My sisters and all of our kids are going to meet in Virginia at my older sisters house this weekend, for 5 days.  We are going to take my mom’s remains and lay them next to my father, who was waiting for her for almost 30 years.  I know they’re together now, even if I hadn’t gone to a psychic who told me they were together.  It will be warm and sweet and poignant and loving.  And fun, we always always have enjoyed each other’s company, thanks to my mom in large part, who never fostered sibling rivalry, but only sibling love.

I have to write something to say when we do this.  I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of weeks, and ideas are starting to form in my head.  Which is a good thing, but now I have to get them into some semblance of order, and then figure out how to say them or read them without crying.

I’m taking my computer with me, because God forbid I couldn’t write for 5 days.  But I won’t be around as much, for sure.  Guessing that I’ll start my day writing, as usual.

It seems that a few of the blogs I follow have suddenly taken hiatus, for short periods to refresh themselves.  I probably will do the same, while I am there.  But not completely, because this is how I work things out, and absorb things, and assimilate.  Often a blog leads me to somewhere where I didn’t plan to go, but there I am.  Last night’s blog about a larger perspective is a good example.  I did not expect it to work out with the realization that I need to open my heart again….but I’m grateful that it did, and that the wisdom came through me somehow.

Maybe it was a consequence of sending reiki to Scott yesterday, unbidden, because I felt he needed it.  I haven’t felt like it in a long while, for reasons which are pretty obvious.  I didn’t want to strengthen a connection that causes me pain.  Yesterday, I didn’t feel it caused me any pain.  it was just something I could do, and I felt it might benefit him, and so I did.  And the lovely thing about reiki is that when you give it, you get it, because it passes through you.  As a practitioner, you are only a conduit.  I’m glad I got back to the space where I could do that, send it to him.  I know of no one who needs the loving energy of the universe more, if he’s open to that receiving it, and sending it confirms to me that I’m healing in the direction I want to go.  Opening my heart, not so much to him, because the love I have felt for him is in the end always there, but I think that I let go of some fear, and that’s a blessing.  I feel for the first time in weeks, that I could talk to him without anger or pain.  Not that I’m going to (I see horrified looks on some of my friend’s faces….), but that at the moment, I could do this, and hold my own, lovingly without anger.  It might just be temporary, but its where I’d rather be.  Not filled with anger and fear, not constantly remembering what he did, but trying to remember that it was the best he could do, and using that larger perspective to forgive.

So on to my sisters, and my family. I’m leaving Saturday morning.  My son is coming Sunday.  Gonna make some memories.  🙂

Love and light, everyone.