God, you know, I can write some very convincing bullshit, really! Thinking I know what’s going on when I only know half the story.

Well…my blog has always been about what I’m feeling or working through at the moment I write it. But dang, I look back and see how skewed I had things in my own mind, and how things just kind of evolve and grow and all the panic I put myself through was so unnecessary. As if I am addicted to the emotional highs and lows and so create them for myself.

Ugh. Gotta stop that. Sometimes I feel so enlightened, I can be kind, thoughtful, mindful. And then sometimes I am so totally in my ego, making myself so afraid, of NOTHING. Geezus. I’m very good at convincing myself the bullshit is real too.

Oh yeah, sometimes there is a little tiny kernal of truth which I then grow into an Iowa cornstalk. Why the hell don’t I do that with the good things that go on.? I keep finding out that what I want is just sitting there waiting for me. When the hell will I learn?

When you decide what you want, all the universe conspires to bring it to you. So says Paulo Coelho, and Ralph Waldo Emerson, Goethe….et al.

I think I will just sit back for awhile and watch it conspire, lol.