Today I saw this meme on FB. From Writers Write. It describes me of late.
Sometimes it’s a paragraph. Sometimes it’s a poem. Sometimes it’s a whole blog. But I find myself writing, editing, over and over, and then once I have fixed it as much as possible, deciding it’s a bunch of drivel, and deleting it. Or saving it to “Unpublished stuff.”
So is that writer’s block? I don’t know. Really.
I used to just sit down here, and write about whatever was on my mind, as a way to find out what was on my mind, and look at it, and observe it. Doing that is a good thing, but not always something that should be published. I found that I got caught up in the drama, either self-created or created by someone else, but caught up in it.
That realization brought me to want to make changes in my writing, at least, in my published writing. But it leaves me trying each day to find a worthwhile subject. A positive thought, an idea which, while perhaps not new to the world, might be an epiphany to me.
The epiphany I’m having this morning is this. That not getting caught up in the drama, that allowing life to unfold at it’s own pace, doesn’t always bring the day to day profound thoughts that I dreamed about writing, once I gave up the day to day drivel. I’m not going to have an epiphany every day. Thank God, I realize. My head would probably explode.
My days are filled with laughter, friends, fun, and a time of reflection. And housework, and errands. It’s a wonderful life, here where the weather forecast for the next 10 days is sunny, and 82. It doesn’t make exciting reading, and it’s repetitive, but I’m so lucky to have it.
I had 3 friends over for an Easter dinner yesterday, 3 friends who would otherwise have been home alone. Which, actually, would not have been a problem for any of us. But instead we got together, they are all in my loosely formed “writers group”. We discussed writing, spirituality, lessons learned, and somehow interspersed those discussions with laughter, the kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt, and tears roll down your face.
Tomorrow I’m going to my sister and brother-in-law’s over on the island til Thursday morning. Before tourist season, which hits my sister hard with revolving company, I was going over about once every 2 weeks. I’ve only spent one night there, the one I was with my son, in the last 2 months. Things are settling back down now, company is not so fast and furious for her, and I think we need some sister time.
This week I will be going to a play that a friend is in, and Sunday doing a fundraiser for the Veterans Art Center. And of course, open mic night.
These are the small things that I do, that make a nice life. There is nothing profound in any of it, but perhaps the joy I get from a well-lived life. It was not always that way. You know the saying “The best revenge is a well-lived life.” I don’t think it’s revenge. I think it’s just evolution maybe, that collectively takes most of our lives to arrive at. At least, it has for me. To be able let go of old hurts, and to let go of worry over outcomes, to find our passion, to spend time with people we love and enjoy, and put it all together in a place where we just want to be. Doing the “living in the present moment” thing.
I know I’m blessed. I am so grateful that I’ve arrived where I am in time to spend some years of my life just being happy. I want to share it, and maybe help others find their way to it, if that’s possible. At least, to show that it is possible to just be happy most of the time.
My friends yesterday said to me, “Remember in high school where there was one person’s house that you always hung out at? Whose mother was the cool mother? This is that place for us, your house.” Is that not a cool thing to have someone say to you? Especially, these people who are collectively some serious creative genius. One is in a play at the community theater this week, and sings regularly at open mic night. One is a sculptor and she’s making me a sculpture of Quanyin, the Goddess of Compassion for the alter I’m creating, and she’s also an writer who just wrote a one-act play which was entered in a competition, not to mention she is an actor and a teacher of acting. One is a professional singer, who has encouraged 2 people I know well to get up and sing at open mic night, and she writes very deep poetry. I am happy, and so grateful, to have a place that nurtures these friendships, and creativity.
I guess this blog is all about reflection, and understanding what makes life happy for me.
Love and light, everyone.