Category Archives: Content

And The New Year Rolls In

Posted on by learning to live like water

Happy New Year!

What a great New Year’s Eve. The friends across the street from my sis had this amazing party. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to spend New Year’s Eve outside. They had live music, there was lots of food (everyone brought something), lots of drink. Lots of dancing and talking and fun! And all we had to do was walk across the street, as did almost everyone else there. About 70 people all from the neighborhood. The music was somebody the hosts heard in Key West. They have a regular gig there, but the hosts paid them to come all the way up here, to play for us last night.

I have not spent New Year’s Eve with my sister, or anyone in my family for that matter, in about 50 years. It was so awesome!!!! It was about 65, cool enough for a sweater, warm enough that it was easy to stay outside all night. I met some more wonderful people, we laughed, they included me. I may have been the only single person there, but it didn’t matter, really. We all laughed, talked and danced til about 1 AM, and then came home and collapsed into bed. I only drank 3 small glasses of wine, really they probably amounted to 2 real glasses. Drank lots of water. At midnight the champagne came out.

I love that 2016 is over. It was such a hard year for me, so many big changes. I just tried, last night, to put it all in the past. The struggle to get the house sold, to move my son to Colorado, to retire, to move down here, to deal with the issues on the house down here, and to finish, once and for all, the relationship with S.

And since I have really and fully closed the door on that old, toxic and painful relationship, it seems maybe someone new is making their way in. I’m not sure yet, but the signs are good. I am WAY more cautious now, about believing what someone tells me. I’m not jumping into anything, but it seems there is something there, coming from both sides. Time will tell. I’m hopeful.

Trying to make New Year’s resolutions, well kind of. I am not a big resolution girl, but I think in light of all the changes in my life I should try to make some sort of plan on how I want to better live my life. Life is so good here, for me. With friends and family, and maybe a new man. But really, if I’m not going to work, I want to find things to get involved with, to give back, to make this little corner of the world a better place.

I’m going to finish the things around the house that need doing. I have to hang the curtains I bought in my bedroom. I need to put together my leave blower and clean up the leaves in the back yard. My handyman is coming in the next few days to do some tree-trimming. I need to scrub the deck down, it has some mildew on it, or else maybe it’s just dirty, but at any rate, it needs cleaning. Then I’ll get a shed ordered, my handyman will put it up, and I can start doing things like landscaping.

In my spare time, I want to get back to making jewelry. There are so many shops in town that will sell on consignment, and I am heartened by the fact that I sold two of the necklaces that were at the gallery in St. Pete. Apparently there is some market for the kind of jewelry I make. And so much more pleasant to make jewelry for extra money than to work. God, I so love not working.

I guess you can tell, I am excited for the future. No big changes ahead, just cruising easily through the things I love to do. In perfect weather most of the time. Last night was so perfect, really.

I fell asleep immediately, but only slept 3 or 4 hours last night. I see a nap in my future today, and it’s supposed to be warm again, warm enough to take a nap outside in the sun lounger. I don’t feel exhausted, I think that the inability to sleep longer is from just feeling so full of good energy from last night, and so much gratitude that my life has turned out this way. It’s crazy. If someone looked back at my blogs this time last year, I was such a mess. What a difference a year makes.

Enough gushing. It’s hard to stop. It’s just so awesome, so incredible, to be happy almost all the time. Not really to be ever stressed about anything. I think it’s one reason I have been able to let go so much more easily of things that no longer serve me since I’ve been here. There’s just no need to hang on to anything that doesn’t add happiness to my life.

Love and light, everyone. May we all have a blessed 2017.

Singing the Song for 2017

Posted on by learning to live like water

It’s New Year’s Eve. Time to reflect, to look forward, to enjoy the moment.

