Late Sunday Afternoon

This morning, I got dressed, changed the sheets on my bed, vacuumed, and intended to go for a walk. On the spur of the moment, I called a woman, an acquaintance, I’d met a few times and asked her if she’d like to go with me. We are both single, I know she dates once in a while. We are both new here, she moved from Maine, me from CT. We are similar in that we both have made the move by ourselves, on our own. She answered sure, she’d love to. Why didn’t I come to her house, and park there and we could walk past the marinas to Clam Bayou, which is a nature preserve not far from the center of town.

So, I did! We walked about 2 ½ miles to and through the Bayou. It’s a beautiful day, temps around 77°. There’s a stiff wind blowing out of the East, and we were grateful for it, because it really was keeping the temperature down. It was nice to get to know her better. Nice to expand my friend base. After we got done walking we walked a few more short blocks to the center of town, and got breakfast, well, brunch, at an outdoor cafe, and listened to my friend Gary play the keyboard. He came over to our table to say hi. Told us that a man sitting on a bench listening to him identified himself as a piano teacher. Gary is self-taught, and doesn’t even read music. The guy was quizzing him, lol. Gary was a little um, taken aback. He just plays for tips, they don’t even pay him. So he certainly doesn’t expect to get tested!

It is so nice to sit outside, eat, and listen to music. I had a mango mimosa too! Mmmmm.

I came home, determined to start work on my taxes. Which I did. I got most everything together that the accountant needs. I have a mess of documents I brought down here now, that need to be sorted through, filed, and put away in some semblance of order. That’s a job for tomorrow. LOL.

In the middle of it, my son called. First he told me his father has called him like 5 times in a row. I said, “He hasn’t called me, did you listen to his voice mail?” (I knew if it was really important his father would have called me.) Son replied, “I just got my new iPhone 7 yesterday and I haven’t set up voice mail yet.” I said, “That’s probably why he called so many times….he wanted to leave a voice mail.” Son said he’d set it up this afternoon. Then he said he wants to make himself a good dinner tonight, because he has time to. And that suddenly hit me, I don’t know why, how much I missed him. I used to always try to make a decent meal on Sunday night, because we were both usually home. Something that would give us leftovers for the upcoming week. I really miss those routines we had, all those years together. Unspoken. We didn’t even think about them….but we had them. Now our routine is phone calls.

I know I’m really blessed that he stays in such close touch with me. It’s just, he’s alone, I’m alone, on a Sunday afternoon, a Sunday night….I miss him. He’s making his own good dinner tonight, and I’m glad he is, but I wish I was making it for him. There are some things about my old life that I just really miss.

However…..then reality hits me…. Going through my tax docs, from the sale of my old house, the purchase of my new house, I paid $5723 in property taxes on my old house last year. Is that ridiculous or what? My tax bill down here was about $1400, and next year with my Homestead exemption probably about half of that. So…here I am, dealing with my son having a new life, me having a new life, because there’s no way to pay those kind of taxes, even if I’d had no mortgage, which I had, and retire. And I didn’t even pay them for a full year! That was just through September! Crazy….. Even if I’d not minded winter….I couldn’t have done it.

I did make some baked egg custard this afternoon. I have some good fruit, including another fresh papaya from the community garden, and fresh strawberries to have with it. And some whipped cream, lol. It will be a good dessert.

I haven’t heard from L today, but he told me he was going to be with his kids, creating loan docs and corporate by-laws, so I know he’s really busy today. And the day’s not over yet, lol.  Like I said, I don’t need to hear from him every day, just regularly. Sometimes I contact him first, if it’s been a couple days, just to stay in touch. Trying in a low key way to just let him know I’m still keeping dinner warm, lol.

So, all seems to be well, this Sunday afternoon. I had a nice productive day. Even though I miss my son, I’m happy. Love and light, all.

Really Settling In

Wow! Four nights of good sleep in a row, without any sleep aid. Last night was the best yet! 8 hours, with only one wake up for about a half hour. Awesome! So what is allowing me to sleep so well?

I think that I’ve let old things that caused me anxiety just go. I don’t wake up wondering about them any more, or even caring about them. New things, happy things, have come into my life, and when I wake up, I think of them and go back to sleep. I think I’m finally settling into my new life, and feeling comfortable here.  I am remembering that I named this house Avalon, a mystical place of new beginnings.  There was so much I wanted to let go of from my old life, and so much more I wanted to bring in with my new life.  It’s all happening.  I see that the journey from there to here was the way it was purposefully, bringing me to a much better, happier, fulfilling place.

For instance, tonight is open mic night. Both the friends I usually go with have been sick with bad colds, so I don’t know if either of them will go with me. But I am comfortable enough to go alone, because I know there will be people there that will be happy to include me. I have a circle of people here, and it’s a huge comfort to me, to have a base.

The big work on my house is mostly done now. I still have tree trimming and a shed to put up, but that’s not big stuff. No more workers in my house all day. I have to go curtain shopping for the windows now. The shades I bought will not work with the new windows, so I have to take them back and get something else. Right now my bedroom windows have tablecloths over them, and the living room has towels, lol. I’m going to re-install the blinds I had in the living room, they are fine for the living room. I had the same ones in my bedroom, but they let too much light in. I wanted the better shades I bought, but they won’t work. I think I’ll have to go for room darkening curtains. But that’s ok too. Whatever it takes.

