The Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt for this week is “mean(s)”. Use it with or without the S, in any way you want.

So often I find myself looking at things, and wondering what they mean. Or listening to people, and wondering what they mean when they say something, especially something cryptic, that can be interpreted on many levels. I am always looking for signs, so I suppose that’s why I wonder what some things mean. For instance, the first 4 or 5 times we took our boat out, and even when it was in the slip, dolphins showed up. They are a sight to behold, and also full of magic, spirit medicine, that I felt it meant something to have the family greet us on leaving the channel, and come dive back and forth under our boat in the slip, and just swim by, playfully breaching and swimming away. I’ve always said signs are everywhere, but we have to see them, and be open to them.  If we just allow the flow to happen, we will see what they mean.

I wonder how there can be different definitions for this word, definitions that don’t even relate to each other. To find out what something means would be to try to understand. But then it can also mean mid-range, like mean low tide, or mean price of homes in town. Mean low tide, or high tide would be the average low or high tide. And what does it mean to have that knowledge? It means a lot if you are a coastal boater because knowing when it is and what the depth of it is will keep you from going aground, never a good thing in a boat!

Then, there are mean people. Like that movie, Mean Girls. I never wanted to see it, because, I guess, I’d seen enough mean people in my life. Thoughtless, selfish people who thrive on the discomfort of others, who use others for their own gain, not caring a whit how their dishonesty and selfishness affected others. I find it ironic how I find some of them hanging around on the periphery trying to re-insert themselves back into my life. Luckily in all my years I haven’t accumulated too many of those people! One woman who did that was a very good friend, but we fell out. I tried with her quite a few times to make amends to keep the friendship alive. She was the mother of one of my son’s friends, and we’d been friends about 15 years. I’ve since realized that she was dealing with some long term personal problems which may have pushed her into a depressive state, which sometimes manifests itself as misplaced anger, as an attempt to blame others for one’s problems.  Now occasionally she shows up on my FB page with something nice to say. I guess it’s her attempt to smooth things over, but what was really missing was an apology. Then I would know that her words mean something. We are cordial, but will never be close again.

Life moves on. I gave myself the means to do that, to move on, to grow, to evolve. Really, moving to Florida provided me the means to put the past in the past, and create a new life. It wasn’t easy, but now the only people in my life are people who mean something to me, and to whom I mean something. I have learned I have the right to choose who will share in my life, and who won’t. Even down here, I have let people drift away because their words, inconsistent with their actions, mean nothing.

My it’s hard to stop rambling at times, when I mean to be concise. But I guess that’s what stream of consciousness is, just putting down what rolls through one’s head.

Love and light to all. I mean that too!

Here are the SoCS rules: