Flying Home


I woke unsettled on my last morning here.  My plane leaves at 10:45.  I am usually unsettled when I travel, so I’m not surprised.  I think there’s something just non-sensical about flying from Sarasota FL to Chicago IL to Hartford CT in 7 hours in a large heavy metal container with 300 other people.  I don’t understand the physics of it, but I accept that they are.  Yet, I think somewhere deep inside, there is a primal scream, lol, saying “It’s not possible!!”

That being said, I have learned to sleep on a plane quite easily, or read, and I don’t get nervous.  I know there is a logical reason.

I once had to fly from Connecticut to Texas, to the funeral of my beautiful niece, who was killed in a car accident while visiting Australia.  She was 24.  Brilliant, valedictorian of her class, spiritual, funny, OMG, so funny.  And beautiful.  She was the star of our family, the 2nd of my younger sister’s 5 children. She was, without a doubt, an old soul.  We all knew it, her wisdom was far beyond her years.

I flew by myself to Chicago, where I met up with my older sister, brother-in-law and my mother, and we flew together to Dallas.  On the first leg, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so sad in my life.  My marriage was breaking up, I was broke, (my older sis paid my plane fare),  and now I had to face saying goodbye to one of the really most beautiful people I’d ever had in my life.  We had a special bond, she and I.  Everyone remarked on it.

So, I was looking out the window of the plane.  We  flew above clouds that whole trip, so it was blue sky above, and white clouds below.  Staring out the window, thinking, trying not to cry the whole time. Wondering why this had to happen, why we had to lose her when everything else was already falling apart.  Suddenly I saw the shadow of the plane, perfectly, on the clouds.  And then I realized the shadow had a rainbow aura all the way around it.  It followed us all the way to Chicago, for 1100 miles.

It was one of those signs.  I was suddenly not alone, and there was promise.  I think now, it was my niece’s way of comforting me, of helping me to get through that sad lonely flight.  It was a sign that she was ok, she was around.

I’ve had many times that I’ve felt her energy around me since.  Many unique experiences that have let me know she is close by.

I don’t know why I went here this morning, except I am flying to Chicago to get home, which makes no sense to me, but it’s no different than flying to Detroit, to get home on another trip.  So far out of the way, but it’s how they do things in that crazy business.

Today I’m flying back to my present life, while I’ve spent the last week beginning to prepare for the future in a big way.  I think I’ll be glad to be back to my routine.  I’ll be glad to see my son, my cat, sleep in my own bed.  I’m going to have to continue the work I’ve done down here in preparing for a move.

The realtor has not gotten back to me since Sunday, I’ve left voicemail, email, and texts with her.  She was getting back to me within minutes up until Sunday night when I had some questions about the way a contract needed to be written.  Not sure what’s up with that, but if I don’t hear from her today, I’ll call the listing agent on the house, and cut her out of the loop.  I’ll meet with my realtor at home next week, finish getting the house ready to put on the market, get the pictures taken, get it listed by the end of the month.

I do know if the house I like doesn’t become mine, it’s because the Universe has something better in mind for me. Just staying in the flow, taking one thing at a time as it presents itself.  Looking at the entire process at once can terrify me, it seems like such a huge undertaking for a single 65 year old woman.

My thoughts of S are far from where they were at the beach yesterday.  I’m not feeling badly about him at the moment, just not feeling much at all.  He still can get on my mind, but I think that the walk on the beach was very instrumental in the letting go process.  Not feeling an attachment at the moment, and that’s a good thing.  Making room for new things, letting go of those things which don’t bring me any happiness, or add to my life in any way except negatively.

My sis and I drove down at the last minute last night to see the sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.  There apparently wasn’t one, lol.  There were clouds all through the horizon, covering the sun on it’s way west.  But still I got the picture above, which was kind of mystically cool, as it was hazy, and tinted light pink anyway.  I think the ocean is just good subject matter, lol.  It is such a metaphor for our emotions. I hope you all enjoy it.

Life is good.  I’ll be back tonight, from the comfort of my family room at home.

Love and light, all.

13 responses to “Flying Home

  1. Oh. I am so scared of flying, like really, really scared, but I do it anyway a couple times a year, cause I do love to travel… 🙂
    I am glad you are in a good place right now. I hope all goes well with the house hunting /selling of your house!

  2. Safe travels dear Deb! What really helped with my anxiety around flying was “trust that the plane doesn’t stay up in the air by the power of your worrying alone…” ❤

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