Today was a day of running errands, catching up with people on the phone, cleaning, laundry, cooking (apple crisp!), changing light bulbs in overhead fixtures.

I called my mom tonight, after writing her a “make-up” letter. I have been so remiss in my attending to her, from here.  Not calling or sending cards or letters, because mainly I have been too preoccupied with my own drama, and because I am working so late. When I called her I got to hear her laugh, which is always wonderful.  She laughed a lot, so I’m taking that as a really good sign.  She had to go, because the attendant broke in and said she was trying to get up out of her wheelchair, lol.  She got very excited….I am happy about that.

I didn’t hear from A much at all til tonight.  Last night was the first night in months he has not wished me “Goodnight sweetie.”  And nothing this morning either.  I texted him tonight, told him about my day.   He answered me with a picture of the sunset, and then let me know he misses me sending the heart and kiss emoticons.  So I sent him some.  I thought it might make it harder for him if I sent them, since the whole Christmas fiasco.  I love having him as a friend, but I don’t love the guy, except as close friend.  Anyway, he said, “oh really”?  Which is as close to angry or sarcastic as he gets.  I said, “I’m not insincere.  I love you, I’m not ready to be in a relationship, especially one that has 2000 miles between us.”  which is true and hopefully avoids the hurt of telling him again that I’m not in love with him.  He’s sad, and upset, and I feel bad about it.  I have told him he just moves too fast for me, and I don’t have time to sort my emotions til hes 10 miles ahead of me.  Really it was when I talked to him on the phone, instead of text, I knew I didn’t want to see him.  And I’so glad that it worked out that way, because visiting him or him visiting me for 5 days would have been very rough for me.

The universe was watching out for me again. Not letting me make another grand mistake.

Feeling good tonight.  This was the first weekend I was able to feel pretty normal all weekend.  I had no bouts of crying, or longing for what wasn’t. That was nice.

I was going to go down to the shore today, and put up a “for-sale” notice where my boat slip is, and then maybe walk on the beach for a little, because I’d be so close.  I really need to get to the water, but maybe next weekend.  I’d really like to get that slip sold before i move.

My son worked today, and then went somewhere to watch football, so I’ve been home alone all day.  But it’s fine, I’m good with it.  I have always been ok alone, just don’t like it 24/7.  I get irritated when my son gets up and interrupts my morning coffee, meditation, writing.  I’ve been alone too long, I think, lol.  I suppose if a relationship were allowed to grow, I could get used to it.

It’s time to wrap the weekend up.  Ready to call it a night and put all the events of the day behind me.  Life is good, it’s all working out as it should, I have faith in that.