Reflecting….. Last year was a year of huge change for me. Never before have I had so many big changes in my life. Losing my mother. Retiring from a lifetime of work. Moving to Florida, to a completely different way of life. Moving my son away from me to Colorado. Ending a love affair that stopped bringing me pleasure a long time ago, and only brought me pain. And even so, it was a struggle to let go. But let go I finally have, completely.

All these changes were good. Every one of them. Even though I miss my son so much. I know he’s doing well, and happy, and making his own way. Thank God for cell phones, we talk every day. There are new people in my life, new friends, the budding of new relationships that bring a smile to my face.

I don’t deal with winter any more. That is such a blessing to me. I so hated being cold from the middle of October until the middle of April. Dressing in 4 or 5 layers, and still being cold. I hated dealing with snow, and the last few years we had mega amounts of snow up there, with only a few exceptional years. I hated driving in it, keeping the driveway clear and the walk ways, and being housebound.

Now…..when it gets cold here, it’s in the 50’s. And so far, for not more than 2 days, til the temperature creeps back up to the 70’s or 80’s. I can walk every day along the beach. I can see the ocean every day. The water here on the Gulf coast is warm, and calm, and soothing. Usually I am dressed in one layer, and more often than not, it’s shorts, or skorts (the skirts with shorts under them).

To be able to spend time with my sister on a regular basis is such a blessing. We are becoming so close. It has eased the pain of losing our mother last year. We joke all the time about how we channel her for each other. She and I have not lived close to one another since we moved out of the house around age 20. I’m going back there today, invited to her neighbor’s New Year’s Eve party which promises to be a blast, and it’s right across the street!. No driving with the drunks….

The future is looking bright. There is a possibility of a budding relationship. It is moving slowly, at a speed which, while sometimes frustrating for me, is a good thing really. I’m sitting back and let the universe drive the train. It’s fun to feel that way again, and actually have it reciprocated.

Financially I feel secure. Avalon, my home, my place of new beginnings, is coming along. All the big work is now completed. There are some jobs like tree-trimming, putting up a shed, landscaping that need to be done, but they will be done over the next few months.

Mostly, I have given up worry over things I cannot control. I have come to believe that the Universe has a grand design, which we cannot possibly understand in human terms, and that all will work out for the highest good of all. It’s not so much Pollyanna, it’s just that I agree with Marianne Williamson that the universe is self-organizing and self-correcting. It has been the way it’s worked for me, over and over again. I know that many people won’t agree with me, in fact, maybe most. It’s just the way it is from the perspective of my life. Not asking anyone else to believe it.

This year, I think I will try to do more giving back. There are a few things I’ve discovered here which I can get involved with that might make a difference in someone else’s life. I mean, I have such a happy life here. So free of drama and pain, so full of joy. I want to spread that around as much as I can.

Life is for living, for singing a joyful song. I’ve always known that, even though I’ve had a hard time singing so often. Through an abusive marriage, a failed love affair, a long period of terrible financial insecurity, I still always believed I could one day sing the song again.

I’m singing it now. It’s in my head, lol, I still don’t sing in front of people. But those close to me can hear the song. I guess this is why I trust that the universe is on it, organizing and correcting for the higher benefit of all. Because it’s taken me from terrible darkness, to the sunlight of Florida.

Love and light, everyone. Have a Happy New Year!

Really Settling In

Posted on by learning to live like water

Wow! Four nights of good sleep in a row, without any sleep aid. Last night was the best yet! 8 hours, with only one wake up for about a half hour. Awesome! So what is allowing me to sleep so well?

I think that I’ve let old things that caused me anxiety just go. I don’t wake up wondering about them any more, or even caring about them. New things, happy things, have come into my life, and when I wake up, I think of them and go back to sleep. I think I’m finally settling into my new life, and feeling comfortable here.  I am remembering that I named this house Avalon, a mystical place of new beginnings.  There was so much I wanted to let go of from my old life, and so much more I wanted to bring in with my new life.  It’s all happening.  I see that the journey from there to here was the way it was purposefully, bringing me to a much better, happier, fulfilling place.

