I have been alone now 2 full days, except when I’m with my mother. It is amazing to me how much non-verbal communication goes on between us. She can understand me, which is a good thing!  But I’m learning to read her. What I so admire is her independent nature, her determination to get things done. She hated having to be helped in the bathroom, so she had learned how to be self sufficient there. She has learned her way around. Tonight I found her and a bunch of the residents in front of the big TV in the common area (mom has her own tv in her room) watching the Belmont Stakes, and they were all cheering in American Pharoah, mom included!  

But about being alone, it gives me a lot of time for introspection, to read, to actually take in the laid back beauty of this place. The tropical flowers and foliage, the myriad little lizards running around, peacock families, the sea and the salt air that permeate this place 24/7,  and just count myself so blessed. It is not as horrible to be alone as I imagined it would be. I miss S terribly, I so wish he was here so we could share this, but it is what it is. In my best Byron Katie voice, I say “this is how it’s supposed to be now. How do I know? Because it is. Can’t argue with reality.”  Stay in the moment, it doesn’t mean that forever I will be alone here, only that I am now. Besides, as he is so fond of telling me, just because we aren’t in the same place doesn’t mean we aren’t together. I feel his energy as strongly as ever. 

So I meditate in the early morning quiet, I focus all my attention on my mother when I am with her. I find that I, who have always been impatient, suddenly have a well of patience inside of me, at least for her.  But I think for others as well. 

It’s been good for me, this solo excursion. I don’t want to make a habit of it, but this trip is nourishing my soul. And day after tomorrow I’ll be heading back home, so I need to enjoy it while I can. 

As Oriah Mountain Dreamer asks in The Invitation, “I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments. ”

I think the answer is “Yes.”