The day turned out better than expected.  Spent the morning with my BFF at Kohl’s, armed with a 30% off coupon.  Spent $260, probably saved at least that much, lol.  It’s the first clothes shopping I’ve done in at least 6 months, and I really needed some stuff for fall.  Got a nice dress for my niece’s wedding next month.  Royal blue, my favorite color. Very simple, above the knee!  It was fun.  Just fun.  It will still fit if I lose a little more weight.

Tonight is the first time I have felt like cooking in well over a week.  Maybe two.  Well probably 2, it was two weeks ago yesterday I had the carpal tunnel surgery, so it’s probably been 3 weeks.  Last weekend I pretended to make chili, and it’s usually a standby of mine, one of those things that always comes out good.  But ha ha, it didn’t.  No surprise, considering how out of balance I was.  Son wanted to take some to a friends house, I said, well  you can, but it’s not very good.  He looked at me like, really???  Yeah, really.  Tonight I made mandarin orange marinated chicken breasts on skewers, and roasted butternut squash with cranberries and onions.  It’s cooking.  Smells good. I still don’t have a big appetite, but that’s a good thing, I’d like to drop another 20 lbs, at least.  So, we’ll see how much I can eat, but wanting to cook a good meal is a good start.

While it cooks, I’m having a glass of wine, writing, and listening to an old CD from the 60’s, Jethro Tull’s Stand Up.  One of my old favorite albums.  Reminds me of being 19 or 20, walking around the campus of University of Iowa, having a ball for myself.  First feelings of adulthood, freedom…I’m an aging hippie, and we were gonna change the world back then.  And who knows…maybe we did, in a way.  Change comes slow, and often hard,   But I see a spiritual awakening among my generation, and it has the flavor of the 60’s….The 60’s and early 70’s are just hanging there in the background, giving depth and perception to it.

Feeling a bit more myself today.  A bit more like the happy, REASONABLE, loving person I usually perceive myself as.  Won’t see S this weekend, I don’t think (could be subject to change but not likely) but I’m good anyway.  We are talking, and that’s more important than anything.  Kind of sweet and flirty, our old default setting.  Makes me happy, along with my music, and some real food.

Above is a link to my favorite Jethro Tull Song, “Reason for Waiting”.  These are the lyrics