For instance, tonight is open mic night. Both the friends I usually go with have been sick with bad colds, so I don’t know if either of them will go with me. But I am comfortable enough to go alone, because I know there will be people there that will be happy to include me. I have a circle of people here, and it’s a huge comfort to me, to have a base.

The big work on my house is mostly done now. I still have tree trimming and a shed to put up, but that’s not big stuff. No more workers in my house all day. I have to go curtain shopping for the windows now. The shades I bought will not work with the new windows, so I have to take them back and get something else. Right now my bedroom windows have tablecloths over them, and the living room has towels, lol. I’m going to re-install the blinds I had in the living room, they are fine for the living room. I had the same ones in my bedroom, but they let too much light in. I wanted the better shades I bought, but they won’t work. I think I’ll have to go for room darkening curtains. But that’s ok too. Whatever it takes.

When I was moving furniture yesterday away from the windows, the mirror on my dresser, big heavy mirror, fell off. Apparently the movers had stripped the holes where the screws went. So now I will need help getting it back up. I’m sure my handyman will help me with that. Thank God the mirror did not break. But it so aggravated me that the movers just left it like that.

I’m going to get going early this morning. To take back the shades, to look for curtains and a few other errands. I want to take a good long walk on the beach today. Tomorrow it’s going to get cold. Well, cold for here, lol. High of 60. By Sunday it will be back to 80, happily.

Lots of good things happening. I still pinch myself every day, I’m so amazed that I have this wonderful life here. Just so blessed, so lucky. When my sister and I were shopping, we were waiting in line to pay. She remarked that it was 3 PM. I said, “Oh good, we will have time to get into the hot tub for awhile and have a glass of wine before we go down to sunset.” Then I looked at her, hearing myself, and said, “It’s a rough life isn’t it? LOL.” She said “Thank you for reminding me…..” We both know how lucky we are.

Love and light, everyone.

Shopping and Sunsets

Posted on by learning to live like water

My sis and I spent the day shopping today. Neither one of us particularly likes to shop, but we both needed many of the same things, so off we went, hoping it would be more fun together. And it was!!

We first went for shoes. I have been wearing flip-flops for over 6 months. Except for the last month maybe, when I’ve switched off to shoes with arch support when I’m going to be on my feet for a long time. And my feet are telling me to quit the flip-flops. I LOVE flip-flops. They are like my trademark. But I bought a pair of athletic sandals to wear when I want to go for a walk. I also bought a nice pair of comfy open toed shoes too, in a kind of silver weave. My sis bought 3 pairs of shoes, lol.

Then I found jeans that fit me actually! I’m very excited about that. I’ve had to wear a belt for so long with my jeans because they tend to slide off of me. I keep tightening up the belt, now I’m on the 5th hole. So I now have 2 pair that aren’t made for teen-agers, but for adults. They are skinny jeans, but come up to my waist, so no more belt!! And they fit my legs tightly as skinny jeans do. Yay! So excited about that. I also bought some undergarments at Victoria’s Secret. I had them refit me because I wasn’t sure what size I needed any longer. It’s TMI to discuss but let’s just say I’ve lost enough weight to drop a couple sizes! And they were buy one, get one half price. We ended the day at Bath & Body Works because everything was on sale there, lol.

When we got home we went to the beach to watch the sunset. It was just amazing. The rest of this will be a pictorial essay on the setting of the sun over the Gulf of Mexico. I will let it speak for itself .

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Hope you enjoyed the sunset.  Love and light everyone.

Not Foolish, nor Destined to Repeat the Past :-)

Posted on by learning to live like water

The sun was almost up when I awoke this morning. Daybreak had broken, the eastern sky was alight. I slept the sleep of the dead last night. I didn’t go anywhere, both of my friends who were going to go to the artwalk with me were sick. One with a cold, the other with a migraine. As it turned out I fell asleep on my couch from 5 to 6, and then stayed up late because I wasn’t tired.

