I did my morning meditation on grounding myself today, because I woke up scattered. I was so exhausted when I went to bed last night. Work has been so exhausting this week, spending the days training someone to do my job. She is so overwhelmed, I worry that she will ease into the job. And then to add to the stress, someone didn’t show up for work yesterday, and they pulled me off of my job and training to do this other person’s urgent work. I was a little angry about it, that they rely so heavily on me, and haven’t trained others in the office to do the work. I got through it, but I was definitely stressed. Then I came home and had to get the house ready for a showing today. I finally sat down about 9. And didn’t sleep well, and forgot to plug my phone in to charge. The stress showed in my glucose readings this morning. First morning since I stopped the one med that my readings were high.

Hence, the grounding meditation this morning.

When I opened my eyes from the meditation, it was such a beautiful morning. Bird singing, warm enough to be sitting outside at 6 am with a summer nightgown on. I so love this time of year. I felt more rested after the meditation. When I started I could feel my face muscles so tight, my brow furled. It seems to have unwound.

Last night I thought I felt S’s energy for the first time in 2 weeks. Not sure if it was, or if it was just that it’s been 2 ½ weeks since I’ve heard from him, so I’m kind of used to that cycle, and thinking of him. I’m so grateful that he’s been silent though. It has allowed me to unwind, to let go, to stop the hurt that any contact from him stirs up. I wish I could say that it doesn’t still hurt, but it does, I think it may always hurt to have been betrayed so vilely. To have my intimacy with him shared with another, as if it were a public document. To have him tell her lies and then have to listen to her repeat them to me, as if I should believe them, as if I were not part of the equation of my relationship with him, and she was. While he sits back orchestrating the ginormous deceit of her with the lies, and attacking me as if I did something to him besides love him with every fiber of my being.

So I hope he stays silent, and stays away. I will always love him, but I can’t have him anywhere near me, he only brings pain to my life. Maybe some day I’ll think of only the good times, but I think that will be a long ways down the road. If he still reads this blog and reads this, I hope he will respect what I’m saying.

So, I’m working my way back to myself this morning. The good thing is that I have gongs tonight, and they always bring me back. I am always able to get some clarity when the room fills with the sound and vibration of the 8 gongs, and the crystal bowls, and the drums, and the bells. It is such lovely way to end a difficult week. Blessed, totally, to have them in my life.

Off to get ready for one more day on the job, and then a 3 day weekend to welcome in summer, with get together at my bff’s, and painting my deck. Maybe go shopping on Monday. Next weekend I’m off to Virginia, to see my family. Which is such a wonderful way to begin the summer.

Love and light.