This is a lesson I from my marriage.  It is the only way to release the pain, anger, disappointment, sadness, the bitter taste of cruelty and mistreatment, and begin to rebuild your life.

I want to do this with S.  He chose what he chose, for his own reasons, never to be really understood by me.  I don’t believe he wanted to hurt me.  I believe he didn’t know how NOT to hurt me.  It can’t be undone, and it’s time for me to accept it, and stop trying rationalize that which is to me, irrational.  Another lesson from my marriage, you cannot explain an irrational act.  It’s time I remember that.

My focus now, will be to forgive, to find the unconditional love that I have always had for him and leave it somewhere deep in my heart.  It is never a bad thing to love, it is never stupid, and I think it had a purpose in his life.  I hope it did.  Even if he doesn’t see it now, maybe he will someday.  I’d hate for this all to have been for naught.  I hope that in his dark days, of which he has a lot this time of year, as the days grow shorter and darker, he will be able to know that someone loved him without limit, beyond reason, and it will give him strength.

This morning, I begin cutting the energetic cords between us, by beginning the process of forgiveness.