I was in quite a mood last night, and yesterday, with those poems I wrote, Foolishness and Destined. Today my waking mind was in a far more indifferent place. It is always therapeutic lean in to that discomfort when it shows up, to write those feelings out, and send them out to the universe.

This morning I’m out on my deck, sipping my coffee under the canopy of the banyan tree in my nightgown, feeling quite content. I am still seeking a love that can last, but have no regrets over the past, nor really any attachment to it. Just moving forward, and expect what will come will come when it’s supposed to, if it’s supposed to. In the meantime I have friends and family here that I love and who love me, and a wonderful life. There is no reason to feel bitterness or angst.

And who knows? I had a short text with C last night. He’s always up, it seems. In a good place. It’s a refreshing change for me. I hope I hear from him again soon.

I always say that the people I loved I will always love. But really, some of those people are out of my life for a reason, and the reason is that they were in it to teach me, part of the lesson my soul needed to learn. They’ve taught me and we’ve both moved on to our own next lessons. Today, I am grateful for the lessons, and for the fact that I have such a wonderful starting point for my next adventure. Love always? Yes, I suppose so. But maybe not desire, not hope that things will be different. Oprah defined forgiveness as giving up hope that the past will ever change. I think that’s where I am. Glean from it what we can, and go on.

Like my horoscope said, I am an Aries and I like to move forward. I can backslide like anyone else, but not for long. I don’t like that place. I hate covering the same real estate twice. A relationship that takes me over and over the same ground without ever moving forward is not compatible with me.

Feeling so much more myself today. I’m going to go down to the water, take a long walk. Go to the grocery store and get the stuff I need for Christmas food. I’m making baked stuffed shrimp for Christmas Eve at my sisters. And for Christmas night, my traditional raspberry angel food cake with Raspberry Amaretto Sauce. And whatever my sister and I decide we want for Christmas Day. We’re invited to a friends in her neigborhood for Christmas night, which will be fun. It will remind me how I always went to my bff’s in CT on Christmas night. I was often the only non-blood family there, but that huge family always treated me like one of their own.

I have been really blessed, haven’t I?

Love and light, all.

Dreams, Again. Good Ones.

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m sitting here in my sisters living room, sipping on a cup of coffee, with not much on my mind this morning. I slept well last night, even though I woke up a couple times, I got back to sleep. I couldn’t go sit outside this morning, because although it’s a beautiful morning, everything is soaked. I guess there must have been some dense fog earlier. It’s still humid and summerlike out, but not too hot. Love it….

I had some dreams and decided to look them up. One was about a letter I was trying to send to someone. I just remember seeing the envelope, but I’m not even sure who it was to. Dreammoods does not address under letters sending a completed letter, only writing one. I assume there is someone there I still have things to say to. But don’t know who it is, so I’ll let it go.

Another dream was about windows, 4 windows in a room, with the wood frame painted a different color on each, bright primary colors. They were big windows. That turns out to be kind of cool…Here’s what they said about windows and primary colors.

To see a window in your dream signifies bright hopes, vast  possibilities and insight. The size of the window is reflective of your outlook; a small window suggests that you tend to not get your hopes up too high when good things happen, while a large window symbolizes your openness to new experiences.

Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions, and vibes. First consider what that single color in your dream means to you and your own personal associations and relationship with that color. In general, pale pastel colors indicate weakness or subtlety. Dark colors represent passion and intensity. Bright colors mean awareness.

I like that…I am open to new experiences, true! And that I have some insight and awareness, well, that’s like my quest anyway.

Then I dreamed I had a big blister on my leg, maybe 2” in diameter, that was bleeding around the edges, but I managed to get it to stop.

To dream that you have a blister indicates that some minor annoyance or problem is draining your energy and time.

To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends.

To see your legs in your dream indicate that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. To dream that your leg is broken, wounded or crippled signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life.

