Thinking about friends tonight. I’m so blessed with friends. I heard from my best friend in high school today. She is such a sweetie, I am so grateful we are still friends 50 years later. She just found out about my mom, she lives in Iowa. And she shares soooooo many memories with me of my mom. My God, we met when we were 12 and became instant friends. I haven’t talked to her yet, this was just messaging but it still, was a salve on my heart, she really really knew my mom, all of her life. There was a group of us, maybe 5, who were die hard friends then, and still are.

Now here in New England, I have another wonderful group of friends. We mostly met when our kids were in elementary school, and bonded through endless birthday parties, sleepovers, Little League games. Our kids are still friends, but not close, but this small group of us, still are.

I’m just thinking what makes good friends, beside sharing common experiences and memories. I have to say that it’s the non-judgmental acceptance we have of each other. We all have different lives now. I was married for 32 years, and my bff from high school has never been married, was engaged 5 times, and has no kids. She’s an RN. Totally different lives…but we still accept each other without question. All of that group do…one lives in the Adirondacks, and taught music there for 35 years. One was a merchant marine. One stayed in our small town, was married twice, and when I went to our 45^th reunion last year, I stayed at her mother’s house, the same one she lived in when we were in high school.

None of us have to be someone else when we’re together. It’s unconditional love, really. The people to whom you feel closest should always just accept who you are. I mean, we all have quirks, bad habits, a view of life that might be skewed in one direction or the other. So what? Are you the same person every day when you wake up? Is your core centered, do you have a way of life that you believe in, and can’t be shaken from? Are you kind? Compassionate? Idk..these are the things that mean something to me in my friends.

My ex….OMG. He loved to say he was “grooming” me. For what? Idk, to be the perfect Stepford Wife. But it so angered me….why was I not good enough as I was? Grooming me, my ass. Groom yourself, lol. It’s probably why, even though we can speak now, and it’s better than it used to be, we are not close now. I never could meet his standard, which changed on a regular basis. And God forbid, I should try to groom him, lol.

But really…that’s the key for me. To just be accepted for who you are. My bff here sometimes asks me to come over and watch a movie with her, she dislikes being alone too much. If it’s night I will say, who else is coming because I want to put my pajamas on first…..

Friends, good friends. Who listen when you cry, whose eyes sparkle with yours when you laugh. Who keep your secrets, and you keep theirs. Who put marbles in your jar all the time. People who, because they know they are accepted without judgment, are the same person every time you are with them.