Keepin’On Keepin’ On

ho'oponpono

I just came home from my gong meditation. It was very emotional tonight. The last time I was at one, I came home and found out an hour later that my mother had passed away. On the way there, I had an overwhelming sadness, of missing her. Just wanted to cry. During the meditation tonight, I felt her presence, all the time with me. It was warm and comforting and close, and emotional.

Combined with the other emotionally charged chaos of this week, I ended up with my head in my hands at one point. Releasing, releasing. Release often comes in the form of a chill for me, a chill that starts from the inside, usually in my heart or solar plexus chakras, and radiates out. It happens in the summer when it’s hot, in the winter when it’s cold. I always have a blanket over me because it’s so intense. Like the inside of my body is shivering.

I had a talk after it was over with my two friends who put it on. This one takes place in their house, which is just beautiful. They didn’t know about Mom, so we talked about it, how intense tonight’s meditation was, and rich, and warm. How I felt I wasn’t alone, and could feel her with me. Soothing me, she knows my heart. She knows my pain, she is my mother and she’s still here for me. I wanted them to know, that they facilitated something special.

Love never dies. Even when those you love and who love you are not with you, they are with you. If I love someone, I will always love them. I will always want the best for them. I will always want them to be happy. I learned this from my mother, who always loved me. It was good to feel her love tonight. Very healing.

I began to do the Ho’oponopono towards the end tonight. Maybe just to myself, I don’t know. Maybe I want to heal everyone, I don’t know. It is just such a beautiful mantra. It feels like surrender, like giving it up to the universe. My friend who plays the gongs said tonight, “It’s all stacked in our favor you know.”

Yes, I know. Even when it feels like it’s not. I know it is. It is this simple truth that lets me keep on keepin’ on.

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