The only minor annoyance I can think of is the conversation I had with that quasi-friend the other night. It did leave me feeling emotionally drained, but I think the fact that the blister and bleeding were on my leg, shows that this interaction did upset me but that I am in control of my life and emotions.  Since I stopped the bleeding,I will interpret it all to be over and done with, and that I am not losing any sleep over it. Feeling in control of my own life. I feel confident and happy. And really….it was a minor annoyance anyway. Not major.

I’m happy to be remembering my dreams. With dreammoods.com, I feel like I get some insight into my subconscious. I am happy to know that what the emotions and actions I am manifesting through my ego, are in tune with my subconscious. It feels balanced.

My sis and I are gonna go do a little Christmas shopping this morning. That should be fun, there are lots of cool little shops around here. Going to be an awesome day.

Love and light.

Staying in the Here and Now, for Now

Posted on by learning to live like water

here and now

I have been feeling like my blogs are becoming quite boring, really. I don’t have much profound stuff to write about lately. It’s all about the real here and now, getting the house up for sale, buying insurance for my house in FL. Getting ready for the move….So much to do to put this thing together.

It is a bit overwhelming to be doing it alone at times. However, my sister and brother-in-law have been life-savers there. Of course, without them I wouldn’t have bought a house already, so wouldn’t be dealing with buying and selling and moving all at once. I’m so grateful to them for what they have done. I thought I’d have to move down there, store my stuff, and live in my sis’s garage apartment (which is more like a 4 star hotel, lol) while I found a place to buy. It has taken a lot of the burden off of me to have a place to just move into.

Part of the overwhelming-ness is that my son will be moving away at the same time. He’s ready, he is excited about it, he wants to be on his own and I know I have to just let him find his way. It’s just that it’s been just the 2 of us for 8 years now, we have been a constant in each other’s lives. It’s just that we have always been there, just other life in the house. His energy is chaotic, young, excited. Mine is the opposite, I think. Calm, pragmatic, not too uptight about most things, most of the time. (I can lose it over a mess…which is his biggest fault, lol.) I will miss him. He’s kept me young since he was born when I was 41 years old. He tells me his friends think I am the coolest mom ever, which pleases me.

I have been missing my kitty too…more than I thought I would, to be honest. I’m miss her waiting at the door for me when I come home, bolting up the stairs ahead of me to get a drink out of the bathroom sink, sitting with me during my morning meditation, hopping up on the bed and sticking her nose in my face while I read. She was good company to me.

I went out with a friend last night to a kind of neighborhood local bar/restaurant. Small, but with live music. We enjoyed the band a lot, they played a lot of music from our era, they had one set that the vocalist, a woman, called “The Woodstock Hour”. Jefferson Airplane and Santana, Grateful Dead, among others, it was fun. They did some country, some blues, some kind of obscure old music. My friend asked a man to take a picture of us, which he did. He then came over and bought us a drink. She had told him I was moving, lol, and he and I talked a bit. It was nice, friendly. I think that I will do better when I move, and put myself in positions to actually meet someone in real life, rather than online. Anyway, it was lovely to get out for a few hours after a long week.

So, life goes on. I’ll be crazy busy finalizing the house for pictures this weekend. I hope I get to enjoy some of this lovely spring weather we’re having too. Finally.

Love and light, all.

Sleep, sweet sleep. Ahhhh.

Posted on by learning to live like water

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I can’t believe how well I’ve been sleeping.  Except for the night I went out dancing and drank a little too much.  But I’ve been getting 7 hours of good sleep every night, with no problem.

To me, the ability to sleep well is such an indicator of healing.  For months after and during all the drama with S, I was taking 10 mg of Ambien every night to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep, and it didn’t always work.  Now, I just go to sleep within minutes of turning my light out at night.  It shows me, more than anything, how much I have let go, forgiven, moved on.  It’s also helpful to know that I still have measures in place so that I can’t hear from, or get involved in any drama with, him or her.  The energy connection is still there, like the ringing in my ears (that I have because I am mostly deaf in one ear) but I am now able to just tune it out.  Never thought I could do that, but I can.

