My son just texted me, that he is just now (6:20 AM Las Vegas time) going back to his hotel. He said it was a perfect first night. It put such a smile on my face. I asked him to send a picture or two when he can. My son can brighten my day so easily. He’s such a blessing in my life. He sent me one of he and his girlfriend, it’s so adorable. They look so happy.

I’ve been out here on the deck for 2 hours now. There is an absolutely cloudless sky. Clear clean air. The world is so green in June. When I look up, that’s all I see, is green and blue. All I hear is the rustling of the leaves in the very tops of the trees.

I’ve been reading, as I’ve said before, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, for the 2^nd time. This week I read the chapter on relationships. As she explains it, based on A Course in Miracles, no one is in our life coincidentally. No one. Not the person who you smile at in checkout line at the grocery store, and not the one you thought you loved, or think you do.

We are all here to teach each other. To evolve our souls. She says, “relationships are assignments.” That they are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, and the universe brings together those people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth.

She describes 3 levels of teaching. The first is a casual encounter, such as in the checkout line. It is perhaps just an opportunity to brighten someone’s day, or even for a friendship to start.

The second is for more intense work. The people in the relationship will go through whatever experiences provide them with their next lessons. And when learning is no longer supported by physical proximity, the assignment will call for separation. However, all relationships are eternal, and never really end. Relationships are of the mind and not the body.

I think I have experienced, am experiencing this. I think I am so aware on a very deep level, that when some relationships seem to be over, they are not. I’ve figured out for sure that the real love never dies, but that sometimes it’s best to leave the relationship in the past. My problem is leaving it…., when it keeps popping into the forefront.

I guess my best avenue is to just surrender, and let the universe drive this bus. Which is what I tried to accomplish.

Just for the record, she says the third level are life-long relationships which are very rare. They are not the ones, often, we think they are. We may not recognize them, and may even feel hostile toward the person because they will be someone who will force us to grow. Just because they have a lot to teach us, doesn’t mean we will like them.

I wonder about my ex, in this context. Because I don’t really like him. Yet he has been a great teacher for me, and I’ve spent most of my life with him. Even now….we affect each others lives, I think. But I don’t like him, I’m happier when I don’t hear from him. I feel a bit self-righteous with him, like I’ve learned what he had to teach me. But I don’t think he’s learned anything that will evolve him from our relationship.

Not my problem I guess. He will have some karmic lessons to repeat. I hope to God, I do not. They were hard enough the first time. I’m grateful for them, but I sure hope that with him, school’s out.

As for S…..I just don’t know. He also has taught me lessons, for which I’m grateful. But there was so much pain associated with them, I hope school’s out there too. I’m not sure that he learned anything from me, really. I always hoped that he’d learn that he has value, and deserves love and belonging just because he exists. But I don’t feel like he does yet. Which I find sad.

It’s actually the same lesson I wish my ex would learn. There is still time for each of them to learn this, there is time until your last breath is taken. Knowing this, allows you to stand in your story, to acknowledge everything you’ve ever done, good or bad, because you realize that nothing in this lifetime is unforgivable. At least, not by the universe. When you can stand in your story, when you can own what you did because you were so fearful, it allows doors to open up that you were sure were closed to you.

And yeah, it’s all about fear. Love and fear.

For me, knowing that I am worthy of love and belonging, allows me to stay in the love always and love all ways with both of these men. But I still have my fears, my human fears, of inflicting more pain on myself. So I stay away as much as possible.

Well, enough of this proselytizing for today, lol. This has been on my mind for a few days, and I’ve not been able to write it out, which means I’ve not been able to work it out.

Now I’ve been out here for 3 hours. I guess I should see if I can’t accomplish some things around the house. I have no plans for the weekend. My good friend who loves to go out with me on the weekend is gone this weekend. I’m glad the new episode of Outlander is on tonight. LOL. I can use the rest anyway. I slept last night but only 5 hours. Maybe a nap is in store for me today. On the deck, in my zero gravity chair. Maybe I’ll put on my new bathing suit and get some new tan lines. LOL.

Love and light, all….