When I was moving furniture yesterday away from the windows, the mirror on my dresser, big heavy mirror, fell off. Apparently the movers had stripped the holes where the screws went. So now I will need help getting it back up. I’m sure my handyman will help me with that. Thank God the mirror did not break. But it so aggravated me that the movers just left it like that.

I’m going to get going early this morning. To take back the shades, to look for curtains and a few other errands. I want to take a good long walk on the beach today. Tomorrow it’s going to get cold. Well, cold for here, lol. High of 60. By Sunday it will be back to 80, happily.

Lots of good things happening. I still pinch myself every day, I’m so amazed that I have this wonderful life here. Just so blessed, so lucky. When my sister and I were shopping, we were waiting in line to pay. She remarked that it was 3 PM. I said, “Oh good, we will have time to get into the hot tub for awhile and have a glass of wine before we go down to sunset.” Then I looked at her, hearing myself, and said, “It’s a rough life isn’t it? LOL.” She said “Thank you for reminding me…..” We both know how lucky we are.

Love and light, everyone.

Left-Over Thoughts From the Epiphany Yesterday

I’ve finally come down off the adrenaline of last night’s epiphany about who and what I’ve been dealing with.  It’s a shock to the system, when you finally see someone clearly that you’ve been making up stories about because you loved them.  I’m assimilating, the message is working it’s way through my chakras, I’m fairly balanced and calm tonight.

I told my son a little bit about the plans that he had for me, and my son was like “Say WHAT??????”  LOL.  He never liked the guy, but even he was amazed at the audacity, the sheer egocentricity of the things he espouses.  You just gotta just say, ” Wow, I dodged a real bullet…”  She’s welcome to him.  Ewwww.  Of course, he won’t make the offer to her, lol.  Or even let her know it was on the table.  LOL.  Idiocy.  Just idiocy.  At least I had a good idea of who I was lavishing affection on .  She has no idea, but that’s her own stupidity.  I’m sure she likes the games as well as he does.

Texted with both Jim and A today, A for only a short time.  Jim throughout the day.  It will be a fun to go out on a Friday night!  I think it will give us, particularly me, a much better read on our connection.  Jim seems to feel a good connection, but I’m a long way from that.  I really don’t get his sense of humor, but I think he’s trying too hard to be funny. Although, he just called and made me laugh while we talked.  Maybe it’s just the texting thing, sometimes it’s hard to follow, but I want to try to lighten him up a bit.  I know I have been holding back, and I will continue to do that, so I don’t get myself into another dysfunctional relationship.  But I won’t be holding back because I’m in love anymore with someone else.  With clarity, that romantic love just dissipated.  Gone.  And it’s easier to ignore the connection we have, when I look at him through clear eyes.

You know, we get one good shot at this life.  He actually got two, the second when some philanthropic organization paid $208,000 so that he could get an experimental drug that cured him of liver cancer….I mean, that cancer is usually just a death sentence.  And he wastes that 2nd chance playing games with people, play acting out who he is with everyone and full of self satisfaction when they believe the lie, instead of trying to make his life worth the effort of those who gave him the 2nd chance.  Instead of showing gratitude for his few more years on the earth by trying to love people, and do his best to lift them, as he was lifted.  He is still only interested in getting what he wants, whether it’s right or wrong, whether it makes him a better person, or drives him into a hole, whether it allows him to be connected to the human race, the one great consciousness, or causes him to be separate and alone.  Thoughtless.  Careless.  Ungrateful. Self-absorbed.  But mostly, sad, just sad.

A few left-over thoughts is all.  I’m moving Onward…..

Love and light.

A Rich, Full Life

I’m still on vacation until Monday morning  I had a lovely day today.  My son and I went to Newport, RI basically for lunch.  We didn’t want to spend a lot of money, so didn’t do much shopping, But we walked around, we both enjoy just being near the water.  We talked about his plans to move next summer, a little about mine.  Talked about the music festivals he’s going to.  He drove, I paid, lol.  It was a perfect summer day, just perfect.

I am having the carpal tunnel surgery 2 weeks from tomorrow.  My arm is so much better since I have been on vacation and can baby it.  Not looking forward to going back to work next week, for that reason (that I can’t baby it there) and for a lot of other reasons.

My son had planned to take the whole day off, so he could take me and stay with me at home after.  But hes switching jobs (after being at his job 4 years) and the new job is assistant manager for a brand new store, which has it’s grand opening the day of my surgery.  I can’t get the time for surgery til the afternoon before.  So I called the dr’s office today and explained the situation.  She said the latest I would go would be 10 and I’d be home by 1.  I think at that point he can go to work, I can get a friend to sit with me for the afternoon.  The woman at the dr’s office said she will call the surgery center and ask them to schedule me first, which means I would need to be there between 6 and 7 AM but would be home by 10.  So, it was all a relief to know that he could still take me and bring me  home and not have to worry about it.

Next Saturday I get new carpeting in my family room.  I’m pretty excited about that!

This Saturday I have a graduation party for my best friend’s daughter.  My friend asked me to make an appetizer and a dessert.  So I’ll need to get on that tomorrow.  I’ve got a few ideas.  The party will be fun, probably about 60 people.  I’m looking forward to it.

These are all small little moments.  My life seems to be full of them, and so all I can say is life is good.  I am very blessed to have such a great kid, and such good friends.  A rich full life.