Oh man, I’m living risky tonight. My stomach has been better for a couple of days now. Except for the first thing in the am, I feel fine all day. Though, I’ve been careful what I eat,and I’m still taking the prescription med. But tonight I felt like a drink. So, I lived dangerously. I bought a bottle of Kraken dark spiced rum, it was on sale. My son yelled at me, it’s 100 proof…..I poured one drink which I didn’t finish. So far my stomach has not rebelled but we’ll see tomorrow.

I haven’t had a drink in about 6 weeks. Just feeling it tonight. It was a beautiful day. My son was home from work the same time as I was and it was warm enough to sit out on the deck. I opened the umbrella on the table and declared, for the first time this year, “the deck is open.” I spend a lot of time out there when the weather is warm. It wasn’t hot today, but warm enough to sit outside without a coat, and just talk to my son for awhile. God, I love that kid. Just love sitting and having just a relaxed convo with him.

But alas, it got chilly as the full moon rose, and we came inside to eat dinner. Put hockey on tv, and he got me all up-to-date on the Stanley Cup playoffs. Tampa Bay is in the eastern conference finals, so I said, I guess I should start cheering for them, shouldn’t I? Their arena is maybe a haI lf hour, 40 min, from my Fl house.

My friend the blues singer/artist said the Mangia Cafe was packed last night. She and her friend both sang and killed it. I told her I have a new Beth Hart song I want to hear her sing when I get there. “Hold Me Through The Night.” Maybe I’ll put a link up at the end of the blog. I’ll see how I feel.

Since I started writing Haiku I’ve been getting a ton of views and likes! Had my 2 best days for likes on WP two days ago and today again. I love that so many people are liking and relating to what I have to say. Very satisfying. Today someone was reading a TON of old blogs. Stuff from a year ago, when suddenly S was pushing me away, because unknown to me, Betty wanted back in his life. God I was in so much pain, and he knew it, he read every word I wrote, and he just let me suffer. Such a narcissist. Just unbelievable that he got off on my pain, and did nothing to put an end to it. I started to read them, the old blogs, but they triggered me too. I don’t want to remember how that felt. I am almost inclined to delete them, but that’s stupid too. They happened, it’s a snapshot in time. I was decent, honorable, loving…I have nothing to be ashamed of. So many times I tried to break up. So many. And he always pulled me back, every single time, until I was about to show up on his doorstep in tandem with her.

I always wonder who is reading all that old stuff. I imagine it’s S or B, but I don’t think S would want to re-read the pain he caused me. Would go against his grain to read and absorb the pain he put me through. And B…I think she knows all she needs to know. Why she would read more I don’t know. Only if S was trying to hit her up again and she wanted to remember what he actually did to her. Which is highly possible. He hates to be alone and he had no success getting me to engage with him on his terms. He bounced from her, when she told him no, to me to try to get me in his sights again, and then when he couldn’t, is probably bouncing back to her, trying to get her to believe he’s changed.

Not a chance in hell he has changed. He’s just lonely and horny.

I will be so glad to be so far away from his bouncing, push pull game. It’s nauseating, really.

I recently downloaded the song Avalon by Van Morrison on to my phone. I love that song. I had to look up Avalon to find out it was a mythical place where King Arthur went to heal his wounds. An island. Maybe the holy grail is there. Anyway, I read it and every time I listen to the song, I think, I’m going to name my Florida house Avalon. Put a little sign outside the door. A place of new beginnings, since the house address is an 11 and that’s kind of the story of Avalon, new beginnings, and a place of healing. That’s what it represents to me. So, I think it might be a good name. Instead of Beth Hart’s song, maybe I’ll put up Van Morrison’s Avalon tonight. You can tell me if it’s a good idea or not, to name my little bungalow a mile from the beach Avalon.

Wish me luck with my house showing tomorrow. I need to be moving soon.

Love and light….. (lyrics under the link)

Avalon of the heart
On down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start

Oh the Holy Grail
Baby behind the sun
Oh the Holy Grail
Down by Avalon

Well I came upon
The enchanted vale
Down by the viaducts of my dreams
Down by Camelot, hangs the tale
In the ancient vale

Oh the Avalon sunset
Avalon of the heart
Me and my lady
Goin’ down by Avalon

Well I came upon
The enchanted vale
Down by the viaducts of my dreams
Near Camelot, hangs the tale
Of the enchanted vale

In the upper room
There the cup does stand
In the upper room
Down by Avalon

Goin’ down by Avalon
Oh my Avalon of the heart
Goin’ down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start

Oh down by Avalon
Oh baby behind the sun
Goin’ down by Avalon
Well the journey’s just begun

Oh down by Avalon
Sweet Avalon of the heart
Goin’ down by Avalon
Gonna make a brand new start