I messaged the Florida realtor last night, and told her I accepted the counter offer. The seller is going to hook up the gas to the stove/oven and to the hot water heater, which will cost her.  Plus she’s going to upgrade the electric at the same time.  So, I agreed that I’d meet her half way as she asked, between my original offer and my new offer.  I told the realtor, let’s get this done, I don’t want to fool around with it any more.

My house here won’t sell for what I’d hoped.  More than I bought it for but not enough to recoup all my money after I pay the realtor and state conveyance tax, which is 1% of the sale price.  But I’ll still be ok, there will still be enough there to do what I planned.

Moving on down the road.  And into the shower, gotta go to work.  🙂

Love and light.

 

 

Believing

Posted on by learning to live like water

In gratitude this morning.  I awoke early as usual, about 5:15.  I felt peace, for a lovely change.  No angst over the past, no worry about the future.

I have a ring with a large larimar stone.  This is the stone of the Caribbean, it’s only found there.  It’s metaphysical properties are tranquility of sea and air to the heart and mind.  It is supposed to soothe and uplift hurt, fear, depression, pain of life and changes, with love.  I bought the ring in St. Thomas when I took my son on a cruise when he graduated from high school.

 

 

The day I was decorating my house for Christmas, at about 5 PM I looked at my ring and the stone had fallen out somewhere.  I had no idea when or where.  I had been digging in boxes of ornaments, and decorations, doing laundry, cleaning, run an errand to the drugstore.  I dug through the boxes I’d been in but to no avail.  While I was sad it was gone, I had a feeling that it would just turn up somewhere.  I don’t know why, I wasn’t frantic, I just thought it would.

Two days later I was at work, and my son called me, that he’d found my stone in the washing machine!  It fell out while I loaded the sheets into the washer.  Now I just have to reset it into the setting and I’ll have my ring back.

This is how I am feeling about my life right now.  It isn’t perfect, but what I want I know is going to come.  And I can let go of the angst, at least for today.  The angst, and all the other negative emotions that the last 6 months have brought me, I just let go.  I almost brought the drama back into my life this weekend, but it wasn’t supposed to happen and didn’t.  I am so grateful for that I can’t even express it.  I am so grateful to have a wonderful life to just settle into, and know that if I just believe, the things I want will manifest.  It has always been so, and will always be.

I remember during my divorce, thinking every day, that what I wanted had already happened, it just had not manifested yet.  I feel this now….the things I want, in the vast expanse of the universe in which there is no space and time, have already happened.  They are waiting for the perfect time to manifest.  I know they are coming.

Breathe in love.  Breathe out all that no longer serves you.

And believe….just believe.

 

 

Feeling Content

Posted on by learning to live like water

 

 

contentment-275x206Putting up Christmas decorations today. All but the tree. I’ll get to that maybe tonight, the lights at least. The rest of it tomorrow.

I didn’t go to the sweat lodge today. The sweat lodge tends to be emotional, a way to release, to reconnect with yourself at the deepest level. It’s good, sometimes. But I have been emotional now for so long. Riding the roller coaster of emotions, I just didn’t want to be emotional today. Or this weekend. I am sick of my emotions, sick of crying, sick of being angry, sick of it all. I just want to move on, and live a normal life, with all that chaos and drama in the past. Where it belongs.

So, in addition to the Christmas decorations I did laundry, cleaned my kitchen, changed the sheets on my bed, put stuff away as I took stuff out, lol.  I also managed to get my new computer updated so I could install the printer without freezing the computer.  And I had to work at downloading Open Office too.  But I got it all done, seems to be working ok.  Every time I installed the new printer on this computer it would lock it up and I’d have to reset it to the initial settings.  Grrr.

