I’ve been leaning in and fighting.  It’s exhausting.  It gets me nowhere, but unhappy.  And the same for the people I love.  Change has to happen, within.

Learning hard lessons.  How to let go of a burning desire when someone says no, not now.  Learning that it only means what it means.  Not more, not less.  Just, not at the moment.

Why is that so hard for me?  God, I want what I want.  Geezus.  Does that mean I’m unlovable, because the answer was no?  Duh.  Does that mean I’m undesirable, because the answer was no?  Duh.

Does that mean, that since I can’t have what I wanted that I have to waste the day away?  No.  Duh.  I had some other pretty important stuff to do.  And got it done.  And feel good about it.

God, I can be so pushy…instead of going with the flow.  I dislike this about me immensely.  Why do I choose the path of most resistance, so often?

Change is in the wind.

Again.  Still.  Forever.