I Couldn’t Bend the Fork

Posted on by learning to live like water

My book club met last night.  We are reading “the Sacred Year” by Michael Yankovich.  One of the girls has learned how to bend spoons and forks.  You’ve seen people do it, they bend them like they are a piece of rope.  She taught us.  Out of the 5 of us, I was the only one who could not do it.  But I am going to keep trying.  When everyone left, she said that her teacher told her that the people the most spiritually evolved have the hardest time, that usually the people who do it first are the 5 year olds who have no attachment to the outcome.

And yeah, I did…You have to be able to focus on it, then let it completely go, and I had, have a hard time with that part.  The letting go.  It will be a good thing when I learn it.

I think my head wasn’t in it either, because besides work being another day from hell, I didn’t sleep well the night before because of my stupid arm.  So, I had lunch in my car, and was playing music with the key on accessory.  And I dozed off for about 5 minutes, woke up, disconnected my phone which was playing the music, and didn’t shut the car completely off.  So when I came out last night to leave, early I might add because I wanted to get  home, book club was at my house, I couldn’t start the car.  I had to wait 45 min til someone came to jump me.

I was ready to cry, really.  My son talked me down.  I was just overwhelmed. Between work, having book club, surgery in 2 days, and not seeing S…..I was losing it.  I regained my equilibrium somewhat, but I still wasn’t in a place where I could focus and let go of any thought last night.  I figure I will do it this weekend while I recover.

S did make me laugh while I sat in my car waiting.  I texted him what happened, calling myself brilliant.  He texted me back, “Maybe you should be a brain surgeon.”  Which just cracked me up, and took me from the crying place, so that was good.  I was grateful.  Small favors.

I  hope today is better.  I have vowed to stop trying to “get caught up ” at work, and just get done what I can.  I am stressing myself out to the max, and I need to stop it.

Speaking of which, it’s time to go get in the shower and get ready.  Wish me luck.

13 responses to “I Couldn’t Bend the Fork”

  1. sounds like you had a lousy day! so sorry…. letting go is so hard, no matter what it is or how much we know we NEED to let it go! guess it is a lifelong project to work on… I remember when R dumped me last January, I cried over everything for about a month… sucked. He is away for two weeks and it’s driving me crazy, trying to keep busy but really miss him… oh well.. Hugs M.

    Reply

    • Thanks, yes it was a sucky day. S is around but working, all weekend, and late at night. There’s a chance I may see him tonight if he doesn’t have to work too late. We talk/text all the time, but shit, not like being together. I don’t put up a huge fuss, cuz then it’s even worse. But like you and R, I just f’n miss him. And he’ll be gone this weekend while I recuperate from surgery so if I don’t see him tonight it will be next week….OUCH. Guess I need to set some intentions. Lol.

      Reply

  2. wish I was one of those demanding bitches, they seem to always get what they want!! But I am afraid to demand anything from him, afraid it will just push him away and that will be that… maybe I’ll get to that point someday but no now… I love him to much to take that chance but at the same time I am so tired….

    Reply

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