Being Propelled Forward

lip of insanity

I have not been able to keep up with people’s blogs lately, I hope once the house is on the market I have a little more time.  I get the notices on my phone app, in my email, and I save them all to read, and pretty soon I have like 20 to read.  So, I’m apologizing for ignoring them.  I guess its one reason I want to retire, so I have the time to keep up with everyone.

The realtor is coming tonight.  We’ll probably sign a contract, settle on an asking price for my house.  She sold me the house, so knows it well, and she lives across the street from me.  It should be an easy meeting.

We had book club last night.  The other girls had to go early, so it was over by 8:30.  We are reading The Tapping Solution by Nick Ortner.  It’s about EFT tapping, tapping your self along the energy meridians also used in accupunture etc.  It’s apparently very effective for changing habits, undoing phobias, healing actual physical ailments.  I have always had my own way of dealing with trauma, which has involved going within, sitting with it, letting it bubble up and go.  Reiki and gong baths, and meditation.  But it would be good to have other modalities as well, because I have had nights where I tried all of that but could not get to sleep, and would have tried tapping instead of taking an Ambien, (which sometimes even didn’t work.)

Hopefully, I have left all that trauma in the past.  It feels like it.  I’m feeling very mellow this morning.  It’s so hard to let go of things, but I believe I have.  The psychic who told me to grieve if I need to grieve, and to nurture myself, followed by all those dreams, seem to have propelled me through the door that I couldn’t get open.  Maybe it’s like Rumi says, “I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door.  It opens. I was knocking from the inside.”

Yes, pretty sure that was the problem.

Love and light.

Home Again, Finnegan

 

I’m back home, and it didn’t take but about a half hour and a phone call from my son to remind me why I want to move to Florida.  They are predicting a nor’easter for Monday, maybe.  Which is one of those horrible low pressure systems that sits off the coast of New England, and sucks cold air down from Canada and moist air off the ocean and can produce snow and wind like a blizzard.  Let’s just pray the forecast changes.  I am into the warm weather after a week in Florida, not the return of winter!!

Flights were good, I got in a half hour early.  I’m totally unpacked. My kitty Maggie is happy to see me.

I have been reading “All The Light We Cannot See” by Andrew Doerr. It was recommended to me by a friend at work long ago, and then also by S. He sent me a picture of the cover, and said he really liked it and thought I would like it too. That was in the time between dumping me, and when I found the depth of the deceptions, the time when he was still actively trying to get me to come see him when B was not around.

(I keep wanting to say something snarky, about our supposed ‘sexual’ only relationship, which involved discussing books, but am refraining. In fact, I still have a book of his here, Voyage by Sterling Hayden, that I haven’t read yet, which he gave/loaned me when I was at his house in January. Again, refraining.)

I finished “All the Light” on the plane. It took me awhile to get into it, just because it did. I wasn’t sure I’d like it, but as it went on, I really loved it. I read about 150 pages on the way to my sisters, and about 200 today, to finish it. It was one of those books you hate to have end. I didn’t quite have the reaction S did, but when I finished, I needed to close my eyes and think about all the light we cannot see. I kind of found myself wishing I could just talk to S about it, and about his reaction to the ending.

It was a fleeting thought, lol. Just habit I guess. He and I talked so much, I do miss having someone I can just run stuff by. But he’s the wrong one, lol.

We’re reading The Tapping Solution for book club this month. It’s a how-to book on meridian tapping. I’m not really into that, but I guess it’s another tool to use should I need one. I tend to just live through things, I don’t think there’s really any shortcut to dealing with emotionally traumatic situations except to sit with them, allow yourself to feel them, and then watch as they disappear.

I do see though, that sometimes, it’s possible to get so anxious that a person can’t function without a little help. Who knows, with the task I have in front of me with this move, I may get that anxious! I’m going to have to keep the house I found quiet at work until I’m ready to give notice.

I need to get another fiction book to read now. Maybe I’ll see if I like the one S gave me. I have a list of books I want to read, so I guess what I should do is go to Amazon and “look inside” all of them, and pick one if I don’t like Voyage””.

Anyway, it’s good to be home, on my couch, in my jammies, watching the Voice, writing a blog. Especially knowing I’ve made some good solid progress on my dreams.

Love, light and laughter, all.