Last weekend he told me he was going to see his mother in another state this weekend. I kind of assumed with his dire dr report (“if we call you need to pack a bag and go to the hospital”) that he wasn’t going to go. But my guess is that his silence is because he went, and took yesterday off.  It’s not really an excuse, he had his phone, unless he did something like forget his charger. Which could be the case, and he shut the phone off to preserve the battery.  It seems more logical than he’s holding a grudge.  He could be holding a grudge and gone, though past history tells me that the grudge part is unlikely. 
He has to know I have been freaking out tho.  A simple text to let me know wouldn’t use that much battery.  But I’m going to believe this is what’s happened, they he is with his mother, at least through the weekend. 

I need to do Bryron Katie’s work on this. Is it true (that something is terribly wrong with him?) I’m not sure. So I don’t know if it is absolutely true.  So how do I feel when I think that thought?  Scared, sick, upset, like crying, panicky, terrorized. And who would I be without that thought?  Happy or at least not unhappy. Able to go about my day, productively. 

As she always says, it’s the story we make up about the thought that gets us in trouble. He’s probably with his mom, and completely unaware of what had been on my mind, especially if the last thing he knows I said was “please leave me alone too. ”  or one of the subsequent blogs in which I was massively upset with him. 

So S, if you read this, please let me know you’re ok.  That’s all.