I?

I guess, uneducatedly, that if someone wants or attempted to mow down some protestors that he disagreed with them. I guess, that he comes from a place of fear of himself, of shame, and wants to mow down anyone who makes him look at himself for what he is. How dare anyone stand against his desire to blame all people but those who look like him for all the ills he’s brought on himself. His belief that his over-inflated white ego is worth more than anyone else’s?

Geezus. Maybe I’m better at guessing than I thought.

I guess that if someone does something like that, like drive into a crowd of people protesting the hate and violence espoused by the KKK, the Nazi’s, the White Supremecists, the David Dukes of the world, they probably align themselves with that hateful school of thought.

But I still guess that love conquers hate, that only light can dispel the darkness, and I will continue to try to overpower the hate, and fear, of these sad human beings (and I use the term loosely) with love. In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too big a burden to bear.”

Remember this, when at the end of your day you want to hate these people. Hate what they do, but pray for them, that they can find a different path out of their darkness. A path different than mowing down innocent bystanders. A path different than separation from the rest of the human race.

I guess some will disagree with me. I guess I don’t care. Love is the only answer that really changes anything, and the only answer that lifts anything. So, I’ll stick with it, and at the end of the day, be at peace with it.

I guess.

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This post was written as part of the SoCS writing prompt of Linda G. Hill.  If you want to join the fun, please go to her page at https://lindaghill.com/2017/08/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-1217/  and get all the rules about this prompt!

SoCS: Admit

This post is submitted as part of the SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday) prompt by Linda G. Hill.  She offers the prompt every Friday for publication Saturday.  If you’d like to join in, please visit her site, https://lindaghill.com/2017/06/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-1017/  for the complete rules.

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ADMIT

I admit that this writing prompt is a little difficult. I can see coming at it from too many angles, and I want to choose only one. I think the one I choose will be this. To admit something is to become accountable for it.

If I admit that I have lied, I become accountable for the lie, and the repercussions of the lie. Admitting it and then not recognizing how it ripples out in this world is not being accountable. If someone lies, and can admit it, but not even try to repair the damage done, then the admitting of the lie is simply a self serving tool to say to themselves that they acknowledged it. But it does the world no good for the lie to be admitted, but leave the damage unrepaired.

Sometimes we feel things we don’t want to admit to ourselves. Perhaps it’s that we care too much about something that is not serving us. Perhaps it’s that our actions don’t ripple out and affect others. Perhaps we don’t want to admit that we long for something we can’t have. Sometimes it’s character flaws that we can’t admit to, even when someone points them out.

Admitting a flaw in ourselves is difficult, but we all need to do it. How else can we grow? Some of us are fortunate to have someone in our lives, or a few people in our lives, who can accept our flaws, but still point them out to us to keep us straight. It’s a loving thing to do, to tell someone that they need to admit a truth about themselves. Sometimes it’s a good truth, that we haven’t even considered.

Admit can mean to allow in, in the way a ticket allows you to get into a performance, or a movie, or a baseball game. Admitting our errors also allows us in, into humanity, into the universal consciousness, into the one thing that we are all part of. We buy ourselves a ticket as we peel back the layers which bury our souls. We buy a ticket to peace of mind, happiness, joy, and connection.

It’s coincidental, isn’t it, how admitting to some things feels scary, and vulnerable. The truth is that exposing yourself to that vulnerability can lead to a painful experience, but it also can bring you to the birthplace in your soul of every good thing we can have as human beings.

I admit, freely, that writing helps me work things out. My intention with writing is always to find the next layer that needs peeling back. I admit that I want admittance to the human consciousness.

I also can admit that I couldn’t choose just one meaning of “admit”.

Love and light, all.

SoCS: All or Nothing

socs-2016-badgeThis post is written as part of the Stream of Consciousness Saturday (SoCS) writing prompt by Linda G. Hill.  For complete instructions please visit her page

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS May 20/17

Join the fun, and see what we all have to say, and add your own truth!

All or Nothing

There’s an old jazz song that gets sung at open mic night fairly often, called “All Of Me” by Billie Holliday. The chorus is:

“All of me
Why not take all of me
Can’t you see
I’m no good without you”

The singer laments, take my lips, take my arms, you took the part that was my heart, why not take all of me?

All, or nothing….Take all of me, or none of me. Which is how a relationship should be. You take the whole person. You can’t just take the parts that you like. A lover once told me there were many things he loved about me, but he hated my temper. Now, I can have a temper. It’s slow to rise, but when it does it’s like an explosion. The dust settles pretty quickly, though, and it’s over. I can’t hold a grudge. The point is though, that as a lover, I need all of me to be taken. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. All. Or take nothing, and let me go.

