A friend (Megan, https://lovewillleadyouhome.wordpress.com/) wrote a blog today on vulnerability, asking was it a strength or a weakness. It made me think of Brene Brown’s incredible TED talk on vulnerability. At the moment, it has 20,784,830 views. Mine are maybe a dozen of those. I sent the link to my friend, and watched it again myself. Brene Brown is brilliant, funny and RIGHT on the mark.
If you haven’t seen this, please watch it. It’s 20 minutes that can change your life, literally. I dare anyone to watch it and not shed a tear.
I watched this, and I realized I tried to convince my ex, and S, that they were worthy. Neither of them bought it. Both are disconnected. I tried, really hard, to get my ex to understand this, because he wanted a relationship with our son so badly. I told him that our son needed to see his father go out on a limb for him, a limb he didn’t know wouldn’t break. No guarantees. But if he didn’t try, at least try, he gave up all hope. The fear of being vulnerable was not something he could overcome. Maybe someday.
And S? He wants to be free? Of what? Of any relationship that might cause him to feel vulnerable. I believe this.
Neither of these men could take a risk, not knowing the outcome. Both of them numbed their feelings, using assorted different methods.
Me? I will offer my whole self. My feeling is if you don’t put yourself out there, even not knowing the outcome, if you won’t take the risk, then you lose any chance for joy, for love, for creativity, for love and belonging. Let yourself be seen, who you are, without shame. Take a chance, and feel the miracle of connection. But you gotta love yourself first, and know who you are, so if it doesn’t work, you can just move on, with gratitude that you can feel as much as you feel.