Then I sat down to take a break. I found a movie I’ve wanted to see on On-Demand, for free. It was A Winter’s Tale, with Colin Firth and Russell Crowe. I had a few mixed emotions about it.

Scott had given me the book last spring, one of the last times I was at his house. It was a nice gesture. He said he just thought I might like it, a blend of fantasy, and fiction, love across the ages. A few weeks later he began to push me away, because she was back, unknown to me. I loved the book, it is one of my favorite books now.

One of the many times I tried to break it off with him, he asked me to give him the book back. He’d also given me another, Jitterbug Perfume. I guess at some point, I got angry with his little offers of a “nice afternoon” or to come over after work, and never stay. I told him not to come at all, if he wouldn’t stay. What he wanted I didn’t. I sent both books back to him after buying my own copies off of ebay for less than $5 each, including shipping. The break-up didn’t last, we reconciled after a few days. I probably gave in to him, but he might have come for the night too, that happened a couple times. I was just so crazy about him. Geezus.

Anyway, there was a lot of his energy around the movie. I was pretty sure I could deal with the triggers. As it turned out, there were not really any triggers, but the movie was well acted but terrible if you’ve read the book. I didn’t see how they could make a movie of it that would run less than say, 5 hours. Well they did, because they changed the story, and left out huge important parts of it. So….read the book, don’t watch the movie, lol.

The other book, Jitterbug Perfume, is in my desk at work. I started it before we broke up, I read the first few chapters and liked it too. But I’ve picked it up since and it just made me angry and hurt, and I can’t even look at it. Now that I have the facts, I just get disgusted looking at it, so it will stay in my desk drawer at work, where I will hardly ever see it.

Last night I slept without Ambien for the first time in months. I started taking it when I had carpal tunnel, it allowed me to sleep through some of the pain. Then I kept taking it when Scott dumped me, so I could get 5 or 6 hours of sleep. I’ve been afraid to not take it, afraid I wouldn’t sleep. But last night I did ok. I woke up a couple times but got back to sleep.

I got a couple messages from men on a dating site, (NOT OKCupid where I met S!). I’ve messaged with one of them before, and he said he’s looking forward to talking this week. That would be nice. The other guy wrote a very funny message, he made me laugh. Very outside the box, interesting writing style. He’s not my type physically, but his message made me laugh so hard, I answered it anyway. You never know. I love to laugh.

Talked to A this morning for a long while. He has met a woman in Michigan on-line….I was like, A, it’s so far!!! He wants so badly to be in love, he still loves me so much, I know. He told me so twice this morning. But he’s respectful of my wishes, of the fact that I don’t want a long distance relationship, that our chemistry isn’t like that for me. He says he’s going to go to MI to meet this woman, that’s almost as far as here. I’m afraid for him but it’s his deal. He said he will talk to me about it. I told him to trust his gut, that he doesn’t need my energy in the mix. (He said it already is.) I really want him to be happy. He is such a good loving soul. We have never lied to each other, never led each other on. I know I have broken his heart, a couple times, but I did it honestly, I let him know what was going on, and how I felt; He was never blindsided. I owned it, and I stayed with him while he dealt with it. We have had some very tender moments, moments which were real.

It’s nice to have had a few tender moments that were real with a man.

Last night he said he probably needs to live alone for awhile. Because he never has. He lost his wife to cancer in July of 2014. His son lives with him. He said, he is trying to learn how to “uncouple”. I told him I’ve been uncoupled for a long long while (9 years). I don’t include having been with Scott as having been a couple. I was crazy in love with him, but he never let us be a couple. I look back and have to just let it all go, I don’t think it meant anything to him at all.

My son is having “Friendsgiving” tonight at our house.  That should be interesting.  They will stay in his space, he said they’re all bringing food.  I love that energy.

It’s been a nice day, just getting stuff done, no exhausting emotions around anything. Feeling content, looking forward with a smile.