To be completely accepted by someone is rare. I can think of friendships I have with so many people whom I like, except for “blah blah blah”. However, I guess I accept those things, because we are still friends, even though some things make me crazy. Their good qualities always outweigh the ones that bug me. Friendship means a lot to me, so I take all of them.

In love….I also take all of my partner. Until I can’t. I’ll try and try. But I won’t, any longer, keep trying when the behavior I can’t accept begins to hurt me. All of them, or nothing. And they need to take all of me, or nothing. When you can work out the parts that bug you, between the two of you, it’s possible to find a way to take all of someone, even if you don’t quite find yourself on the same page.

All or nothing. It’s a boundary too. It says if you can’t take all of me, then you get none of me. And if I can’t take all of you, then I don’t want any of you. Compromising on that can only lead to heartache. At least in romantic, committed love. In a friendship, it’s easier. If my friend is behaving in ways I can barely tolerate, I can take a few days and stay away from them. The unacceptable behavior then fades, as I remember how important their friendship is to me. But love, romantic love, I believe has to be all or nothing, or it will never last.

Unconditional love is different than romantic love. It says, I love all people and want the best for everyone. Like the Buddhist Metta prayer, May all people be happy. May all people be free from suffering. Unconditional love. I can feel that even for people who have hurt me to the core. They say that if you believe in unconditional love, which for me is who I strive to be, that you don’t get to pick and choose who you love. If you do, it’s not unconditional. All, or nothing. Everyone, or no one.

Romantic love requires that all or nothing love in a very intimate, personal way. Unconditional love of everyone, requires it in a very broad way. One is reaching inside ourselves. One is extending as far out as possible. All or nothing. A thought-provoking writing prompt.

SoCS: Spell

“Spell me for a bit” she said.
“I’ve been at this for so long.
My bones are downright weary.
I’m not feeling very strong.”

Her friend was an old friend
And knew her words were true.
She’d been under that spell a long long time
And been carrying it true blue.

“Let me take your burden”
Her friend said with a smile.
“I can spell you while you rest a bit.
‘Twill be my burden for awhile.”

Truer friends than that, there are none
When weakened by life’s ebb and flow
Someone to ease things for just a bit
A trust I hope that you know.

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This poem was written as part of Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt.  If you’d like to join the fun, please go to https://lindaghill.com/2017/04/21/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-apr-2217/ for all the details.  Thanks for reading and have fun!

By Deborah E. Dayen

Sewing and Sowing (SoCS Prompt)

So, I’m thinking about sewing. I have a bathing suit that the plastic underwire has popped through the material that needs to be sewn. It’s a fairly new bathing suit, so I certainly don’t want to scrap it. And I only have one other that fits now. I lost enough weight that the butt in my other old ones make me look like I’m carrying a load. So, I think I threw them out, so I wouldn’t be tempted to wear them anyway. Since I’m at my sisters, I know she will have a needle and thread. I used to have a sewing kit, but didn’t bring it with me.

My mother taught us all to sew, before we even took home ec, which was a required course when we were in jr. high school. Even though we bought some of our clothes, it was much more normal that when we wanted a new dress, we’d go find a pattern that we liked and fabric and sew the dress on my mothers ancient Singer machine. When Cabbage Patch dolls came out, Mom had 3 young granddaughters and knew they all wanted one, but they were expensive. So Mom made each of the three little girls a beautiful doll, complete with the little certificate that came with them. She was a pretty amazing grandmother, as well as mother.

I am missing my herb garden that I had at my old house. I especially miss the lavender. I loved sitting out in the morning, and having the breeze waft the smell up to the deck while I sat out in the morning. I have considered sowing seeds in a pot, but really….I’ll probably just by a starter plants. I have a place I could put a few pots, and if I have separate pots for each herb, one of them won’t take over the garden. My lavender, and the thyme and the lemon balm really used to fight for the space. I’d like to have rosemary, thyme, chives, parsely, basil, and maybe sage. I am not that good at sowing seeds, and getting the plants started from scratch.

So, this Saturday, I’m prompted to write about so/sew/sow and apparently I had plenty of thoughts about them.

Love and light, everyone.

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This was written for Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday writing prompt. The prompt this week was so/sow/sew. If you’d like to participate, (and it’s fun!) please go to her page https://lindaghill.com/2017/02/10/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-1117/ to get all the details!

Haiku No. 238: Moot Point (4 parts)

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Looking for answers
I asked too many questions.
Answers changed nothing.

Still wanting answers
I searched every corner
In my quest to know.

What I discovered
Were answers unknowable
The point was still moot.

Moot. Debatable.
Arguments are not my thing.
Some things don’t matter.

by Deborah E. Dayen

This post is a response to the SoCS, Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt from Linda G. Hill.  If you would like to join the fun please visit her website for more information and the rules of the prompt at https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-1716/