Today is my Freedom Day. The 10th of March. Eight years ago today, I left an abusive 30 year marriage. I moved out with 3 pieces of furniture, enough kitchen stuff that I could cook, and my clothes.
I spent the night in my new home, a rented condo. And slept the first peaceful sleep I’d had in years. It had taken me 5 years of planning, scheming, hiding money, breaking emotional ties. Clawing my way to the surface. I had to somehow get a car in my name, so he wouldn’t call the police saying I’d stolen his car. I had to get a job, on my own, without his blessing, while I worked with him, for him, in our business. I had to hide money which was always in short supply. I had to somehow hire an attorney. Thank God for credit cards.
I had to leave my 14 year old son, and somehow find a way to help him see he had a different choice. He did….18 months later he left his father’s to go to school, came home to my house and never looked back.
So, 8 years ago today, it all came together and I started my new life. It took me 4 years to finish it off, it was epic, all the way to our state Supreme Court as he appealed the lower court decision, and tried to make me accept less than 10% of the modest estate we’d built.
But life now is so much better than I ever dreamed it could be. I am proof, that thoughts become things, that once you know what you want, the universe conspires to make it happen. I live in a lovely home, that is MINE,I have a good job, my son is doing extraordinarily well, I have the most wonderful group of friends, and I have a new man in my life who is teaching me what it feels like to be really cared for.
You gotta believe. You can do it. And remember, love never hurts. If it hurts, it isn’t love. So, love yourself enough to find a way to leave, if you’re living in an abusive situation. It’s hard….but nothings harder than staying.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
That’s what I’m striving to do. I hope one day I can be as courageous as you.
I tried way too long to make it work. And it took more than one try at leaving to be free. Each time is a learning experience. You learn what you have to face and deal with. Once I made up my mind it took a long time. All the best to you. Listen to your heart. Someday you can be free.
I still don’t know what to do. For now, I’m still to find my own individual identity. Any advise?
In my blog about enmeshment there is a link to an online forum for victims and survivors of abuse. I have seen it help countless people, mostly women, recognize and leave situations like yours. I was so relieved when I found out there was a name for what i lived and that I wasn’t alone. There are also wonderful books. “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans and “Why Does He Do That? inside the minds of angry and controlling men” by Lundy Bancroft. I think the website and the books would be a great help to you in recognizing, and understanding what you are dealing with, which will give you the strength to go what’s best for you. Love and light to you.
Thank you for your kind words. I am trying to do that now. Its been really hard as you said, my marriage started breaking down five years ago and basically it’s just floating and sinking most times. The facing and dealing with the consequences is what I have most trouble with.